The Secret Life of a Girl
by Aerika S
Summary: The history of Eries Aston and her relationship (or lack thereof) with Allen Schezar. *COMPLETE WITH AUTHOR'S NOTES AND AN EXTRA SPECIAL ALTERNATE ENDING*
1. Girl Sees Boy

The Secret Life of A Girl  
Chapter I: Girl Sees Boy  
  
  
The girl threaded her way through the bustling halls of the palace, weaving between the throngs of servants and nobles while doing her best to go unnoticed. For a girl of her station, she was startlingly adept at it. The people naturally flowed around the silver-haired girl, neither denying her presence nor wishing to engage it. Not possessed (at least in her own admittedly insecure mind) of the demure beauty of her elder sister, Marlene, or the frenetic energy of her younger sister, Millerna, the fourteen year old princess simply didn't attract the same attention of her siblings.   
  
She wouldn't have wanted it. Polite small-talk with strangers about the affairs of her family and the kingdom at large was considered a burden, a distraction from what she would rather do. She was much more content losing herself within the rows of books in the palace library, attending the theater or listening to the philosophical debates of the scholars that served her father. Her disinterest in socializing had earned her the reputation as "The Quiet One." Or as Eries cynically translated it, "The Weird One."  
  
Today, however, it was impossible for her to ignore the people around her. The snippets of conversation she picked up carried the news of a visit to Palas by the legendary swordsman Balgus. Presumably, he was here to pay respect to her father, King Grava Aston, though Eries didn't know why. The swordsman was mostly associated with the country of Fanelia and served its rulers as a warrior, not a diplomat. More gossip said that he had spent the last few years traveling Gaea in order to hone his already formidable skills; perhaps he only stopping by the capital city of Asturia to get some needed food and rest before resuming his journey home.   
  
Eries knew she would be required to meet the man. One of the more annoying duties of a princess was to put on a vacuous smile and greet important dignitaries and the like as if they were dear friends or long lost, and presumably loved, relatives. Her sisters were skilled at it. Marlene could delicately blush at a compliment at will and Millerna was just so open and friendly, she won over everyone she met. Stuck between the radiant blonds, the more introverted Eries could do a decent job if she exerted herself. Remembering to smile, curtseying *just so* and above all, not fidgeting in the extravagant contraptions Asturian high fashion called ball gowns. The one thing she had yet to get the hang was the natural sincerity of Millerna or the deceptive imitation of that same quality that Marlene employed.  
  
A few steps more would have brought her out of the main palace and into the courtyard where she would have been even more able to blend in and be forgotten. As the breaking rays of sunlight caused her blue eyes to squint, she heard an ominous voice behind her that caused them to roll up in annoyance.   
  
"Princess Eries? Princess… "  
  
It was her attendant, Mina, no doubt come to fetch her and make her presentable for the king's audience with Balgus. There was no point in pretending she hadn't heard her. Mina was trained to follow her to the swamplands on the outskirts of Asturia if necessary. Eries believed it was well within the large woman's capabilities to do it too. At least if she cooperated now, Mina was more likely to let her pick out what she had to wear. The woman had a fetish for ribbons and the color pink that Eries found abhorrent. Eries Aria Aston was not a "pink" girl.  
  
It's best just to get this over with. "Yes, Mina?"  
  
The frazzled attendant caught up to her and told Eries what she already knew. Balgus had indeed arrived in the morning and would be officially greeted at a banquet to be held this evening. The entire court would be present and the Aston sisters were to be on their most charming behavior. It was the sort of thing usually reserved for other kings. Eries supposed her father was being so extravagant to someone who wasn't even of noble birth in an attempt to acquire Balgus' services for his own. Asturia was a peaceful country that had come to be known more for trade than warfare, but having a man who was known throughout the entire world of Gaea as one of the three Legendary Swordsman on its side certainly wouldn't hurt when it came to negotiating trade treaties.   
  
She didn't think one banquet would be enough to sway him to pledge fealty to her father. Balgus' loyalty to Fanelia was as famous as his skill with a sword. Whether or not King Aston's middle child was there and bubbling with good cheer wouldn't have any bearing on the outcome. Nevertheless, she was a princess and with the luxury of her birth came responsibilities.   
  
"All right, Mina," she groaned. "Let's go to my room and start getting ready."  
  
"Yes, Princess. I already have the most lovely of dresses in mind…"  
  
***  
  
Eries shifted uncomfortably in her dress. She had managed to convince Mina that a nice dark blue color would be perfect for the occasion, but had to compromise on the amount of ruffles and lace. She felt buried under the extraneous decorations on some parts of her body. On others, she wished for more. Silently, she cursed the idiots that deemed low cuts to be the look of the season. Some females simply were not meant to wear them.  
  
Marlene was not one of them. Eries waited for her and Millerna in a small chamber to the side of the main hall. Once they joined her, all of them would stay there until all the lesser officials in the kingdom had been seated and proper announcements had been made for the royalty. Her sisters were later than usual. They normally took more time to ready themselves than Eries, but then, their attendants didn't harass them as much as Eries' did. Mercifully, Mina had left Eries alone to help with some sort glassware crisis. For some reason, the staff was under the impression that Balgus would be offended and storm out of the palace if his stemware wasn't right. Eries didn't bother pointing out how ridiculous that was. Mina might not have gone away then.  
  
Eries kept to the alcove for the most part. Dinner was still a good bit off and the only ones in the massive dining hall were servants and guardsmen discussing security. Everyone performed their duties according to a well rehearsed schedule. Another thing Asturia was known for was its balls, galas, banquets and other various festivities.  
  
The sound of a deep voice echoing through the hall distracted the staff and Eries. Drawn out of her spot, she saw Balgus standing at the front entrance of the hall. At his height, his head barely cleared the Aston family tapestry hanging high above that spot. Balgus wasn't just tall, he was huge. He towered over the guardsmen as they gathered around him. Even his scars were enormous. The sheer volume of them attested to the fact that he had gained his prowess the hard way. The guardsmen were quick with questions; Balgus was keen to answer. From his hand gestures, Eries guessed that he was discussing sword techniques. The men followed every move he made, reacting to every fake thrust and parry as if the gods themselves were providing the instruction. Of course, to them, Balgus was a sort of god.  
  
She watched for a few minutes, not out of interest necessarily but a lack of anything else to do. Balgus suddenly surged forward in demonstration of an advanced move and the crowd of men migrated after him.  
  
That was when she first saw the boy. He was leaning against the ornate arch at the entrance to the hall. He had his arms folded across his chest and was staring intently at the floor in a manner that suggested that he wanted to be here even less than Eries did. He wasn't dressed like he was about to attend a formal dinner. Heavy boots and loose, not entirely clean, raiment would ordinarily result in the wearer being quietly escorted out.  
  
Shouts from the Balgus congregation got his attention. The swordsman was giving a full show now; moving with a grace belied by his size in a series of strikes and dodges, he danced across the large hall. Eries watched the boy as he watched Balgus. Every movement of the giant man brought an equal motion of a long, blond ponytail.  
  
Eries wouldn't have been aware of Balgus if he had started to use her as a sparring partner.  
  
Then, abruptly, it was over. The arch-chancellor entered the room and berated the men for bothering Asturia's honored guest. Despite Balgus' own protests, the chancellor sent the men on their way. Balgus resumed his position by the entrance. Eries caught one last glimpse of the boy before her view was obscured once more by the massive swordsman.  
  
Without even being aware of it, she started venturing further into the hall. She was brought back by the sound of Mina's voice. Eries was dimly aware that she was being lectured in the high art of court etiquette. Turning to the attendant, she saw that Marlene and Millerna had just arrived. She looked one more time to the entrance and not seeing what she wanted, joined her sisters.  
  
***  
  
The banquet went exactly how Eries had thought it would. Aston wasted no time and made his proposition to Balgus before the first course had been cleared from the tables. The swordsman gave a gracious "thanks, but no thanks" to the offer. His excuse was that he was only in Palas for a brief time before heading back to Fanelia. He had indulged in his own training long enough and needed to return to Fanelia's prince to begin the boy's instruction. Balgus spoke referentially of the prince, the allegiance he had pledged to King Goau had transferred to his son. He admitted feeling guilty for leaving the orphaned royal for as long as he had.   
  
Eries' father interrupted the review of the status of Fanelia's court with disingenuous sympathies for the young Fanel. He made a joke about raising his trio of daughters on his own, then dug a fork into his main course and ignored his guest for the rest of the meal.   
  
As for his middle daughter, she was disappointed to see the boy had not been invited. She had assumed that he had some kind of association with Balgus, but the swordsman had come alone. Eries had sneaked looks out towards the hallway at the start of dinner to see if he was still around, but there was no boy anywhere around. So while the nobles chatted aimlessly amongst themselves, Eries spent the dinner contemplating who he could have been. Out of her natural sense of curiosity, of course.  
  
She only found out that her instinct on that matter had been right too at the close of the meal. Balgus himself brought the subject up. "Your majesty, though I am unable to provide any service to you, I must confess that I do have a favor to ask of you."   
  
He paused, gauging the king's reaction before continuing. Balgus' rejection of the offer of employment was fresh in everyone's memories. At the eventual nod of Aston's head, he spoke again, "I've been training a young man for about a year now. I'm afraid that my duties in Fanelia preclude me from instructing him further and I do not wish to see his talent go to waste. It is my hope that I, by your grace, could leave him here at your court so that he may resume his training. He's a native Asturian and I personally vouch for his skill. I assure you he would be a great asset to Asturia's army."  
  
The nobles, some of which had already gotten up from the table, commenced to titter amongst themselves. Millerna tugged on her skirt impatiently, knowing that this appeal would extend an already overlong dinner. Marlene swirled the last drops of vino in her glass and commented to Eries that this Balgus must be brave if he's begging favors after turning their father down. She didn't think he would accept. King Aston, though, appeared to be considering the request. He wasn't dismissing it outright. Eries knew, or hoped, he would say yes. If Balgus wouldn't serve Asturia, his apprentice should make an acceptable substitute.   
  
King Aston toyed with Balgus for a bit before giving his acquiescence. "A native Asturian, you say?" he asked, yawning to hide his interest. "Might I have heard of his family?"  
  
Balgus grew slightly uncomfortable at this question. "Yes, he comes from an old family." He cleared his throat before giving the surname. "The Schezars."  
  
That brought the nobles back to the table. Aston gave an amused "hmm" as his response. Eries winced.  
  
Everyone in Asturia had heard of the Schezars. Balgus was correct; they were an old family, one of Asturia's oldest. And unfortunately, one of the most notorious. Years ago, the father, who had earned a reputation as a wanderer, had undertaken some lunatic quest that resulted in the abandonment of his family and the loss of a substantial amount of his fortune. Later, the daughter had disappeared under mysterious circumstances. The mother, deprived of husband and child, had died of grief. It was shortly thereafter that the son, evidently the boy in question, had run away from the Schezar estate and vanished from the Asturian society his family had once dominated.  
  
Eries found herself even more intrigued than before by the revelation.   
  
With all the gossip swirling around the room, Balgus felt obligated to speak up for the boy. He got out a "your majesty", before King Aston silenced him with a wave of his hand. "Very well, Balgus. If he's good enough to earn praise from a master such as yourself, I don't see how I can turn him away."  
  
Balgus repeatedly gave the king his gratitude. Right along with him, Eries silently expressed her own grateful sentiments.  
  
***  
  
Balgus left for Fanelia the following morning. Eries knew the exact moment of his departure because she was awakened by an argument taking place directly under her window. Peering out the window, she saw Balgus with the boy from last night.   
  
She had a better look at his face now. His eyes were deep blue, though not as dark as her own. Sapphires came to mind. Like the gems, they reflected the light of the morning sun. Also like the gems, there was a hardness in them. That hardness might have come from anger, but Eries wondered if something else was the source.   
  
The argument cycled through explanations from Balgus as to why he couldn't take him with him and the boy's insistence that there was no reason why he couldn't go to Fanelia too. The apprentice was plainly against leaving the tutelage of his master. Or maybe he doesn't want to stay in Asturia, Eries thought.   
  
Finally Balgus asked the boy to repeat what he had been taught about becoming a true swordsman. The boy mumbled something about control and honing oneself and that seemed to be that. Balgus placed his broad hands on the boy's shoulders, told him he was proud of how far he come and left without another word. The boy stood under the window the entire time it took for the figure of Balgus to fade into the distance.  
  
Eries imagined that the boy must be feeling very alone. He had moved against the wall so that Eries could only see the tips of his boots. As quietly as possible, she shifted her position so she could lean out a little further. Knees were visible now. She needed a extra few inches…  
  
She forgot about the small plant that sat on her windowsill. She heard the scrapping of the pot against stone and reached out to grab it before it fell. All she got was air. The pot landed at the boy's feet with a disquieting crash, just missing his head by an inch.  
  
"What the hell?" The boy looked up, but he was too late. Eries had already collapsed on the floor and was holding her head in her hands, convinced she was going to die of embarrassment. 


	2. Girl Actually Meets Boy

The Secret Life of a Girl  
Chapter II: Girl Actually Meets Boy  
  
  
Eries didn't see the boy for more than a week after "the plant incident." It was just as well. Upon reflection, Eries thought her behavior had been rather childish. Yes, he was cute going on handsome, but that was hardly an excuse to gawk at him like an idiot. Marlene was the one who was supposed to gossip with her handmaidens about the men of the court. Eries was too young for such things. Or too dignified. Too something at any rate.  
  
At the moment, she was too busy trying to listen to her tutor, Timzin. She and her sisters were in the palace library receiving their daily lessons. Marlene was seated to her left in an antique chair that looked like it was designed for a particularly posh torture chamber. Timzin always seated her in the chair with the thinking that her discomfort would keep her awake and attentive. It never worked. Today, the vacant expression on Marlene's face indicated she was daydreaming about anything and everything but the natural resources of Basram. Not that any topic really kept her interest. Timzin attributed it to a "general lack of intellectualism and a tendency towards romanticism." Marlene called it his "Dumb Princess Theory." She didn't give a damn about the tutor's lessons and cared even less about his opinion of her. Eries had her own theory. She thought Marlene's general lack of caring about anything was the problem. She had read a few books on the subject of mental processes and behavior and tried mentioning them during the lessons, but her not so subtle attempts to diagnose her sister's ennui were rebuffed by the tutor. Psychology was a very new science in Asturia and Timzin was a very old man.   
  
Millerna wasn't fairing much better. She usually paid attention to bits and pieces of the lectures and could on occasion become wholly enthusiastic towards particular topics. Today's topic just wasn't one of those. So she sat to Eries' right, switching between fidgeting in her chair and braiding a lock of her blond hair. Every few minutes or so, she would let out a sigh that would snap Marlene out of her daze and draw an irritated glare from Timzin. Clearly, eight-year olds weren't meant to be subjected to so much boredom.  
  
As Timzin droned on, Eries contemplated the point of it all. They were princesses, even if they wanted to devote themselves to a life of study, they wouldn't be allowed to. Their grand purpose in life was to be married off in the interest of political gain and crank out heirs. She doubted their future husbands would be impressed by their ability to recite the chronology of Asturian wars. They might even frown upon it.   
  
Of course, she was just being as selective as Millerna was and she knew it. If Timzin had been teaching literature or philosophy today she would be paying rapt attention instead of cynically dismissing the lecture. Even though she knew what her future held, she still immersed herself into her education. The parts of it she liked anyway. She justified it with the cliché that everybody needed a hobby.   
  
Timzin finally gave up the good fight and let the sisters go. Marlene was out the door before Timzin could gather his things and Millerna wasn't far behind. Eries decided to stay awhile, hoping to push Timzin's trivia out of her mind and replace it with something more useful. The library had recently gotten a new shipment of books. Among them were a few by a female writer who had been stirring up controversy with her radical ideas about a woman's place in the world. She imagined the male librarian had placed them in a dark corner of the library and set out to find them. She passed by the section of tomes on the history of melefs and then an area dedicated to the various tribes of beastmen in Gaea. She stopped when she came to the dusty registers that held the birth records for Asturia.  
  
She flipped back fourteen years to see her own entry. Most people got a few lines with a date, approximate length and weight, full name, mother and father (if known). Eries had a whole page to herself. Everyone in the Aston family did. She absently turned a few more pages until she came across an entry bearing the name Schezar. She looked around first and then began reading. His birthdate was Blue, 3rd Moon the same year as she was born. He had been on the smallish side when he was born. His first name was Allen. His middle name was Crusade. When she finished laughing over that last part, she read his parent's names and then shut the book.   
  
She told herself that she hadn't been trying to find about him, it was just a coincidence that she had found the entry. Still, it was nice to know.  
  
***  
  
Eries took the long route back to her room. It led through the courtyard in front of the palace and afforded her a view of the canals of Palas. To the left, she also happened to have a view of the field the knights used for practice. They were just beginning to assemble. The few knights that were there were of the lesser, palace guard and soldiers in the Asturian army variety. She saw none of the blue uniforms that distinguished a Knight Caeli. Most of those in attendance were squires; this was to be a training session, not a sparring match. In other words, if she looked really hard, she was more than likely to see the boy. She debated for a moment and then glanced in that direction, ostensibly to prove to herself she could look at him without being reduced to a drooling twit. He wasn't there.   
  
Instead, he was a half a foot behind her, a fact she quickly uncovered when she turned around and ran right directly into him.  
  
Eries stepped back, stunned not from the impact, but by the person she had collided with. The plant had been bad enough, now she was trying to knock him over. She knew she ought to say something. She tried coming up with something witty and urbane. What she managed to do was squeak out a spectacularly inarticulate "Uhh..."  
  
"Can't you watch..." he started. He stopped, thinking better of what he was going to say. When he continued, his voice was calm and polite. "I'm sorry. It was my fault. I should have watched where I was going."  
  
Eries pretended to dust herself off to give herself time to regain her composure. She was impressed by his rapid change of demeanor. Of course it was part of his training. A proper deportment was ingrained into the knights. Otherwise, they no were no better than common mercenaries. Or sullen boy with a ponytail who argued with his master.  
  
He gave her a slight bow as any gentleman would give a lady and walked towards the practice field. As he passed her, a conspicuous lack of two feet of hair hit Eries. She blurted out, "They really butchered your hair." Surprisingly, she didn't feel the urge to run away when she realized she had said that out loud.  
  
He stopped, his right hand going instinctively to where the aforementioned hair had been. When he turned, he had a puzzled look on his face.  
  
"I saw you around the court before. The ponytail was a bit noticeable," she said, answering his unasked question. It was technically true and it sounded much better than "I knew about the haircut because I've been stalking you."  
  
"They thought I should cut it because it was 'unbecoming a knight' and might get in the way." In a quieter voice he added, "Not that Balgus ever had a problem with it."  
  
Eries nodded. She was well aware of how the officials of the court, even the knights, operated. "They made you cut it to show you who's in control, you know." She told herself to leave it at that but words started pouring out of her mouth regardless. "You came in here recommended by the great Balgus himself. It must be a lot to take for full grown men who've been training their entire lives to suddenly have a fourteen year old prodigy in their midst - especially one from such a famous family. They wanted to let you know you've got new masters now and you'll be doing things their way."  
  
He looked at her a little deeper then and Eries mentally berated herself for being such a babbling moron. She was thinking of a plausible, non-embarrassing explanation for why she knew so much about him when he let her off the hook by excusing himself to go to the practice.  
  
"It was nice meeting you..." He paused to let her supply her name.  
  
"Eries." She deliberately left off her title.  
  
"Eries. Anyway, I'd tell you my name," he leaned in closer to her before continuing, "but I suspect you already know." He smiled. Apparently, he found this all amusing. He gave her another bow and said, "Good day, Eries" before leaving.  
  
After he had walked a few feet away, Eries surprised herself again by responding, "Good day...Allen." He didn't turn around again, but the laugh he gave her indicated he had heard her and, more importantly, hadn't been scared off. Eries let out a sigh of relief. That hadn't gone half badly.  
  
***  
  
The fourth time she saw Allen, he approached her. Eries was sitting by the fountain in front of the palace absorbed in one of the books by the female author she had meant to look for the other day before getting sidetracked. She had just started a chapter about the advantages of a matriarchy over a patriarchy when a shadow fell across the page. She ignored the first "hello" it gave and dismissed the second with an idle wave of her hand. The third one prompted a soft "grr" from Eries.  
  
"Are you actually growling at me?"  
  
Eries looked up sheepishly when she finally recognized his voice. "Er, sorry. It's just I was reading and when I get really into it, I have this tendency to shut out everything else and go into my own little world," she offered as an explanation.   
  
"Sounds like a useful talent."  
  
"Ignoring people?" It's rather easy once you realize what dullards the majority of them are, her inner intellectual snob noted. She didn't want to sound condescending though, so she pursued a different tack. "Why, is there something you wouldn't mind withdrawing from?"  
  
He didn't answer the question but sat down on the fountain beside her. "Do you always hang around the palace grounds?"  
  
If she didn't, a small army of guards would scour every inch of Palas until she was found. She didn't feel like bringing up the princess thing just yet though. Every person she had ever talked to had treated in the context of being one and she desperately wanted to experience a "normal" relationship. So she answered yes with a vague line about her father working at the palace.   
  
Allen nodded but didn't say anything more. He didn't leave either. It suddenly struck Eries that he was lonely. People generally don't keep hanging around people who growl at them, but there he was. Plus, his question indicated that he wanted to know if she would be around a lot. Or maybe she was just reading too much into this.  
  
"How did you know so much about me?"  
  
It was a fair question, but Eries didn't want to answer it. Not completely honestly, in any case. She had to say something. "Court gossip. Your family's sort of infamous in Asturia. It's nothing personal; there's a lot of that around here. Sometimes I think gossip's the sole reason for existence of some people around here." The name of her attendant, Mina, crossed her mind.  
  
"I've noticed." He sounded bitter. Eries didn't blame him. The hoi polloi wavered between the exaltation of and resentment towards the old, noble and rich families and when one of them fell as hard as the Schezars did, they couldn't hear enough about it. Eries' own family was the subject of countless hours of speculation and rumor. From her own experiences, she could easily picture the problems Allen was having. She had lost count of the number of times she had walked into a room only to have all conversations stop and resume as hushed whispering. Or how many people she saw out of the corner of her eye pointing in her direction while talking on excitedly. Naturally, whenever she turned around, they always managed to look like they were busy and had been that way for quite sometime. She could empathize with him, all right.  
  
She offered him her sympathy but he told her it wasn't necessary. "It's not your fault. Anyway, you're the only one who's had the guts to mention my family to my face. And you're the only one who doesn't seem to hold them against me."   
  
Eries thought she detected a hint of anger that wasn't directed towards the gossipmongers. She wasn't about to pry into the issues he had with his family, though. He was staying here precisely because she wasn't picking over the private history of the Schezars.  
  
"So, how are you fairing with your training?" she asked, in the hopes of changing the subject.  
  
He shrugged his shoulders. "Okay, I guess. It's not nearly as intensive as my training with Balgus. I don't mean to boast or anything, but I'm already at the same skill level or better than a few of the knights. It's just a matter of training, I suppose, but it makes it a little hard to find a sparring partner."  
  
"Nobody wants to fight you then? They're afraid of being routed?"  
  
"I should be flattered, right?" He turned to her and gave her a smile. His still long bangs neatly framed his face with the exception of an errant tendril that hung between his lustrous blue eyes. For a second, Eries felt like she was going to melt right into the fountain.   
  
It was a nearly perfect moment - nearly because as extremely poor luck would have it, Mina appeared in the courtyard. Her face was red; Eries was very late for a dress fitting and the flustered attendant had spent the last hour searching the palace for her. Mina was definitely not in the mood to listen to the young princess' excuses.  
  
Eries sensed this and got up immediately. The last thing she wanted Allen to see was a fight between her and Mina. "I'm sorry, Allen, but I just remembered an appointment I have," she said hastily. "I really have to go. I'll be here tomorrow, though, same time." She didn't wait for his reply but hurried over to Mina.  
  
"Princess Eries," Mina sighed. She made the title sound like the preamble to a long, long lecture.   
  
Eries steeled herself for the litany, but was instead caught off guard by another voice. Behind her, a confused Allen was echoing the word "princess."  
  
***  
  
Eries was back at the fountain the next day just as she promised. She debated whether or not Allen would be angry with her. She hadn't lied per se, but she hadn't told him the entire truth about herself either. She hoped he would understand. She hoped he would show up.  
  
It wasn't just because of her crush on him either. Eries didn't exactly have anyone that would fit the typical definition of a friend. She had her sisters and talked with the handmaidens that worked at the palace, but didn't associate with others her own age much beyond that. She prided herself on being aloof, mostly because the alternative was to admit that she was shy and awkward around people. But she had been able to get over that with Allen, even despite the crush.  
  
She really hoped he would show up.  
  
To pass the time she tried to read her book, but after reading the same paragraph ten times without comprehending a word of it, she gave up. Then she thought about the ball scheduled for tomorrow. Yesterday's dress fitting was in preparation of it. Mina had been furious enough and Eries had been distracted enough that now Eries was facing the prospect of attending the ball in a dress comprised of three shades of pink and several yards of ribbons. Eries fantasized about tying the ribbons into a length of rope and using it to escape out of her bedroom window before the ball began. Royal balls held as much as Eries' favor as dinner banquets.  
  
Just as she began to wonder if the ribbon-rope could be configured into a serviceable hangman's noose for Mina, Allen arrived. He stood in front of her, head slightly askew as he waited for her to speak first.  
  
"Did I not mention being a princess?" She thought humor might soothe things over.  
  
"No, but I shouldn't have been so stupid. I knew the names of the royal family. I knew there was a Princess Eries. I just never made the connection."  
  
"I'm sure there are plenty of girls named Eries running around the palace grounds."  
  
"How many have you encountered?"  
  
"None, but it IS possible."  
  
He laughed briefly and then became serious again. "I do understand why you didn't tell me. I know what it's like to be seen for your family instead of yourself."  
  
"I should have told you, though. It's not something you can hide forever anyway."  
  
"I think if anyone could, it would be you." Eries' raised eyebrow indicated to Allen that he should continue. "You don't strike me as a princess - sitting out in the middle of the courtyard by yourself, growling at people and talking to strange young men."  
  
He had a point. And she agreed with it. But she felt the need to put up some type of feeble defense. "You should see me at the ball tomorrow. My father's receiving some delegates from Cesario and I will be there, resplendent in pink. Not by choice, though, I assure you."  
  
"Would that I could, but lowly squires aren't allowed at such high gatherings."  
  
"You do realize that the Astons gained their royalty simply by being enormously wealthy. If you actually traced the lineage of my family compared to your own in terms of nobility, you'd probably come out ahead."  
  
"I don't think anyone much cares about our families' stations hundreds of years ago. And I would rather not be judged on my father's name." There was that anger again. Eries decided she would explore it one day, but let it go once more for now.   
  
Allen went quiet after that, leaving it up to Eries to pick up the conversation. Humor worked the first time, so she gave it another go. "I don't suppose you know of a way a can sneak out of this dreadful event?"  
  
She was kidding, but Allen was not. "You mean you want to get away from a large crowd of people who are focused on looking for you?"   
  
Eries stared at him blankly. What was he thinking? He grinned wickedly and told her about a little about his life as a bandit before he met Balgus. He specifically told her how he did the very thing he had just mentioned. Eries listened and learned. She was shocked but could almost visualize him out there in the wilds of Asturia. Picturing him with the ponytail again helped.  
  
"You really think I could do that?" she asked.  
  
"No, I guess not. Not in a dress anyhow."  
  
That miffed her. She didn't like having her abilities dismissed so quickly. "I could do it, you know. In fact, tomorrow night, meet me here again."  
  
"Your hiding place shouldn't be out in the open, Eries."  
  
"Then you pick a location."  
  
He thought for a second and then told her to meet him by the stables near the road to the bazaar. That was a fairly good distance from the palace, but Allen's patronizing tone made her determined to travel it.   
  
"I'll see you tomorrow night then, Allen."  
  
"I'll be there, Eries."  
  
***  
  
Author's Notes: And so ends the giddy crush chapters of the story. I think Eries already has grown more self-assured in her dealings with Allen, but she'll be even better in the future. I've set her up to be a budding young feminist because I think it'll make for an interesting clash with the budding young uhh...chivalrist (?). I hesitate to call Allen a sexist because the sexist crap he pulls in the series is a byproduct of chivalry, not the intention of it. I (well, Eries) will explain more on that later. Next up - Girl Psychoanalyzes Boy (Better get rested, that could take awhile.)   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. Girl Temporarily Loses Boy

The Secret Life of a Girl  
Chapter III: Girl Temporarily Loses Boy  
  
  
Eries rested against a wall of the palace. She wasn't tired, just overexcited. She had followed Allen's instructions and had succeeded in leaving the ball without anyone's notice. Now, she was free. It was an unusual thing for her. Sure, she was allowed to roam the palace grounds as she pleased, but there was always someone hovering within earshot. They were there for her protection, of course, but Eries resented the ever-present feeling of being watched. She had long ago trained her eye to pick out the palace guards that loomed unobtrusively as possible in the background. Scanning all around her, she didn't detect a single one.  
  
She smiled a rare smile. Marlene had much the same complaints as she did about the surveillance. But now, Eries knew how to elude it. Maybe the littler sister could teach her big sister a lesson. And when Millerna started to chafe under the observations, she would include her too. Eries had a vision of the three of them sneaking about the palace, doing as they pleased while the palace guard fumbled about in search of them. It was a fantasy of course. It was only a matter of time before someone realized she was no longer where she should be and came looking for her. Allen had taught her how to slip away from a crowd, not how to live on the run. Nonetheless, she resolved to enjoy her time of freedom, no matter how brief.  
  
She made one last check for guards before continuing on to the stables. The night air was crisp - autumn had made any early visit to Palas - but the ridiculous pink gown she was wearing did manage to keep her fairly warm. As she made her way to her destination, Eries imagined what must be going on at the party she had left behind. So many people milling around, making polite conversation and dancing the same old waltzes. Marlene herself was probably in the middle of dance with some dignitary, faking amusement and interest in his anecdotes. Marlene was like that. On the surface, she was a perfect princess who performed her duties with grace and beatitude. Underneath... Underneath was the part that concerned Eries.  
  
No, she wasn't going to worry about that tonight. She hadn't really risked anything by sneaking out - if she had been caught she would have excused herself by claiming illness - but she still felt a rush from her small act of boldness. She was going to meet with Allen and then... She didn't know what she would do then but she certainly wasn't going to talk about her sister.  
  
She found him sitting on a bench in front of the stables, gazing out into the ocean and oblivious to her approach. The moonlight made his hair look almost as pale as Eries' own silver tresses. Faint music from the royal orchestra could be heard coming from the palace. Otherwise, everything else was still. If Eries had been more sentimental, she might have called the mood romantic.  
  
But if Eries was anything, it was pragmatic. Her dress was no longer providing sufficient protection from the cold and she needed to get something to warm herself. A spare blanket from the stables would do it. The meeting could wait.  
  
She went to the stable door. Before she could enter though, she heard Allen cough to get her attention. He was still looking towards the ocean but had his right hand in the air, waving a blanket at her.   
  
"Not that I'm ungrateful, but how did you even know I was here let alone to bring that with you?" she asked as she sat down beside him. She took the blanket and wrapped herself up as best she could. Allen himself was wearing a thin travelling cloak over the cloth and leathers she had seen him in before.  
  
"It's cool tonight and I didn't think you would think to find more suitable clothing so I got this out of the stables. As for knowing how you were here, you rustled and swished the entire way down here."  
  
"Hmph. So if I ever try my hand at banditry, I should forego the ball gown?"  
  
"Most of them do," he answered, matching her sarcasm.   
  
Eries hesitated before asking her next question. She wanted to ask him more about his past occupation, but wasn't sure how to go about it. When he had told her of it, she had been instantly curious - curious and slightly guilty for being so. Bandits were horrible criminals who preyed upon the unsuspecting populace, of course, but the freedom of the lifestyle had its attractions. And Allen certainly wasn't horrible. Not now. Then again, he had spent a year under Balgus' tutelage so she could only imagine how much he had changed since he'd quit the craft. But he had spoken openly to her about, so he shouldn't mind further discussion, right?  
  
Eries got sick of dithering and just came out with it in a flurry, "What was it like, being a bandit? Where did you live? You didn't actually hurt anyone, did you? Were you a good bandit? I mean, were you good at it? Did you - "  
  
Allen cut her off. "There's an old saying, Eries. How do tell a good bandit from a bad one?" He paused. "The good one's still alive. Does that tell you something about the profession?"  
  
"I'm sorry. You don't want to discuss this. It was rude of me to ask."  
  
"I don't care to dwell on it, but I did bring it up to you first. I really shouldn't have told you all that I did." He looked down and began scuffing the ground with his boot. "I guess I've been feeling rebellious ever since Balgus left."  
  
"I can tell how much you miss him. He was more than just a mentor, wasn't he?"  
  
"Balgus is a force of nature." More scuffing. Then, so quietly that she almost missed it, "He was a father to me."   
  
Eries noted the absence of the word "like" in Allen's statement. Putting that together with his earlier anger at the mention of his actual father, Eries started forming a clearer picture of what Allen's family life had been like. It definitely wasn't a happy picture. There were so many rumors about the Schezar family; it was disquieting to find out the worse ones were probably the truer ones.  
  
Gods, this was depressing. She had anticipated a night of fun. Or, barring that, a night of simple conversation with her newfound friend. So far though, all she had done was worry about her sister and dig up painful memories for Allen. She should have just stayed at the party. Could this go any more poorly?  
  
"Um, Eries?"   
  
The tone in Allen's voice had never been used to convey good news. In the few seconds before he continued, Eries had managed to play out several possible scenarios of what he might say. She wasn't looking forward to hearing any of them.  
  
"It was really hard coming back to Palas after having been away for so long and living like I had. You have no idea what it means to have someone here - "  
  
Here? Does that mean he's going someplace else?  
  
" - that doesn't care about any of the things with my family or what I can do with sword."  
  
Get to the point already.  
  
"A couple of the new recruits are being transferred - "  
  
Go back to how great it is to know me.  
  
" - so we can get more intensive training. The commander of the Knights Caeli, Lord Ramkin - "  
  
Old man Ramkin? You're leaving me for old man Ramkin?  
  
" - is stationed at Fort Thedrick. It's near the border with Egzardia."  
  
Yes, I know basic geography. It's far away.  
  
"Anyway, we'll...I'll...be leaving tomorrow - "  
  
Tomorrow!?!  
  
" - and I'm not exactly sure when I'll be back in Palas. It's a great opportunity, though."  
  
Bloody wonderful opportunity.  
  
"I doubt he'll be as good as Balgus, but I'll be able to learn more from him than anyone here."  
  
Because learning how to poke people more proficiently with sharp objects is so important in life.  
  
"I just wanted to say that I'll miss you."  
  
For the first time in her life, Eries' quick wit failed her. The only thought she could muster was "he'll miss me." She repeated it over and over, each time emphasizing a different word until it finally sunk in as "HE WILL MISS ME."  
  
"Eries?"  
  
"I'll miss you too, Allen."  
  
***  
  
And so Allen left the next day to continue his training. Four other boys went with them, accompanied by a tall Knight Caeli with short, brownish hair whom Eries thought was named Seclas. The Caeli himself was just barely into his twenties and new to the elite post, but the boys clamored about him worshipfully. Except Allen. Allen treated his commanding officer with a quiet deference and respect. Undoubtedly, Balgus taught him the correct behavior. Whatever the source, Eries was pleased to see how well he was conducting himself. Seclas was apparently grateful for it as well. He mostly ignored the noise from the other boys and hung around Allen while final preparations were being made.  
  
Eries watched from the vantage of her bedroom window. She couldn't quite make out anything being said, but she had a clear view. Which also meant Allen had a clear view of her. He spotted her in the window but instead of waving, furrowed his brow. He looked around him for awhile, as if working out something in his head. Then, to Eries' horror, he began to pantomime the act of a small, potted plant falling out of window and landing at his feet.   
  
Eries shook her rapidly blushing head no, she had absolutely no idea what he meant. He obviously didn't believe her and pointed at her accusingly. She gave him a look of outraged innocence but couldn't hold it long before breaking out into laughter. Now, Allen shook his head. The sight of him pretending to be disgusted with her made Eries laugh even harder. She put her face in her hands to calm herself, but didn't get the desired result. Impetuously, she looked back up at Allen and stuck her tongue out at him. Naturally, Seclas had moved behind him. He bowed to her deep enough that she couldn't see his expression. Judging how hard Allen was biting his lip to keep from laughing, Eries didn't want to.  
  
A palace guard walked over to Seclas and delivered some sort of message to him. He must have told him everything was ready because Seclas motioned for everyone to get onto the carriage that would take them to the leviship dockyard. The boys bordered eagerly; Allen lingered behind. He waved goodbye to Eries and mouthed a few words that Eries never was able to make out. Before she could motion for him to repeat himself, Seclas stamped his foot against the ground to get Allen to move.  
  
And with another wave, Allen turned and walked out of Eries' life for the next sixth months.  
  
***  
  
Fall came in earnest to Palas. The winds coming off the ocean became increasingly sharp and a chilly rain seemingly settled in for the duration. The flu made its rounds through the palace staff. Eries and her sisters each suffered through their own bout. While they sniffled and ached for a few days before recovering, others weren't so lucky. Timzin came down with a rather severe case and, a few days before Eries' fifteenth birthday, died. Eries felt somewhat sorry for the man's family, Millerna cried a few tears and Marlene caustically remarked that no one ever gave her such a nice gift for her birthday.  
  
None of them missed the old man. After Timzin death, they endured a string of substitute tutors. Most of them quit with the complaint that the sisters were too different from each other to teach collectively. The girls made sure to provide other complaints to the ones that didn't. It was sort of an unspoken agreement between the three of them. They wanted out of these lessons and they were going to get what they wanted no matter what. King Aston held out for a month before giving in to them.   
  
There were provisions to the agreement. They were still responsible for getting an education but now they could choose where to get it from as long as King Aston agreed. Millerna picked a new tutor, a kindly old man that had once served as a physician before retiring to part-time career as a teacher. He had actually been one of the tutors the three had chased away. Eries had liked him well enough then, but had not been interested at all in the subjects he had taught. Marlene had objected to him on principle.   
  
Eries chose to educate herself. She didn't think her father would go for it, but he had acquiesced after a surprisingly short argument. He knew his daughter was smart enough to do it. He also knew she was smart enough to debate him to the floor over it.   
  
In theory, Marlene was doing the same thing. In actuality, she spent most of her time moping about her room reading sentimental novels and moaning about how unfair the lives of princesses were. Eries thought she was being overly dramatic. Yes, they had their duties but they also had a giant palace to live in with all the food, clothing and niceties anyone could ask for. When she pointed that out to her, Marlene just sighed and told Eries she didn't understand. Then she went back to her moping.  
  
Eventually, Millerna picked up on Marlene's moodiness. She asked Eries what she could do but Eries didn't have an answer for her little sister. She had been thinking on the problem for months with nothing to show for it. She couldn't tell her that though, so she instructed Millerna to be her normal, buoyant self. And to be her normal, buoyant self around Marlene as much as possible. That would probably work as well as anything else. Millerna was thrilled to be of help. A miniature version of Marlene in appearance, she had always been closer to her than Eries had.  
  
Surprisingly, it had worked. At least a little for awhile. Enough and long enough for Eries to focus her energies on something else. She devoured every book in the library the held her interest and then expanded her reading list by importing works from other countries. She focused on studies of the workings of the mind and whatever female writers she could find. One author, a matriarch of a noble Cesarian family by the name of Lin Grinasse, she was particular fascinated by. Eries didn't agree with everything the woman said, but she had to admit Grinasse's ideas about women taking more active roles in governing and issues with traditional knightly codes were provocative. Especially the governing parts.  
  
To that end, Eries began participating in the discussions of her father's advisors. The first ones were on trivial matters but she quickly earned the men's respect and they moved on to meatier topics. Before long, she was debating on affairs of the state and even giving the occasional piece of advice. Whatever shyness she had before was replaced by a soft but commanding mien that served her well. In personal matters, she chose to remain aloof. She liked the air of mystery it lent her and frankly, there wasn't anyone around the palace (other than the possible exception of her sisters) she felt like opening up to.  
  
Maybe if Allen had been there... She thought of him every now and then. Her crush had faded into a dull ache that only made itself known when she was reminded of him. But she had plenty of reminders.   
  
Asturia was at peace, leaving her knights without any battles to fight. To compensate, they waged their own. They held tournament after tournament to see whom among them was the best. The answer to that was evidently Allen Schezar. He won most of the tournaments and placed well in the few that he lost. He even upset several of the Knights Caeli. News like that was swift in spreading. Balgus', and now Lord Ramkin's, protégée became the subject of a different sort of gossip. There was even talk of promoting him to the rank of Caeli to replace the retiring Sir Larean. Eries thought that last bit somewhat unlikely. Allen had only turned fifteen three months ago.  
  
She was therefore highly surprised when she overheard her father discussing the possibility. There was a short list of candidates, and Allen's name was among them. Nothing had been decided yet and nothing would be until Larean's retirement was official. That wouldn't be for another two months. Still, King Aston wanted to get a good look at all the would-be Caelis and to do that, he needed to see them fight. There would more tournaments and they would be held in Palas.  
  
Allen was coming back.  
  
***  
  
Author's Note: Okay, I promised a different chapter than what I wrote, but the truth is I've been having problems with this fic and the major one was chapters of unusual size. (Sorry, slight Princess Bride reference) I wanted Allen and Eries' friendship to unfold slowly/realistically and cramming it into the original outline I had just wasn't going to work unless I cranked out some serious Michner sized chapters. So I chunked this and other chapters into teenier pieces. It gave some Eries some time all to herself and smaller chapters = less daunting chapters = me writing this more often. So it's all good, right? Right? Hello? Er, anyway... Next up - Girl Psychoanalyzes Boy (for real).  
  
  
  



	4. Girl Psychoanalyzes Boy

The Secret Life of a Girl  
Chapter IV: Girl Psychoanalyzes Boy  
  
  
I am not nervous. I am not nervous. Knights come and go in Palas all the time. Twenty of them came in this morning. I wasn't nervous then and I am not nervous now.  
  
Eries was nervous. The leviship Novia had returned from the border of Egzardia two hours ago. The dockyard was too far away from the palace for her to see anything that might be going on there, but she knew who had to be on that ship. Two hours was a long time to be taking for reporting to the palace for duty. Not a single person had however, so some people were taking their sweet time to unload the ship. Or maybe there weren't any carriages available to bring them here. Palas had been getting lots and lots of visitors since the announcement of the tournaments. Asturians held a romantic view of the Knights Caeli and considering there could only be twelve of them running around at any one time, seeing a new one posted was definitely an event. Eries had practically worn out her favorite ball gown attending festivities for Seclas' induction eight months before.  
  
Traffic. That had to be the problem. She just needed to be patient; that was all. Easy enough to say. Eries had spent the hours from when she saw the Novia land to now pacing around the large palace courtyard. Some people were starting to stare. One of them was Mina. The attendant had already asked Eries what was wrong with her five times. Five times she received a curt "nothing". Eries' sixth reply would not be so polite.  
  
Mina was not entirely clueless and detected she was not wanted. She was getting sick of watching after Eries anyway. More than once, she had wished she could take care of Millerna instead. That girl was friendly and she knew how to smile. Not at all like her sister, who clearly enjoyed putting people at a distance. Mina supposed things could be worse - she could have been saddled with the moody one. As it was, she took her leave of Eries with something akin to great relief.  
  
Her departure put Eries in a better mood as well. She ignored the other gawkers. Let them stare. She had other things, another person, on her mind. Two hours? He could have walked from the dockyard by now. She certainly had covered the same amount of ground doing her laps in the courtyard. Perhaps she should just walk down there herself.  
  
Stop it. It's been six months and I knew him for what? A week? What if he doesn't even remember me? Gods, I know I was able to forget about him for a little bit and I -  
  
Her thoughts were interrupted by sound of the arrival of carriages outside the courtyard. Eries hurried over the entrance archway to get a better view. The lead carriage rose a bit as Lord Ramkin emerged from it. He may have been old, but he was still an imposing figure in the blue and gold. With his regal silver hair and heavy build, he would have been an imposing figure in anything. Three others that Eries didn't recognize got out of the same carriage, then the passengers of the other two started to disembark. She saw the Caeli that had accompanied Allen to Fort Thedrick, Seclas, get out of the third carriage and then -  
  
Gods, she had been right about how handsome he would get. He was dressed in the same uniform of all the non-Caeli knights, but he stood out from the rest regardless. For one thing, he was taller than Seclas now. His hair had grown too. It hung all at the same length now, stopping at chin level. It blew around him in the late winter wind and no matter how many times he brushed it back, that one itinerant strand always worked its way back to its place of hanging between his eyes. Those eyes...they remained unchanged. Deep and blue as ever...  
  
"Princess Eries! You do us a great honor by gracing us with your presence."  
  
Lord Ramkin's tenor rudely shook Eries out of her daydream. After a second's pause, she made a smooth recovery. "One such as yourself deserves great honor, Lord Ramkin. I see you have brought us back a fine host of knights."  
  
"Well," he said, his voice softening to tease his men, "There certainly are a number of them, but we shall have to see about their quality."  
  
The men put up good-natured protests to Lord Ramkin's comment, mostly resorting to boasts about how well they would do in the tournaments. Lord Ramkin simply shrugged and smiled at Eries. "Forgive their behavior, Princess. Despite all their training to be men, I think the excitement at the chance to display that training has turned them all into boys again."  
  
Eries returned the man's smile. It wasn't hard to see why Lord Ramkin was so well liked. "Hopefully, they will be able to maintain that enthusiasm after they've fought a few rounds."  
  
"Indeed!" Lord Ramkin laughed. A hearty and loud laugh that called the men back to attention. "It seems they do remember something of obedience," he observed. "By your leave, your majesty." He bowed low before going and coughed to remind his men to do the same.   
  
One by one, they approached, spoke her title, bowed and left. It was supposed to be a display of respect, but Eries felt a little silly being on the receiving end. Finally, the last knight, Allen, came up to her. He followed the same procedure as the others with one variation. As he bowed he took her hand and gently kissed it. It was a perfectly acceptable courtly gesture, but it brought exaggerated groans from a couple of his fellow knights. They had seen this sort of thing before. It still pleased Eries.   
  
Lord Ramkin gave another cough and the knights went to their best behavior. Orders were given to move out. As they left, Allen waved to her behind his back. In another motion, he gestured to the fountain where they had met the second time. Allen would be tied up for awhile attending to his duties but Eries would be able to find out when he would be dismissed and meet him there.   
  
Although Allen couldn't see or hear her, she said the words just the same, "I'll wait for you."  
  
***  
  
In fact, he waited for her. Eries had gotten stuck in the middle of a meeting with her father and his advisors. As much as she wanted to speak with Allen, she couldn't very well excuse herself to go see a boy after working so hard to be accepted into these talks. The last thing she wanted to do is remind this group of middle-aged men that she really was a fifteen-year old girl. So she sat through the whole thing, enduring reiterations of the same point and Meiden Fassa's exasperating tendency to tell jokes only he found humorous.  
  
At length, another advisor gave in before Eries did. Citing the late hour, he suggested they reconvene tomorrow after a good night's contemplation of the issue. It was the first thing everyone had agreed on. The meeting disbanded, Eries hurried to courtyard as hastily as she could without looking conspicuous.  
  
Despite the long delay, he was still there, sitting somewhat rigidly in a chair by the fountain. He was a knight now, no more casual slouchiness for him.   
  
She couldn't resist. "I see they've instilled some manners into you."  
  
"Merely reawakened ones my mother taught me but I had long since forgotten." He rose as she came closer to him. "Princess," he said with a bow.  
  
Eries frowned. "Must you be so formal?"  
  
"It's the proper form of address for your rank."  
  
"I know what it is and if you don't stop it right now, I'll find the nearest small plant and take care not to miss this time."  
  
"You've gotten quite assertive."  
  
"I've always been assertive. Now I just let people know it." She didn't give him time to dissect the paradox of her statement. "You seem to have changed yourself. You certainly are a little neater around the edges."  
  
"I've always been refined. Except for the years I spent living in the swamps like a rat and the year I trudged all over the place with Balgus."  
  
"Really? And I thought he had been so concerned with etiquette at that dinner my father held for him."  
  
"I think it's a Fanelian thing. They don't care as much about which fork does what as Asturians do."  
  
"Some Asturians don't care very much either."  
  
"Princess!" he admonished. Eries was ready to threaten him again, but realized he was being facetious.  
  
"So you are in there underneath that uniform."  
  
"Actually, Eries, this is closer to who I was before." He did not explain before what; he didn't have to for her. "The rough little bandit was a somewhat recently acquired and now mercifully discarded persona."  
  
"We are who we are, Allen."   
  
He gave her a look that either meant he didn't understand or didn't want to. In any event, he changed the subject. "I wanted to talk to you about something. While I was gone, I did some thinking about my family...my family's estate, rather. I could see it from here the last time I was in Palas. There were lights there. I gather someone has been maintaining it."  
  
"From what I understand, the servants stayed on even after you had left. I guess the estate was prosperous enough to keep going without a master."  
  
"The house is only half of it. Somewhere in the dockyard is a leviship that literally has my name on it. There's an antique guymelef as well. I think it's important that I reclaim all of it."   
  
The last part almost sounded like a question. Eries took it to mean he wanted her opinion. "You are the estate's rightful heir, Allen. If you want, one of my father's advisors is a lawyer. He'll be able to resolve any legal issues you might have. I'll ask him for you."  
  
"Thank you, Eries. This means a lot to me."  
  
"I know."  
  
***  
  
She spoke with the lawyer the next day. He was initially reluctant to help, but after Eries calculated what his commission would be on an estate as large as the Schezar's, he decided to do a favor for the king's daughter after all. He checked into things and discovered that the estate had never legally been transferred to Allen; he had disappeared before the necessary documents could be drafted and signed. The lawyer assured Eries he could take of that now, but he would need to have all the Schezar property appraised first. Would it be possible to set up a meeting at the estate itself between him, the appraiser and the heir in question? And the leviship too. They would have to go over that as well. Oh, and further research indicated that Leon Schezar was never legally declared dead. No worries, a stack of documents would take care of that.  
  
Eries relayed all this to Allen who more or less relied on her to tell him what to do. Hereditary law wasn't exactly her element, but it was completely foreign to Allen. If Eries got fed up with listening to lawyer speak and decided to run the man through, well, that would be where Allen would take over. Otherwise, everything was in her hands. Including taking care of the appraisal.  
  
King Aston was thrilled when he heard about his reclusive daughter's little project to help her friend. He became less elated when he learned it was a male friend. He was downright suspicious when he heard the name Allen Schezar. He didn't know why Eries would want to help the young man with his weird family so much. Okay, he had a guess. Allen had been back at court for little more than a week and already he attracted a small herd of females wherever he went. King Aston had just assumed Eries was above such obvious charms. Eries assured him she was just doing this to assist a friend and gain some insight into legal processes. And he wouldn't even have to go to the trouble of sending an escort to go with her because Allen was a highly trained knight himself. His instincts told him there was more to it than that, but arguing with Eries when she had her mind set on something was like arguing with a wall. It wouldn't change a thing.  
  
So, with her father's approval and no royal guards, Eries joined Allen at his family's ancestral estate for his meeting with the lawyer. They intentionally arrived several hours early. Allen wanted some time to get reacquainted with the place before going through it with the appraiser. He didn't want to confront old memories while someone else was pricing them.  
  
His reappearance gave one member the estate's staff quite a start. When a maid opened the front door, she had almost fainted at the sight of the prodigal master. She was small, middle-aged woman with fading red hair that Allen remembered well - mostly for the reason that she used to sneak sweets to him and his sister, Celena. Aelia was her name. She gave him a surprisingly strong bear hug that left Allen flushed and Eries amused. When she was through squeezing, she gave a shout for the rest of the staff to come. Now.   
  
They rushed in, worried that something was wrong then instantly relieved to discover that things might start being right again. There weren't many of them. Of a staff that once numbered in the thirties, only another maid, a gardener and a cook were left. Allen recognized them as quickly as they had him. They gathered around him, bombarding him with questions about how long he was staying and where he had gone when he left. They told him they had heard rumors from Palas that he had resurfaced, but weren't sure what to make of them when he failed to return to the manor. Aelia swore to Allen that they had only stayed on to maintain the estate out of respect for the Schezar family. They in no way were trying to take advantage of his absence by using the house as their own. Honestly, the thought had never even crossed Allen's mind. He was grateful for their service and hoped they would continue when he went back to Palas.   
  
Glad to see to the first stage of Allen's arrival home going so well, Eries blended herself into the background. She didn't want to interrupt the reunion. She probably could have screamed at the top of her lungs and no one would have noticed, but she wasn't about to test that notion.   
  
She sidled her way out of the foyer into a formal dining room. The main table was covered with a dust cloth while the rest of the furniture had the appearance of items that were cleaned often but never used. From the dining room, she moved to the kitchen. Eries could tell the staff used this room, but only a fraction of it. All sorts of pots and pans hung around the border of kitchen, untouched. The silverware and fine china were stored with care. Inspections of a sitting room, a library and what was evidently a ballroom (it was empty save for a pair of antique chairs and tables) yielded the same results as the dining room. Aelia had been telling the truth about the staff's dedication.  
  
Eries meandered around the rest of the house until she came to the back staircase. She considered going up, but figured only the servants quarters were there. She wouldn't dream of intruding upon the privacy of those who had been so respectful of the Schezar family's. The main bedrooms were most likely taking up the rest of the second story, so she decided to end her exploration. She turned around to go back to the library. A couple of volumes had caught her eye and she wanted to look at them further.   
  
She walked back down the hall, took a right, walked past a room with a fireplace, took another right and then came to a hall that dead ended in a doorway. Eries was positive she had retraced her steps but was equally sure she hadn't seen this hallway before either. She decided to check the door to see if was a room she had been in. It was locked. She gave it a push to see if it was merely stuck, but it wouldn't open.  
  
She was still fiddling with the door handle when she heard Allen's voice behind her. "My father's study," he said blankly.  
  
"You really shouldn't sneak up on people like that. But look at me. I've been wandering around your house as if it were my own. I didn't think I had gotten lost, but then this hallway seemed to pop in from out of nowhere. This door is locked tight as anything."  
  
"How fitting."  
  
"Oh." Nothing much to add to that. The good mood the servants had put him in had dissipated the second he entered this hallway.   
  
"Have you seen the library yet?"   
  
He was trying to distract her, to take her away from here. The library was good bait, but Eries perceived a need to stay. "Allen, I don't think you came back here just to claim some physical assets. This was your home. This was...is...part of your life - "  
  
"I know where this is going and I can tell you for a fact that my father is not part of my life in any way. He was barely part of it when he lived here."  
  
"I gathered that from the mood you go into every time he's mentioned. And I wasn't going to suggest you try to reach this great epiphany in which you finally make peace with the man. I just thought you might need to discuss it."  
  
"Eries..." His voice was more tired than angry. Eries was pushing him and it was in a direction he did not want to go. "Not now. Not with everything else."  
  
"All right - about your father. But what about everything else? You came here for a reason. Your mother? Your sister?"  
  
He rubbed his temple to stifle a headache he felt creeping up on him. "Could we talk about this someplace else? I think it's warm enough outside. I told the staff about the appraiser. They wanted to give this place a once over before he arrives. They won't be bothering us out there."  
  
You can't wait to get out of this house. Or is it this hallway? Eries thought. She told Allen that going outside was fine.  
  
He led her to the back of house near the staircase she had just seen. Eries waited while he retrieved a blanket from a closet in case he had been wrong about the weather. The blanket was exactly where he thought it would be.   
  
"Everything's just as you left it, isn't it?" Eries mused.   
  
Allen, bothered by the metaphorical aspects of what she had said, didn't answer. "Come on. There's a gazebo out back. It overlooks a pond."  
  
"Your own pond? You must have done a lot of swimming as a child."  
  
"Not really. Mother didn't like it. When I was a lot younger - three or four - I fell in somehow. I don't really remember. I was never in any danger of drowning or anything. One of the gardeners pulled me out before Mother even noticed. But from then on she didn't want me anywhere near it."  
  
"A bit overprotective, was she?"  
  
"No. Mother was concerned about me."  
  
"Of course." Hmph. More parental issues.  
  
They reached the gazebo without another word. The blanket turned out to be unnecessary. The mid-morning sun was warming things up to the point where Eries was getting uncomfortable in her heavy cloak. She put up with it. Allen seemed to be on the verge of opening up to her and this was not an opportunity she was going to miss.  
  
"So...this is the first time you've been back." She was restating the obvious, but she didn't know how else to start.  
  
"Go ahead, ask questions. I can tell you're dying to." He did not sound eager to answer whatever those questions might be.  
  
"I'm not doing this out of curiosity, Allen. I'm...concerned...about you. If you had to, you could nod your head along with everything that lawyer says just as well as I can. I thought, maybe, you wanted me involved in this as more than an advocate. I thought, maybe, you wanted me here as a friend, someone who would understand why you're really doing this."  
  
"Do you think all those books you read give you some kind of insight?" He wasn't mocking her; he sincerely wanted to know.  
  
Recalling her inability to help Marlene, she could only say, "Maybe. Why don't you just try talking to me, telling me what you're thinking? Sometimes, all people really need is someone to listen."  
  
"I don't know, Eries. I've been on my own for so long. I didn't have anyone at all when I lived in the swamps. And Balgus ...He saved my life. I have no doubt about that. I would not be here if not for him. And, if I wanted to have talked to him...really have talked to him...I think I could have. But I always had this feeling that I shouldn't."  
  
"You said he was a father to you."  
  
"Yes, but look what I've got to compare him to. And I'm not just talking about the last time he left for good. Even when he was around, he wasn't. He lived in that damn study. He lived in a little fantasy world where he wasn't weighed down by a wife and children and he could go adventuring whenever or wherever he wanted. Although, I guess it wasn't a fantasy world since he did it anyway."  
  
And he said he didn't want to talk about his father. "So you too weren't close even when he was still here."  
  
"Our relationship consisted of him giving me odd souvenirs from his all-important travels and the occasional conversation in which it was made apparent that I was not going to follow in his footsteps and dedicated my life to studying mythical geography and every dead language on Gaea."  
  
"Not much in common then?"  
  
"I am nothing like him." It wasn't an answer to her question. It was a proclamation.  
  
Oooo-kay. "Um, at least you had your mother and sister. You got along well with them, right?"  
  
"Mother was perfect. And Celena...I think she was too young to realize what Father's absences were about so they never really affected her. She was more concerned with her tea parties for her dolls or running around outside, playing hide and go seek..."  
  
He trailed off, giving Eries a fairly good clue as to what Celena had been doing when she vanished. Was Allen the one she had been playing with? Eries hoped Allen didn't blame himself for his little sister's disappearance.   
  
Some friend I am. I tell him I want to help and all I ever do is get him depressed. Small wonder Marlene's so much better off hanging around Millerna instead of me.  
  
"Eries, I'm sorry for dumping all of this on you,"  
  
"Don't be ridiculous. I wanted to be here for you. I sort of badgered you into it."  
  
"Sort of?" he said, a little bit of his humor returned. "It just feels odd to be talking about these things."  
  
"You never confided in anyone before? What about the boys you trained with? You seemed friendly with them."  
  
"You're kidding, right? 'Nice parry, Revius. Now would you mind so much if I blathered on about what a bastard my father is?' I don't think so, Eries."  
  
"I didn't mean in the middle of a sword fight." A theory came to her. "You don't relate well to other men."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"No, I wasn't trying to insult you. It's just...you had a horrible relationship with your father. And he was, or should have been, the primary male figure in your life. You couldn't communicate with him and that's affected how you relate to other men. You couldn't talk to Balgus - you said you thought you shouldn't - because you never had that sort of relationship with your father. And you couldn't talk to any of your friends for the same reason. But, you feel comfortable talking about these things to me because you did have an open relationship with the females in your life, your mother and your sister."  
  
"Uh, huh." He did not sound convinced.  
  
"Well, Emil Atrineu would have been impressed. He's written two books, you know. He even has a school in Egzardia. Probably the most famous psychiatrist there is."  
  
"If I go back to Fort Thedrick, I'll look him up for you."  
  
"Well, you asked for insight and I tried," she said, more defensively than she intended.  
  
"I'm sorry, Eries. I didn't mean to belittle everything you've done for me. And not just with the lawyer, but listening to me go on about my family. And I don't know about what you said about my father, Balgus and all that, but...I do feel like I could trust you with anything."  
  
Eries' voice caught in her throat. With all her theories about Allen, the truth was, she had never really talked to anyone like this either. And no one, not even the advisors that respected her the most, had ever expressed so much faith in her.   
  
"Allen..."  
  
"Sir. There are two, ahem, gentlemen here who would like to go over the estate with you." It was Aelia, announcing the arrival of the lawyer and his appraiser. She obviously didn't like the idea of outsiders picking over the house.   
  
Eries, on the other hand, was at least grateful for their timing. She had no idea how she could have finished that conversation with Allen.  
  
Allen thanked Aelia and asked her to tell the men they would be in shortly. To Eries he said, "It's now or never, I guess." Then, after placing his hand on Eries' shoulder in a gesture that Eries could and was translating in a hundred different ways, he added, "I don't know if I could have done this without you."  
  
And as he led her back into the house, Eries had one more insight for the day. This one was about herself. Her crush on Allen was gone. In its place, was something much, much deeper.  
  
***  
  
Author's Note: Okay, so that chapter was more Allen than Eries, but really, how can I resist writing about my sweet bundle of neuroses? As for Eries' theory, well, let's see. He opens up fairly readily to Hitomi, speaks freely with Eries about private matters and Millerna certainly doesn't have any problems with him. But his friendship with Van is pretty much limited to sparring matches, Dryden needs no explanation and his crew, people who have come to deeply respect him, know absolutely nothing about his past. Anyone else see a pattern? Next up: Girl Comes /ThisClose/ To Getting Boy (yes, I am a tease).  



	5. Girl Comes /ThisClose/ to Getting Boy

The Secret Life of a Girl  
  
Chapter V: Girl Comes /ThisClose/ to Getting Boy  
  
  
  
It took two weeks and a small mountain of paperwork, but Allen legally became the master of the Schezar estate. His first order of business was to tell the house staff to keep going exactly as they had been for the past few years with the only difference being an increase in wages. That didn't please Aelia as much as he hoped. The maid enjoyed her raise but would have preferred to see him back in residence. It pleased Eries just fine, as she preferred Allen's current living quarters in the barracks to the east of the palace. She would never do anything as forward as visiting him there, but the proximity gave them plenty of opportunities to meet without it looking like they were deliberately meeting all the time.  
  
That part had become important recently. Eries had noticed a rise in the number and closeness of the palace guards following her around. Her father had feigned innocence when she first confronted him, claiming Eries was just imagining things. In response to that, whenever Eries spotted a guard that was supposed to be doing surreptitious surveillance, she would loudly call out his name and start speaking with him about the weather or the latest news. That lasted for a day and a half before King Aston gave in to her and agreed to cut back. He insisted he was just doing it for her protection. He never said outright why he thought she needed more protection. Instead, he settled for vague hints about how attractive young women can receive unwanted attention. Nothing explicit, but about as subtle as a hammer to the head.  
  
Despite her father's promise, Eries was now experiencing the familiar sensation of being watched as she walked along the canal in front of the palace. Checking the reflection in the water, she picked out a guard trailing her at a distance behind whatever cover he could find. She didn't bother calling him out. She couldn't make out who he was from just seeing him in the water and didn't care if he followed her anyway. She wasn't going to see Allen. He was busy preparing for the first of the tournaments and wasn't going to be around much for the next week.  
  
Instead, she was going to meet Millerna after her lessons were done and together, the two of them were going to drag Marlene out of the castle for a picnic. It was Millerna's idea, naturally. She thought the sunshine and free time with her sisters would do Marlene good. Eries had reluctantly agreed, mostly because she knew Millerna would nag her until she did. Eries loved her older sister, but felt so alienated from her the past year. She hadn't spent more than an hour in the same room with her since the end of the tutoring sessions. From what Millerna told her, Marlene had been much happier lately and Eries was inclined to believe her. Millerna spent more time with Marlene than anyone else so it stood to reason she would know how Marlene felt. But then again, Millerna was still a child who had never displayed the greatest sensitivity towards other people's moods.  
  
Either way, Eries wasn't looking forward to the picnic. Sunshine may be good for Marlene, but Eries always turned bright pink after an hour's exposure. The price of such fine, delicate skin Mina had told her. Eries didn't see the point of fine, delicate skin if you had to constantly cover it up to keep it from burning. And then there was the picnic itself. It was just a few days into Pink*, hardly the most opportune time to be sitting outdoors eating lukewarm food and pretending to be merry little siblings. Unfortunately, it was too late to back out of it now.  
  
Eries noticed the guard break off his pursuit of her as she came closer to the palace library. She was surprised to see him go. The three Aston sisters together ought to have rated half the palace guard and a couple of melefs going by how much Eries alone was being watched. All they got, however, was a single Caeli and one of the younger ones at that. He was standing outside the library's door, patiently waiting for Millerna to finish her lesson so he could escort her and her sisters on their outing. Eries remembered him easily; he was the only Caeli who wore glasses.  
  
He bowed to her as she approached. "Princess."  
  
"Maerzen, is it?"  
  
"Alucier Maerzen, your highness."  
  
"Right." They stood there and stared at each other for a few minutes. Eries was never one for small talk, obviously Maerzen wasn't either. He had the excuse of standing at attention though.  
  
"Do you think she'll be finished soon?" she asked just to say something.  
  
"I checked in on her about ten minutes ago. She and her tutor seemed to be in the middle of an intense discussion."  
  
"Really? What about?"  
  
"Er." he paused, not sure if the middle princess would like hearing about such a topic. The little one definitely didn't mind. "Bodily.things. Intestines, internal organs, blood. Nasty stuff."  
  
Eries smirked at his discomfort. "Aren't you a swordsman? Surely you've encountered those types of things before."  
  
"I prefer to think my job involves keeping them in the people I'm protecting rather than taking them out of the people I'm fighting."  
  
"Ah, an optimistic perspective. The enemy's not half-dead, the king's half- alive? That sort of thing?"  
  
"Um, yes, that sort of thing." Maerzen's grey eyes narrowed at Eries. He honestly couldn't tell if she was just teasing him or not. He found himself oddly liking her for it. "Princess?"  
  
"I was kidding."  
  
"I sort of thought so."  
  
They both relaxed a little after that. Maerzen took off his glasses to clean them and ran a hand through his light brown hair. The long bangs with the closely cropped back reminded Eries of Allen's hair before he left for Fort Thedrick. She was about to ask Maerzen about the tournaments when Millerna appeared out of the library, still talking blood and guts with her tutor. The old physician was reliving his glory days; Eries had to wonder what Millerna was getting out of it.  
  
After a several more minutes hearing about things Eries would rather not hear about at all, she finally interrupted the teacher and his student. "As much as I would love to learn about the inner workings of the human body right before I am supposed to eat, do you think you could postpone this discussion to your next session? We really should be getting on. Marlene's waiting and I have a full schedule this afternoon."  
  
Eries could have sworn Maerzen was smirking at her now. His face remained placid, but there was something in his eyes that gave her the feeling that he found her discomfort just as amusing as she had found his.  
  
Millerna's tutor apologized for keeping everyone and, after she insisted, promised Millerna they would pick up right where they left off next time. Appeased, Millerna turned her attention to Eries. She had everything planned out to the last detail including every item of food and exactly where they would sit. Eries thought about asking her how long she had planned for this thing to go on, but held her sarcasm in deference to her sister's enthusiasm. It was for a good cause after all. She did wish Millerna would quit speaking about the duck pate with the same excited tone she had when discussing the human liver with her tutor. She had enough problems worrying about sunburn without turning green. And she could just picture how much Maerzen would laugh.  
  
***  
  
The picnic started out better than Eries had expected. Marlene wasn't quite the bundle of joy that Millerna had made her out to be, but she wasn't all gloom and apathy either. She ate the food, had a little bit a vino she had sneaked along and talked pleasantly with her sisters. She kept the conversation light, but the fact that she participated in it was enough to satisfy Eries. Thankfully, Millerna didn't say a word about anything having to do with anatomy.  
  
Millerna did take an interest in Maerzen, or rather his position as a Knight Caeli, and set about interrogating him on the uniform, the upcoming tournaments and all the other more romantic associations with the knights. He answered the first twenty questions affably enough, but as the session wore on, he began tossing "help me" looks at Eries and Marlene who both pretended not to notice.  
  
"It's amazing," Eries commented, "She can be so enraptured by the grisly details of the human body one moment and then be going on about the knights as if they're characters in a fairy tale the next."  
  
"She wants to be a doctor, you know." Marlene laughed curtly, "Maybe she can operate on the knights."  
  
"A doctor? That's not very realistic."  
  
Marlene sighed wistfully. "That's Millerna. She dreams."  
  
"I guess it's harmless for now. I hope she grows out of it, though. Father indulges us our hobbies, but he'll never let her pursue a career."  
  
"And you always dismissed my complaints about being a princess."  
  
"I never dismissed them." Seeing Marlene's frown, she elaborated, "I never dismissed them entirely. Yes, we have responsibilities, but we also have opportunities that others only dream about. Take Millerna for example. She can go to finest schools in Asturia and learn from the masters of the field. She'll never be able to be a doctor herself, but she could use her knowledge and status to help others become doctors by setting up more and better schools. It's about learning to use the position and not letting it use you."  
  
"Says the princess who has wormed her way into father's council," Marlene said grumpily. "But wait until the position you have is the marital bargaining chip in some alliance."  
  
Eries was alarmed. She hadn't heard any mention of marrying Marlene off. "Has father - "  
  
"Not yet. That I'm aware of. But there's been talk since I was your age about who I am going to marry. Of course, I'm never one of the ones speaking."  
  
"I'm sorry," Eries said quietly. It seemed like such a trifling thing to say, but it was more for reminding Marlene of her problems than the problems themselves. Marlene didn't acknowledge it; she was too busy pulling at the hem of her gown. "Marlene? I didn't mean to upset you. This had been a nice picnic. I haven't talked to you in so long. I hardly even see you around the palace either, anymore."  
  
"I've been staying at father's villa a lot. It's quiet there. Just a few servants and a guard or two around."  
  
"It sounds very peaceful."  
  
"It is. And Eries?" Marlene regarded her sister with a look of resignation. "You didn't upset me. Life in general does a fine enough job of that."  
  
***  
  
The picnic ended fittingly. No sooner had Eries and Marlene concluded their talk than the sky began to darken. They packed the baskets in a hurry and returned to the palace in equal haste. The rain started to pour barely a minute after they had gotten back. It came down in thick sheets, making it impossible to see let alone walk around in it. Unlike most sudden downpours, it showed no sign of letting up any time soon.  
  
"Guess there won't be any practices for the tournaments tonight," Eries overheard Maerzen say as he relinquished guardianship of the three princesses to the palace guards. Eries hoped her own schedule would be altered by the rainstorm. The council meeting planned for the afternoon involved an extensive review of taxes on agricultural imports and exports. The mercantile members of the council would no doubt be absorbed by it, but Eries anticipated a long, futile battle with boredom.  
  
For once, Eries got lucky. Two of the advisors were unable to make it to the palace because of the weather and the meeting was cancelled. Not too terribly lucky though. If she were going to go to the library as she wanted to, she would have to cross open courtyard and get drenched in the process. She could always return to her room and reread her own books for the tenth time. She considered spending more time with Marlene and Millerna but the two of them had gone their own ways right after they arrived at the palace. Getting together with the handmaidens for a round of gossip was out of the question for obvious, dignified reasons. The only other alternative presenting itself was joining some of the maids for an exciting bit of sewing.  
  
Eries chose the library. Rain was water; she'd dry out eventually. Though she doubted it would do much good, she grabbed a second cloak with which to brave the elements. One of the guards started to ask her where she was going, but she went into the rain without letting him finish. It wasn't the best of choices. Within thirty seconds, both her cloaks were thoroughly soaked. Then the wind caught the second cloak and whipped it around her and over her head. Blinded, and feeling completely stupid, she stumbled in the direction of the library until she felt someone pull her aside and under the relative safety of an awning.  
  
"Are you all right, miss? You really shouldn't be out in weather like this," he said solicitously as he untangled her from the cloaks. When he got her head unwrapped, he added, "Oh, it's you. What were thinking coming out in this?"  
  
It was Allen, every bit as wet as she was but somehow not looking the worse for it. Eries wondered if he ever had a bad moment. She was unquestionably having one now. "May I point out that you are out in this weather too?" she said defensively.  
  
"I got caught in it coming back from practice. I saw someone helplessly muddling through the rain and I thought I should do something."  
  
"How gallant of you," she said, getting sarcastic. "But I'm not helpless." His description of her had been pretty accurate. "Generally," she reluctantly concluded.  
  
"Forgive me, Princess."  
  
"How many times have I told you - "  
  
"Forgive me, Eries."  
  
"Good boy, you take to your training eventually." Why was she being so hostile to him now when he was only trying to help? Yes, she was wet. Yes, she was embarrassed. Yes, she was worried about Marlene. And yes, she was still confused as hell about her feelings for him. It didn't give her an excuse to snap at him. "I'm sorry, Allen. It's just I'm."  
  
"Very damp?" he suggested.  
  
More help, but Eries took it graciously this time. She didn't want to go into her talk with Marlene and she really didn't want to go into her feelings. "Very damp," she echoed. "You know, I actually thought I could make it to the library in this. I don't know what I would have done once I got there except drip all over the books."  
  
"I would have thought you had everything in there memorized by now, anyway."  
  
"Is that your way of saying I spend to much time there?" she asked dangerously, her bad mood returning at the hint of criticism in his voice.  
  
"Not at all. Reading is a perfectly proper way for a lady to spend her time." Eries snorted at the "perfectly proper" part. The phrase "thin ice" occurred to Allen. Eries had already lectured him once when he questioned why she was sitting in on council meetings. It was a lengthy lecture involving the theories of women from other countries who had written books with long, angry titles that went against most everything practiced in Asturia. Listening to it again wasn't a way in which he wished to spend his time. "Of course, it's not really my business to say how you will spend your time," he said to smooth things over.  
  
It didn't work. "No, it's just your business to disapprove. Tell me, do they pass out a list of 'proper' activities for us ladies to you knights with notes on how much to chastise us should we deviate from the acceptable standards?"  
  
Fine then. If Eries wanted to attack, then the least he could do is defend. "The last thing chivalry is about is the condemnation of women. It offers the protection and respect women deserve."  
  
Eries was surprised. Normally, Allen just nodded along with everything she said even when it was obvious he didn't agree with her. For him to actually argue with her, she must have struck a nerve. Part of her said to lay off Allen and find out what was going on. Another part of her called that part an idiot and told her to lay into him. "That sounds like a line from an old troubadour's song. Romantic in theory, but that's not how it works in practice. While you're respecting and protecting us, you're also putting us up on these pedestals where all we can do is sit and be admired."  
  
"Is it so wrong to revere a woman?"  
  
"If all you appreciate about her is her beauty, then yes."  
  
"In chivalry, all women are beautiful. Not just the physically beautiful ones like you either. We recognize the beauty that comes from the love and dedication women put into serving as our mothers, sisters and lovers."  
  
"And what if a woman doesn't to 'serve' a man in that manner?" Wait a second, did he just call me beautiful? He did, didn't he?  
  
"You make it sound like it's slavery to stand behind a man and support him."  
  
"It's not that, it's the implication that we can't be the ones who are in turn supported." He thinks I'm beautiful.  
  
"Isn't that where the respect and protection come in?"  
  
"That's not what I meant." Bee-you-ti-full. "It's just that all you see us as is mother and sisters and lovers. Women can serve other roles if they chose."  
  
"Women have duties just as men have duties. And if it's abhorrent for a man to forsake his, why is it all right for a woman to do the same?"  
  
Forsake his duties? The fight went out of Eries. Oh, great. He called me beautiful and now this. "This goes back to your father, doesn't it?"  
  
"All I know is, if he had been a man and had protected his family like he should have, I would still have a family."  
  
"So you're overcompensating on his behalf by vowing to protect every woman you come across?"  
  
"I'm living by a code of ethics that tries to ensure that no other woman has to go through what my mother did."  
  
Eries didn't respond. She saw no reason for it. Allen thoroughly embraced the notions of chivalry for deeply personal reasons. His belief and intentions were pure. He probably interpreted any dissension from her as misguided fancies. That was why he had always gone along with her before. He wasn't weighing her points, he had just been placating her.  
  
So why had he argued with her just now? She asked and was taken aback by the answer.  
  
"I thought you wanted me to."  
  
Eries was confused. "You think I want you to fight with me?" I was rather brusque with him, but still.  
  
"No, not fight. Debate. You always put so much logic into everything you do, I thought you would want the same from me. It's not enough for you to simply accept something, you need to see the rationale behind it. I was trying to explain. I wanted you to understand."  
  
Gods, I wonder if he knows just how much HE understands. "In other words, you respect my intelligence and were appealing to it."  
  
"I told you there was more to respect than soft, silver hair and dark eyes."  
  
He met her dark eyes with his own. It grew very quiet between them. Even the rain cooperated, lessening to the steady pace associated with sleepy mornings spent snuggled warmly in bed. Eries was beginning to feel some of that heat now. They were so close together, huddled beneath the awning, that it would be such a simple thing to lean forward and.  
  
"Princess! Thank the heavens I found you. You ran out into the rain and I lost sight of you!" The palace guard she had ignored had come back to haunt her. Eries thought of ways to get the man transferred to the worst posts she could imagine as he babbled on about how concerned he had been. Her displeasure must have become apparent from her expression as the guard finally shut up with a meek, "Well, I see your safe now."  
  
Allen quickly picked up where the guard left off to protect him from any comments from Eries. "Yes, she's safe now. I was just waiting for the rain to let up so I could escort her to the library."  
  
The guard looked at Allen. Word had it that the king was none too thrilled with the amount of time his daughter had been spending with the blond knight. He really shouldn't leave the princess with him. Then the guard looked at Eries. "Of course, be on your way," he said and then walked very rapidly back to his post.  
  
Eries glowered all the way to the library. She had been so close and the moment had irrecoverably slipped away. It would come back to her in her dreams that night, but that offered her no consolation now.  
  
"Eries, we're here," Allen announced. They actually had been there for awhile, but she had made no move to go inside and Allen was starting to get concerned.  
  
"Oh, right. The library. Thank you for walking me here. And earlier, too, with the rain."  
  
"I live to serve," he said, gently teasing her. Repeating the gesture he had used when he returned to Palas, he took her hand and kissed it. It was a poor substitute for what Eries had wanted a few minutes ago, but it would have to do.  
  
Or not. Before she could realize what he was doing, she felt his lips brush against her cheek. It lasted for a second and then Allen was pulling away. Leaving her no time to think let alone respond, he bid her farewell and left for the barracks.  
  
It took Eries five full minutes before she had enough sense to come in out the rain and go into the library.  
  
***  
  
* I have no clue what color is equivalent to the month of March so I just borrowed Pink from sarah-neko's version of the Gaean calendar. That's about as official as anything else.  
  
Next up: Girl Falls Thoroughly in Love with Boy (Awwww. Or crap if you consider who's looming). 


	6. Girl Falls Thoroughly in Love with Boy

*For those of you who've already read chapter 5 and automatically jumped to this new chapter, please go back and read the part in that chapter where Eries and Allen are arguing about chivalry. Parts of the text were mysteriously (and very annoyingly) deleted and the corrected version is now up. It's just a few inner thoughts of Eries' but I feel they're pretty important inner thoughts (or else I wouldn't have written them in the first place). Thank you - Management*  
  
  
  
  
  
The Secret Life of a Girl  
  
Chapter VI: Girl Falls Thoroughly in Love with Boy  
  
  
  
Eries and Allen were together in the late of night, holding unto each other in the gazebo behind the Schezar estate. A light rain was falling, enough to provide a soothing rhythm as it fell upon the gazebo's roof but not enough to obscure the light of the moon from illuminating the idyllic moment. The estate staff was gone. There were no palace guards about. They were alone, two young lovers in communion, speaking to each other through the emotion in their eyes. He tilted his head slightly and moved it ever closer to her own. His lips parted, then met hers - softly at first, with the pressure increasing in unison with the intensity of their embrace. He withdrew from her but only to take her face in his hands and be lost once again in the depths of her eyes.  
  
"Eries," he murmured her name like a prayer. "Princess Eries.the ores in Freid are a limited resource while we can keep producing grain for years to come. We'd be fools not to agree to this alliance."  
  
Eries repressed a shudder as the image of Allen was replaced by the decidedly less pleasing visage of Meiden Fassa and the other members of her father's council. They had been debating the topic of Freid for five hours with no progress. They weren't fighting over if they should help the barren nation with its food shortage, but how much they should profit off that help. Eries was trying to push the council towards more humanitarian methodology. "I never said this alliance wouldn't be advantageous to us. I think it's a little too advantageous, in fact. We need to treat Freid fairly. Abusing their need for food now might foster resentment in the future."  
  
To Eries' relief, her father agreed with her, "Freid has well earned its military reputation. I have to wonder how wise it would be to feed her army while angering it at the same time."  
  
His comment drew a few laughs from the council. Notably, Meiden Fassa was silent. The merchant stood to benefit greatly from this alliance and wanted the profit margins to be as high as they could be. He wasn't the only one the council of that opinion. Thus, the five hours. No one would be counting any earnings today though. King Aston elected to adjourn the meeting on that brief high note of dark humor.  
  
As the council members left the chamber, the king motioned for Eries to remain. He had a few things to discuss with his daughter that had nothing to do with council business. Eries had a good feeling what, or who, she was going to hear about. Every one of their private discussions for the past two weeks had centered on the same topic.  
  
Her instincts were correct. "So, daughter, I hear you're still spending time with your friend even though his legal matters have been settled." Disapproval oozed from his words.  
  
Eries was very careful not to let any nervousness into her voice. "Allen Schezar is my friend, father. In times of legal problems and in times without."  
  
King Aston dispensed with innuendo and went for cold, harsh indictments. "Eries, Eries, Eries. Surely you're smart enough not to fall for blue eyes and easy charm. Let the lowly handmaidens be his victims. You are a princess."  
  
Her nervousness quickly changed to indignation. "I know my station and I act accordingly. As does Allen. Tell me father, you've been spying on me so much lately, have I done anything to arouse your suspicion?" A replay of the kiss from a few days ago flicked briefly across her mind, but she knew that no one had witnessed it. She would have had this talk a whole lot sooner otherwise.  
  
King Aston mellowed minimally. His response would have been quite different if he had known about that kiss, but from his limited knowledge, he had to reluctantly concede to Eries on her point. "Nothing, Eries. You, as always, have conducted yourself well. But it is the behavior of your friend that is my concern. You've seen the women gathered around him. Have you ever seen him do anything to shoo them away?"  
  
"Allen respects women too much to rudely brush them aside. It's part of the code of chivalry. I believe other parts of that code cover ways to properly behave around women. Lord Ramkin himself taught him these things. Are you telling me you doubt the ability of the head of the Caelis to train the men under his command?" Good thing Allen had told her all that nonsense about chivalry. He had provided her with good material.  
  
Too good for King Aston. As he usually did when trying to reproach Eries, he found himself on the defensive instead. Debating skills that he used to his advantage during council meetings just didn't work in his favor at all during father/daughter talks. Yet one more time, he gave into the headstrong girl. He would just have to trust Eries' intelligence and his network of guards to keep her out of trouble. "Fine, Eries, since you know Schezar so well," he sneered on the last two words, "I'll take him at your word. But Eries, please.be careful."  
  
Only Grava Aston could temper a scowling forewarning with a hint of tenderness. But Eries was too angry to appreciate the warmer sentiment. Haughtily, she announced that she could take of herself when it came to Allen Schezar and stormed out of the room.  
  
Exasperated, King Aston let her go. He had been constantly worried about Marlene for almost a year. Now, his ever-practical middle daughter was taking leave of her senses to wade into dangerous waters. He could run the kingdom in his sleep. Why was raising his daughters so impossible?  
  
***  
  
Eries was still fuming over her father's words hours after the fact.  
  
"Easy charm." "Let the handmaidens be his victims." "You are a princess." She hardly needed a reminder on the latter and the former two were just insulting. He didn't know Allen. She knew Allen - better than anyone at that. Who was he to judge? All right, he was her father and the king of the country, but the least he could have done was judge more fairly. It wasn't Allen's fault he was good looking, good with a sword, good with women, good at.  
  
Eries threw herself down on her bed in frustration. This was getting ridiculous. Little fantasies about Allen had been taking over her thoughts ever since that day in the rain. The council meeting daydream had been a reiteration of a theme. It was to the point where Eries longed for the return of her simple crush. That had been easy. He was cute, she felt giddy and happy around him. Easy. This though.she felt like she was in the throes of an obsession. A singularly pathetic obsession.  
  
She hadn't even seen him since then. The first of the tournaments was starting tomorrow. While she had been figuratively (and after one particularly evocative reverie, literally) beating her head against the wall, he had been playing with his fellow knights, pretending to kill each other with wooden swords. Dark eyes and kisses on the cheek were probably the last things on his mind. And that's really all it was. He had called her beautiful and kissed her on the cheek. Her Uncle Nueva did that. It wasn't fodder for milling around the palace in a daze like one of those idiotic women in those cloying sentimental novels Marlene read.  
  
Yet that's exactly what she had been doing. Mina's "Ice Princess" as she had heard the attendant once call her, burning up inside.  
  
She needed a resolution. She needed to talk to Allen and find out what he had meant. She needed to stop tormenting herself with possibilities and see what the reality was. Not knowing, that had to be the problem.  
  
But she knew she couldn't just walk out of the palace and go to the tournament grounds to see him. She'd have guards trailing after her the second she headed in that direction. If she could get one of the guards on her side though, he could vouch for her and get the others off her back. She already had someone in mind.  
  
There's something to be said for nice guys with glasses, after all.  
  
***  
  
"This is not in our charter. Well, it probably is in the charter but the wording more likely goes 'do not do this'."  
  
"Will you please be quiet? All I am doing is going to see some of Asturia's finest knights practice. I am a princess, my presence will be inspirational."  
  
"Permission to speak freely, your majesty?"  
  
"Go on."  
  
"What a load."  
  
Eries was torn between smacking Maerzen or volleying some extra potent sarcasm his way. Did he have to keep babbling about how wrong this was? And did he have to be right? She had to keep telling herself that she had gone to him and he was doing her a favor that put him in a very precarious position, but even that failed her every time he launched into another sermon on Caeli code. One mile into their trip to the tournament fields, Eries had learned enough to take the oaths herself.  
  
"Your permission to speak freely is revoked. And I would prefer it if you limited your speaking in general."  
  
"As is your desire, Princess," he answered crisply. Less clear was a successive, mumbled observation about Eries and other desires she may possess.  
  
Eries settled on the second option. Now she only needed to work on her phrasing. She was going to ask Maerzen if the charter contained anything about being an overly familiar smart aleck to royalty when two knights overtook them on their way to the field. These were no young boys, but knights that had served Asturia for years and were hoping to receive a reward for that service by winning the tournaments and becoming a Caeli. Understandably, they were excited to see Maerzen. To his face, they gave him a respectful nod and went about their way. Once out of range, they whispered back and forth to another and gesticulated in Maerzen's direction. They gave no sign of either noticing or caring about Eries.  
  
"It appears that you are actually the source of inspiration for these knights," she said, her voice heavy with implications.  
  
Maerzen got them all and didn't like a single one of them. "If you're planning on using me as a distraction so you can go off alone with your .*cough*. friend.think again, Princess. You can order me around in all matters but your personal security. I agreed to escort you here so you could have a talk with your friend. I did not agree to let you run off and do as you please out from under my supervision."  
  
"Allen is a knight himself, you know." It worked on her father; it should work on another knight.  
  
"Yes, I know who Allen Schezar is. And not just from the tournaments. He's not exactly your father's - you know, Grava Aston, THE KING - favorite person. Did you really expect me to just hand you over to him and say 'Now have fun, you two'? That was never going to happen."  
  
Eries could see he was resolute. He wasn't going to give no matter how much she fought with him. She doubted Millerna's trick of stamping her foot and loudly yelling "But I wanna!" would work either. Marlene had this sulky "Oh, look, I'm on the verge of crying. Oh, now I am" thing that had proved highly effective for her, but that would require Eries to actually cry - in public - so that was out as well. It was one of the few things he hadn't mentioned, but Eries was positive there was a paragraph in the Caeli charter relating to bribery and that it did not approve of it.  
  
Which left her with begging. "Please Maerzen, just for five minutes. You can even watch us from afar. I promise I'll stand exactly two feet away from him at all times. Please?"  
  
"Fine. Five minutes. And if you give me any more trouble, I WILL pace off the two feet."  
  
She spotted Allen sparring with a black-haired knight not much older than he was some distance down the field. A crowd had surrounded the two and even Eries with her minimal knowledge and interest in swordplay could tell why. This was a good match. They circled each other then launched into attacks in a blur, Allen with a single long sword, the black-haired one with a combination of a long sword in his right hand and a short blade in his left. Neither one seemed to have an advantage. As she and Maerzen drew closer, she heard praiseful comments from Maerzen and lots of speculation from the crowd that they were watching a preview of the final fight of the tournaments.  
  
Allen lunged forward.and then stopped dead in his tracks when he caught sight of Eries. His opponent sounded a brief protest, but, after getting no response from Allen, tapped him lightly over the heart with the fake short blade and proclaimed his victory. All eyes shifted to the source of Allen's distraction.  
  
Not wanting to be recognized, Eries ducked behind Maerzen, who didn't want anyone recognizing her either. "It's all right, everyone. Nothing to see here but your average, everyday Knight Caeli. Please, resume beating each other up with sticks."  
  
He had the commanding voice. He had the uniform. He had the (real) weaponry. But no one listened to a word he said. The crowd surged toward him on a tide of awe and curiosity, giving Eries the opportunity to sneak out from behind him and work her way towards Allen. So things had gone according to her plan anyway.  
  
Any congratulations she would have given herself were lost to Allen's reaction. "What are you doing here? This is no place for a princess."  
  
"Princess?" the black-haired knight questioned. He could scarcely believe the pale thing before him was royalty. But a princess was a princess and he bowed low to her and echoed Allen's habit of taking her hand and kissing it. When he looked up at her, there was a spark in his emerald eyes that would've given King Aston a heart attack if he had seen it. "My lady," he purred.  
  
Eries was more amused than flattered. Allen was decidedly peeved. "Princess, this is Dashir Revius," he said tersely, grabbing Revius and jerking him away from Eries. "We trained together at Fort Thedrick."  
  
"Is that why you two seem so similar?" she joked.  
  
Revius laughed. Allen did not. He went back to reprimanding her for being there. Apparently, there were lots of dangers involved in walking anywhere near knights that were practicing. Revius quickly got bored with the speech and went off to join the Maerzen cult, making the universal symbol of someone talking too much with his right hand as he passed by Eries.  
  
"He's quite the brazen one." she remarked.  
  
"Didn't you just comment on how similar we are?" Allen asked, clearly offended.  
  
"I was referring to your skills with a sword." And your looks. And your flirtatious natures.  
  
"Of course." He did not sound mollified and went back to the previous topic. "So why are you here? And how on Gaea did you convince a Caeli to bring you here?"  
  
"Maerzen? Um, he's on guard duty at the palace and I come with the palace, so he was guarding me." It had sounded stupid in her head and even worse when said out loud. Eries had focused so much on figuring out a way to see Allen, she had never bothered to come up with what to say to him once she had. How does one casually fit something like the potential undertones of a kiss on the cheek into a conversation?  
  
"And you came here because.?"  
  
"Because." Think, think, think. "Because I was bored. Maerzen was bored. And.I don't know if I'll be able to attend any of the tournaments because of my duties at the palace. You and Maerzen both find them so fascinating and having nothing else to do today, I thought I would see for myself what is so wondrous about them." To throw him off a bit, she went on, "Why? Is watching the tournaments another improper thing for a lady to do?"  
  
"No, but it's customary to watch them from the stands, not from right beside the two men fighting. You really could have been injured."  
  
"But I wasn't. And I'm sure Maerzen would have gladly taken a twig to the head for me if the situation had arisen."  
  
"Just because these weapons are made of wood, doesn't mean they can't still injure." To illustrate his point, he took off his gloves and rolled up his left sleeve to reveal a dark bruise on his forearm. "See? We wouldn't want to see one of these marring you, would we?"  
  
".No." Had he made a tiny intimation about her looks just then or was she back to imagining things? She did not imagine the reappearance of Maerzen, returning to her side after the five minutes that he had promised her - no more, no less. Eries checked the distance between her and Allen.  
  
"Nice fight," Maerzen said jovially to Allen. "But you really ought to learn how to finish the whole thing."  
  
Unfamiliar with Maerzen's sense of humor, Allen only replied with an awkward "yes sir." Eries folded her arms across her chest and made motions with her head as a hint to get Maerzen to leave again, but the Caeli deliberately misinterpreted her.  
  
"What's that, Princess? You would like to return to the palace now? The sooner, the better?"  
  
Eries fixed him with a withering stare, but before either one of them could get the next sarcastic remark out, Allen intervened. "Actually, I have to be going. I have somewhere to go and I would like to get back before dark."  
  
"Where?" Eries asked.  
  
Allen looked uncomfortably from Maerzen to Eries then settled on a spot somewhere around his right foot. "Today would have been my mother's birthday. I was going to go visit her.um, visit her grave."  
  
Eries' heart jumped. Something so personal and potentially painful - she had to be there for him. Certainly, he would find the presence of his closest friend reassuring. "If you want, Allen, I could come with you."  
  
"Yes.I think I would like that," Allen said over the choking sounds Maerzen was making. "But what about."  
  
"Maerzen? It's his sacred duty to serve his lord or lady. Surely, he won't mind escorting me to the cemetery. Right, Maerzen?"  
  
He supposed he deserved that. And they were going to a cemetery, not exactly a location known for romance. And she would probably find one way or the other to go there if he didn't consent to take her. "Of course, Princess. As always, I am at your service."  
  
***  
  
They arrived at the cemetery shortly. It lay on the edge of Palas flanked by a pasture laden with wildflowers that bloomed throughout the spring and summer. So early into the vernal season, nothing but the occasional bud was growing yet, imparting the cemetery with an even more somber air than usual as Allen led Eries and Maerzen to the resting-place of his mother. Maerzen mentioned that he too had a relative, a grandfather, buried here. Eries suggested that he pay his respects while he was here and Maerzen, figuring Allen's mood precluded any activities King Aston would disapprove of, excused himself and left for the opposite end of the graveyard.  
  
Allen stopped in front of one of the many white marble stakes that were the traditional burial markers for Asturians. A silver placard at its base engraved with the letters ENCIA SCHEZAR was all that distinguished it from the other graves, but Allen had come to it instinctively, without having the check the name.  
  
"Do you visit her often?"  
  
Eries' question hung in the air for a time before Allen spoke. "No, this is the first time I've been back since the funeral. I ran away from the estate just a few weeks after Mother died and I never.I couldn't bring myself to come here."  
  
"Too many memories?"  
  
"I didn't think my mother would want to see her son as a thief with blood on his sword."  
  
The brutal frankness shook Eries. She knew Allen had misgivings about his past life, but he had never spoken so harshly about it, about himself. Shame and that same disappointed anger Allen directed towards his father tinged his voice. That's why he had been so eager to claim the bandit as an adopted persona - he didn't want to admit that person was within him.  
  
She moved closer to him, taking his left hand in her own in a small attempt to console. This was why she had wanted to come here, to lend him comfort and empathy. Only now, she wondered if she had either to give. Allen as a bandit had been a curiosity to her. How could she have misinterpreted so badly what it meant to Allen? Better still, how could she alleviate his pain?  
  
"Allen.I don't know the exact why or how of you becoming what you did, but.Gods, Allen, you were an eleven year old boy who had just lost everything in his world without explanation or reason. You were lost, alone. You can be forgiven for lashing out as a response. I understand. I think your mother would understand. And I think she wouldn't want you to tearing yourself apart." She didn't know where the words were coming from. For once, she wasn't quoting out her books or reading off a carefully formed argument of precise logic and undisputed facts. She was simply expressing.  
  
And Allen seemed to be listening. He grasped her hand tighter, not speaking but letting Eries' words resonate. She went on.  
  
"Tell me about her, Allen. Tell me about your mother. Something more than she was beautiful and she had a bad husband."  
  
".She was beautiful. And she had a horrible husband. But she was an amazing mother. Celena and I were her whole world. She took us outside to play during the day and dressed us up for dinner parties at night. It was always one thing after another - picnics, going to the markets in Palas, all the different fairs held during the year. Whatever it took to make us feel like a normal family even if we weren't. That was important to her. No matter what might be missing, she made sure we felt loved and safe and happy. It wasn't even until the last couple of years that I first heard the stories about my father. I don't know how she did it. Between my father being gone and all the gossip about it, you would have thought it would have hurt her, but she always had this quiet smile and she never acted as if anything was less than perfect."  
  
Perfect. He had used that word to describe her before. It wasn't chivalric idealism either, but the deliberate naiveté of a son who needed to believe in at least one parent. Eries suspected everything was far from perfect with Encia Schezar, but if Allen chose to embrace the illusion his mother created, she couldn't really find fault with him for it. No child wants to see his parent suffering. Or any loved one for that matter. There were times when Eries would let herself buy into Marlene's perfect princess act rather than dealing with the truth.  
  
"So what was your mother like?"  
  
".What?" The question caught Eries by surprise. "My mother? She died shortly after Millerna was born."  
  
"I know. The entire country mourned the death of Queen Therese. But what was she like?"  
  
No one talked about Therese. That was understood. Eries' father had taken the death of his beloved wife like a physical blow, falling ill and remaining so months after her passing. When he finally recovered, he removed all reminders of the queen and would not speak of her. To invoke her memory was to invoke the loss. Among the Aston sisters, their mother took on a mythical quality, a woman they might have once known as a person but who had long since become little more than a figure in the annals of royal history. Millerna had the worst of it. Her knowledge of her mother came only from the vague glorifications of a queen, her father and sisters unwilling or unable to speak of the woman who would have loved her.  
  
Even here and now, miles away from the palace and with the one person she felt the closet to, that inability crippled Eries. "She was a beautiful woman who had a good husband. I'm sorry, Allen, but I'm just not used to speaking about her."  
  
"You're not used to speaking about anything, are you? Anything important."  
  
Eries pulled her hand away. The words were entirely too true for comfort.  
  
"I'm not trying to hurt you, Eries. You've been such a good friend to me. I've told you things I've never told anyone else. I had hoped that trust would work both ways."  
  
Silence.  
  
"Just one thing, Eries, anything at all. You read so much, did you get that from her? Did she read to you?"  
  
".Yes, every night. Usually the same book, 'The Angel of the Forest'. It's an old children's book; you can't find it anymore. Someone got the idea that the angel of the title was actually a draconian and so for the sake of the impressionable youth of Gaea, they stopped printing it."  
  
"What was it about?"  
  
"An angel. She lived in a forest." This wasn't how it was supposed to go. She asked Allen about his past, he poured out his soul out to her and she took it all in with a sympathetic heart and a stoic face. He did not question her back.  
  
"I see. Anyone live in the forest with her?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Sounds lonely."  
  
"There were two girls who got lost in the forest. She befriended them."  
  
"What were their names?"  
  
"I don't remember their names."  
  
"Doesn't sound like it was one of your favorites."  
  
Actually, the book was one of Eries' favorite things of all. She still had the old copy her mother had read, torn and battered from use so much as to be virtually illegible, but Eries could recite it from memory. Except for the two girls' names. "She used my name and Marlene's instead. We used to share a bedroom. Not that we needed to, but Mother wanted us to be close. And I guess we were back then. We would gather in Marlene's bed and Mother would read the story, pretending it was about the two of us. She'd even have us read some of the girls' lines to play along." A nod from Allen encouraged her to continue. "Anyway, these girls were walking into town with their parents through the forest when they saw a strange light, ran after it and got separated from their mother and father. The light turned out to be the angel and at first it was scared of the girls and they were of it, but you know how children's stories go and eventually they learned to trust each other and became friends. The angel wanted them to stay with her but it wasn't long until the girls missed their parents and wanted to go home. Basically, there was a lot of blather about the meaning of friends and family and how if you kept someone in your heart, they weren't really gone and the girls reunited with their parents and the angel promised to always remember her friends. The End."  
  
And then, once more, words came from her of their own volition. "Which is a bunch of tripe because no matter how well I remember my mother, she's still very, very gone."  
  
Eries' voice had been steady throughout her recounting of the tale, but it faltered badly at the last mention of her mother. There was a tightness in her stomach and a mist in her eyes. This was not like her. She did not do this.  
  
"Eries."  
  
"Don't."  
  
But he did. She felt his arms around her and then he was holding her against him, one hand caressing her hair as she rested her head on his shoulder, the other at the small of her back. He was telling her it was all right, he knew exactly what she had gone through and what she was going through now and countless other things that from anyone else she would have considered meaningless but from him rang true and profound.  
  
And he was making it so easy for her to finally let it go. She felt the moisture on his shoulder before she even realized she was crying. Cold, collected Eries Aston crying in front of another person and actually feeling relieved by it. The trust Allen had held in her returned with compassion and care.  
  
Her relief grew. Now, she understood. She cried harder then, but her tears were of another source.  
  
"Eries." He moved his hand under her chin and tilted her head back lightly to see if she was okay.  
  
Another kiss, this one on her forehead and accompanied by a promise that he would stay here with her as long as she needed. Another kiss. It could have meant anything. It could have meant nothing. But for Eries, in this moment, it was everything. She had come here to play the counselor, to hear and to heal. Instead, Allen had worked his way under her armor and taken over her role.  
  
He was here for her. He was holding her. He was letting her bare her heart and making it feel like the simplest thing in the world to do.  
  
And she loved him for it.  
  
***  
  
Author's Notes: I know Allen and Van spar with real swords on the show, but that's just not how it's done. The object of a sparring match is to practice and learn, not to maim and kill each other. And, not being a big fan of large numbers of original characters myself, I promise Revius is the last one you'll see and he won't be playing that big of a part. Then again, Alucier weaseled his way into this story far more than I originally intended and he's only been around two chapters. Pesky Caeli. *Begin plug* Oh, and I recently posted a one-shot called 'Homesick' that goes a little more into Allen's happy family life. It's sort of a precursor to 'Girl' but it's all Allen. *End plug*  
  
Next up: Girl's Older Sister Sees Boy (Come on, you knew it was coming). 


	7. Girl's Older Sister Sees Boy

The Secret Life of a Girl  
Chapter VII: Girl's Older Sister Sees Boy  
  
  
She may have used it as an excuse with Allen, but Eries did end up missing the tournaments due to council business. It was not an even tradeoff for her. Although Asturia had begun making cursory shipments of food supplies to Freid, the situation with the starving country had yet to be resolved to anyone's satisfaction. The mercantile members were still angling for monetary gains over charitable donations while conveniently dismissing other options that would benefit all of Asturia instead of a select few, already wealthy, businessmen. To make matters worse, the more hawkish councilmen were now emphasizing Freid's strategic location, claiming the country's military would be a greater asset than any amount of money or natural resources. Eries' altruistic opinions were being universally ignored. She would have excused herself from the meetings, but bowing out because things weren't going her way could be used against her to prevent her from getting back into the council in the future. Her relationship to the king and previous success at arguing policies did not change the fact she was young and female in a country where Allen Schezar's views of women were more prevalent than those of upstart female writers from Cesario.  
  
So as much as she wanted to see Allen, she endured a month of increasingly vicious council sessions where dreams of riches and imperialism forced her silent instead. She kept track of his progress easily enough through Maerzen, who had more or less become her private guard in lieu of the mass of guards her father had been employing. As was typical of King Aston, the arrangement was never formally made, but came about through an unspoken agreement. Either way, Eries wasn't complaining. She had gotten used to (and, if she had to admit it, fond of) the Caeli's presence. With his relaxed nature and droll humor, he certainly wasn't like any of the other guards she had encountered. And he wasn't averse to letting her see Allen every now and then either.  
  
She didn't abuse his trust much on that issue. Over the past few weeks, Allen had been too busy with the tournaments to see her often and Eries was far too uncomfortable with the emotions he invoked in her to spend any length of time with him alone when they did meet. It was an odd irony - when she wasn't with him, she was aching to see him and when she was with him, she wanted to get away because she was afraid he could see right through her. Eries was used to hiding her emotions under a calm exterior. She was not used to feeling such strong emotions. She could only hope Allen didn't sense her unease or its source.  
  
She loved him. She was in love with him. At times, she would try to figure out the when, the why, the how and the what the hell she was going to do about it but she never could come up with an answer. The one thing she did know was the moment of realization and she frequently recalled the feel of him holding her, stroking her hair while consoling her about her mother. They were consoling each other, really. Maybe that's what attracted her so - someone had finally opened himself up to her and allowed for her, in turn, to open up to him.   
  
When she felt like thoroughly confusing herself, she tried to figure out how he felt about her. Two kisses - neither on the lips - and a comforting hug weren't conclusive proof of anything.  
  
"I thought I was the one who was supposed to stare off into space dreamily. Really, Eries, what is it with you lately? Even Millerna thinks you've been acting strangely."  
  
The sound of Marlene's voice brought Eries back to reality. They were having a lunch together at their father's villa, just the two of them. Maerzen had been sent off to eat with the small staff in the kitchen. They sat on the veranda, picking over an assortment of miniature sandwiches while making polite conversation. Marlene spent hardly any time at the palace at all anymore, preferring the seclusion the villa provided. Millerna visited her as often as she could, but she was effectively the only contact Marlene had with the palace these days. During one of those visits, the youngest sister had relayed an observation that Eries had been acting "weird" on a few isolated occasions and Marlene, curious to see what could affect the impassive middle sister enough to elicit an actual emotional response, had invited Eries here today for a friendly meal and a few questions.   
  
"I'm sorry, but I've been preoccupied with the goings on of the council lately," Eries covered. She had thought about talking to Marlene about Allen. She had even made a mental list of pros and cons of telling her. The strongest pros being: 1.) she was her older sister and that's what they were there for and 2.) she needed to talk to someone she trusted and Allen was definitely out, Millerna was too young to understand and Maerzen was the only other person remotely close to her and he wasn't quite close enough yet. The one, but ultimately overriding, con had been she was too timid and self-conscious to talk about it.   
  
"Ooo, council business. Small wonder you can't think of anything else." Marlene never had been interested in politics. "Seriously, Eries, is anything wrong? I've been spending so much time here, I'm completely out of the palace gossip loop. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing, but it would be nice to know what's going on over there."  
  
"Oh, you know me. I've never done anything worth gossiping about." That could be considered a bit of a white lie. Her father hadn't been the only one to notice the time she spent with Allen and Eries had heard one or two rumors on the matter. Nothing too scandalous, of course; it was "The Quiet One" they were discussing. Marlene didn't need to know about any of it though. "I know you find this boring, but the way the council is acting about Freid does concern me."  
  
"Freid? Dry, lots of monks, more boring than the council?"  
  
"It actually has a very rich religious history. But it is arid. That's the problem. They need food, we have it, we're not willing to give it without numerous strings attached."  
  
Marlene couldn't have cared less. "If that's what passes for political intrigue in Asturia, I can't blame you for daydreaming. At least Uncle Nueva isn't threatening to drag you off to see these stupid tournaments. Who wants to watch a bunch of knights fighting each other? And what is this nonsense about whoever wins gets to be a Caeli? There's only a short list of real candidates, so what happens if some nobody winds up winning it? "  
  
"Tournaments?" Eries coughed as she swallowed a piece of sandwich too quickly upon Marlene's mention of the tournaments. She would have given anything to have been watching them instead of the endless bickering of her father's advisors. Now Marlene was getting a free pass to go and acting like it was a punishment. "The list is designed so that whoever's on it should win. The notion that anyone can be a Caeli is there to get everyone excited by the tournaments. Nothing like the allure of an elite post to stir up patriotism."  
  
"How manipulative. But how typical. What the peasants don't know, can't hurt them, right?"  
  
Eries shared her sister's cynical opinion of the behind the scenes workings of the tournaments. That didn't mean she wasn't jealous of the fact that Marlene might be attending them. "So you really don't want to go?"   
  
"Uncle is insisting. He thinks I spend too much time by myself. I should get out more and see my loyal subjects or some such nonsense."  
  
"Yes, well…He does have a point. About spending too much time by yourself, I mean. Um, we all do sort of worry about you."  
  
Marlene sank back in her chair. "I know, I know. And I appreciate your concern - to an extent. Why can't you all believe me when I say I'm fine? Not everyone can have Millerna's energy all the time. You're the one whose always disappearing at royal functions anyway. Why isn't everyone bothering you?"  
  
"I'm aloof, not moody." Eries was relieved to see a small grin appear on Marlene's face. "And I'm consistent. I don't pretend to be all smiles and joy at balls then lock myself in my room after they're over."  
  
"I don't lock the door. And those things take a lot out of me. All that talking and dancing and putting up with aristocratic snobs. And if I hear one more person go on about how beautiful I am as if I'm a pretty little doll without a thought in her head, I'm chopping off all this hair and eating nothing but desserts from now on."  
  
"I know what you mean…except for the beautiful part." Only one person had ever called Eries beautiful like he meant it. And the casual, matter-of-fact manner he said it in was, without a doubt, on the list of her explanations for the how.  
  
"Don't be ridiculous, Eries. The only difference between you and me is presentation." Marlene laughed to herself. "Squeeze yourself into a tight ball gown and flirt with a random nobleman and you'll have a couple of poems written about your beauty in no time. It's all about effort. I make one. You don't."   
  
"I thought I was supposed to be the sarcastic one. But honestly, Marlene, if you hate it all so much, why do you make the effort? Father gets annoyed with me from time to time, but it's not as if he's going to start forcing me to play nicer with the guests."   
  
"Because that's what expected of you. You always, even when you were little, kept to yourself or hid behind me or father. I'm just doing what's expected of me."  
  
"Which just means at one point, you weren't putting on an act. What's changed, Marlene?"  
  
Marlene tossed the remains of her lunch onto her plate. "I'm tired, Eries. And I'm full. Let's go fetch that pet Caeli of yours and get you back to the all important council."   
  
With that, she got up and headed towards the kitchen, leaving Eries alone with a pile of half-eaten sandwiches and the echo of a single sentence that seemed to summarize Marlene's problems so succinctly.   
  
I'm tired, Eries.  
  
***   
  
Another week of squabbling between the council brought no change. It did bring about an end to the tournaments though. Eries had gotten into the habit of sending Maerzen over to them while she was stuck in meetings with her permission to use the royal box so that he would be able to give her a good first-hand account of the goings on. He never overtly teased her about her keen interest when recounting the day's fights, but would insert a double-entendre here and there to let her know he knew exactly why she wanted to know.  
  
Today, she was making doubly sure he would take in every last particular so she would miss nothing. Not that he had ever left anything out before, but the fight he was going to watch this afternoon was the final fight of the tournament. It was, just as the crowd had predicted when she first saw them sparring, between Allen and Revius. Both of their names were on the list of candidates. Whoever won would get the appointment to the Caeli.  
  
"All right, all right. I've got it. Do you want me to take notes? Maybe draw a sketch or two? Ooo, maybe I could talk to Schezar and Revius and have them do a reenactment." Maerzen's patience was running a bit thin with all of Eries' instructions. Hearing them for the fifth time had more than a little to do with it.   
  
"I'm getting you the best seats in the house, aren't I? Some people would show gratitude."   
  
"I'm a Caeli. If I show up in uniform and make a deal out of it, I can sit pretty much wherever I want. Which I'm probably going to have to resort to today anyway. From what I hear, your sister and uncle are going to be taking up the royal box."   
  
"Marlene did say something about Uncle Nueva making her go. I guess she wasn't able to get out of it. But that box can fit five or six people. You could fit in, right?"  
  
Maerzen leveled his best "you're kidding me, right?" look at Eries. "They'll have an entourage. What am I supposed to do? Walk right up to your sister and say 'Excuse, your highness, but do you think you could shove over to make room for me? I really need to sit here so I can describe in excruciating detail every tiny little move the blond guy makes for your sister.'"  
  
"What have I told you about your incessant use of sarcasm?"  
  
"Officially? You find it disrespectful to your position. Secretly? You love the fact that you've finally found someone who can match you barb for barb."  
  
"I don't know about that matching part." It was the only concession she would give to Maerzen that he was right.  
  
He accepted his small victory charitably. "I'll see what I can do about getting in the box. I'm your personal guard, maybe I can weasel my way in pretending to be Princess Marlene's. Whatever happens, I will let you know. In detail."  
  
"Thank you, Alucier. I mean, Maerzen."  
  
"I know what you mean, your majesty."  
  
She had to give him that; he usually did.  
  
***  
  
Eries suffered through yet one more meeting that was fortunately cut short by a page interrupting the session to announce the tournament was over. The page left without bothering to inform them of the winner's name. Most of the council didn't care all that much, but King Aston, who personally would have preferred to attend the fight over hashing through the pressing business with Freid again, dismissed everyone so he could find out for himself. The whole point of holding the tournaments was for him to watch his knights fight and he had missed all but a few matches. He should at least know who had won. And, honestly, in response to his second daughter's own inclinations, he was sort of rooting for that Revius fellow.  
  
After making her way to the courtyard and not learning who the victor had been through listening to the palace chatter, Eries waited impatiently for Maerzen's return. She practically mugged him when she caught sight of him.  
  
"So? So? How did it go?"  
  
He knew better than to waste time messing about with her. "Schezar won. It was a hell of a match though. I doubt I could have taken either one of them."   
  
He then launched into a vivid account of every sword stroke, parry and dodge along with the crowd's reactions. Eries could only follow half of what he was saying as he went on using the names of classical sword fighting techniques and comparing the match to duels of the past. Various terms and names of old warriors flew by her in Maerzen's boyish enthusiasm. And to think she had spent the afternoon listening to Lord Poniard talk about foreign borders.  
  
"You know," Maerzen concluded. "If we can get one more Legacy to retire, we can put Revius in too and go back to being a truly respectable organization."  
  
"Legacy?"  
  
"A Caeli who made it to the post by virtue of his family's wealth and connections rather than possessing any actual skill. The retiring Sir Larean, for example. That man couldn't slice bread with his sword. Most of the older Caeli are like that. Except for Lord Ramkin, of course. That man knows his sh…stuff. But it's the younger ones like me, Seclas and Fortanen - the one with the red, red hair and the bandana - that carry the rest of the group. Some of the others aren't too bad, but they aren't the best swordsmen in Asturia by any stretch of the imagination."  
  
"Considering how politics work here, I guess I shouldn't be too surprised the Caeli are susceptible to favoritism as well." Getting back to the original topic, Eries asked, "So he really was that impressive in the fight?"   
  
"They both were," he answered with a hint of pride. "The stadium was packed. I'm glad I did finagle my way into the royal box. Everyone in the stands was on their feet, pushing forward trying to get a better view. Can't blame them - the fight was so good even your sister was watching with rapt attention."  
  
"Marlene?" She found that hard to believe. "After all that complaining she did about having to go? Uncle Nueva said he thought he would have to do everything short of kidnapping her to get her there."  
  
"Maybe she was just acting like she was interested so he wouldn't get upset."  
  
Eries nodded. That sounded more like Marlene's style.   
  
"Anyway…" Maerzen cleared his throat. "If you wanted to give a certain someone your congratulations, I wouldn't be against escorting you on a walk around the courtyard near the barracks."  
  
With a barrage of the most sincere "thank you"s Eries had ever given anybody, Eries hauled Maerzen off in the direction of the courtyard before he had a chance to change his mind. Despite the nervousness of the past month's encounters with Allen, Eries had to see him today. Winning the tournaments, being named a Caeli - this was the most important day of his life since his return to Asturian society.  
  
And she absolutely was going to be a part of that.  
  
***  
  
They saw Revius before Allen. He was in good spirits, even in the face of his loss.  
  
"The way I see it," he told them as he sat down on the small wall that fringed the barracks, "We were pretty even. But I didn't spend a year with Balgus 'I can kick everybody's asses' Ganesha, so really, in terms of innate ability, I'm actually ahead of him, right?"  
  
"It is good to see your ego hasn't been damaged," Maerzen replied. "Though I would like to see you mind your language better."  
  
"Language? Huh? Oh, sorry Princess. Forgive me my coarse tongue." He winked at Eries to show her how seriously he was taking Maerzen's admonition.  
  
"I've heard worse. And thought worse, truth be told."  
  
Revius leaned forward and looked up meaningfully into Eries' eyes. "But never said worse, I bet. I can't imagine anything so uncouth coming from those delicate lips."  
  
Maerzen let out a groan. Eries responded coolly, "Allen didn't happen to deliver any sharp blows to your head, did he? You seem a bit delusional."  
  
Revius laughed deeply. "Looks like I've missed twice today. I think I'll retire before any more misfortunes come my way. Your majesty. Sir knight."  
  
Maerzen was still shaking his head after Revius had disappeared inside the barracks. "He's not so bad," Eries defended half-heartedly. She didn't think she would want to be alone in a room with him for too long, but in small doses, she did find Revius entertaining.  
  
"I've got enough problems watching over you and Schezar. I don't need that guy trying anything."  
  
"For the hundredth time, Allen and I are just friends. There's no need to loom over me while jumping to salacious conclusions."  
  
"That's what I'm trying to stop you from doing. And without my constant looming, you wouldn't be allowed to see him, you know."  
  
"Wonderful. You're really just a glorified chaperone."  
  
"Yep, that's me. Alucier Maerzen - Knight Caeli and human chastity belt."  
  
"Maerzen!!!" Eries turned a bright shade of crimson. The burning in her cheeks only increased when she saw Allen, coming back to the barracks after finally breaking away from all the well-wishers applauding his win.  
  
"Hmm. That's spectacularly bad timing," Maerzen observed.  
  
Eries kicked him in the shin. It wound up hurting her foot more than him with his thick boots and her soft shoes, but it let him know her displeasure. She had had a hard enough time talking to Allen recently. She didn't need to a comment like that getting her further off balance.   
  
"Is something wrong?" Allen asked, about the only thing that could be said in response to the scene of the blushing princess rubbing her foot while the Caeli bit his lip trying to stifle a laugh.  
  
Maerzen filled in for Eries. "No, no. Nothing's wrong. Her majesty just wanted to stop by during her evening walk to acknowledge your hard fought victory. I saw the fight this afternoon and I must say, I was extremely impressed. But I'll let the princess speak for herself now. Excuse me, I think I'll be checking in on Revius. He was just here a minute ago." To Eries, he whispered, "Okay, I owe you this. But just remember the barracks have ample windows."  
  
Eries and Allen watched him go.  
  
"So…"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Congratulations are in order, I suppose. Maerzen told me you both fought well."  
  
"It was a good fight. Revius is very skilled."  
  
"Hmm, well, I guess it's official. You're a Caeli."  
  
"It'll be official at the induction ceremony next month. They have to go through a retirement ceremony for Sir Larean before they can name a new one."  
  
"Right, right." She should have known that. She rubbed her foot once more and noticed an object in Allen's hand. It looked like a scarf. It looked familiar. "What's that?" she asked, pointing to it.  
  
"This? Princess Marlene threw it down from the royal box after the fight was over. It's typical for ladies to give such tokens to knights. Usually, they do it before the fight begins, but I guess she was waiting to see who the winner was before granting her favor."  
  
"She must have been giving Uncle Nueva a full show."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Nothing." She hadn't told Allen about Marlene, figuring anyone outside the family didn't really need to know. She had only discussed it with Maerzen after he had commented on it after observing the two siblings together. She wasn't going to go into it with Allen today of all days.  
  
"Eries? Really, is something wrong?"  
  
"No, I just stubbed my foot…"  
  
"I'm not talking about your foot. You've seemed so distant lately. Ever since my mother's birthday. I know you're not used to…expressing…yourself like that, but did it scare you that much? Everytime we've talked after that, I get the feeling like I'm the last person you want to be around."  
  
"No, no. It's not like that at all." How could she explain herself? Should she explain herself? Her feelings were too raw, too alien to her. The gods only knew how Allen would react to them.  
  
"What is it then?" She could tell he was getting frustrated.  
  
"Allen, I…I've just had a lot on my mind lately. All this council business with Freid has been taking up all my time…" Her standard excuse. It sounded weaker and weaker each time she used it.  
  
"So that's really why you missed all of the tournaments?"  
  
"Of course it is. Why? Do you think I wanted to miss them?"  
  
"I don't know what to think, Eries."  
  
This was all wrong. She came here to celebrate with Allen, to share in his good fortune. They weren't sharing in anything. Their rapport was off, their signals mixed. She should just tell him. She should tell him how much she cared about him and how that was what was scaring her so much.  
  
But she couldn't. She wasn't ready yet. "Allen, I'm sorry. I haven't been much of a friend to you lately and I'm sorry. It's nothing you've done, trust me, but I…I'm sorry."  
  
She couldn't take it anymore. He was looking at her so earnestly, searching her face for some answer, any answer, for what was going on. And she was refusing to give it to him.  
  
"I have to go, Eries. Revius and some of the others are taking me out tonight. I need to get ready."  
  
He lingered for a moment, giving her the time to say something to keep him there, but Eries only told him goodbye.  
  
Maerzen came out as soon as Allen entered the barracks. He took one look at Eries and knew something was wrong. "Princess?"  
  
"Just take me back to the palace, Alucier."  
  
***  
  
Things didn't get any better for Eries when she returned to the palace. Just when she was ready to go into a deep, depressed sulk over Allen, Marlene decided to come out of hers. It was odd enough seeing her at the palace, odder still to see her chatting with Millerna and one of her handmaidens. She greeted Eries so warmly when she saw her, all Eries could do was stare at her.   
  
"Marlene?" she asked, half joking, half not.  
  
Marlene smiled. There was something behind that smile that Eries couldn't quite place. Something, that for some reason, worried her more than any of the moodiness had.  
  
"Do you have a minute, Eries? There's something I need to ask you." She didn't wait for an answer. She excused herself from Millerna, grabbed an incredulous Eries by the arm and then pulled her down the hall to the bedroom she had used before moving to the villa, keeping that perplexing smile the entire time. Once in the room, she motioned for Eries to sit down as she shut the door.  
  
"I tried asking Millerna, but she doesn't listen to a word of what goes on here and that handmaiden with her just started this week so she didn't know anything either," Marlene explained while making sure the door was locked.  
  
Eries took to a divan and waited for Marlene to continue. She hadn't seen Marlene acting this enthused and secretive since they were children. Once, they had found a litter of kittens and brought them back to palace in spite of their father's allergies. They had kept them in their bedroom, taking turns feeding them and playing with them and always faking ignorance whenever King Aston would come in to say goodnight and start sneezing. An ill-timed "mew" from one of the kittens had exposed the sisters after only a month of harboring the adorable creatures. It wasn't long after that they were given their own separate bedrooms. Their father used the pretext that they had gotten to old to be sharing. Sharing had been their mother's idea anyway.  
  
"I'm sure your Caeli collegue already told you, but I was at the tournament today. As much as I didn't want to go, I am glad Uncle forced me. Do you know who won yet?"  
  
Eries frowned at Marlene's leading tone. Where was she going with this?  
  
"Your friend said his name was Allen Schezar. He also said you knew him."  
  
Eries swallowed. That was it. Marlene had found out about her and Allen and was about to grill her about her relationship with the knight. At least that resolved the issue of whether she was going to tell Marlene or not.  
  
"Gods, I've never seen anyone like him. The way he moved - you would have thought the fight was choreographed. And the way he looked. I didn't know eyes could be that blue."  
  
What?  
  
"You do know him, right? I've heard the name Schezar before - who hasn't? - but that's all I know of him. Well, besides his prowess."  
  
Marlene's smile became an almost lascivious smirk. There was no mistaking her intentions now. Eries could barely breathe. The one person who meant the most to her in this world…  
  
"So? Tell me about him, Eries! Please?"  
  
No, that wasn't quite true. As much as she loved Allen, there were people she loved just as much and for far longer. Her father, Millerna…and Marlene. Marlene, the sister she used to stay up with late at night telling stories and secrets, who cried with her when their mother died, who stole Millerna away from her nanny so the three sisters could be together. Marlene, who had spent the last year sleepwalking through her life without care or interest in anything or anyone. Marlene, who was standing before her with a radiance in her eyes and a longing in her voice that had not been there yesterday.  
  
"What do you want to know?" Eries said.   
  
***  
  
Next up: Let the pain continue…Girl's Older Sister Actually Meets Boy 


	8. Girl's Older Sister Actually Meets Boy

The Secret Life of a Girl  
Chapter VIII: Girl's Older Sister Actually Meets Boy  
  
  
Eries told Marlene all she could about Allen. That turned out to be not very much. She spoke of his family and the help she had provided with his legal problems. She passed on a few of the things Allen had told her about his time at Fort Thedrick. She mentioned briefly how they met, saying only that she had run into him when he was on his way to a practice. She did not clarify that she meant that literally. She didn't clarify most things, preferring to give Marlene a vague overall picture. To go into detail would have let Marlene know how close Eries had gotten to him. And that might let Marlene know how much Eries cared about him as well.  
  
There were things she refused to share with Marlene. The argument in the rain, the evening at Encia Schezar's grave - those were her moments and she guarded them as such. Whatever might happen between Allen and Marlene or, the gods forbid, any other woman, Eries would always have those times to keep and savor.   
  
Marlene didn't seem notice any reluctance on Eries' part. She asked the occasional question, made a few of her own comments, but mostly listened as Eries went on in her well practiced, even tone. For once, Eries was grateful for all those council meetings and the practice they had given her at speaking dispassionately on things that she cared about. A year ago, she never would have been able to make it through this conversation.   
  
Not that she was having an easy time of it. Even as she spoke, she questioned her decision. Her mind turned, her stomach knotted. Logically, she dismissed it as petty jealously. She had always been insecure when put into contrast with Marlene and not without cause. Marlene and Millerna had inherited Queen Therese's beauty and manner. Eries wasn't sure where her looks and personality came from, but whichever relative it was, he or she was not a match for the nigh legendary queen. Marlene never once commented on it, and would have more than likely laughed at Eries for thinking such nonsense, but that didn't stop countless nobles at court from making unfavorable comparisons when they thought the second princess could not hear them.  
  
That's all her apprehension was about - old insecurities come to the fore when confronted with the notion of she and her sister being interested in the same man. No, not even a man yet. He was her age and three years Marlene's junior. And it wasn't a notion, but bitter reality. And it wasn't simple interest on Eries' part either.  
  
And, deep down in the pit of her anxious stomach, she knew it wasn't jealousy, but a dread for all that could come of this.   
  
***  
  
On the twelfth moon of Green, Allen Crusade Schezar VIII was named to the Knights Caeli. It was a formal ceremony. It was a long ceremony. Several hundred years of Caeli history were reviewed. Lots of oaths were taken. Finally, right around the point when Eries decided that it was never going to end, Lord Ramkin stood over Allen, tapped him on the shoulder with his sword and officially welcomed him to the Order of Heaven.  
  
There was a round of polite applause from his now fellow Caeli followed by slightly more raucous clapping from the crowd of noblemen and palace guards. Eries noticed Revius at the back, making just as much noise if not more than everyone else. He met her gaze briefly and responded with a grin that on anyone else, would have been considered lewd, but from Revius was still lewd but not without a touch of charm. Same old Revius. Though this could very well have been his ceremony, he was carrying on without a hint of resentment or disappointment. The fact that his performance had earned him a prime spot on the royal guard may have helped him with that.  
  
She would have changed her expression to rebuke him, but the distant, coldly formal one she was already wearing did the job. As royalty, the most she was expected to do in reaction to today's ceremony was to give a nod every now and then to show her approval. Or, considering the length of the event, maybe it was to show she was paying attention. Her father hadn't even bothered to do that. He spent the entire ceremony leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed, looking like he had drunk milk left over from the summer. She half expected him to start booing.  
  
Occasionally, he had sneaked what he thought were furtive glances at Eries to gauge her mood. He would have been better served keeping his eyes on Marlene. The eldest sister had divided her time between answering Millerna's questions as quietly as she could and studying Allen with an intensity usually reserved for a painter to his subject. Eries couldn't really fault her for that. Allen did look awfully good in that uniform.   
  
The Aston sisters weren't the only females who held that opinion. Music started playing shortly after the applause died down, signifying the start of the reception. Several noblewomen took it as a cue to get a dance with the newest Caeli and it wasn't long until he had a line of would-be partners around him. Eries held her position even as Marlene swept her way across the floor in the direction of the head of the line. It was a tradition that the first dance be with a woman of the royal house. Marlene, being the oldest, would be the logical choice. Marlene, deep red velvet gown clinging to her perfect form, hair flowing behind her in a wave of pale blond gossamer, violet eyes glowing from within, would be the logical choice period.  
  
Eries scrunched down in her own dark blue silk gown. This was the first time Marlene had actually approached Allen since giving him her scarf at the tournament. In the two weeks after she had asked Eries about him, Marlene had bided her time, waiting for the most opportune time to make her intentions known. Despite Timzin's assessment of her, Marlene could be quite shrewd when she wanted to be.   
  
Eries had spent those two weeks arguing with herself. First, she would resolve to tell Marlene how she felt about Allen. Then, she would see her sister smiling and laughing when she would have otherwise been frowning and pouting and would decide to let things be as they would be. Allen had a mind of his own. Just because Marlene wanted him didn't mean she would have him. Letting Marlene nurse a crush on him wouldn't hurt anything. Marlene knew her duties as a princess. She wouldn't be foolish enough to embark upon a relationship with someone she couldn't possibly have. Never mind that that was exactly what Eries had done…or wanted to do.  
  
She hadn't had any contact with Allen since that day either. Her last conversation with him had gone so badly and Marlene's revelation had shaken her so much, she just knew any attempts to talk to Allen would result in her staring at him, unable to speak as he grew more frustrated with her withdraw from him.  
  
She would have to say something to him tonight, though. Even if it was only a meek congratulations.   
  
Then she saw Marlene talking to Allen, asking him to dance. She saw him take her hand and walk her out to the middle of the room. She saw his right hand on her shoulder and his left hand on her waist. She saw them start to waltz and glide across the floor. She felt herself getting smaller and smaller.  
  
"Would you honor me with a dance, my lady?"  
  
Eries jumped at the sound of the voice. Less than enthusiastically, she responded, "Oh, it's you."  
  
Maerzen shrugged. "And here I thought you had actually come to tolerate my presence."  
  
"It's not you."  
  
Maerzen resisted the urge to point out the incongruity of the two statements. Eries did not look like she was in the mood for teasing. She hadn't been for the past two weeks. Still, he was never one to let something drop. "Come on, Princess. One dance. Or would you prefer to wait until after your sister in through with her partner to start?"  
  
He meant well, but Eries had had it with good intentions. Her own were just making her miserable. She turned to leave the party.  
  
"Princess?" Maerzen followed her out to the balcony overhanging the palace gardens. "Princess, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be flippant when something is obviously wrong."  
  
"I told you it wasn't you."  
  
"Oh, I know who it is. I'm just wondering what it is about him that's got you in such a state. I make one comment about him dancing with your sister and you - " Maerzen stopped. One of the skills that had gotten him into the Caeli was his keen perception of people and situations. He looked from Eries to the dancing princess and knight and back again. "Don't tell me I've been so busy watching after you that -"  
  
"That nothing! My sister is dancing with your newest colleague *as per custom* and nothing more. I thought you were a knight and not some common gossipmonger. You should know better than to recklessly question the honor of a princess."  
  
"That wasn't too defensive." Maerzen registered Eries' glare. "Right, right, the flippant thing. Anyway, I guess I'll know soon enough if anything is going on."  
  
"Are you going to spy on Marlene now, too?"  
  
"No, Allen. If you hadn't been avoiding him, he could have told you. It's unbecoming of a Caeli to live in the barracks with all the other knights and his family estate is too far from Palas, so until he gets his assignment, I've graciously offered him a spare room in the flat I reside in."  
  
"I thought Father summoned you from the netherworld to torment me. I never pictured you living in an apartment anywhere."  
  
"And she's back. But yes, I do have a life beyond haunting your every step. You've heard of Tuvello's, haven't you?"  
  
Eries thought about it. She had heard of a Tuvello's, but it couldn't be the same place. "I've heard of tavern called Tuvello's. It's the oldest one in Palas."  
  
"Several hundred years old, in fact. It was founded by the brother of one of the original Caeli. As such, it's custom for us to go there. It's also custom for the younger Caeli to live in the flat above it. Since I'm the only one permanently stationed in Palas right now, I've got plenty of room."  
  
"Sounds lovely. And so does the image of Asturia's greatest knights lounging about a bar and getting drunk together."  
  
"We don't wear the uniform when we're there. That would be disrespectful. And we don't get drunk. That would be disgraceful. Well, we don't get *that* drunk."  
  
"You know, between your talk about Legacies and that bar, you're going a long way to dispel all the romantic notions about the Caeli."  
  
"We're human. Just like royalty…"  
  
Eries ignored his clever attempt at a segue. "Sounds as if the first dance is over," she said as she looked back into the main hall. Allen and Marlene were no longer dancing. He had moved on to a young woman of the Santimas family while Marlene watched from a corner. Much to her shame, Eries derived a grim bit of satisfaction from that.  
  
"I've got to stop doing this to myself," she said under her breath.  
  
Maerzen didn't hear the words, but he understood the tone. The only son in a family with six daughters, he had heard the romantic laments of a lovelorn teenage girl often enough to detect another one coming just by the way the girl would downcast her eyes. His older sisters had come to him so that he would be more sensitive to his girlfriends. His little sisters usually came to him to try and get him to smack the guy who had hurt them around. He never did, but every boy in his hometown was acutely aware of what he did for a living. He wasn't sure what Eries would want him to do, but had a hunch she would be inclined towards the latter. Eries could have her moments.  
  
He had also learned from his sisters' troubles the power of distraction. "You should participate in at least one dance, your majesty. It wouldn't look good if one of the princesses skipped out entirely on the reception. If you don't wish to dance with me, I'm sure Revius would make himself available."  
  
"Really, Maerzen," she said, pretending to cringe. "You don't need to threaten me. Fine, though. One dance."  
  
That one dance quickly turned into two and then three as Maerzen switched her off to Seclas. He in turn traded partners with another Caeli and the process repeated until she was dancing with Lord Ramkin. His wife, Lady Sybil, was only too happy to relinquish him to Eries, claiming since she had spent all evening with the oldest Caeli, she was due for a dance with the youngest. That left little doubt in Eries' mind with whom she would dance next. In the back of her head, she tried to figure out what she could say to Allen. He deserved a lot more than "congratulations" but even other generic niceties were failing her. She thought a comment about the uniform might work…  
  
"I thank you for the dance, your highness, but I must be returning to my wife," Lord Ramkin announced before deftly spinning her over to her new partner.  
  
Allen took her hand with a bow and an acknowledgement of her title. Then they were dancing. She had had a dream like this once, only there were no other people around, her palms weren't sweating from nerves and disappointment was the last thing showing in Allen's eyes.  
  
She had better think of a comment fast. "Um, the blue and the gold truly suit you."   
  
"That seems to be the consensus among the Aston sisters tonight," he said neutrally.  
  
"Why? What did Marlene say to you?" she asked harshly.  
  
Allen looked bewildered. "She merely said the blue of the uniform complimented my eyes. Is something wrong with that?"  
  
The way he said that made it come out as "Is something wrong with you?" She hadn't been able to answer him the last time he asked her that and now the situation was even worse. Falling back on her courtly training, she forced herself to be composed. "No, not at all. I agree with her. You look quite handsome tonight."   
  
"I'm surprised you recognized me tonight."  
  
Was that a jab at her for avoiding him?  
  
"The regalia of a Caeli is so different from the common knight's attire you been seeing me in, I mean."  
  
Eries couldn't tell if he was covering or if that was all he had meant. That was bothering her more than anything. She couldn't read him at all anymore. Her claim of knowing him so well suddenly sounded hollow.   
  
"It is rather distinguished. So how does it feel? Your first time in uniform?"  
  
"It's an honor."  
  
"Of course."  
  
"Honestly?" He guided her through a graceful pirouette and back again, bringing her slightly closer to him than she had been before. "I could live without the overskirt and the pink scarf."  
  
This was much better. She relaxed enough to laugh. "What about the sleeves? Maerzen usually complains about the sleeves."  
  
"Ah, yes, my new roommate. Did you know about that? Anyway, I believe his exact words about it were 'you have proven yourself to be a swordsman of the highest caliber. As a reward for your skill, you will have the honor of wearing the single most encumbering outfit ever designed for sword fighting.' It's not as bad as all that, but it will take some getting used to."  
  
"That does sound like Maerzen."  
  
"You've gotten to know him well."  
  
"He is my personal guard. I can scarcely go anywhere without him."  
  
"Hmm, Princess Marlene seemed to believe you enjoyed having him watching after you. She said that's one of the reasons why she wanted a personal guard of her own."  
  
That got Eries' attention. "Her own guard?"  
  
"Yes. She would have asked your father for one already, but she would prefer the guard be a Caeli, as befitting a princess, and all of them are currently assigned elsewhere."  
  
Eries exhaled heavily. "But you don't have your assignment yet."  
  
"She did ask me if it sounded like a duty I would wish to undertake. Not that I have the right to choose my assignment, but I would like to stay here in Palas."  
  
Allen continued on, but Eries stopped listening. She had a good idea what he was saying anyway. Things about Marlene being so gracious in her offer to help him get such a nice assignment in the capital or what an honor it would be to serve the royal house directly. Things she had no desire to hear.  
  
***  
  
Eries hadn't heard a performance like this since the royal theatre troupe put on the classic play "Cynric III" for her father's birthday. Instead of the travails of one of Asturia's earliest kings though, she was listening to Marlene smoothly working her way towards her goal. Eries could see right through it, but King Aston was apparently buying every word. She couldn't tell for sure being unable to see his face. That was a distinct disadvantage of eavesdropping.  
  
Another was having to deal with the occasional passerby as she stood outside her father's study. She didn't care what they thought about her being there; it was the fact that they kept her from hearing what was being said. After waving along some handmaidens, she pressed her ear to the door.  
  
"I could post more guards there if that would make you feel safer."  
  
"No, no. I don't want any more people at the villa than there has to be. Perhaps I'm just being foolish."  
  
"Don't say that, Marlene. Your safety and comfort is of the utmost importance to me."  
  
"I know, Father. I just don't want to trouble you."  
  
"You are never a trouble to me. Whatever you want, Marlene, name it."  
  
"I don't know. As I said, I don't want guards all over the villa. Maybe if I had one elite guard. You know, like Eries has her own Caeli."  
  
"That has been a good arrangement for her, I think."  
  
"But there aren't any Caeli available, are there? Except maybe that new one."  
  
"Ah, yes, Schezar. No, I haven't decided where to post him yet."   
  
"He does seem young. But I guess he's qualified. He won that tournament, right?"  
  
"You were there, sweetheart. Don't you remember?"  
  
"Uncle forced me to go. It's not as if I paid any attention."  
  
"Not even a little? Hmm. Do you think you'd be comfortable with him as your guard?"  
  
"I could try it. If it doesn't work out, you could always transfer him somewhere else."  
  
"Very true. All right then. For the time being, I'll have him assigned to guard duty at the villa. If you have any problems with him…"  
  
"I'll let you know right away."  
  
Eries clapped silently and rethought her 'let things be as they will be' strategy. If this was what she was up against…  
  
No, she couldn't think like that. She wasn't in competition with her sister. Marlene thought she and Allen were just friends. They were just friends. That's all he and Marlene could be, too. Their positions made anything else impossible.  
  
She got that through her head easily enough. It was her heart that didn't believe it.  
  
***  
  
To King Aston, it did seem like a nearly perfect arrangement. Marlene had her guard and the security she needed to feel at ease. Hopefully, that would help her in getting over whatever had been troubling for the past year. She had been in better spirits since moving to the villa. The removal of the last of her worries should accelerate the healing process and finally bring back the vibrant princess all of Asturia had fallen in love with. And since Marlene spent so much time at the villa, her guard spent very little time at the palace. That solved another of his problems. He would have preferred that Marlene's guard been another Caeli, but her apparent lack of interest in the knight coupled with the fact he was already far too busy to bother messing around with established posts made the situation tolerable.  
  
For him, at any rate. Eries was of another opinion. She could have taken the loss of her love interest. Her feelings flustered her and she couldn't have him anyway. Removing him from her life could be considered a positive step towards getting over him. The loss of her friend was what was hurting her.  
  
She spent most of her free time with Maerzen these days. As it turned out, he was well read himself and enjoyed many of the same plays she did. His interpretations varied from hers, but that just gave them something to discuss. He was also the first person who had ever given her a challenge at chess. He still lost, but it took him more than ten turns to do it. Eventually, she got sick of calling him by his last name and gradually phased in addressing him as Alucier. He was sweet, intelligent and wickedly sarcastic.  
  
But he wasn't Allen. He never told her anything about his family or his past. She never spoke beyond the safe subjects of books and news.  
  
Some of that news was on the topic of Allen. He had settled in nicely in his new home, prompting Eries to ask Maerzen if maybe one day he could take there - out of curiosity about where her guard lived, of course. They hadn't gone yet, but after her request, Maerzen did start relaying more information about Allen to her. Including whenever Allen had asked about her.  
  
He didn't do it as often as she would have liked, but it was something.  
  
News of Marlene came from the same source. Her hermetic ways hadn't changed since getting her new guard. According to Maerzen, Allen didn't speak of her much, only to say how she was doing and that he found her to be a charming if not somewhat elusive person. To Eries, that meant one of two things - either Marlene had decided to back off on her interest in Allen or she was just playing coy.  
  
Perhaps she would find out today. Millerna had been making noise about having another picnic with her sisters and now that in was the month of Yellow, the weather had improved enough to have one that would be much more enjoyable than the last.   
  
The weather wasn't the only thing that had gotten warmer. The council had finally reached a decision on how to deal with Freid that wasn't too militaristic or greedy. The two countries were now in the process of signing treaties, which meant Eries was now free of the multi-hour sessions that had taken up so much of her early spring. Now that she actually had the time for it, Eries found she was looking forward to this picnic. Allen's presence there would just be a nice bonus.  
  
They should have arrived at Marlene's villa several minutes ago, but the extra care Millerna had taken in picking out her outfit for the day had set back their departure from the palace. The youngest princess was understandably excited by the outing. She had been waiting for this and she hadn't seen Marlene since the eldest sister had emerged from the villa to celebrate Millerna's birthday a few weeks ago. As the trio of Eries, Millerna and Maerzen made their way to the outskirts of Palas where the villa lie, the littlest princess went on animatedly about everything from the market stalls they passed by to the small animal her tutor had let her dissect yesterday. Eries elbowed Maerzen in the ribs when he commented that he hoped she had washed her hands.  
  
Finally, they reached the villa where they were greeted by a maid who told them Marlene and Allen were waiting for them out back. Millerna took off straight away; Eries took her time. She could see the two of them through a window sitting on a bench together, closer then need be. When Millerna appeared, Marlene jumped up as if startled. As if she had been caught in the middle of something. Eries hastened her way to the veranda.  
  
Marlene was showing off the spread the servants had prepared and made sure to point out there was more than enough if the two Caeli chose to join the princesses in their meal. There was already a fourth glass out for Allen. His decision had been made in advance. Eries offered to get the fifth one for Maerzen before he had a chance to say anything.  
  
"I'll show you where they are," Allen said. No one mentioned it would be easier just to have a servant fetch the glass as the two went back into the villa, although Maerzen looked like he thought something was off.  
  
"Here, I don't think he'd want a wine glass," Allen said as he handed her a plain looking cup.  
  
"No, Alucier won't even drink vino while on duty."  
  
"It's Alucier now, is it?"  
  
"Well, I have spent a lot of time with him. It seems silly to call him by his surname."  
  
"It is the proper way for royalty to address a Caeli, but, as I recall, you're not one for formalities."  
  
"Yes." Eries looked at her reflection in the glass.  
  
"It's been awhile, Eries."  
  
"You've been busy with your new duties. So…how do you like your post?"  
  
"Not a lot of action to it. The most excitement I've had is a cook leaving some meat too long on the fire and the villa filling with smoke."  
  
"So it's about as engaging as a council meeting, then?"  
  
"No, not that bad. Your sister's been good company."  
  
"Really." Her reflection wavered as she began to turn the glass about in her hands.  
  
"I didn't know what to make of her at first. You two are so dissimilar. You're so stoic and independent."  
  
"And Marlene?"  
  
Allen placed his hands over hers. The glass stopped turning. "Eries, there's something I want to tell you. Something I think you should know. About your sister. Your sister and…you see, Princess Marlene… Marlene, that is…she…"  
  
If it had to be said, nothing was served by dragging it out. "She's quite taken with you," Eries supplied.  
  
"…Yes."  
  
"And you're quite taken with her."  
  
"…Yes."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"I just thought you should know."  
  
She could have thrown the glass at him. Why did he think she would want to know? Why did he want her to know? "Do you want my blessing?" she demanded.  
  
"No, it's not like that. Not yet."  
  
"But in the future?"  
  
"I don't know." He grasped her hands tighter. Her fingers pinched against the glass. "There's a sadness in Marlene. You've had to have seen it."  
  
And it was so clear to her then.   
  
"Yes, I see…"  
  
***  
  
Yellow quickly turned into Orange and with the new month came the greatest of Asturia's celebrations - the anniversary of the establishment of the monarchy. The week leading up to the event was a flurry of preparations by both nobles and commoners alike. Visitors streamed in and out of the palace on guided tours. All the theaters switched to patriotic plays and restaurants overflowed with partiers. All the markets opened and displayed only their best wares. There was at least one parade a day going on in some part of the capital.   
  
But all those activities served as a preamble to the main event. The Dacian Ball, so named after Asturia's first king, was the ball of the year. The palace staff literally spent months organizing for it. After all the planning was finished and approved, there were countless tasks to be done. The invitation of foreign dignitaries, the cleaning of the entire palace, the composition of artwork and operas to commemorate the past year, these were but a few of them. Anyone who held any sort of influence or power fought to attend.  
  
Except for the first and second princess of Asturia. As they watched this evening's guests enter the main ballroom, they compared their lists of places they'd rather be.  
  
"I've got a good one," Marlene said. "You remember that house way up in the mountains mother took us to that one summer? The view was incredible. And the air! So crisp you could almost taste it."  
  
Eries smiled. She did remember that trip. It was shortly before Queen Therese became pregnant with Millerna. Marlene had taught her how to swim in the lake the house sat near.  
  
"You win," Eries conceded.   
  
Marlene rewarded her by returning her smile. Eries could tell it was genuine. It was odd - odd, but extremely gratifying - to see her like this. Marlene wasn't acting happy, she was happy. That she even mentioned, let alone fondly recalled, something about their mother was proof of that.   
  
There was truth to the old saying. What a difference time could make.   
  
What a difference Allen had made.  
  
Eries didn't know the exact nature of Marlene's relationship with him. She didn't want to know. She did know the two were something more than friends and that was enough. Eries still felt a pang when she saw him and suspected she always would, but seeing Marlene with Millerna, trying to decide which lady had on the prettiest gown, she could take solace in knowing she had made the munificent choice.  
  
***  
  
It was late. The ball was coming to a close. Many guests had already retired for the night. Surprisingly, Eries had stayed the entire time. She had made her rounds through the nobles, danced more than she had ever danced before and even convinced Maerzen to share a glass or two (or more) of vino with her. Her father was thrilled. Eries had never been in such a mood during a ball. Even better was the warmth that radiated from Marlene. He felt as if he had his daughter back.  
  
As he said goodnight to all his daughters, he took aside Eries and Marlene and told them how pleased he was. Eries took a perverse delight in knowing who was the cause of Marlene's turnaround and had to stifle a giggle. Honestly, she was feeling tipsy.  
  
She was glad when Maerzen appeared to escort her back to her room. Marlene had left just a few minutes earlier with Allen and she wasn't sure she could make it on her own. She didn't even mind the jokes Maerzen made about her condition.  
  
They had gotten to the fountain in the courtyard when she realized the silk shawl she had started the evening with was no longer with her. It had been her mother's.   
  
"I was getting warm," she explained.  
  
"Uh, huh. More like flushed. Look, stay here and I'll be right back. Try not to fall over."  
  
She sat down on by the fountain and waited for Maerzen's return. She thought she heard voices, but dismissed them. Then she heard them again. She shook her head. Those two should almost be back to the villa by now.  
  
Eries weaved her way over to the source. They were obscured by a trellis of roses, but it was definitely Marlene and Allen. The light of the moons seemed to make them shine.  
  
They were facing each other, holding hands, talking. Eries inched closer.  
  
Marlene wrapped her arms around Allen's neck and leaned against him. Allen brushed his gloved hands through her hair. And then they kissed.  
  
When Maerzen came back to the fountain, Eries was making small waves in the water with her hand. He thought she was still inebriated, but he was wrong. Eries could not have been more sober.  
  
***  
  
Rambling Author's Notes - Now that wasn't so painful, was it? Eh, except maybe that last section, but that was so short. Anyway, I'm hoping all of this chapter is nice and coherent. The majority of it was written while I was laboring under the onus of an inner ear infection and in case you're not familiar with those, THEY S*U*C*K. THEY SUCK HARD. Nothing like being so dizzy, all you can do is lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and marvel at how trippy it is that it's tilting and spinning all on its own. Toss in a doctor who refuses to prescribe anything for it and you've got a recipe for pure suckage. But enough whining, on to stupid factoids no one cares about. I try to be as accurate as I can when using dates and names. Allen's induction date comes from Marlene's diary. Millerna's birthday is in April, yada, yada, yada. I have no idea how long the Caeli have been around or who the first king of Asturia was. I just flipped through the dictionary until I came across a name I liked. Fake history is fun.  
  
Next up: Everyone Meets the Duke of Freid (uh-oh!!!!) 


	9. Everyone Meets the Duke of Freid

The Secret Life of a Girl  
  
Chapter IX: Everyone Meets the Duke of Freid  
  
  
  
"You're going away?" Eries slouched against the wall of the hallway, attempting to look as nonchalant as she could. She didn't want her question to sound like the "you're leaving me?" that it really was.  
  
"One of my sisters is getting married and I have some leave saved up. I'll be back in two weeks." Maerzen tried to be reassuring. A casual Eries was such a rare and therefore, alarming sight. Especially in light of how tense she had been the past month and a half. "I'll get you a souvenir."  
  
"And what would a souvenir from Dunhaven entail? Fertilizer? A pitchfork?"  
  
"Like I would ever give you something pointy. And don't make fun of farming towns, your highness - unless you would like to start growing your own food. And for the record, Dunhaven is one of the richest areas in rural Asturia. Do you really think I'd be accepted into high society otherwise?"  
  
"Sorry. I didn't mean to be one of the palace snobs. I know your family owns more land than what Palas covers. Still, I have a hard time picturing you as a happy, little farmer."  
  
Maerzen laughed. "As did I. Hence my intense study of swordplay ever since I was old enough to pick up a sword without falling over. My parents understood. My oldest sister, Damise, has always had her heart set on taking over the family business anyway."  
  
"Hmm, parents that let you do whatever you want, how remarkable."  
  
"Yeah, you have it rough," Maerzen countered with his usual sarcasm.  
  
"No, no, you're right," Eries admitted. "I'm usually the one explaining that very thing to Marlene. Although, I guess I'll be in for a bit of a hardship considering I'll be without my guard for awhile."  
  
"If you get lonely, I have two roommates that can feebly attempt to replace me."  
  
"Two?" Maerzen had mentioned having more than one spare room, but Allen was the only roommate she had heard of.  
  
"For some reason, I've agreed to let Revius take the free bedroom. I think it was the opportunity to mock him daily as he went off to work in his palace guard uniform."  
  
Eries made a mental note to visit the south wing of the palace where Revius was stationed. Seeing Revius wearing the feather hat of the guard alone would be worth enduring his blunt efforts at charming her. But that brought up a question. "I thought only Caeli lived over Tuvello's?"  
  
"It's pretty much a given that the next slot that opens up goes to Revius, so that's not really an issue. Plus, uh, the Caeli that do live there don't do so for free. As it turns out, there's a distinct disadvantage to insisting to your wealthy parents that you can live perfectly fine on your own without any help from them."  
  
"I'm sure you'll make it."  
  
"And I'm sure you'll be able to negotiate the dangers of sitting around and talking all day without me."  
  
Except I won't have anyone to talk to, she thought. Eries was coming to accept her practice of isolationism was having some drawbacks. Without Maerzen, she had a very short list of people to associate with. There was her father, but her contact with him was mostly limited to council meetings. Millerna and she got along well enough, but they couldn't be called close. They were simply too disparate to bond overly much. Playing parlor games and discussing Marlene was the full extent of their relationship. As for Marlene, Eries hadn't seen her older sister or Allen since the Dacian Ball. Technically, she had seen them. She had seen them standing together at the end of a hallway, leaning in close and whispering the gods only knew what between each other. She had seen them and promptly sped down the opposite end of the hallway as fast as her dress would allow. She had already accepted the drawbacks of her altruism towards Marlene.  
  
A trip to the south wing suddenly didn't sound like such a joke anymore.  
  
***  
  
It was a disaster. The air pirates that had attacked the Asturian convoy to Freid left no survivors and took any and all supplies with even the tiniest of value. The leviships that had comprised the convoy had been so badly damaged, only the levistones from them were salvageable. Between the loss of life, ships and material goods, Asturia had taken a significant blow. Making matters worse, the convoy had been in Freidian airspace when it was besieged. As part of the agreement to send relief with Freid, that country was to provide protection for all Asturian vessels while they were within its borders.  
  
Needless to say, King Aston was not thrilled by the incident. He was even less thrilled with the Freidian diplomat that was now standing before the council and trying to explain to Asturia exactly what had happened.  
  
Eries was almost beginning to feel sorry for the hapless dignitary. He stammered as he tried to find words that would soothe the considerable anger in the room. He wasn't having much luck. Several of the council members had suffered personal losses from the attack. They were not merely financial either. Meiden Fassa had lost his most trusted assistant and another councilman's son had served as the captain of one of the doomed leviships.  
  
After an hour of flailing about, the diplomat made one final, desperate attempt. "Perhaps my words would have more meaning if they came from the Duke himself. If you could but see the regret he feels for this horrible incident, you could understand how much Freid feels for your kingdom."  
  
"Really?" King Aston questioned ominously. "If the Duke cares so much, why is it that he sent you in his stead?"  
  
The diplomat looked lost for but a second before recovering. "I assure you, he did want to come, sire. He did want to come, but unfortunately, he was tied up with business in the capital. As soon as it is possible, he will leave Godashim and travel here to Palas to give you his most sincere regrets."  
  
"You mean as soon as you get word to him that he has to come." Eries heard one of the councilmen mutter. Eries couldn't help but notice the man's continuous use of the word "regret". It was the political way to say you're sorry without actually having to admit you did anything to be sorry about. She knew her father would be taking note of it too. Taking note, and not liking it. When the Duke finally got here, he would have to talk a lot more eloquently or a lot more meaningfully than his ambassador had. More likely, he would have to do both.  
  
"Very well then," King Aston said, he tone even darker. "I await the Duke's arrival."  
  
Eries shuddered. This was going to be bad - very, very bad.  
  
***  
  
"I don't understand. If Freid owes us, why is Father making such a show of welcoming him?"  
  
"In other words, Marlene," Eries said, "You want to know why you have to be here."  
  
"Precisely," Marlene answered. She had protested when the messenger had come to the villa informing her that she would have to be present for the Duke's arrival at the leviship port. She was aware of and felt for the people affected by the recent attack. She had both publicly and privately visited churches and prayed by the sides of her countrymen. She just didn't see any need for her to greet the leader of the country that many Asturians blamed for the mess.  
  
"I think this is Father's way of shaming Freid into making some sort of reparations, or a formal apology at the very least," Eries theorized. "We make a point of showing what a generous country we are and how nicely we treat our allies and then our ally feels that much worse for it."  
  
"I see. Asturia plays the poor martyr for now and reaps the benefits later."  
  
"Precisely."  
  
The two sisters returned their attention to the Freidian leviship. It had docked several minutes ago and there was still no sign of activity. An Asturian crew had set up an ornate gangplank between the ship and the pier that was reserved for the conveyance of only Asturia's most honored guests or the royal family itself. Knights from the palace, Allen among them, stood rigidly at attention at the end of the pier in anticipation of the Duke's impending appearance.  
  
But no one had come out of the ship. Already impatient, King Aston was starting to turn slightly red at what looked to be a snub.  
  
Marlene whispered to Eries, "I guess we shamed them so much, they don't want to come out."  
  
Before Eries could comment, a hatch opened on the side of the ship. A tall, harsh looking man dressed in armor and wearing a sword at his hip stepped out into the sun. Behind him, stood a small cadre of seemingly unarmed monks. Eries assumed the man to be the Duke of Freid and the monks to be his honor guard.  
  
She had no idea who the group of men who came after them could be. There were more monks, this time armed with spears, and they flanked another group of ragged looking men all bound in chains. A murmur arose as everyone gathered began to speculate at what could possibly be going on.  
  
After a dramatic march to the pier, the tall man stood before King Aston and in a deep voice, explained everything to the stunned crowd. "Greeting, Grava Aston, King of Asturia. I, Mahad dal Freid, express my utmost gratitude for the warm reception you have given me today and for the magnanimous treatment your fair country has shown us in the past. I also wish to give you my apologies for the terrible incident that occurred recently. Our military was not prepared for the sudden attack. It will not happen again. And although this cannot begin to compensate you for your loss, I offer you this small token." At that, the Duke gestured towards the group of chained men. "These are the air pirates that attacked your convoy. We have hunted them down and brought them here to you so that they may be punished according to your laws. I must apologize again for the delay in disembarking, but it was so we could secure these prisoners."  
  
Eries gasped. Everyone in the crowd gasped. No one could have predicted this. An apology? An admission of guilt? The perpetrators on a silver platter? What sort of man was this Duke of Freid?  
  
Even Marlene was impressed. "They certainly apologize in style in Freid," she remarked.  
  
King Aston coughed out an awkward but passable acceptance of Duke Freid's apology and unexpected gift. It was more than Eries could have done. She was still gawking when a group of knights, joined by a few monks, led the pack of air pirates off to the palace prison. She had grown so accustomed to the petty bickering and backhanded power plays of the council, she wasn't sure what to make of man who spoke plainly and acted boldly. Her instincts said to like him.  
  
King Aston's political instincts told him much the same thing. The people who had come to watch were originally drawn by the promise of seeing their king make this foreign duke crawl. Now that the man had openly and freely admitted Freid's culpability and hand-delivered the rouges who had committed the atrocity, those same people were looking at the Duke with appreciation if not open admiration. A good king was always sensitive to the moods of his people.  
  
So he decided to keep the show going a little longer. With a flourish of his right hand, he showed Duke Fried the royal carriages that would take them back to the palace. Behind his back with his left hand, he made the abrupt gesture that told his daughters to come over and to be quick about it.  
  
They went through the typical routine of introductions and bows. King Aston excused Millerna's absence by explaining she was suffering through a summer cold. The Duke made a wish for the youngest princess's swift recovery, but his real interest seemed to be the well-being of Aston's oldest daughter. More than once, his gaze strayed back to Marlene as King Aston described the itinerary for the Duke's visit. Eries didn't think much of it. Male dignitaries taking a second look at Marlene was just another part of the typical routine. King Aston wasn't so dismissive. A good king was also sensitive to whatever possibilities that presented themselves.  
  
At least Duke Freid acknowledged Eries. He complimented her along with Marlene, subtly mentioning their beauty and manner as if he could sense their dislike for the disingenuous (in Eries' opinion) fawning they normally received. King Aston was the one who was ignoring Eries. He boarded the lead carriage and invited Duke Freid and Marlene to join him. Eries was already on the carriage step when her father tersely told her to take the second one. He didn't quite slam the door in her face.  
  
"What was that about?"  
  
Eries turned to see Allen. Of course, he hadn't been allowed in the first carriage either. Eries knew her father's dislike of him was behind that. She just couldn't figure out why she had been excluded.  
  
She wouldn't let it bother her though. She had enough to worry about. She was now facing a fifteen-minute carriage ride with the one person she most wanted to alternately avoid and talk to.  
  
"I'm sure Father just wanted his space. How would it look to Duke Freid if we all crammed ourselves into one carriage? Anyway, I think we should be going."  
  
Allen held the door for her. She was pretty sure if he had been Maerzen, he would have joked about shutting the door on her. After which, he would have shut the door on her. He might have even slipped in a remark about King Aston needing space. But Allen wasn't and he only told her to watch her step.  
  
For a minute, Eries thought it would just be the two of them, but then she saw one of her fellow council members signaling for the carriage to wait. Allen had to have seen him too, but the next she knew, the carriage was starting off after Allen had told the driver to leave. Out of the back window, Eries could see the confused nobleman waving and shouting frantically.  
  
"I think we forgot someone," she said. "Lord Millay, specifically. His official title is arch-chancellor. He's in charge of all of Asturia's finances. He's a very important person."  
  
"Do you want to go back and get him?"  
  
The last time she had had a conversation with Lord Millay, he had detailed for her the fine art of setting interest rates on loans. She told Allen no. "There'll probably be another carriage along shortly. If not, it might be good for him to walk."  
  
"Judging from how red he's getting just by jumping up and down like that, you're probably right."  
  
Eries smiled. "I think he's more upset about being left behind. He doesn't like being ignored."  
  
"No one does, Eries."  
  
Nothing like a loaded comment from Allen to wipe the smile of her face. It wasn't too hard to decipher that this one was aimed at her.  
  
"I thought you and Marlene would appreciate the time alone together," she said weakly.  
  
"You're her sister. You're my friend. We were both close to you not that long ago."  
  
"I don't care for playing the odd man out."  
  
"You don't have to be alone. What about Alucier?"  
  
"Alucier? What? You think I…He's my guard, Allen. Anything more would be - " she cut herself off too many words too late.  
  
"That's it, isn't it? You don't approve?"  
  
Honestly, she would have had to answer him no. But it wasn't a princess and her knight she disapproved of; it was *that* princess and her knight. Before she had seen them kiss, she had convinced herself she could accept them and be happy for them. And she was - in a small, reasoned piece of her heart that understood that Marlene needed him more than she did. The much larger, messier whole of her being only understood that she wanted something she could not have.  
  
"You don't need my approval, Allen."  
  
"Maybe not, but that doesn't mean I don't want to have it." He continued in a pleading whisper. "I know it's not proper. It's probably not even right. But it's what we both need and I want you to understand."  
  
It was odd hearing him echo her thoughts like that - odd, frustrating and satisfying all in one. Need. Want. Understand.  
  
Maybe everyone else was as lost as she was.  
  
***  
  
King Aston's initial plan had been to greet the Duke warmly in front of the people and then rake the man over the coals once they were out of the public eye. Given that and how hastily a more pleasant schedule for the visit had been thrown together, it was a surprise how much Duke Freid did, in fact, enjoy the busy week. Even more surprising was his announcement that he wanted to extend his stay for another.  
  
King Aston seemed elated by the decision, leaving Eries to ponder why. Her father had spent but a few days in the Duke's company, often excusing himself to attend to council business. He excused Eries as well. The meetings were the usual business, hardly containing anything that would justify her and her father's absence by their guest's side, but Eries had to believe her father knew what he was doing.  
  
Duke Freid didn't have to go all the parties and shows alone, though. With Millerna just starting to finally to get over her cold, Marlene had picked up the slack and played hostess. She confided to Eries that she felt she owed it to their father to do it. He had treated her well during a time that she had been extremely difficult to deal with, from letting her flee palace life for the villa to his inadvertent gift of Allen as her guard. It wasn't that much of a chore anyway. She thought Duke Freid was a bit stiff, but kind underneath his severe appearance. Besides, she had added with a laugh, it was sort of fun going out to all these places with Allen, even if to everyone else, he was just there as protection. Or maybe, she speculated, the real fun was in the fact that everyone thought of him as nothing more than a guard.  
  
Eries could only assume that Marlene and Allen knew enough to be discreet around the Duke. He may be a foreigner here for just a week or two, and not care one way or the other about the activities of Asturia's oldest princess, but if he ever said anything to King Aston… She knew that Marlene enjoyed having her secrets. She also knew that her sister wasn't particularly good at keeping them.  
  
She would find out tonight. Her father had passed word to her that Duke Freid would like for her to come along for a night at the opera. Eries wished the invitation had gone to King Aston or Millerna. Her father was the one who loved opera. Millerna liked the sets and costumes. Despite her love of the theater, Eries merely tolerated opera. She was also puzzled why the Duke would want her there and why her father went along with it. First of all, the Duke had had little contact with her and Eries' social reputation wasn't of the sort that inspired people to seek out her company. Secondly, going out with Marlene meant going out with Allen and that was something her father went to lengths to avoid. There were third and fourth and fifth points too, but the more she thought about it, the less she understood it and the more it nagged at her. It was best just to stop trying to figure it out and enjoy the evening. Duke Freid would occupy a good deal of Marlene's time, leaving Allen free. As their conversation in the carriage had proved to her, he still wanted her as a friend despite his relationship with Marlene. That was more than she expected after her constant avoidance of him over the past several months. And his friendship was better than nothing. As for her residual feelings for him…she would deal with them (most likely by telling them repeatedly to go away) when and if they surfaced.  
  
Eries sighed as she finished buttoning her gown. She was looking forward to tonight, opera and all, and she would not let any jittery feelings get in the way of that.  
  
A surprise knock on the door didn't help her nerves any.  
  
"Mina, is that you? It's another fifteen minutes until I have to leave," she called out. She did not want that damned attendant on her back. That would be an ill omen if there ever was one.  
  
Fortunately, it was just her father. When she let him into her room, he had the most peculiar air about him. Eries put an addendum to the list of things that puzzled her about tonight.  
  
"After I already relayed the Duke's invitation to you, I realized how little you appreciate the opera. But since you're already dressed for an evening out, perhaps you would rather go a play instead?"  
  
He wasn't asking so much as setting up his next statement. Eries had only sounded out the "y" in "yes" before he continued on. "But you would need a guard with you, yes? And Maerzen is away, correct?"  
  
Eries waited for him this time. He wasn't truly talking to her anyway, but instructing her on what she would be doing.  
  
"Duke Freid has his own guards if he needs them. Why don't you take Marlene's guard for the night? Duke Freid and Marlene can go to the opera alone. I think that will be best for everyone."  
  
Finished with his piece, King Aston left. Eries was dumbfounded. Her father knew full well who Marlene's guard was. What was he thinking?  
  
Things had gone from odd to completely bizarre.  
  
***  
  
"You look lovely tonight. I hope I didn't keep you waiting long."  
  
Eries didn't respond to Allen's comments. Instead, she went straight through formalities and went to the question that could no longer be ignored. "What is going on? I was supposed to be going to the opera tonight, but at the last minute, Father decides to send me to a play with you instead. That doesn't make any sense. Father doesn't like you." Prompted by the look Allen gave her, she amended slightly, "I mean, Father doesn't like you, a male my own age, escorting me as opposed to Alucier, who's seven years older."  
  
"I think I know what you mean." Allen seemed troubled by the revelation, but not surprised. And not outraged either. Given the circumstances, that would be more than a little hypocritical. He shook his head and explained to Eries as much as he knew. When he had arrived at the palace with Marlene, he had been informed of the change in plans. Allen had questioned it, but the Duke insisted that he had spoken with King Aston and that this is what they had agreed upon.  
  
"When did my father speak with the Duke? He hasn't spent hardly any time at all with him the entire time he's been here."  
  
Allen shrugged. "I got the impression that the two had spoken frequently. Duke Freid seemed on familiar terms with your father. He did call him by his first name."  
  
This wasn't right. She had been on the council for nine months now. Her father trusted her, relied on her. She hadn't achieved Meiden Fassa or Lord Millay levels of influence, but he took her into confidence on things while leaving other, more experienced councilmen in the dark. It took her aback to learn he was holding private meetings with Duke Freid. She couldn't imagine the nature of such meetings. Obviously, they were on friendly terms, but if they were discussing the business of their countries, shouldn't they be doing that in front of the council?  
  
Her father had been acting strangely since the Duke had arrived. Shutting her out of the carriage ride, leaving it up to Marlene to accompany the Duke wherever he went, revoking the Duke's invitation to the opera and sticking Allen with her…  
  
Eries could have slapped herself. The pattern was so clear, she didn't know how she had missed it. Everything her father had done up to this point was done so that the Duke and Marlene would be together. Now, the two men were sharing secret, friendly chats…  
  
The only thing left to figure out is why King Aston had picked Duke Freid. What could that country have to offer that was worth the hand of a princess? She couldn't think of anything. With its food shortage, Freid was dependent on Asturia, not the other way around.  
  
Maybe she was wrong. As Allen took her arm to lead her to the theater, completely unaware of what could be transpiring, she fervently hoped she was.  
  
***  
  
Eries went to the play determined not to worry. Her intention was to spend one peaceful, relaxed evening with her friend and nothing more. She didn't have a sister named Marlene. There was no Duke of Freid. There was only the theater and Allen. And some overdressed noblewoman wearing a monstrous hat with what Eries hoped was a replica of some exotic bird and not the real thing pasted to the side. Green and yellow chintz served as an artistic representation of a tree for the bird. Eries supposed the pale blue of the rest of the hat was meant to be the sky. It was a spectacularly hideous piece of headgear. She and Allen stared at it in a mixture of bafflement, horror and increasingly childish humor. They couldn't help themselves. The bird was taking up the entirety of both their views, flapping its wings with every movement of the woman's head. They both knew better than to look at each other. It was hard enough not to laugh now, that would send them over the edge.  
  
"I know you don't like flaunting your status…" Allen started.  
  
"But if it gets us different seats, I will invoke every title ever given to me not to mention my father's and his father's before him," she finished.  
  
Allen located the manager of the theater and with minimal name-dropping, the two of them were relocated to a private balcony overlooking center stage. It was a nice set-up. Plush chairs, dim lighting, a velvet curtain behind them and the railing in front of them designed so that they could see everyone and no one could see them. Eries suddenly knew why her father had procured such mediocre seats for her in the first place.  
  
No, she didn't have a father tonight either. Things were going to well for that. The ridiculousness of the hat had eased the tension considerably she had felt around Allen, leaving her with the memory of the comfort she had felt when she had told him about her mother. Having it within reach again made her realize how foolish she had been to let it go out of insecurity.  
  
She nestled into her seat and gave Allen a sidelong glance. He didn't notice her examination of him; he was thumbing through the playbill. To her surprise, Allen said he had both read and seen the play, an obscure piece from a foreign playwright, before.  
  
"Mother used to bring us into town on market days, but instead of shopping all day, she would take us to a play. Her mother had ingrained the theater into her, I guess she was trying to do the same. My grandmother was an actress before my grandfather married her. Her real name was Livia, but most everyone knew her by her stage name - Lili deCrane. It was the biggest scandal to hit that family until my mother encountered my father."  
  
"Lili deCrane? I've heard of her! She gained fame doing burlesque in Egzardia before coming here to do legitimate theater. She had quite a reputation." Eries blushed. "I mean as a good actress, not the burlesque…"  
  
Allen smiled good-naturedly. "As I said, it was a scandal."  
  
Eries watched the curtain rise with a laugh playing on her lips. Another secret from Allen, another piece of him he had given to her. A fairly shocking piece at that. Maybe his maternal grandmother was the source of Allen's great ease with the opposite sex. Certainly, the legacy of Lili was helping Eries achieve her goal of a relaxed evening. If the birdwoman had broken the ice, Lili had melted it completely.  
  
Eries too had seen the play before, but the troupe performing tonight was known for its unique interpretations and they did not disappoint. She was intrigued by the choices some of the actors made, particularly the one in the lead role of the heroine. Others were less interested. In addition to the play, she had the entertainment value of smacking Allen every twenty minutes or so to wake him up. He claimed he was only resting, but never once did the highly trained knight give any sign of anticipating one of her blows.  
  
She didn't have to hit him when the final curtain call was over. The applause from the audience roused him while Eries regarded him amusedly. "Long day?" was all she said to him.  
  
"I said I read the play before. I didn't say that I liked it."  
  
Gods, it was good to have her friend back.  
  
***  
  
She should have known it wouldn't last. She and Allen walked back to the palace slowly, on the longest route there was, catching up on the months that had passed. Allen was in mid-sentence of a horror story involving Revius' first night at the flat when they arrived back, Marlene and the Duke waiting for them. Duke Freid was as at ease as Eries had seen the man, but Marlene had that look about her that Eries had come to know, and see through, well. She was in "happy princess" mode - amiable and sweet on the outside, dying to just get the hell away on the inside. Eries was forced to recall her earlier misgivings. Had Marlene picked up on their father's mechanizations as well?  
  
She had no time to ask. Marlene thanked the Duke for a nice evening and took off with Allen back to the villa citing that she felt she was coming down with Millerna's cold.  
  
The Duke took it upon himself to escort Eries back to her room. They walked in silence all the way to the third flight of stairs that led to the floor that housed the royal bedchambers.  
  
As they were ascending, Duke Freid finally spoke. "Your sister, she's rather charming." His tone was leading. He clearly had a specific topic in mind.  
  
"Yes, she's known for the grace of both her beauty and manner." Eries kept her own voice neutral. She had more than a vague idea what that topic was.  
  
"She does know her duty as a princess."  
  
Her duty… Eries had to give the man credit. He had detected Marlene's act with only a week's exposure. Her sister had snowed all of the Asturian court, save her family, for much, much longer.  
  
"I hear from your father that the two of you are close."  
  
"We can be. I haven't spoken much to her this summer. You've been speaking with Father a lot then?"  
  
"We have. We have."  
  
"Can I assume these talks were centered around Marlene?"  
  
The Duke laughed. Eries was surprised how deep, how rich it was. "Your father warned me about you. He said very little gets by your attention. Truthfully, I wanted you at the opera tonight because I thought you might be of some help. I thought the presence of her sister might put Marlene more at ease. As good as a hostess as she's been, I've always sensed it was a strain on her. But once your father considered it, he thought it would be best if you weren't there. He thought you would see right through to my intentions. That would be why there was a last minute change of plans. That and it was nice not to have her guard hovering about. I mean no offense to your Caeli, Princess, but it's a bit unsettling to be chaperoned by a boy less than half your age."  
  
The irony was too much. First, she had fallen in love with the "boy". Then her sister had seen him and Eries, already ambivalent about her own feelings, had stepped out of the way so said sister could get over her depression. Now that Marlene and Allen were together and happy, Marlene had become lively enough again to attract a suitor who was now standing before Eries, dismissing Allen as little more than a child and essentially asking her to help him in his pursuit of Marlene, which, if successful, would leave Allen free again.  
  
It had been easier not to laugh at the birdwoman.  
  
It started out as an indelicate snicker, and then graduated to peals of laughter that shook her tall frame. Seeing the profound confusion on the Duke's face - King Aston had not warned him about anything like this - made her laugh that much deeper. Eventually, tears started welling in her eyes, a pain developed in her side. It was an acute reminder that what she was laughing at wasn't funny in the least.  
  
"I'm sorry," she said, trying to find an excuse for her hysterics. "It's been a long, perplexing day and I think it best if I bring it to a close now."  
  
The Duke excused her, still not quite sure what to make of the outburst but far too much of a gentleman to pry. Eries slunk into her room and collapsed onto her bed. She wasn't sure either where it had come from but was thankful for the release. Being able to laugh at a situation so convoluted and so potentially harmful to everyone involved had to count for something.  
  
It wasn't until she was on the verge of drifting off to sleep that she realized she had said nothing to dissuade Duke Freid of his romantic notions.  
  
***  
  
Feeling guilty for not helping Marlene more, Eries resolved to find the Duke and have another talk with him after she had taken breakfast. That plan was put on hold, however, when a page knocked at her came to her door and announced that her presence was required at the council chambers immediately.  
  
Eries didn't know what to make of that. It was far too early for a normal session. Her father, never much of morning person, didn't like taking on business until after the noon hour. Something must have happened - something serious.  
  
Her curiosity was piqued even further upon reaching the council chamber. Her father was there, along with Lord Poniard and Lord Bradley - the two councilmen in charge of foreign affairs. The rest of the room was empty.  
  
Her father ushered her into the room while the two Lords regarded her with a polite respect that said they didn't think she belonged here but as the king's daughter, there was nothing they could do about it. Feelings of dread mingled into Eries' curiosity. This was serious.  
  
King Aston wasted no time. "As I've been explaining to Poniard and Bradley, I've talked privately to Duke Freid quite extensively over the past days. Due to our help, Freid is on its way to getting its strength back, but it's such a large country with so many people to feed, it's going to be a slow process. Of course, if Freid were to become a smaller country with less people, than that process would not take nearly as long. I haven't proposed anything formally to the Duke, but our talks have suggested he is open to the idea of Asturia annexing a few, remote parts of Freid so that the core of Freid can take better care of itself."  
  
Dread completely took over. One country handing over land to another was never done lightly. There was always an exchange of treaties and goods and, if at all possible, marriage vows between the ruling royalties. Eries wasn't here to agree to being part of the latter. She was here to say whether or not Marlene would do it. King Aston could hardly go to Duke Freid with his proposal only to have Marlene reject it.  
  
Her father walked over to the world map hanging on the south wall and began tracing his finger over a tract of land that ran between Asturia and Freid. "It doesn't seem like much. Yes, being as close to our country as it is, it's probably the most verdant land in Freid, but the rocky soil and its distance from central Freid prohibits it from being very useful to them. But just look at its location. Head north and there's Basram. Head south and there's Cesario. It could be very useful to us."  
  
Eries swallowed though her mouth was nearly dry. It would soon be her turn to speak.  
  
"Duke Freid won't give up this much land without an suitable offer from us. I'm prepared to broaden the scope of our relief shipments to Freid as well as sign additional treaties to strengthen our alliance. And as a symbol of our new unity, I will give Duke Freid Marlene's hand in marriage." He paused for effect, then turned to Eries. "You know your sister. Can I count on her compliance?"  
  
Eries met her father's look, trying to appear as thoughtful as possible. Marlene would object to being married off on principle. Being in love with another man wasn't going to make her saying yes to it more feasible. Why didn't King Aston just ask Marlene first? Why make Eries be the one to tell him no? But she knew the answer to that. When it came to the welfare of the kingdom, Eries was the practical one. She could see long-term plans and benefits. She knew that the role of a princess entailed more than smiling at parties. Her father believed that if Eries were in the same situation, she would say yes without hesitation. And he also believed that she was the best person to talk Marlene into being a dutiful little girl if the elder sister might be inclined otherwise.  
  
Too bad he was wrong on both counts. Eries couldn't do that to Marlene. Unable to tell her father this, she tried a bit of humor. "I thought dowries worked the other way around?"  
  
No one appreciated the joke. King Aston pressed her further. "Eries, I need to know before I go to Duke Freid."  
  
"I don't know," she stammered. "I would have to speak with her first." She was delaying the inevitable, but at the moment, she wanted nothing more than to get out of this room and off to the villa so that she could warn Marlene.  
  
King Aston frowned. He had anticipated Eries' support and was getting half- hearted attempts at humor in its place. "Never mind. I'll speak with her myself."  
  
He yelled for a page and immediately dispatched the man to the villa with a summons for Marlene. Eries wouldn't be able to warn her after all.  
  
As she watched her father leave the room in a rush of anger, Eries couldn't shake the feeling that in her refusal to commit her sister to their father's plan, she had done Marlene a greater disservice than if she had just said yes.  
  
***  
  
Eries wasn't there for the meeting between Marlene and her father. She wasn't able to eavesdrop either, as she wasn't the only one standing outside her father's office. She doubted the assembled councilmen would be as easy to shoo away as handmaidens had proven to be. She saw Allen briefly and considered going after him to let him know what was transpiring, but he had been called away by a member of the palace guard before she had been able to reach him.  
  
With nothing else to do, she paced up and down the long hallway that led to the office door, pretending to inspect the sconces that lined the walls. Finally, Marlene and King Aston emerged.  
  
Marlene was unreadable, but the broad smile on King Aston's face spoke loudly and clearly for itself. Eries walked briskly to her sister's side.  
  
"I wanted to warn you," Eries explained in a low whisper, "but I had no time. What happened? What did you say?"  
  
Marlene looked straight down the hallway. "I did what I had to do."  
  
"What you had to do?! The way father's acting…you couldn't have agreed to it?"  
  
King Aston motioned for the sisters to come with him. Now that he had his answer from Marlene, he was prepared to proffer his arrangement to Duke Freid. Marlene moved to follow, but Eries held her back.  
  
"You said yes?" Eries asked one more time.  
  
Marlene brushed Eries' hand off her arm where her little sister had restrained her. "What else was I supposed to say? You're the one always lecturing about the responsibilities of a princess."  
  
"What about your responsibilities to - " Eries was cut off by her father repeating his request for the two to get moving. He was not used to repeating himself and it showed.  
  
The two princesses got the message and started up the hallway. But King Aston wasn't the only one starting to feel cross. Eries pulled on Marlene's arm once more. "Why didn't you just tell him no? What did he say to you? You were only in there for a few minutes."  
  
Marlene only ignored Eries' questions as they made the trip to the council chambers. In time, Eries gave up. Whatever reasons Marlene had for doing what she did, she was not sharing them and Eries' constant badgering was attracting attention.  
  
When the contingent of royalty and council members turned the corner, Duke Freid and a few of his own men waited for them outside the chamber doors. Eries used the ensuing change of salutations to make her escape from the crowd. These negotiations could take hours if not days and her small, poorly performed part was long over with. Neither her father nor Marlene needed anything more from her. She could think of someone else who would be needing her help shortly, though.  
  
Eries found a guard and asked where the Caeli with Marlene had gone. The guard responded that he had gone to the palace prison to assist with a transfer of prisoners. The air pirates were being sent to a camp on the outskirts of Asturia and the king had wanted security to be as tight as possible. All of which meant that Allen too would be gone for several hours.  
  
She wouldn't be able to do a thing for him either.  
  
***  
  
It took less than four hours for an agreement to be reached. Eries wiled away the time picking at the edge of an ancient tapestry that hung in her bedroom while reading through various reports from the council. All of them concluded that Asturia was in fine shape and didn't need any alliances or additional pieces of land way out on the border. Her father would undoubtedly find that protest far more amusing than her dowry remark.  
  
It was out of her hands anyway. King Aston had plotted the whole thing, Marlene had consented - it was not her problem. And with Marlene gone…  
  
She stopped that thought before it could get too far. Allen was facing the prospect of one more woman that he loved walking out of his life. He didn't need any of Eries' conflicted emotions thrown at him at the same time. Their friendship was based on support and that would be all that she would give him.  
  
As instructed, a page came for Eries as soon the negotiations were through. She brushed a small pile of thread remnants from her desk and got up to see what decision had been reached. The page gave the tapestry a questioning glance, but Eries sent him away with a steely glare. King Aston was gaining a son-in-law and piece of strategically located land today; he wouldn't care about a glorified carpet.  
  
The vino had already begun to flow by the time she reached the council chambers. Her father, Marlene and the Duke stood together at the head of the room, receiving the congratulations of the council members and other dignitaries. Eries passed Lord Ramkin as she went to join her newly increased family.  
  
"Sister!" she proclaimed, as she approached Marlene with her arms open, ready for an embrace. At the last second, she changed to only holding Marlene's hands and giving them a friendly shake. Normally, the two of them would have found this humorous. It was a gesture the two had worked out for parties to signify that the person one of them was greeting was an insufferable bore and the other should avoid them at all costs. Its meaning was not lost on Marlene today.  
  
Marlene returned the shake and pulled Eries closer. "Let me tell you about the engagement in private."  
  
The sisters made their way to an alcove where they thought they would have privacy. "All right, Marlene, let me hear all about your engagement," Eries said with an exaggerated thrill.  
  
"Eries, please," Marlene begged, "I don't need this right now. I told you I did what I had to do. I always knew something like this would happen. In the past few months, I thought I might be able to avoid it, but…your fate is your fate, I suppose."  
  
Eries bit her lip. The return of melancholy Marlene made this situation even worse. All of the progress, all of the sacrifice of the previous months had just been rendered moot. Marlene would go off to Freid and slink back into her depression. And Allen…Allen would most likely join her in one of his own.  
  
"Why didn't you tell Father no?" Eries demanded.  
  
"But I couldn't," Marlene answered in a moan.  
  
"Oh, don't give me that tragic sadness of yours. You weren't depressed, you were bored. And now that you're done playing with your pretty, little knight, you've moved on to a new toy," Eries snapped back at her. She knew it wasn't true, but the situation had her roiling.  
  
"Eries, no…that's not it at all." Marlene could only shake her head at her sister. The rage coming from her normally inexpressive sister was unexpected, inexplicable. She knew Eries was a close friend of Allen's, but…  
  
"Oh, no," Eries gasped. Her pale face lost what little color it had as she looked towards the door. Marlene turned to see what had horrified her so.  
  
Allen, his task with escorting the prisoners complete, had come to report to Lord Ramkin. He was talking amiably to his commanding officer, unaware as to what the informal party was about since he had just arrived.  
  
That quickly changed as King Aston proposed a toast. Glass of vino held high in a sign of triumph, his voice boomed across the room. "To the ever growing bond between Asturia and Freid. To the honorable Mahad dal Freid and to my beautiful daughter, Marlene Erisha. May their marriage be blessed by the gods!"  
  
Applause from the crowd drew Marlene back to the Duke's side. Eries clapped along, all the while maneuvering towards the door and Allen.  
  
But he was gone. All Eries could see of him was a wave of blue from his overskirt as he disappeared around the corner.  
  
Lord Ramkin must have noticed her concern for Allen. "Are you looking for Schezar, your majesty? He left suddenly. I think he might be coming down with one of those dreadful colds that are making their rounds about the palace. He looked rather ill there for a second."  
  
"Yes," Eries replied softly, "I imagine that he did."  
  
***  
  
Author's Notes - Oy, that was a long 'un. In my original outline, I actually had lumped this chapter together with the previous *two* chapters to form one grand chapter about Allen and Marlene's relationship. Yes, I was an idiot. And I had to force myself to keep this one as short as I did. Don't worry, all I cut out was some exposition about Revius moving in and a small talk between Allen and Eries. All and all, this was a pretty good chapter for Eries. She got her friend back, blew off some stress and her man's girlfriend got engaged to somebody else. Sucks to be everybody else though…  
  
Sorry about the delay in getting this chapter out. It wasn't my fault - blame Squaresoft. I didn't ask for Final Fantasy X to be released early. So between developing an unhealthy fixation on Auron and celebrating the holidays, writing took a back seat. You'll be happy to know that the next chapter is already half-written and, *gasp*, it's a relatively light hearted chapter. Of course, a lot of that has to do with the condition Allen's in. How will he ever respond to losing Marlene?  
  
Next up: Boy Gets Very, Very Drunk 


	10. Boy Gets Very, Very Drunk

The Secret Life of a Girl  
  
Chapter X: Boy Gets Very, Very Drunk  
  
Two days passed without either Eries or Marlene hearing anything from Allen. According to the guard that had replaced him at Marlene's side, he had sent word to Lord Ramkin that he was unwell and did not wish to expose the princess to his illness at a time when she should be celebrating. That excuse was accepted readily enough by his superiors - Lord Ramkin had thought he was sick to begin with - but it worried Eries. Being a knight, a Caeli, meant so much to Allen. Abandoning the duties of his post served as a signal of how deeply wounded he truly was.  
  
On the third day, Eries took the matter into her own hands. She wheedled her way out of the negotiations with Freid that had been going on almost continuously since the engagement was announced and sought out Revius. He lived with Allen; he should know how he was doing. But even after she bombarded him with question after question covering every little subtlety of speech and body language, she didn't have much more information than what she started with. Revius hadn't spoken to let alone seen Allen enough to make any judgment on his mood beyond thinking that something was troubling him. He couldn't say how Allen was spending his days. After the engagement party, Allen had come home, gone to his room and stayed there. He had only seen him three times since then. The first was to give Revius the note for Lord Ramkin that explained his absenteeism. The other two times, Allen was on his way down to Tuvello's. That was how Allen was spending his nights.  
  
She did not share this information with Marlene. Her sister had tried several times to ask Eries what she had heard of Allen, and each attempt was rebuffed by a tense "I don't know". What Eries would have liked to have said is "what do you care" but her years of emotional restraint kept her from revealing how intense her anger was. She didn't need Marlene asking her questions about why *she* cared so much.  
  
Marlene had made her choice after all, just as Eries had done a few months earlier. Let Marlene suffer with the consequences as much as she had.  
  
***  
  
Marlene wasn't about to let Eries off so easily. Everywhere that Eries went, Marlene was bound to be there waiting. She couldn't blame her sister for that though. King Aston had insisted that Marlene stay at the palace now that she was officially betrothed. To compensate for that demand, he let her sit in on the planning sessions for the wedding, which Eries, as the only female council member, in the grand logic of patriarchal Asturia, was forced to attend as a head of the planning committee. Aston was even generous enough let Marlene cast a vote for which country the wedding should be held in. Naturally, she chose Asturia. Eries didn't commit either way, instead giving a list of pros and cons that favored Freid by a decent margin. It wasn't an outright betrayal of her sister, but it did get the undecided leaning towards there rather than here. Marlene got the point. She looked at Eries with a pleading downturn of her mouth until Eries couldn't take it anymore and turned her  
attention to the task of crimping the edges of a list featuring the names of prominent foreign officials that should get invitations in the name of diplomacy. As far as Eries was concerned, the prime minister of Basram was welcome to attend because she certainly didn't want to. Eries didn't think she could take a traditional Asturian royal wedding. The last thing she wanted to see was Marlene and the Duke disembarking from their little gondolas to march between the perfect lines of twelve Caeli standing at attention.  
  
Eries hurried off as soon as the meeting was over, but it wasn't long until she heard the soft footfalls of her sister behind her. She steeled herself against the inevitable "Eries, please" that had become Marlene's calling card to her. Sure enough, the pitiful plea began to echo through the hallway. Eries had heard it enough that she thought she was immune, but there was an edge in it this time. The "please" was barely audible and in its quiet, spoke of regret and longing.  
  
It occurred to Eries that she didn't need to wish suffering on her sister. Marlene was inflicting enough on herself already. She slowed to allow Marlene to catch up with her.  
  
When they reached a secluded alcove, the two stopped and Marlene spoke. "Thank you," she said with relief. "I've been wanting to talk to you."  
  
"So I gathered." Eries' voice was cool but calm. She would let Marlene have her say.  
  
"Eries, you're the only one who knows about..." Marlene paused as she checked the hall for anyone who could overhear. Once she was sure their conversation was private, she continued, "my relationship with Allen. And I want you to understand something."  
  
I want you to understand. The last person to say that to Eries had been Allen, when he was trying to get her to accept that relationship. Eries clenched her fist, the tips of her fingers digging slightly into her palm. It kept her from lashing out at the woman who had seemingly thrown away everything that everyone had sacrificed so much to give to her.  
  
"I want you to understand," Marlene repeated, a little stronger this time, "That the last thing I wanted to do was hurt Allen. I wish more than anything that he could have found out about the engagement in better circumstances, but Father was so quick to announce it."  
  
"As you were so quick to agree to it." Eries looked away from Marlene. Her control was not what it needed to be.  
  
Marlene issued another "Eries please" but this one had a force to it that the others lacked. "I don't need this hostility right now. I feel bad enough as it is."  
  
"Oh, you feel bad. My sympathies."  
  
"Why are you so...Never mind. I know you're upset with me. I'm not terribly pleased with myself either. But I had no other choice but to agree with the engagement."  
  
"You could have said no." Eries' voice rose beyond the whispers the two sisters had been speaking in. The "no" resonated through the hall. Eries dug her nails in a little deeper.  
  
"I did say no. At first..." Marlene's voice left her. With it, went her control. She cast her head downwards, letting her hair fall across her face to cover the tears that were beginning to form. "I did say no..." she repeated softly.  
  
Eries was at a loss. She so seldom had any sort of emotional outbursts of her own, she didn't know how to handle them in other people. She unclenched her hand and brought it up to her chest. She should have extended it to Marlene, placed it on her shoulder in a show of sorority, but couldn't bring herself to try. Guilt, not fury, locked her arm in place. Marlene had come seeking solace and received recriminations instead.  
  
Why must I always be my sister's keeper? Eries asked herself even as she once again slid back into the role. "Tell me what happened, Marlene. What did Father say to you?"  
  
Marlene dabbed at the wetness in her eyes, using the time it took to better compose herself. "You know, I remembered thinking on those nights out at the theater and whatnot, that the Duke was going out of his way to be considerate and kind to me. I didn't pay it much mind at the time. I thought he was still trying to make up for the air pirates. I was too busy casting secret looks at Allen, anyway. But then that night we went to the opera and so much was made of getting rid of Allen, it started to sink in. He was trying to court me! Can you imagine that? All he had to do was make Father an offer, but the man actually wanted to court me first. It flattered and scared me all at once. That night at the villa, I went over everything he had ever said to me, trying to convince myself that I was wrong. I had to be wrong. I had finally found a man who truly loves and understands me and after just the briefest time together, Fate, no Father, was conspiring to take him away from me.  
Then Father summoned me to his study, and any hopes I had were dashed. Just from the way Father greeted me, I knew what was coming. He asked what I thought of the Duke. I told him the truth. I said he was a kind man, a good man but I would be relieved when he returned to Freid and my escorting duties were over with."  
  
"Father shook his head. `Is that all?' he asked. `Has he not treated you well? He's not some power hungry suitor, you know. You've charmed him completely. He cares for you.' He said more, but nothing I didn't already know or desired to face. Every word was just leading to the inevitable."  
  
Marlene paused in her narrative as two guardsmen strolled by. They bowed to the princesses and received two strained smiles for their efforts. Once they were safely out of view, Marlene slumped against the wall as if drained. Emotionally, she was - sufficiently enough that Eries had to plead with her to continue.  
  
"Finally, Father mentioned `his' proposal. I tried to put him off. I said I would think about it. He said the Duke was going back to Freid in a few days and I had no time. I asked why we couldn't let the Duke know when he was back home. Father claimed that wouldn't work. Freid was weak now. If we waited, the climate could change and they might no longer need us. So I sat up straight in my chair and in the boldest voice I could muster, I said, `Fine, you need your answer now? Your answer is no.' Father was not happy."  
  
Eries knew how upset King Aston had been at her for merely not committing to help him. She could not imagine how furious he was at Marlene for actually defying his wishes.  
  
"You know the dark quaver Father gets in his voice when he's angry but trying to pretend that he's calm? That's all I heard for the next five minutes. He demanded to know why. I said I didn't want to get married, that I wanted to stay in Asturia with my family. He explained that he understood, but at eighteen, I've already had more time with my family than most princesses got. Then he asked if I wanted to be with you all so much, why had I been hiding at the villa all summer. I didn't know how to answer him. Father was gracious enough to not press the point."  
  
"If only he had dropped the topic of marriage so easily. He kept saying, `He's a good man. You get along well with him. You like him, yes?' And I said, `Yes, I like him, but I don't love him.' As soon as it was out of my mouth, I knew I had misspoken. Father's expression changed. It might have been the way I said the word `love', but Father was suddenly suspicious. `Love for your husband will come later, Marlene. But is there something about now that you wish to tell me? Is there another reason why you're refusing me?' Again, I couldn't speak. Father was so close to the truth."  
  
A glimmer of understanding began to creep into Eries' mind. The truth would not have been good for anyone. Marlene might have been able to weather the fallout, but others would not be so lucky.  
  
"I just stared at him. I tried to get out, `Whatever do you mean?' but my voice cracked so badly, it was as if I had just confirmed his suspicions. He drummed his fingers along his desk and spoke very deliberately, `You were so sullen the past year, but recently, I, no everyone, couldn't help but notice how much your mood has improved. I didn't question it before. I was happy enough just to have the old Marlene back. But now, I think I have to ask.' I couldn't believe how harsh he sounded. I didn't think it could get any worse, but what he asked me next... `So tell me, Marlene,' he said, `What exactly have you been doing at the villa when that guard of yours goes home?' Even if it was just in passing, the reference to Allen panicked me. I might be able to deny everything now, but if Father were distrustful enough, he would do a full-scale investigation into the matter. And when he found out...So I did the only thing I could think of."  
  
"You said yes to get Father to back off," Eries supplied. "You let Allen go to protect him."  
  
Marlene nodded. It was just as Eries had surmised. With her story told, Marlene resumed the soft crying of before, "Please, Eries if you can think of anything..."  
  
Eries couldn't. She saw no way out of the situation as it was now. The Duke would be returning to Freid a few days hence with Marlene as his fiancée and nothing could stop it. Nothing logical. For a brief, terrifying moment, the notion that Marlene and Allen might run away together flickered across her thoughts, but Eries quickly squelched it. Allen might be foolish enough to try something so rash; Marlene would not be. Her decision to marry Duke Freid was based on the knowledge of the strength and scope of King Aston's grasp.  
  
Her apologies were all Eries could give to her sister. Marlene accepted them with but a single request. "Now that you understand, could you please do me one more favor? I don't know where Allen is. I don't know what he's doing. I don't see a way for me to get away from the palace long enough to find him, especially with the engagement party tonight. You've always been so good at disappearing from these things. Do you think you could find him? Make sure that he's all right?"  
  
"I'll do what I can."  
  
"Please, Eries. Take care of him for me."  
  
***  
  
The palace staff had outdone themselves in preparing for the party to formally announce the engagement. Double shifts and a sizable expense account had resulted in a menagerie of ice sculptures, a small garden's worth of flowers and enough food to feed the entire country. A string quartet was situated in a corner of the hall, playing soft, traditional Asturian ballads. At the head of the hall were two chairs reserved for the groom and bride to be. Above the chairs, hung a portrait of the couple painted by one of Asturia's most renowned artists. The artist stood near his work offering up apologies for its hasty composition. Duke Freid and King Aston were with him assuring him not to worry. The engagement had come together rather quickly and the portrait was excellently done. Duke Freid seemed quite taken with it in fact. His gaze lingered on the painted Marlene and the warm smile the artist had given her. A smile that he very much wished to see on the face of the real  
Marlene.  
  
He was not going to get his wish tonight though. When Marlene entered the hall, she had the same polite but slightly distant expression that had become her mask. She proffered a gracious "thank you" to all that congratulated her and even gave out a few mannered laughs to the especially enthusiastic well-wishers. A good performance for her, really, but a mechanical one. If one looked close enough, they could see her good cheer wasn't reflected in her eyes. Her voice was measured, precise and her words never went beyond the usual clichés about marriage. If one was observant enough, they could come to the conclusion that Marlene wasn't happy at all.  
  
Duke Freid watched Marlene work her way through the crowd. She was taking her time, talking to each and every guest, in what could be taken as an attempt to delay her arrival at his side. He made a second wish to be less astute about his fiancée's mood and then set about making his wish come true by quickly downing two glasses of vino in short succession.  
  
Eries surveyed it all from her position outside the hall. Tonight was Marlene's night, so it would take longer than usual for the younger princesses to be announced. Eries couldn't care less but Millerna was getting restless. She was currently chatting away with a trio of handmaidens about how beautiful Marlene was and the general romance and glory of weddings. Eries envied her little sister's obliviousness for the moment even though she knew Millerna would be in for some rude awakenings as she got older.  
  
The whole affair looked more like a theater production than a party. Marlene looked and acted like one of Millerna's porcelain dolls. Duke Freid was at the back at the hall trying very hard not to notice. The guests milled about like clueless extras while King Aston directed the evening. He had just given the signal for Eries and Millerna to enter.  
  
Eries thought of her own directions. Enter two princesses. MIDDLE PRINCESS visibly disgruntled. YOUNGEST PRINCESS vibrant. CROWD quiets as PAGE announces them. Exeunt MIDDLE PRINCESS as she runs off to take care of things far more important than a stupid party for an arranged marriage.  
  
As much as she wanted to run though, Eries played her role as she had been raised to do. She and Millerna joined the rest of the partygoers and the evening was officially underway. With a nod from King Aston, the string quartet began playing livelier music and the middle of the hall was cleared for dancing. By this time, Marlene had actually managed to make it over to Duke Freid. The crowd eyed them, waiting for them to take the floor, but all they got was an exchange of pleasantries.  
  
They weren't the only ones who were disappointed. King Aston took his daughter aside and said a few things Eries couldn't make out, but she doubted it was warm, fatherly advice. Marlene and the King smiled throughout the entire conversation. The crowd though nothing of it, but Eries knew those expressions well. It was just another of those "friendly" chats with Aston had with his daughters when they weren't behaving quite the way they should at a public event.  
  
Whatever King Aston said seemed to have worked. Marlene quickly returned to the Duke and led him off for a waltz. Eries was relieved. If Marlene couldn't get her act together, she would be in for more than a small lecture. And if King Aston ever found out why she was acting the way she was... The word scandal hardly covered the repercussions. And Eries knew damn well who the scapegoat for everything would be.  
  
***  
  
Somehow, after only an hour's worth of partying, over a third of the food and half the drink had been consumed. Eries hadn't eaten hardly any of it herself but nonetheless hung around the table holding the fruit platters. She absently poked at some sculpted melons while watching yet another dance wind down. Throughout the evening, her father had motioned for her to come over, but she remained where she was. People were staying away the healthier fare and the bitterness of the piscus seemed apropos.  
  
Millerna, bounding about from guest to guest with joy for her sister, was more than making up for her lack of social grace anyway. And covering for Marlene as well. She had just begun a dance with her soon to be brother in-law. Eries had to admit it; it was an amusing site. The tall duke first crouched down, then bent over and then finally gave up and let the nine-year-old stand on his feet while he led them through the steps. The men laughed and the women cooed at the cuteness of it all. For Eries, it just reaffirmed her opinion of him. He was a good man - a good man trapped in a bad situation that he wasn't even aware of.  
  
Marlene wasn't impressed. When she approached Eries, her face reverted to a sullen frown.  
  
"I see you managed to find a hiding place as usual, Eries."  
  
"Just waiting for the perfect moment to make my escape."  
  
"One of these days, you'll have to teach me your trick," Marlene laughed nervously.  
  
"I learned it from - " Eries said questioningly. Surely Marlene had told Allen how much she hated these parties too. Why hadn't he told her? "Never mind. If anyone asks, not that they ever do, tell them I felt ill and went back to my chambers."  
  
"Of course. Eries, I don't mean to push you, but do you think you could leave soon? I need to know that Allen has someone with him. Is there anything I can do to help?"  
  
"It's all about distraction, Marlene. If you took a dance with the Duke, I could announce my departure and no one would care."  
  
"Okay, as soon as Millerna's through," Marlene said and then, for the first time in a year, she hugged Eries. Holding her close, she whispered into Eries' ear, "Thank you. For everything. I'm counting on you to watch over him."  
  
She released Eries from the embrace, but took hold of her little sister's hands. Marlene didn't say anything more; she just looked at Eries, letting the love and faith she placed in her come through more meaningfully than the most poetic of words.  
  
Then she was off. Marlene had a fiancée to dance with. Eries had a mission of her own.  
  
***  
  
Eries worked her way out of the crowd inconspicuously with her usual grace. She had skipped out on so many of these affairs, she had perfected the art. It bothered her more than she would admit that no one ever noticed she was gone. Or maybe they noticed and didn't care. She would never be mistaken for the life of the party. Either way, she was grateful for it tonight. Allen had a history of extreme reactions to losing the people he loved that had Eries scared as well as concerned.  
  
Before she left the palace, she ducked into the laundry room and changed into a nondescript dress of a handmaiden. She stuffed her own ball gown among a large pile of sheets where, the next morning, it became the treasure of the wardrobe of the laundress who found it.  
  
The fate of her gown was the last thing on Eries' mind. After her talk with Marlene, Eries had found Revius again to get the latest news on Allen. Apparently, Allen had pulled himself together enough to report for duty for the time it took for him to convince Lord Ramkin to give him a few days leave. He pleaded some problems with his familial estate that needed immediate attention. Revius assumed he had gone back to Tuvello's as soon as his request was granted. He certainly hadn't been seen around the palace afterwards.  
  
Though the places she had to search had been narrowed down, Eries would have liked to have heard something different. Allen was now lying to his superiors to have more time to go to a bar. That was a bad, bad sign. She held out hope that Allen had gone back to the flat to brood instead, but when she reached the street on which Tuvello's was located, she headed straight for the tavern.  
  
Allen was there all right, sitting at a table by himself with the exception of two barmaids that hovered around him offering up more liquor and other sundry favors. Eries shooed them away with a glare. Her expression did not change for Allen. Going by the large quantity of empty glasses on the table, he had to be drunk, but she couldn't tell how badly. Being dressed as he was in full uniform, he still looked like he had some composure.  
  
That illusion was quickly dispelled when he tried to mimic her stern face and instead, wound up laughing so hard he nearly fell out of his chair. The barmaids rushed over to help but got within a foot of Eries and suddenly discovered another patron that needed assistance.  
  
Eries tapped her fingers against the table. The anger she had felt towards Marlene was beginning to focus on someone else. She felt for Allen, she truly did, but this was not the way to make anything better. It was much more probable that it would make things worse.  
  
"You could have at least changed out your uniform before coming here to make a display of yourself."  
  
Allen dismissed her lecture. "Tuvello's is an old Caeli bar. It's tradition."  
  
"The tradition is for Caeli to come here in their civilian clothing. I seem to remember Alucier saying something about `respect for the uniform'."  
  
Allen shook his head no. "Do you have any idea what a pain in the ass it is to get in and out of this?" He tugged on the fabric that hung around his neck to illustrate. "This...pink...thing...alone takes forever."  
  
"It's called a cravat, Allen." Eries leaned across the table and in one fluid motion, hooked her fingers under the offending neckwear, gave a yank and pulled the cravat off into her hand.  
  
Allen was enthralled. "How did you - "  
  
"Can we go now?"  
  
"You can leave anytime you want."  
  
"Oh, but I'm just a poor, helpless princess away from her palace. I'll need someone to escort me back." She had no intentions of taking him back to the palace, but she needed to say something to get him out of this bar.  
  
"Nuh-uh. I'm not drunk enough to fall for that."  
  
Eries sighed. "Fine, Allen. I'll just sit here while you have a few more and then ask you again in fifteen minutes when you will be. Or you can save us both some time by succumbing to the inevitable."  
  
Allen considered for a minute. "That'll probably work."  
  
"Good. You still have some sense about you."  
  
But not much balance. When Allen stood, he swayed forward and had to grab the table to keep from falling. Eries got up to help him before the barmaids could. She put his right arm over her shoulders and held onto him as they maneuvered their way out of the bar. He leaned on her heavily, putting himself so close to her that under the smell of the alcohol on his breath, she could pick out the clean, faintly sweet scent of his hair and a deeper, spicier trace of the cologne he wore. She made a concerted effort not to think about the warmth of his body against hers.  
  
Once they left the bar, Eries steered him towards the stairs that led to his flat. There was no way she was going to be able to help him up the narrow stairway.  
  
And Allen wasn't about to make the trip on his own. "I thought we were going to the palace."  
  
"Uh, we're making a minor detour."  
  
"Oh."  
  
At least he was an agreeable drunk. He seemed rather mellow in general. Mellow enough that Eries decided she could leave him alone to check to see if Revius was home yet. He would be better able to get him up the stairs than she was. She didn't see any light coming from the flat but she knew from Allen that it wasn't uncommon for Revius to turn in early. Of course, he only went to bed early when someone else went with him. Eries didn't want to interrupt (more for her own benefit than Revius') but she didn't see where she had much choice in the matter.  
  
She propped Allen up against the wall and went up the steps. Behind her, she heard him slide promptly down the wall and hit the ground with an undignified thud.  
  
Well, isn't this just too wonderful. My sister's a mess. My best friend is dead drunk. And I'm counting on Allen's sleazy roommate to be home with some tramp.  
  
He wasn't. The door was locked; nobody answered her repeated knocks. Eries muttered a four-letter word that would have sent the court into hysterics, went back down the stairs and then muttered it again. In the whole minute she had been gone, Allen had gotten up and wandered back towards the bar.  
  
"NO!" She said it forcefully enough that not only did he stop, so did several other people out in the street. The ones that kept moving looked a little guilty about it. "I meant him," she said as she went to collect Allen. Now everyone came to a stop; they wanted to see what was going on between the handmaiden and the Knight Caeli. In the most commanding voice she had learned in her fifteen years as a princess, Eries yelled, "GO HOME!"  
  
They went, quickly too. Allen stayed where he was. The part of his brain that wasn't swimming in alcohol was emphatically telling him to listen to Eries *very* carefully. Right now, she was saying something about going upstairs and needing a key. There was another thing about Revius. He was coming home? No, he should be going home. No, wait. That was Eries. Eries was going to go home. And he was supposed to escort her. He thought.  
  
"Come on, Princess. We should be heading back to the palace."  
  
"Don't call me that and are you insane? You can't show your face there in the condition you're in. And you shouldn't be anywhere near that party anyway. Now, give me the key to your flat and somehow, I'll get you up those steps and home. You need to sleep this off."  
  
"No, I'm fine. It's not safe for you to be out by yourself at night. I should walk you back."  
  
"Not safe? I walked here, didn't I?!"  
  
Allen wasn't in a state receptive to logic. He insisted on taking her back to palace and took her arm to lead her away. At first, she held her ground, but all that resulted in was him pulling her along. She finally relented with a growl of frustration.  
  
Lovely. Chivalry isn't dead, it's just had a few.  
  
***  
  
"I can't believe how many steps there are in this stairwell. Are there more steps than there used to be?"  
  
"Yes, Allen. We added several more floors to the palace since you were here this afternoon. Now keep moving." Eries tried not to snap at Allen, but he had been like this during the entire trip from Tuvello's. She had heard of angry drunks. She had heard of depressed drunks. She hadn't heard of whiny drunks.  
  
"It just seems like there's more steps."  
  
She gave him a push to motivate him forward. Instead, it caused him to trip on one of steps he had been complaining about. He was still coordinated enough to keep himself from falling, but the close call put an end to his climb. He sat down and then sprawled out across the steps.  
  
"I'm going to rest for awhile," he announced.  
  
"That can't be comfortable," Eries countered.  
  
Allen yawned and settled in deeper for his impromptu nap. Eries sat down beside him. Things could be worse. She wasn't sure if it was Jichia or one of the lesser deities that was watching over her, but by some miracle she had gotten Allen all the way to the third floor without a major disaster. And considering she'd spent the last thirty minutes leading a noticeably wobbly Caeli through the bustling streets of Palas, she had earned a break of her own. It would give her time to think of what to do with Allen. He was hell-bent on seeing her to her bedroom door so he could be absolutely, positively sure she had made it in for the night safe and sound. Now, that door was but twenty feet away and she hadn't any clue what came next. She couldn't send him back out into the streets in the state he was in.  
  
Five minutes. I just need five minutes to think. She had leaned back approximately one quarter of an inch when she heard the creak of the wooden door at the bottom of the stairwell. Somebody was coming.  
  
"I'm really not that tired, Lord Ramkin. Father didn't have to send me to bed so early."  
  
"I believe it's well past your regular bedtime as it is, Princess. Your father just wanted to make sure you weren't overtired for when you help your sister pack tomorrow. It`s going to be a big day for you and your sisters."  
  
"Oh! I just remembered! Marlene said Eries was sick. I want to see if she'll be okay for tomorrow."  
  
Eries assessed the situation. Lord Ramkin and Millerna were coming. Allen was supposed to off at his family estate taking care of legal matters. Allen was passed out at the top of the stairs *in uniform*. Eries was supposed to be sick in bed. Eries was dressed like a handmaiden and sitting by a passed out Caeli.  
  
Eries' four-letter word of choice got its third usage for the night.  
  
She didn't dare speak above a whisper. With its stone walls, every noise echoed through this stairwell, becoming louder and louder. She could every word that Millerna said as her little sister begged Lord Ramkin to let her stay up just a tiny bit longer, please?  
  
With great care, Eries grabbed Allen's uniform where it fastened at the shoulder and began shaking him. "...wake up, allen...if you don't wake up this instant, lord ramkin is going to find you and he is going to want to know why you're here and why you reek of alcohol and why you're doing this all in your uniform...and in my most horrifying nightmare, i cannot imagine the explanation you'll blather out given how drunk you are...so you're going to wake up and we're going to find a nice place for you to hide...okay?...okay."  
  
She hefted him up into a sitting position hoping that would bring him around. It did partially. He mumbled incoherently then moved to get comfy again.  
  
"no, no, no, no, no, no, no...we need to get moving...come on, give me your arm and you can lean on me just like earlier and i'll help you up and we'll get you to my room and then...i'll come up with something."  
  
Allen more or less complied or rather, didn't resist when Eries threw his arm across her shoulders and braced herself to pull him up. He didn't exactly help her with the actual effort of getting him standing, though.  
  
"come on, come on...i can't carry you..."  
  
Judging from the volume of their voices, Lord Ramkin and Millerna had reached the top of the first flight of stairs. Two more and Eries would have a lot of explaining to do. Desperate, Eries did the only thing she could think of - she kicked him. It had worked once with Maerzen anyway.  
  
She discovered the fatal flaw of her plan when Allen yelled out an "oww" of protest. Two floors down, the voices of an old man and little girl asked, "what was that?" in unison.  
  
Eries really had to haul it now.  
  
With a yank that would cost her in back pain in the morning, she pulled Allen up. Twenty feet of forward motion and they would be in the clear. Again, she had to support him but he was groggier than he had been before and she had the additional task of dragging him along. It was extremely slow going.  
  
Drag. Drag.  
  
"Stay here, Princess. I'll check on ahead."  
  
Take your time, Old Man Ramkin.  
  
Drag. Drag.  
  
"No, I wanna see! Hurry up!"  
  
Shut up, Millerna.  
  
Drag. Drag. Drag.  
  
"Come on! I think it came from close to Eries' room!"  
  
No it didn't. Go away.  
  
Drag. Drag. Door. She had to open the door. She had to keep hold of Allen or he'd fall. She leaned enough so that Allen would be propped up against her, allowing her to have one her hands free.  
  
The door opened just as steps echoed up from halfway up the second set of stairs. In in graceful maneuver that she would never be able to replicate in a million tries, she flung open the door, shoved Allen through it, followed him into the room, caught him and gently eased him to the floor. It would have been perfect if she had been able to shut the door.  
  
"Princess Eries?" Lord Ramkin called. The mystery sound paired with the suspiciously ajar door to her room must have alarmed him. His pace quickened.  
  
Eries reached out with her foot and managed to catch the edge of the door. Another kick and the door swung shut on Lord Ramkin's face hard enough to cause the elder knight to utter a curse under his breath. Eries lunged for the lock before he had time to recover.  
  
"Princess Eries?" he called again.  
  
"Could you give me a moment? I, uh...I'm not quite properly dressed." It was embarrassing, but it would keep Lord Ramkin out of her room until she gave him permission to enter.  
  
"Is that Lord Ramkin?" Allen asked sleepily as he came back to life.  
  
"Now you're fully awake. Hurry up. We've got a minute at the most."  
  
In a rush, Allen opened the windows while Eries mussed the bed sheets to make it look as if she had been recently sleeping. She put a robe on over her handmaiden's dress and directed Allen to stow away in the bathroom. He was looking a trifle green. The bathroom would have been the best place for him even if he didn't need to hide.  
  
After everything was set, Eries let Lord Ramkin in with Millerna trailing right behind him. "Is something wrong?" she asked innocently.  
  
"I'm sorry to disturb you, Princess, but I heard a strange noise and I saw your door was open. I was concerned for your safety."  
  
"Noise? I didn't hear anything. As for the door, I was feeling feverish. I opened the windows to try to get a breeze in but the air wasn't stirring. I opened to door for better ventilation. That got the air flowing. Too much, I guess. My apologies."  
  
"No need to, your majesty. I'm just relieved you're all right."  
  
Millerna wasn't so sure she was. She kept asking Eries questions about her fever and quizzing her on symptoms.  
  
"You're not a doctor yet, Millerna. Now off to bed with you. We both need our sleep."  
  
Eries flopped to her bed in complete exhaustion as soon as they were safely gone. From the bathroom, Allen praised her performance. "Wow. You're good."  
  
"I thought the part about the windows and the open door sound too much like an explanation."  
  
"Lord Ramkin bought it." As an afterthought, "He's kind of gullible that way."  
  
"Is that why he fell for your ridiculous `estate legal matters' excuse? You settled that estate in the spring. And will you please come out of the bathroom? I feel like I'm shouting. We've already avoided one disaster. I really don't want to attract another."  
  
"Umm, I think it might be a good idea if I stayed in here for awhile. I'm not feeling so good..."  
  
Eries covered her head with one of the numerous decorative pillows that took up the top half of the bed. She didn't want to listen to the details. After a few minutes, she felt the bed dip as Allen seated himself on the corner. His presence there reminded her of a dream she had last month, one of those dreams in which everything is so tangible and vivid that, upon waking, seems more memory than fancy. Except Eries was dead certain the events of that dream had never taken place and, with Allen a few inches away from her, she wished fervently that the dream itself had never occurred. From under her pillow, her cheeks burned red.  
  
"It's not like he knew."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Lord Ramkin. It's not like he knew that I already settled the estate."  
  
"You never told him?"  
  
"I don't play well with other males, remember?"  
  
"Hmm. I didn't know you listened so well." Heartened by Allen's recall of her past advice, Eries found the strength to cast the pillow aside. Allen was closer to her than she had thought. When she sat up, they were shoulder to shoulder. Eries missed her pillow already.  
  
Okay. Breathe. Talk about something. Do anything but think about *that*. "You'll have to go back on duty eventually." That was as benign as she could get.  
  
"I know. But not now. When does Marlene leave anyway?"  
  
"Day after tomorrow."  
  
"8^th moon." Allen slumped forward, putting his head in his hands. "Of course it would be 8^th moon. That's how my life works."  
  
So he was a depressed drunk after all. Eries asked in confusion, "What's the significance of 8^th moon?"  
  
"Her birthday. Celena's birthday. She'll be ten. That's sort of a big one, isn't it? Crossing into the double digits?"  
  
He thinks she's still alive out there? Eries wasn't going to touch that. In two days, Marlene would be gone from his life forever. Robbing him of the hope that one day he might actually get back one of his lost loved ones would have been cruel. "You shouldn't be alone then, Allen. I don't think your sister would want you suffering in solitude on her special day, do you?"  
  
"I'm Marlene's guard, Eries. If I go back on duty, I would be required to escort her to the Duke's leviship and hand her over to his protection. It's all perfectly symbolic and ironic in a twisted, sick, nasty way and I cannot deal with it."  
  
"So you're not going see her again. You'll just let things lie as they are?"  
  
"I don't see what choice I have."  
  
"Neither did she. She's not marrying Duke Freid by choice, you know. There are...extenuating circumstances. You should let her explain." Eries wasn't sure if she should be telling him this. She had done more than enough for Allen and Marlene's relationship. And yet, now that it was all but over, despite her feelings, despite the possible consequences, she was still urging Allen to see her sister one last time. "You've already lost a lot of people that you care about. At least with Marlene you have a chance to resolve things, to say goodbye."  
  
Closure. That was the word she was looking for. It was something he had never gotten with anyone else. His father left as if he was going on a routine expedition, his sister vanished into nothingness and his mother had fallen ill so suddenly. Perhaps that was part of the reason he dwelled on them so.  
  
"Allen?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"You'll think about it, won't you?"  
  
"Mmm..."  
  
"I thought I was the reticent one."  
  
"Is that your fancy way of rephrasing you're the 'Quiet One'?"  
  
"I suppose I prefer quiet to some of the other adjectives I've heard used."  
  
"Like what? The Moody One?"  
  
"That's Marlene."  
  
"If you say so. The Sarcastic One?"  
  
"Alas, I seldom show that side to the palace rabble."  
  
"The One Who Kicks Really Damn Hard?"  
  
"That was a desperate measure!"  
  
"Riiiight. I talk to Alucier. He tells me how you abuse him."  
  
"Allen!" An indignant cry from her wasn't about to stop his laughter. Knowing it would only give credence to his teasing, and therefore, make him laugh harder, she gave him a light shove on the shoulder. Happy drunk was a marked improvement over whiny or depressed drunk.  
  
He laughed for another minute, a giddy, dreaming sort of laugh that was always fleeting, but nonetheless comforting. Eries was sad to hear it end. Especially since he resumed his questioning.  
  
"So what do they call you?"  
  
"You've had to have heard people talking about me around the palace."  
  
"I spent most of my on duty hours at the villa."  
  
"Are you really going to make me say it?"  
  
Allen nodded. He was going to make her say it.  
  
"Words that occur frequently are odd, cold, plain...must I go on?"  
  
"Plain?"  
  
"Plain as in plain boring. Or plain as in plain looking."  
  
"Really?" Allen was dubious. "I always thought you had this regal, exotic air about you."  
  
"Really?" It was Eries' turn to doubt.  
  
"Don't tell Marlene this," he said, his voice going low, "But you're one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen." He wavered for a moment, almost giggling to himself. "On second thought, tell her. And be really pissy about it."  
  
"Allen..."  
  
He had said much the same thing in her dream. That and other things she couldn't hope to hear now. Things she shouldn't technically want to hear now, but surfaced in her thoughts anyhow. Her feverish feelings were no longer pretext.  
  
He turned towards her, leaned close to her until she was lost in a sea of sapphire as his eyes held hers. She breathed in the aroma of vino.  
  
"Allen, you don't have to flatter me," she said timidly.  
  
He placed one hand one her shoulder as she felt the other touch lightly on her cheek. It kept her still as he pronounced, in all earnestness, "By the gods, Eries...you are beautiful."  
  
And then, Allen Crusade Schezar VIII, Knight Caeli and the everything of Eries Aston's heart and soul, passed out and fell into her lap.  
  
"Oh."  
  
***  
  
Author's Notes - This is getting ridiculous. I fully expected this chapter to be short and breezy and it turned out to be another monster. I don't even have Alucier around to blame... Anyway, I'm giving you fair warning. Considering the ground I want to cover, I'm thinking the next chapter's going to be a big sucker that might take awhile to get out. Of course, given how far off I've been in estimating chapter length, one of two things will probably happen: I'll wind up with the sequel to Infinite Jest (uh, a really, really, really big, damn, long novel for the less literary pretentious out there) or it'll consist of six words and a period. Eh, we'll see.  
  
Next up - Girl and Boy vs. Life. And - because he seems to have gotten himself a fan club - yes, Alucier (or Maerzen, whatever you want to call him) is baaaaack. 


	11. Girl and Boy vs. Life

The Secret Life of a Girl  
  
Chapter XI: Girl and Boy vs. Life  
  
  
  
Packing was not the bonding experience it was meant to be. In theory, the three sisters were to spend the day enjoying each other's company while going over old times and dreaming about the future as they put away Marlene's belongings in the half-dozen or so trunks that had been brought to the villa. In practice, things did not go so sweetly.  
  
When Millerna wasn't fighting off bouts of tears by biting her trembling lower lip, she was asking Marlene if she really had to go so soon. It was finally dawning on Millerna that her beloved oldest sister wasn't going to be around after tomorrow. Every item she helped pack away was just a reminder of things they would no longer be able to do together anymore. A tea service going into its crate signaled the end of afternoon teas unless Millerna wanted to spend that time with the handmaidens or an assembly of her dolls. She wasn't old enough for the former and was getting too old for the latter. Each pound Marlene's replacement guard made on the top of the case to seal it was punctuated by a small sob from the youngest princess.  
  
Eries felt for her. She might have felt more if Millerna hadn't been acting like she was losing the only sister she ever had. She could take Millerna the market or teach her all the little secrets ladies used to present themselves if she really wanted to. She'd have to actually learn those secrets for herself first, but the market part could be easily done.  
  
Marlene was hardly in the mood to be giving lessons. She growled at the guard for making too much noise and told him to start loading the trunks they had already filled to get him out of the villa. She locked the door behind him when he left. Eries doubted he'd be in any hurry to come back. Marlene had been venting on the hapless man all day for everything from not putting the trunks in the right place to breathing too heavily after he had lugged a monstrous bureau out from her dressing room.  
  
Eries was in the process of sorting through the jewelry contained in the bureau. Marlene, not wanting or needing to keep the majority of it, planned on giving most of the pieces to Millerna and distributing the lesser expensive baubles to a group of handmaidens that had served her since she was a child. Eries had already passed on her share, considering the jewelry too ostentatious for her tastes. That hadn't spared her from the job of separating the high-quality Millerna goods from the lower grade handmaiden stuff.  
  
Her appraisal skills were questionable. She went by weight, by shininess and other random factors such as if it was a color she liked. The handmaidens were going to be rolling in topaz. She would have tossed the rubies too, but they were always a favorite of Marlene, so it was a safe bet they would be become a favorite of Millerna's.  
  
A silver and sapphire ring caught her attention. She wasn't going to keep it; it just brought her thoughts back to the previous night. She had been illusive when Marlene asked how things had gone, not lying exactly but omitting enough (pretty much all) major details so that, if someone wanted to get technical, her story could be considered untruthful. The gist of it was that Allen was all right and that was all that was important anyway.  
  
Her rationalization skills had gotten an equal workout shortly after Allen had passed out. For a while, Eries had been happy to let him lie there. He had been out for good. No matter how much she had poked him in the shoulder or brushed the hair from his face (an activity she had stopped as soon as she became aware she was doing it), he wouldn't come around. Eventually though, her legs had grown numb and she had been forced to slide out from under him. She had tried to make him as comfortable as possible. She had removed his boots, loosened his collar and had even given some thought to removing his overskirt until it occurred to her that she had been thinking about a little too much and therefore, it was probably not a Good Idea. She had tossed a spare blanket over him for good measure. Then she had been left with a decision about what to do for sleeping arrangements.  
  
Her thought process had gone something like this:  
  
1. Allen isn't going anywhere anytime soon so it's the bed for him.  
  
2. We'll both need to wake up early so I can help him sneak out of here when just a few night guards are on duty.  
  
3. We'll both need a good night's sleep to do that.  
  
4. I can't get a good night's sleep on the divan.  
  
5. My bed is really, really huge.  
  
6. Allen's sleeping on top of the covers.  
  
7. I'll be sleeping under the covers.  
  
1+2+3+4+5+6+7 = It's as if we won't be sleeping in the same bed at all!  
  
It had been shaky logic but still logic. She had known better than to change out of her handmaiden's dress before climbing into bed. Wearing a nightgown would have thrown off the entire equation.  
  
She had succeeded in waking up early but Allen had gone and gotten out of the palace without her help. She had been surprised that he had been able to leave without her knowing. She had attributed his stealth to his former profession. She hadn't cared to attribute her disappointment to anything.  
  
Eries compelled her thoughts back to the present. Lost in reminiscence, she had gotten several chains tangled together in a knot that threatened to devalue the necklaces into handmaiden fare. She worked at the knot with little progress. She used a knock at the front door as an excuse to give up and tossed the mangled jewelry back into to the bureau so that she could later claim she found it that way.  
  
Fully expecting it to be the guard coming to fetch some trunks, Eries felt her stomach drop when an opened door revealed Allen instead. He seemed to have the same reaction.  
  
They took turns staring at the floor, the ceiling, a curio cabinet in the corner and, after they had worked up their courage, each other.  
  
"So…" Eries offered. "I see you took my advice."  
  
"To see Marlene again? Um, to be completely honest, I wasn't sure if you actually told me that or if it just really sounded like something you'd say. My memory from last night is a little…hazy."  
  
"Hazy?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
A new round of staring took place.  
  
"What do you remember?" Eries asked, her eyes planted firmly on a crystal figurine.  
  
Allen joined her in her appreciation of the small sculpture. "Not much. I remember being at Tuvello's. At some point you must have come by because I have a vague memory of walking to the palace and later, one of you, for some reason, kicking me. And then this morning…"  
  
"Oh right, this morning." She waved her hand casually, as if men with hangovers waking up beside her in bed was the most mundane thing in the world. Then she choked when she realized there was such a thing as too casual.  
  
"Eries, I didn't…I didn't say or…do…anything…inappropriate, did I?"  
  
"No, *cough*. You passed out. I *cough* put a blanket over you. I didn't see any reason *cough* why I shouldn't sleep in my bed as I *cough* normally do. That's all that *cough* happened." She coughed one more time. Apparently, when one goes too far in the direction of casual, one comes out the other end utterly taut.  
  
Allen started to speak, but the words spilled out slowly, as if his memory was having a hard time keeping up with his mouth. "But…didn't I say something to you…"  
  
You praised my regal, exotic beauty and then fell head first into my lap. "Nothing, Allen. Don't concern yourself with it. You have more important things to attend to. I think Marlene's in the sitting room. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get a glass of water."  
  
Which she did. But watching Allen go to the sitting room, she couldn't help but think she'd be better served dousing her head with the entire pitcher instead of drinking one meager glass to soothe her throat. Her imagination kicked in to torment her as she pictured how the final goodbyes between the two would sound. It didn't help that she had read enough romantic tragedies to fill a small library.  
  
One more day. One more day and Marlene will be in Freid and this whole mess will be over with.  
  
She set her glass down with a harsh clang against the silver serving tray. She had packing to do. She certainly couldn't expect Marlene to be doing anymore for the day.  
  
***  
  
The 8th moon of Red came and took Marlene to Freid with its passing. As was his duty, Allen arrived to escort Marlene to the leviship dockyard. He betrayed no emotion as he announced it was time to leave, his voice and expression befitting the collected manner expected of a Caeli performing his duty. Eries studied him closely, trying to find something in the words he spoke or the gestures he made to determine how he felt under the cool veil of professionalism but could find nothing. Marlene was of no help either. Her final home performance as the consummate princess was among one of her best.  
  
Eries hadn't any idea what had passed between them last night. She and Millerna had stayed a few hours after Allen had come to the villa, working together to ensure Marlene left nothing of material importance behind. After a somber dinner, Marlene had sent them back to the palace with the beleaguered guard and a promise she would join them for breakfast in the morning. Allen, of course, had tarried at the villa. Someone had to load the trunks onto the carriage, Marlene had reasoned.  
  
The only one aware that it was just an excuse was Eries and she had had no desire to interfere. Her hand had already had enough of an impact. Still, today, walking the long processional to the dockyard with Marlene and Allen ahead and almost the entire citizenry of Asturia behind, her curiosity was plaguing her. They were almost too calm. Either they had reached an understanding and acceptance or they were burying their feelings deeply enough to keep them hidden even from themselves. Eries knew first hand how skilled the both of them could be in that last regard.  
  
Millerna cried for them all. She trailed after them, having difficulty keeping up with their hurried pace. She would become lost in the crowd, only to be recovered quickly by a guardsmen and then be lost again in the throng of admirers surging forward to bid farewell to their beautiful princess.  
  
By the time Marlene took Duke Freid's hand and disappeared into the Freidian leviship, Millerna was surrounded by strangers and one very frantic guard trying to reach her, shouting at her to remain where she was. But over the din, Eries could hear her little sister's voice cry out, "Be happy, Sister!"  
  
In her innocence, Millerna did not know the enormity of her request.  
  
***  
  
With Marlene gone, King Aston was fully prepared to have Allen transferred out to the frontier of Asturia. But not so coincidently, the services of the leviship Crusade and a guymelef by the name of Scherazade were offered to the Asturian army around the same time and his opinion rapidly changed. The small leviship, while useful, was nothing of any significance. Antique guymelefs, on the other hand, were rare and extremely fortuitous to come by and one did not pass them up no matter who the pilot might be. There was the small matter of Allen never having set foot inside the thing, but the best melef master in Asturia was stationed in Palas so that actually helped in keeping Allen at the capital.  
  
The melef master was notoriously harsh and he gave no leniency to Allen, Caeli or not. For the first week, Allen wasn't even allowed to use his family's mecha, but was instead, forced to spend most of his waking hours training on standard melefs of the Asturian army until he was deemed competent enough to upgrade. Eries spotted him only once that week. Allen had shuffled past the palace late at night in a ragged haze, oblivious to her words of hello and looking like he had already started to catch up on his sleep.  
  
As strenuous as his schedule was, it kept his mind focused on training and his body out of Tuvello's. Without that distraction, the news of a wedding date for Freid's most famous couple could have been crippling. Instead, he had listened to the information carefully as Eries delivered to him and responded to it with a single, thoughtful nod. He was too weary to muster a more emotional reaction.  
  
Twelve days before the wedding and ten after he began training, Allen was granted "permission" to start using Scherazade. Maerzen not so subtly expressed a desire to watch as Allen offloaded the guymelef from its housing on the Crusade and Revius strayed from his post to put in a request that he too, be present. Eries couldn't have cared less about the mecha, but it was Allen after all.  
  
Once she got to the leviship dockyard, she questioned her choice. Excitement over seeing the antique war machine had devolved Maerzen and Revius into little boys who would not stop talking about the stupid thing no matter how much Eries ordered them to. They claimed she didn't understand and went right back to chatting away about gears and weapons and other things she was fairly sure they were making up just to emphasize she was a clueless princess. When Scherazade finally did emerge from the Crusade's bay with thundering steps, they fell silent in awe. Eries yawned.  
  
It was big. It was loud as it thudded ponderously through the dockyard on its way to the training grounds. It was a dull greyish color with bits of gold on the faceplate and chest to brighten things up slightly. Mostly, it was big. Eries did sort of like the effect of the expanse of navy fabric bearing the Schezar family crest hanging over the left shoulder, but it did beg the question, "What's the cape for?"  
  
Revius scoffed. Maerzen launched into some nonsense about the importance of clearly delineated units in troop formation and the ability of the cape to block an opponent's view of incoming sword strikes. Eries gave his arguments due consideration before concluding, "It's there to make it look pretty, isn't it?"  
  
There was more grumbling from the both of them along the lines of "yeah, okay, that's the reason but we're never going to admit it". She frowned to let them know she knew they knew she was right.  
  
Once the guymelef got moving, it quickly left the three them behind. Almost hypnotically, Maerzen and Revius took off in pursuit, either forgetting Eries or figuring she would come on her own. "You aren't planning on following along after the thing like two star struck fanatics?" she asked once she caught up to them.  
  
"Why?" Revius deadpanned. "Would we being stealing your act for when Allen gets out?"  
  
Eries' hand twitched.  
  
"Rev, don't say things like that to her when she's within striking distance," Maerzen cautioned.  
  
Eries forced her hand still. She wouldn't give him, or Maerzen, the satisfaction of provoking her. "I have no idea what you're talking about," she said indifferently.  
  
They were polite enough to make just a few disbelieving coughs before going back to discussing the wonders of guymelefs and ignoring Eries. Flashbacks of a particularly tedious lesson from her old tutor Timzin came to her. He had been lecturing on the lost art of melef manufacturing, how the modern day versions could not compare with their older counterparts with the exception of those made by a weird clan that supposedly produced the best ones in all of Gaea. Eries remembered that lesson only because it was the time Millerna had gotten so bored, she fell asleep and slid out of her chair. The racket she had made when she, along with all her books, had hit the floor had been loud enough to rouse Marlene, who had found the class to be an effective sleep aid as well. While Timzin had raged at their inattentiveness, all three of the princesses had shaken with silent laughter.  
  
Eries shook herself out of it and went back to listening to Maerzen and Revius. Wallowing in nostalgia hardly suited her. It wasn't like Marlene was dead. She, Millerna and their father would be traveling there shortly for the wedding. She could visit her, see her, talk with her. She didn't know why she was being so melancholy about it.  
  
The answer to that question came when they reached the training grounds. Allen had arrived before them of course, and had already gotten out and was doing an inspection of Scherazade with the melef master. The man was every bit as thrilled as Maerzen and Revius had been, only his gushing were even more technical. It wasn't long until he was delivering a veritable dissertation on the guymelefs. His audience of two Caeli and one palace guard stood rapt with every word.  
  
Actually, it was one Caeli. Allen only appeared to be engrossed. As Eries looked closer, she noticed he wasn't actually focusing on anything save perhaps his inner thoughts. He didn't respond when she moved beside him.  
  
"He's been working you rather hard, hasn't he? This is the first time I've seen you since…" She stopped. The last time she had seen him was when she had brought him the news of the wedding. "I'm sure you're getting an excellent education at the very least."  
  
"Yeah, Corunna's good at what he does," he answered apathetically.  
  
"But he's no Balgus, right?"  
  
"Balgus doesn't like to rely on guymelefs. He has this really big sword that's just as good as some melef weapons anyway."  
  
"And the man himself is the size of a guymelef."  
  
That caused a minute upturn of Allen's mouth.  
  
Eries pressed further on. "So how did he carry it around? Or is that why he had you? You were his sword valet."  
  
"I couldn't lift that thing in my wildest dreams. He did have me polish once, though."  
  
"How many days did that take?"  
  
"It did take quite that long. But when I started, the sun was up. I finished by the light of the moons."  
  
Eries let them slide into a moment of comfortable quiet. He was smiling. That was a beginning, a good beginning. An even better beginning was his taking of her hand.  
  
The gesture was unexpected but entirely welcome. He held on to her tightly, as if he could draw strength from her just by contact. The motivation behind it wasn't quite the sentiment she had been wanting to get from him, but Eries took the amity he offered without any complaint.  
  
"You've been such a good friend to me, Eries."  
  
"You're not alone. I miss her too."  
  
"Do you think she can be happy there?"  
  
Millerna's last words to Marlene hung before her in the air. "The Duke cares about her. He's a good man. I honestly don't think he would have taken her to Freid if all she was to be was a trophy bride."  
  
"Will you ask her? At the wedding, will you ask her if she's all right?"  
  
And there it was. Eries could go to Freid. She could stay as long as she liked. Even when she wasn't visiting, she could exchange letters with Marlene. Keep in touch. There would be no logical reason why Marlene's guard would do the same things.  
  
Allen was cut off from his love on his own. But through Eries, he would have a link, however small. It occurred to her that he would be better off having all ties severed, to have his heart broken cleanly and all at once, allowing a chance for it to eventually heal.  
  
But could she be the one to do it? His request was simple. He just wanted to know how Marlene was doing. It was the implications that bothered her. It would take him longer to move past Marlene this way, but she would have the consolation of moving with him.  
  
She could not be that selfish. A friend would not mete out false pieces of hope just to be closer to the one she claimed to care about. If Allen asked her again, she would have to somehow convince him that this way would be what was best for him.  
  
She wondered if she could be that cruel.  
  
***  
  
Eries was getting ready to gather up Millerna and begin preparations for their visit to Freid when her father intercepted her and announced there would be no such trip. The wedding that was a few days off had already taken place. King Aston was disappointed at not seeing her eldest daughter properly married off, but there was nothing he could do. Some monk from some temple had decided the original wedding date wasn't good for the gods, so it had been moved up to a time that was deemed more suitable. That was the only explanation given.  
  
Marlene wrote her family a long, very formal letter describing the event in detail. King Aston read the letter once then turned it over to his other daughters. Millerna committed the letter to memory. She had been so excited about the prospective trip. It was to have been her first trip out of the borders of Asturia. She would have gone on a leviship, traveled to a foreign land and, at the end of the journey, been reunited with her oldest sister. Having lost those hopes, Millerna took solace in envisioning the dress Marlene wore, the sound of her voice when she pledged her heart and the other minutiae Marlene depicted down to the color of the flowers that grew outside of the temple.  
  
Eries was suspicious. The stilted writing rang false. Marlene had grown up reading sentimental novels and, despite the valiant efforts of every tutor she encountered, had adapted the flowery prose as her own writing style. Eries could attribute the methodical nature of the letter to Marlene's general unease with the marriage. But repeated analysis only got her thinking she was missing some underlying meaning Marlene was trying to communicate.  
  
The Astons received letter from Marlene on a steady basis. Each one similar to the first in their formality. Six weeks of these missives ended with the arrival of the most important letter. This one was written by the Duke himself. It was less a letter than an announcement -- Marlene was pregnant.  
  
***  
  
The news spread through the palace in spite of the King's attempts to keep it amongst immediate family until Marlene was further along and the chance of miscarriage lowered. Granted, his efforts were half-hearted. The king was reveling in the knowledge that his daughter had conceived so quickly and in doing so, had secured an heir to Freid's crown with strong ties to Asturia. Those ties translated to influence.  
  
The aunts to be were equally pleased but for entirely different reasons. Millerna had something new to look forward to and a baby was much greater cause for celebration than a wedding. She would have a niece or nephew for life. Missing an hour-long ceremony was nothing.  
  
It brought a sense of relief to Eries. Marlene was adjusting to her role as duchess and wife and Eries knew she would assume to role of mother with even greater ease. After Millerna was born and Queen Therese passed on, a then nine-year old Marlene had eagerly taken on the responsibilities that would have normally gone to a nanny.  
  
Others would not be so encouraged. She dreaded breaking more bad news to Allen but she had not let gossip inform him of the wedding date and the rescheduled ceremony and she would not let this blow be delivered as anonymously and harshly as the engagement had been. It was a hard task considering both Maerzen and Revius worked at the palace and had been among the first to hear. Fortunately, they seldom saw Allen due to his work schedule and from what Maerzen told her, Allen hadn't been in the friendliest of moods when he was around. Maerzen suspected something serious was troubling him, but since he was absent when the worst of Allen's bad reaction to the engagement had taken place, he was unable to piece everything together. Eries wasn't offering any hints.  
  
Instead, she used Maerzen's concern to get him to agree to taken her to the flat at a time when Allen but not Revius was to be there. He mistrusted her claim of friendly interest in Allen's welfare and told her so. In the end though, he had relented with hardly any fight at all. Eries could only conclude Allen must have been in truly wretched shape.  
  
Maerzen excused himself to Tuvello's not long after they arrived at the apartment. Allen was inside, dazedly picking through his dinner. A shocked looked passed over him when he saw Eries standing in the door. The look only deepened after Maerzen left.  
  
He asked her the obvious question of what she was doing there.  
  
"I was worried about you. I'm not the only one. Alucier has noticed something's wrong too."  
  
"I'm fine," he answered and returned to his meal. He pushed a small bite of meat around the plate without lifting his fork to eat it.  
  
Eries took the seat across the table. "I have news."  
  
She waited for a response, but Allen remained intent on his food.  
  
Break his heart cleanly… "It's about Marlene. She's pregnant."  
  
Allen was perfectly still. The whole apartment was silent. Even the noise drifting up from Tuvello's faded. It was deafening.  
  
"We found out yesterday morning. We received a letter. Apparently, she became pregnant right away."  
  
"Right away…" Allen echoed.  
  
"Yes, she should be almost six weeks along. That's how long ago they were married."  
  
"They moved up the ceremony…"  
  
"Because of the monk's advice."  
  
"What if they had to move it up…"  
  
"Well, I don't think to *had* to move it up," Eries said, puzzled. "But Freidians are very spiritual. If a monk said to change the date, they may have taken it as a religious edict." She had been over this with Allen before. Why was he questioning it again?  
  
Allen pushed away from the table and walked over to a window. Eries could see bewilderment in his reflection. Soon, her reflection matched his in the window.  
  
"I think…" he said slowly. "I think there's a chance…"  
  
"A chance of what?"  
  
"I think the baby might be mine."  
  
Eries didn't comprehend his words at first. As if learned by rote, she could recite what had been said but the meaning eluded her. "What are you…I don't…"  
  
The realization hit her hard. The back of her hand hit Allen's jaw harder. "You slept with her? You slept with her! What the hell were you thinking?"  
  
"I'm sorry, Eries," he stammered out. "But…we didn't mean for it to happen…"  
  
"You didn't mean for it to happen? How do you accidentally make love to someone?" Eries asked, rage darkening her soft voice and honing it into a sharp edge.  
  
Allen tried to answer but succeeded in only repeating her name and an apology that grew weaker and more pitiful each time he uttered it.  
  
Eries was livid. Disappointed was far too facile of a word to convey her feelings towards Marlene and Allen. A sense of betrayal boiled through her. A betrayal of their country, their duties and of a girl who had given of herself so completely to their happiness she had not even thought to burden them with something so trivial as her most primal of emotions.  
  
How could they? Were they so lost in their own little world that consequences were meaningless? Allen had even told her that they knew it wasn't right but that they needed each other.  
  
How could they? A better question might be how could they not. Was she such a naïve fool that she thought stolen kisses and secrets looks were the sum of their love? Her own dreams were not so innocent.  
  
But those were dreams. She had no control of the idles of her mind while she slept. Allen and Marlene had made a conscious decision. They had chosen to succumb.  
  
Allen took her silence as a demand that he explain himself. He faltered over his words, starting and stopping as he searched for a justification of a moment of weakness he both regretted and treasured and, as he was now learning, might have life-long repercussions he had never considered. "It was just the one time," he said faintly.  
  
"Well, if it was just the one time, then it doesn't even count, right?"  
  
Allen had endured sarcasm from Eries before. He had never heard it sound so bitter. He tried to continue. "It was our last night together -- "  
  
But Eries would not let him go on. "Your last night together? Oh dear gods, you mean that night at the villa?! I told you to go talk to her, Allen, not to…not to disgrace you both."  
  
"I know! I know. It's not as if I went there with that intention. I just wanted to be able to see her one more time. But as the night wore on, it only became clearer and clearer that this was all we had left. We were never going to be together again. Not privately, not when we could be ourselves. I should have left, but I couldn't. When I was holding Marlene …"  
  
"Spare me the details. I understand."  
  
"Do you?"  
  
Over the course of their "discussion", Eries had drifted back to the table, incapable of being so close to Allen while her insides twisted in conflicting emotions. Allen came over to her, placing one hand on her shoulder. He repeated his question.  
  
Through the fabric of her dress, she felt the burning pressure of his fingers, the weight of his palm. With those sensations came the knowledge that, if placed in her sister's stead, she would have chosen no differently.  
  
Quietly, she gave him the answer he was seeking. "I understand, Allen. I don't…approve…but I understand."  
  
His grip on her shoulder tightened. One of Allen's burdens had been lifted, but another, more grave matter remained. "From what was in the letters, Eries, was there any indication that maybe, the baby isn't the Duke's?"  
  
"The announcement was written in Duke Freid's own hand. It wasn't a standard, formal announcement either. Normally, these sort of things are sent via royal proclamation months after the pregnancy is discovered, but this was a personal, heartfelt correspondence from a man eager to tell his in-laws the joyous news."  
  
She expected to hear relief from Allen. She did not. "So you think it's definitely his. There's no way he would be acting the way he is if it wasn't."  
  
"Dear Gods, Allen, do you want this child to be yours?" She turned on him, needing to search his face for some clue as to what could be going through his mind. "Are you so desperate to hold on to Marlene that you'll grasp at anything, no matter how harmful it may be to the both of you?"  
  
"No, no…that's not…I just thought…"  
  
"You thought what, Allen? That Marlene couldn't possibly betray you by sleeping with her husband?"  
  
She didn't want to be this cold. She wanted to console him, to soothe his wounded heart. She would have gladly agreed with everything he said and railed against the unfairness that took Marlene away from him. But those thoughts came from a desire to protect and heal him and her eternally logical mind told her anything but forcing him to face the reality of what he had lost would only prolong his pain.  
  
"She's married now. She's carrying another man's child. Her life is completely removed from your own now. You have to accept this. You need to let go."  
  
"It's not that easy, Eries. I work myself numb trying to forget but it all comes back the second I stop moving." He smiled ruefully. "You'd think I'd be used to this by now."  
  
"Don't, Allen. Don't think like that. As much as it hurts, you need to know there will be a time when it won't. Marlene would not want you to suffer for her. I don't want you to suffer either."  
  
She hugged him. On an impulse, she held him tightly, wanting him to know that at least she had not left him.  
  
He placed his arms around her, returning her act of empathy. Moisture from his cheek dampened her own.  
  
Eries truly believed they had reached an epiphany. Everything was out in the open and had been dealt with. Life would go on and Allen, however slowly, would go along with it.  
  
It was a pity that life would never be so easy.  
  
***  
  
The months passed swiftly, each one bringing progress reports from Marlene on her pregnancy and adaptation to life in Freid. To aid in the latter, the Duke made the unusual request of having the villa Marlene had claimed as her own disassembled and transported to Freid where he would have it rebuilt exactly as it had been. Many weeks of meticulous deconstruction and packaging for shipment completed the two stages of the plan. With the reassembly taking nearly as long, Marlene was in her eighth month when she was finally able to move in.  
  
King Aston enthusiastically complied with the procedure and gave his assistance in the process however he could, going so far as to personally supervise parts of the work. As shrewd and conniving as he could be as a king, his love for his daughters was the one direct path to his soul. His motivation for pairing Marlene and Duke Freid may have been a tract of land, but the thing that let him go through with it was the belief that he was giving his daughter the best possible husband for her. This show of understanding on the Duke's part only confirmed for Aston that he was right.  
  
When Aston confided this to Eries, it brought considerable relief to her. With Marlene gone, she was next in line and knowing her father would not marry her off on a greedy whim was a weight off her mind. Even so, she hedged her bets, throwing herself into council business and making herself an indispensable mouthpiece for her father. Things had worked out for Marlene well enough, but given the fact that her circle of friends didn't extend beyond those who wore the uniform of a Caeli, save perhaps for Revius, she didn't hold out much hope for her father finding a suitable mate who just happened to have something to of substance to offer Asturia.  
  
She didn't want him to. Marlene may have been able to let go of Allen, but she was motivated by fear of what would happen if their affair was discovered. As long as Eries kept her feelings to herself, Aston would have no cause to suspect Allen as the root of her reluctance to marry. Plus, as long as she kept her feelings to herself, she didn't have to face the probability of Allen not sharing them.  
  
She contented herself with his friendship. The unpleasant revelation of the extent of his relationship with Marlene notwithstanding, they were closer than they had ever been. Part of that was the morning ritual she had started of having private breakfasts with him and Maerzen, who fully supervised the whole meal and kept her father from saying anything about anything. If he happened to working a morning shift, Revius would join them to. She had begun the practice as a means to keep track of Allen. He was still immersed in his training, seldom taking time for anything else. Maerzen had once made an offhand comment about Allen being to busy to eat and she had taken the opportunity to solve two problems in one stroke. Allen never stayed much longer than it took to eat before hurrying off to melef training, but that hour was still the most treasured moment of her day.  
  
There were times when he missed the morning repast. These absences began around the time Revius had taken it upon himself to get Allen out of the flat and out into the nightlife of Palas. Revius claimed he was sick of living with "The Blond Cloud of Depression" and it was really for Allen's benefit more than anybody's that he got some exposure to other people, with most of them, by odd coincidence, being female. Maerzen conjectured it had far more to do with the fact that Revius got more women by waving his brooding friend around like a flag and picking up the castoffs when they realized Allen was a little too depressed. Eventually, after months of this routine, the leftovers became fewer in number.  
  
Eries spent several hours on several different occasions telling Revius what she thought of his special project.  
  
It did have the good effect of stopping people, Maerzen mostly, from speculating why Allen was in such a dejected state. It had the bad effect of starting up rumors and gossip that bore an unnerving resemblance to King Aston's old advice about Allen and handmaidens.  
  
At times, it infuriated Eries. Yes, she had wanted him to move on. No, she had not wanted him to do it in that manner. She could appreciate why he was doing it. Needs of the ego to be sought after, needs of the heart to be loved and other needs she didn't dwell on for very long. But she couldn't help but think he was using these women in the same way he was using his training -- a distraction that took away the symptoms of his pain but did nothing to cure the cause.  
  
At other times, Eries wondered what happened to the handmaiden's dress she had borrowed the night of Marlene's engagement party.  
  
The behavior came to an abrupt halt on the 15th moon of Yellow. That was day they received a proclamation from Freid. Chid zar Freid, heir to Mahad dal Freid, had been born a few days earlier.  
  
Or two weeks earlier than he should have been.  
  
***  
  
The infant prince was of good size and fair health despite his premature arrival. The official account of his birth indicated that a slight fall suffered by his mother the day before might have induced labor. There was no further mention of his early birth date. Instead, there was a lot of rhetoric about how well mother and child were doing and how proud the father was to welcome his first-born son to the world. On the 15th moon of the following month, the boy would be introduced to his people. The Astons were more than welcome to come to Freid and see their grandson/nephew before that.  
  
Eries had broken out into a cold sweat by the time the page had read through the entire birth announcement. Two weeks early. That did not bode well. Two weeks early and both babe and mother were in good health. She had already counted off the days. Eries didn't know enough about pregnancy to be absolutely certain, but her instincts were causing her stomach to churn. Two weeks early…or was it one week late?  
  
After the celebratory clamor had died down, Eries found Millerna. They exchanged excitement at being aunts but what Eries was really looking for was information. Millerna still had the old physician as a tutor and had gained a great deal of knowledge for a child her age from him. Eries obscurely questioned her if she had talked to the man about their sister's condition and Millerna, ever curious, naturally had. Assuming the voice and posture of one reciting a report, the little princess let Eries know more than she wanted to about the miracle of life, including the fact that, on average, first pregnancies last longer than other pregnancies.  
  
Two weeks early or one week late. Suddenly, the choice had become clearer. Could a fall really cause someone to go into labor like that? Millerna shrugged. That sounded possible and it must be because that's what happened with Marlene, right? Eries nodded, hugged her sister and excused herself before Millerna could think she was acting peculiarly.  
  
She headed straight for Maerzen. She asked more questions, these particular ones involving details on where Allen would be and how long it would take her to get there unnoticed. Maerzen grew more suspicious with every answer he gave, but knew and cared for Eries well enough to continue to let her have her way with this. For now.  
  
As the two left the room, Eries gave a backwards glance and saw her father. His expression was thoughtful, serious. King Aston knew how to count back the days too.  
  
***  
  
They waited for Allen at the flat. Allen typically came home directly from training around sunset. Maerzen figured it would be easier to wait and let him to them than to waste time trying to track him down. Whatever Eries wanted to discuss with him was unlikely to be a suitable subject for standing around and chatting in the streets anyway.  
  
He had a few things of his own to discuss with Eries in the meantime.  
  
Eries sat curled up on the plush, but rundown couch Revius had insisted on bringing into the apartment. Typical of old, beat-up furniture, it was usually the most comfortable seat available. Eries fidgeted against the cushions and under Maerzen's steady gaze as he sat in a chair he had placed directly in front of her. She wished he would just say what he wanted to say and be done with it.  
  
She told him as much.  
  
Maerzen removed his glasses and massaged his temple. He didn't put them back on. Instead, he toyed with them in his hands as he began his lecture. "Let me review what I know so far. A little more than nine months ago, Princess Marlene gets engaged and sent to Freid. She gets pregnant on what must have been the night she got married, because in less than nine month's time, she has a baby. Hmm, nine months ago. Wasn't that when Allen fell into the mood that would not die? Wasn't Allen Marlene's personal guard? Wasn't Marlene in a giant depression before he was assigned to her and didn't that depression magically dissipate shortly thereafter? Didn't I make a comment about the two of them, which you vehemently denied, at Allen's induction ceremony? Didn't you turn as pale as a live human being has ever been when you found out your nephew was already among us? Do I really have to ask you why the hell we're here waiting for Allen?"  
  
Eries shifted in the couch. She hadn't expected his usual good-natured joking, but the bile that laced his sarcasm unnerved her. She didn't think what she was about to say would do anything to alleviate his anger. She felt like she was betraying their friendship by saying it. "This is a private matter, Alucier. I appreciate your candor so far but I expect it to go no further than this room."  
  
Maerzen blinked in disbelief. "I cannot believe you're dismissing me like that. After a year of trying to get me to call you by your first name, you're now pulling rank on me? You really have learned a lot from those council meetings."  
  
"No, Alucier! I didn't mean it like that," she scrambled to apologize. Even though she technically had meant it like that, she didn't want him to take it so personally. "It's just that this really is a private matter and I don't think it should go beyond my family. Personally, I'd rather no one else find out period."  
  
"This is not something that can stay buried forever. And your family is not the only ones affected. After years of being an overdressed joke, the Caeli are finally earning respectability. We don't need Allen coming along and disgracing the Order because he can't keep it in his pants." He rebuked himself immediately. "I'm sorry, Princess. There was no need to be so crude."  
  
"It's just me, Alucier. As you said, you've been my guard for over a year now. You don't have to be so formal around me. Is that why you're so angry with Allen? Because how it might affect the Caeli?"  
  
Maerzen waited before answering. Eries got the impression he did it so that she might think on her own question. "You know why I was assigned to you. It was to keep him away from you. For a while there, I thought I had a difficult job on my hands."  
  
So that was it. He was being protective of her. The first person involved in the whole tangled fiasco to give priority to Eries' feelings, something Eries did not do herself, was a guard she had picked on a whim to help her because she had a nice two minute talk with him before going on a picnic during which she ignored him completely.  
  
She did not want to cry. The only person who had ever seen her cry outside of her parents and Marlene was Allen. That was a lapse in her defenses that had triggered the insight into her true feelings towards him. Given where that had gotten her, she didn't want or need any more reminders of that day.  
  
"Eries. What happened?" His voice was soft now, calming.  
  
It wasn't something she cared to go into, but he was the first person to offer. And she had kept it all inside for so long, it almost came out of its own volition. She told him everything -- her crush, the friendship, the deepening of her feelings (though she could not bring herself to say the word love), Marlene's interest in Allen and her decision to stand aside and do nothing as the affair took place.  
  
Maerzen took in what she said, anticipated a few of them too. Over the years, his sisters had related similar stories. None of them had been princesses though and none of them had had an illegitimate child. He was out of his element with this. He said what he could to comfort her. "Neither Marlene nor Allen know anything about how much you care about him. I doubt they would have done anything if they had."  
  
He had the opposite effect. "I don't think they would have either. Which is why I want to handle this situation on my own as much as possible."  
  
"You don't think you're responsible for this?"  
  
"I know where the real blame lies. I actually hit Allen when he told me. Fairly hard, too. My hand hurt for the next two days." She sunk further into the cushions with a sigh. "I was so sure Duke Freid was the father that day."  
  
"We don't know for a fact that he's not." He pointed his glasses at Eries, tapping them against his knee. He was thinking of something.  
  
"Have you thought of what you're going to say to Allen?" Hearing a "no" from Eries, he tapped the glasses twice before putting them back on. "Don't tell him anything yet. Not until you're sure. He just got back to something sort of resembling a decent mood. I don't advise upsetting him for nothing."  
  
"But…"  
  
"But what? The birth announcement said you're welcome to go to Freid and see the kid anytime you want. Go. Talk to your sister. Then, make a decision about what to tell Allen."  
  
"He's going to find out. The birth of a prince is a trifle hard to keep quiet."  
  
"So? Put your own spin on it. Emphasize how the first-born son stuff the Duke was talking about. Babies do get born prematurely all the time. Get some medical statistics from your little sister. Whatever. As clueless as he may be about you, he does listen to you."  
  
Eries was impressed. Maerzen had gone from furious with her, to furious with Allen, to concerned for the both of them within the space of fifteen odd minutes. He did have a point. The baby's paternity hadn't been firmly established; she was only going on her nervous speculations. If she was such a mess thinking about the possibilities, Allen would be many times worse.  
  
"All right, I defer to your superior judgment. I'll have Father arrange a trip to Freid and in the meantime…"  
  
"Trust me. You're doing the best thing you can given how screwed up everything is."  
  
Eries smiled, something she had thought impossible in light of the day's revelation. "Thank you. For listening, for understanding. For not holding a grudge…"  
  
"I'm still mad at Allen. I should probably kick his butt around the apartment a couple of times."  
  
"I thought you couldn't take him in a fight?" she teased.  
  
"I'm not stupid, Princess. I'll wait until he's asleep."  
  
Maerzen could be so droll that she had a hard time telling when he was serious -- a deliberate reversal, perhaps, of their first conversation. Still, Eries was thankful to have gained a confidant and ally. She could only hope his advice would pan out.  
  
***  
  
They had left the flat quickly, not wanting to be there when Allen returned. Eries' presence there might have aroused suspicions in Allen that they were trying to squelch. As it was, Maerzen told him about the birth casually over dinner, pretending it was nothing but the court gossip so many treated it to be.  
  
Allen's response was a panicked request for a one-on-one talk with Eries at the following morning's breakfast.  
  
He looked even more weary than usual. Eries doubted he had slept at all last night. The pace of his questioning was relentless anyway. He asked her to repeat every word on the announcement and if she thought it sounded as dubious as he did.  
  
The truth was, Eries hadn't slept much either. She had spent the predawn hours rehearsing what she would say to him and how she would say it. She delivered prepared line after prepared line, noting how Allen's face fell each time she rejected his theories.  
  
"You don't think it's odd that he was born so early?"  
  
"Allen, I told you..."  
  
"You don't even think it's possible?"  
  
Desperation crept into his voice. Eries was getting apprehensive. What she thought had been settled months ago hadn't been settled at all. Allen hadn't let go. He had only hidden how he felt from her.  
  
"Are you going to Freid? Are you going to see him?"  
  
She dreaded where he was headed with this.  
  
"I was thinking. When…if you go, instead of taking Alucier as your guard -- "  
  
"Stop. Stop. That is not going to happen. You are not going to Freid as my guard or in other capacity." Her voice gave proof to the nickname of Ice Princess.  
  
It fazed Allen, but only enough to make him rethink his strategy. "Eries, I would stay in the background. I would let you ask all the questions. I wouldn't do anything stupid."  
  
"What do you think this idea of yours is? You're just going to show up and say 'hi' to Marlene and ask her if she happened to give birth to your child? Mahad dal Freid is an understanding man, but there are limits."  
  
"It won't be like that."  
  
"Then tell me how it will be. Convince me that you've actually thought this though. Let me know that this isn't some pathetic attempt to try and gain back one of the women who's left you."  
  
She might as well have hit him again. That would have caused temporary pain, a sting on his check that would fade and be forgotten. Instead, she had rent old wounds and brought profound aches to the surface.  
  
"Allen, I'm sorry. But I need to get through to you and all you seem to understand is hurt."  
  
"Eries…no…this isn't about Marlene. I know I've lost her but…I might have a child. I might be a father."  
  
Again. His father again. All roads led to and from Leon Schezar and every step Allen took was done in the schism between the desire to flee and the need to embrace. A child of his own -- illegitimate, inaccessible -- would complicate an already tangled turmoil of emotions.  
  
Maerzen had been right to try to spare him before the truth was known. Unfortunately, Allen was capable of beleaguering himself with doubts without any help from them. He would never let this drop. He had to have an answer.  
  
That left Eries with no choice. "I will talk with Father. I will go to Freid as soon as I can. Alucier will accompany me. I will talk to Marlene and I will give you an answer. You have to promise me you will not do anything rash while I am gone. You will not agonize over this every second of the day. You have to promise me this."  
  
"Whatever you want, Eries. I will do whatever you want."  
  
What she wanted him to do was to put this all out of his mind. Start over at the first day she had met him. Hi, my name is Princess Eries. I'm going to tell you everything that I feel and I'm never going to running away from anything. And I have an older sister, but you're going to stay very far away from her.  
  
There was no point in fantasizing. Even if she could go back to that day, there still remained the impossibility of a full confession to him. After almost two years from the time she first saw him, she could only support him with a passive love she disguised as friendship, whether it was circumstance or her own cowardice that kept her silent.  
  
That was all she knew how to do. So she would keep doing it.  
  
***  
  
King Aston was curiously excited about the proposed trip. If Eries hadn't brought it up, it seemed her father would have gone regardless. Eries thought it would take a week at the minimum for preparations but they were off in less than three days.  
  
True to his word, Allen spent the intervening days either working or at the flat pretending to be in a good mood whenever Maerzen was observing him. Nights out with Revius getting acquainted with the female population of Palas where put on indefinite hold. Dropping his bad habits brought about the new one telling Eries every time he saw her what she should say to Marlene, then back peddling and telling her she could say whatever she wanted.  
  
Eries was almost glad to be away from him. Almost. Stuck in a leviship with her obviously up to something father and a bouncing off the walls Millerna, Allen's ceaseless coaching wasn't so bad. The only way the flight there could have been more tedious was if Allen had come along and joined with Millerna in preaching the miracle of Marlene while she had no choice but to listen.  
  
When the captain of the leviship entered the stateroom to announce they would be landing shortly, Millerna got wound up yet again, this time concentrating on her nephew and how wonderful it would be to see him for the first time.  
  
Maerzen leaned over to Eries and whispered, "I think she's happy about seeing Princess Marlene."  
  
"Of course she is," Eries whispered back. "She's the only sister she has, you know."  
  
Her bitterness lessened when they arrived at the temple that served as the seat of Freid's government. They were greeted by the Duke, who had forsaken his armor for more comfortable, but no less regal, robes. He looked like a different man; he was more relaxed, his edges were softened.  
  
Any chance of a formal greeting was scrapped by Millerna dashing up to him and asking where Marlene was.  
  
"She's in our chambers attending to Chid. I'll take you to her."  
  
"She's not in the villa?" King Aston asked.  
  
"No, since Chid was born, we agreed it was best if she stayed here instead."  
  
"So you don't stay with her at the villa?"  
  
None of the adults knew what to make of Aston's leading questions, so they Millerna chirpings about the temple carry the conversation. Eries and Maerzen walked slower than the rest of the entourage as it headed towards the royal chambers.  
  
Maerzen spoke up first. "Uh…what was that?"  
  
"I don't know. I doubt it was actually about the villa, though. It was more like he was trying to assess their living arrangements."  
  
"…Why?"  
  
"I don't want to know."  
  
Duke Freid was eyeing Aston cautiously and gave a look to the lagging princess and guard, searching them for a clue as to what the king meant. They hurried to catch up.  
  
The tension dropped instantly the second they were in the chambers. Marlene stood by the window, sunlight pouring over her and her son as she held him and sang softly to him. Knowing her youngest sister well, she shushed Millerna before she could make the smallest noise.  
  
"I just got him to sleep," she said, working the explanation into her lullaby.  
  
Duke Freid went to her and took his son to put him in a bassinet by the bed. He cradled him gently, taking a small hand into his own and holding it before setting him down. That was why he was wearing the robes. The clanking and cold metal of his armor might disturb the baby.  
  
"My, what a happy family," King Aston declared, with an overdone clap of his hands.  
  
Maerzen took several large steps backward into a corner of the room. Guards should be unobtrusive, after all. If Eries hadn't been so relieved at seeing the tenderness with which the Duke held Chid, she would have grabbed him and not let go after hearing her father's comment. As it was, she gave both him and Aston a disapproving frown.  
  
"Yes, we're quite happy. Thank you for noticing," Marlene returned icily. Even Millerna felt the chill.  
  
"Since Chid is sleeping, why don't you take this time to get settled in your rooms?" Duke Freid suggested. "We can visit later."  
  
He called for one of the many monks and instructed him to show his in-laws to their quarters. He went along with them to make sure everything was in order.  
  
"Eries," Marlene called out once Aston was out the door. "Could I talk to you for a minute?"  
  
"Oh…yes…of course. Alucier?"  
  
"I'll take care of your things." He bowed to both of the princesses and left. Outside, he debated for a brief second to stay and listen for just a minute, but decided that would be disrespectful. Eries would probably tell him everything later anyway.  
  
Marlene had sat down on the bed, stretching enough so that she could keep an eye on her son. Alone, the baby right there -- it was a perfect time for Eries to bring up the subject that had occupied so much of her thoughts lately. Not wanting to be overly blunt, Eries eased into the matter at hand with a simple, "How are you, Marlene?"  
  
It was a simple question that practically required the rejoinder of "Fine, how are you?", but Marlene answered, "I…" before returning to Chid.  
  
"Would you like to see him?" she asked after a long pause.  
  
"No, I don't want to wake him." In truth, Eries was scared to see him. He looked like such a pale thing when Marlene was holding him. The fair, white skin was in deep contrast to the tan of his father and the citizenry of Freid as a whole. It could have been a trick of the sun…  
  
"It's all right, Eries. I think he can sleep through having his aunt look at him. Though some times, I wonder what doesn't wake him at night. Now I know what Father meant when he complained about losing sleep over us girls." Marlene yawned in punctuation of her small joke.  
  
Eries hated to dispel her sister's good humor, but she had to push forward. "Do you know what he meant just now?"  
  
"No. And I don't care to speculate. You know Father. He'll come out and say what he wants to say when the time is right for him. Millerna and your guard being in the room must have convinced him to keep quiet for the time being. Given the his snide comment about us being a 'happy family', I can only assume it has to do with Chid's birth."  
  
"You told me he had his suspicions before you left…"  
  
A cry emerged from the crib. It sounded fussy more than urgent, but Marlene leapt up to attend to her child. "What's the matter, sweetie?" she cooed to him. "Are you hungry? Or is it what comes after you've been fed?" A quick check revealed she was right on her second guess. Marlene asked a recoiling Eries to hold him to calm him while she got his things to change him.  
  
"Hold him? But he just…I mean…don't you have handmaidens for this sort of thing?"  
  
Marlene couldn't help but tease her. "Really, Eries. I changed Millerna when I was still a girl. It's not that horrific. One day you'll have children of your own and a little mess like this will seem like nothing." She handed Chid to Eries without letting her say another word. "See, it's not so bad."  
  
Her nephew squirmed in her arms from what Eries hoped was a need for dryer clothing and not an indication of how he felt about her. Marlene had graciously wrapped him in a blanket before giving him to her so it really wasn't that bad. She talked to him -- in a dignified, adult voice -- and Chid burbled in response. Then he opened his eyes.  
  
Eries wouldn't have to ask Marlene a thing. Eyes of the same lush blue that had enchanted her from the second she first saw it looked up at her in total innocence of their source.  
  
Eries was shaking when Marlene took Chid. Neither sister chose to say to anything until he was taken care of and put back to bed. Marlene took extra time to tuck him in. She had seen Eries' expression; there was no doubt as to what it was in reaction to.  
  
She forced herself to speak to her little sister. "I take it you noticed Chid's eyes."  
  
Eries heard her, but when she spoke, it was to herself, trying to process what she had just learned. "Allen told me. He told me and I knew but I didn't believe it was possible. I tried to convince him it wasn't possible."  
  
"Allen told you? He told you about us?"  
  
"I'm his friend, Marlene," Eries said, as if that alone was reason enough for the sharing of such an intimate secret. She explained further, knowing how it might upset Marlene. "When I told Allen you were pregnant, he suspected right away that he was the father. He had to talk to someone and I was the only one who knew about you two. I was furious at first, but…I understand. I still didn't think he was the father. I thought Duke Freid sounded too proud to not be. Maybe, I didn't want to believe the truth."  
  
"But you talked Allen out of it, right? He doesn't think Chid is his anymore?"  
  
"I thought I had, but when Chid was born, he started talking about it again. He begged me to come here and find out."  
  
Marlene cursed under her breath, shocking Eries. Marlene seldom used strong language and the proximity of her son made it more significant.  
  
"Marlene…"  
  
"He can't know, Eries. I've thought about this ever since I found out I was pregnant. He can't know. For his own sake."  
  
"Marlene, it's his child. I think that gives him a right…"  
  
"A right to what? Mahad has already claimed Chid as his own. He already loves him as his own. Even if I convinced him to repudiate Chid, what would happen next? I would go back to Asturia and explain to Father what happened? Hand him his bastard grandson and say 'By the way, do you remember my guard? Well, there's something I have to tell you.' I'm sure he'd be only too happy to welcome Allen to the family don't you think? Forget it, Eries. I agreed to marry Mahad to protect Allen. Any mention of Chid's real paternity would only put him in more danger than before."  
  
"I didn't say Father had to know. I just thought Allen had a right to."  
  
"And if he knew, Eries, what could he do about it? I just told you why he can't claim Chid. Would you really have him know regardless? Would you have him spend the rest of his life knowing that he has a son out there whose life he can never be a part of? You know how he torments himself thinking that someday, he might find his sister. And you know how he feels about his own father. You can't possibly think that knowing would help him in any way."  
  
"But…"  
  
"No, Eries. I would rather him think I've gotten over him and moved on. I would rather him hate me for that than to condemn him to that kind of suffering."  
  
Marlene was adamant and Eries agreed with most of what she was saying. But there remained the problem of what to tell Allen. Since Marlene had made the decision not to tell him, Eries would let her decide what he should be told instead.  
  
"Just tell him Mahad is Chid's father."  
  
"I don't know if I can lie to Allen."  
  
"You wouldn't be lying, Eries. I wasn't exaggerating Mahad's feelings for Chid."  
  
"And I'm supposed to tell Allen this? I'm supposed to tell him what a good man his lover's husband is?"  
  
"Eries! I know it's not fair of me to put you in this situation. I would tell him myself it that were possible, but it's not."  
  
Eries retreated to a chair by the windows. "I can't hurt him like that, Marlene. I can't."  
  
"Eries…" Marlene knelt down in front of the chair. She took Eries' hands, trying to convince her and to soothe her all at once. "Allen deserves to have some peace of mind about this. You know that this is the only way to give him that."  
  
Yes, Eries knew. She had been acting on that knowledge for the past nine months, being cold to Allen when it was required, being there for him when it was not. But she had been laboring under the delusion that he was not Chid's father. Forcing Allen to accept an agonizing truth had been hard enough. An agonizing lie…  
  
"I can't, Marlene. I can't," she repeated. She bit her lip to hold back tears that were forming.  
  
"Even if it's to ultimately help him? Eries, he's your friend. I know you care about him."  
  
Eries pulled her hands away. She could not say another word.  
  
"Eries, please." Marlene brushed away a strand of hair that had fallen across Eries' face. She cupped her chin in her hand, forcing Eries to look at her. Marlene had never seen anything like what she saw now in her little sister's eyes -- fear and sadness for what she would have to do and something else for the one she would have to do it to.  
  
"Oh, Gods, Eries…You?…I didn't know…I didn't know…When? After I left?"  
  
Eries shoved Marlene's hand away.  
  
"Before I left?" Marlene searched her memory for signs. "Is that why you were so hostile when you first heard about the engagement? You were so angry. It was for him. You were hurting because he was hurting. Why didn't you tell me?"  
  
Eries tried to block out Marlene. She tried to will her to stop talking. Failing on both, she huddled in her chair and refused to speak.  
  
"Eries…Okay, it's all right. I don't suppose that matters anymore anyway. But please tell me this, Eries. Have you told him?"  
  
Eries snapped. "Have I told him? Do you seriously need to ask me that? I have spent the past months desperately trying to clean up the mess you left behind with the full knowledge of what you two did together. So when was I supposed to work that in to the conversation, Marlene? Maybe after he told me how much he loved you? Or maybe after he'd spent the night with some anonymous girl in a pitiful attempt to get over you?"  
  
That was one step too far, but Marlene took the blow better than Eries thought she would. "I…I can't blame him for that. I married another man. I can't expect him…I don't want him to be alone. But not like that. I want him to find someone he can love. Someone who loves him."  
  
"Don't look at me," Eries said bitterly.  
  
"But, Eries…"  
  
"How sardonic must I be to you before it sinks in? Allen and I are friends and that is all we will ever be. I have seen first hand what happens when that line is crossed. I'm not going to have an affair with Allen and hope Father finds me an unsuspecting noble to cuckold in case we get a little careless."  
  
"There are some things you cannot deny, Eries, no matter how logical it is to do otherwise," Marlene pronounced solemnly. It wasn't clear if it was an excuse or a warning.  
  
"I can't talk about this anymore. I won't."  
  
"Fine. I'll accept that for now. But you still haven't said what you'll tell Allen."  
  
"I don't know. I need to think about this. Just, please, talk about something else. You never answered me when I asked you how you were."  
  
"I'm better than I ever thought I would be, given the circumstances. Mahad goes beyond the bounds of a good husband. Sometimes I feel guilty when he's so kind to me, like I don't deserve it."  
  
"He certainly handled your pregnancy well. He does know, right?"  
  
"Yes, yes," Marlene said, leaning her head back and sighing deeply. "I was so frightened when I first found out. It wasn't long after I arrived here. When I was late, I attributed it to the move even though my courses have always been so regular. But the days kept passing…I had to tell him. I was terrified he would send me back to Asturia in disgrace and Father would blame Allen for everything. But I doubt the thought ever crossed his mind. He asked me what I wanted to do. He let me decide. I asked him if he could ever accept another man's child as his own and all he said to me was any child of mine would be a blessing in his life. So I suggested we move up the wedding and we were married the next day. I don't know who made up the story about the monk, but everybody believed it. Maybe it was the same person who made up the story about me falling to cover up the 'early' birth."  
  
"Does he know who the real father is?"  
  
"It was the one thing he asked of me. I could tell he didn't feel right doing it, but you can hardly fault him for being curious. When I told him Allen's name, you should have seen his face. 'That boy who was your guard?' That boy. He didn't mean it the way it sounded -- like I was some lecherous old woman who had seduced a child -- but it was the only time he made me feel the slightest bit ashamed. He apologized immediately, of course."  
  
"He loves you." Eries couldn't help but ask Marlene how she felt.  
  
"I like him. I care about him. But I don't love him, not yet."  
  
"Does that mean that you will one day, dear daughter?"  
  
Both sisters spun around in a panic to see their father standing in the doorway. They prayed he had not been listening long.  
  
Marlene evaded the question by asking Aston how he liked his accommodations and other small talk that was far away from the topics she and Eries had just discussed. Aston played along with her awhile, but to the two girls who knew him well, it was obvious he was growing impatient. After a bland exchange about dinner plans, Aston walked over to the basinet to inspect his grandson.  
  
"Such pale hair and skin," he noted.  
  
"He takes after me," Marlene asserted, too sternly Eries thought.  
  
"Really? I was under the impression that when a child has one parent with dark skin and hair and another with fair features, they usually inherit the darker traits."  
  
Marlene dismissed Aston's observation. "There are exceptions to everything."  
  
"Hmm." He let his daughters think on that for a few minutes. It was an old tactic of his whenever one of them had been caught doing something she shouldn't. He would let them know he was aware of their indiscretion by hinting about the matter, then let them squirm with guilt while he pretended to be occupied with something else. When they were younger, it was an incredibly efficient means of extracting a confession.  
  
But they were older now. And the stakes were much higher than sneaking a dessert or skipping out on lessons.  
  
"Did you want something, Father?" Marlene was pure sweetness as she asked.  
  
In a way, Aston was proud. His little girls had grown tough and would no longer be cowed by such a simple trick. Pride wasn't getting him the answers he wanted, however. "Let's get to the point, shall we? Between his appearance and birthday, there's no chance this boy is a Freidian. I thought you were hiding something from me when you were first engaged. I was right, wasn't I?"  
  
Marlene wasn't about to back down. "I didn't know what you were talking about then and I still don't."  
  
"Don't treat me like a fool, Marlene. I had the duty registers checked. Your guard happened to be off in the days before your departure, leaving you to your own devices under the not-so-watchful eyes of stand-ins that you chased off as soon as you could. I don't think it's a coincidence that that was the time this little fellow was conceived."  
  
Marlene tensed even as Eries relaxed. Aston was leaving Allen pretty much out of this, mentioning him only by his absence. Evidently, he was ruling out Allen as a candidate for Marlene's affections based on his belief that Allen was after Eries instead. Marlene wasn't aware of that, but Eries saw no way to warn her without letting their father know his gossip was out of date.  
  
Besides, Marlene wasn't acting like she needed any help. She was fairly snarling when she gave Aston her opinion of his insinuations.  
  
"I'm not doing this to insult you!" Aston argued. "Think about this. Your husband has claimed Chid as his first-born son. One day, this boy is going to be ruling this country. As part Asturian, we already have influence over him. If he was a full-blooded Asturian, his loyalties -- "  
  
"I cannot believe you," Marlene hissed. "You see your grandson for the first time and all you can see is a way to increase your power? Such a small thing if you slander your daughter in the process."  
  
They continued to fight, becoming nastier with each turn until Eries, unable to hear another word, ran to Chid and admonished them both for fighting in front of the child.  
  
Marlene quit right away; King Aston took longer. "A name," he demanded. "I want the name of the father."  
  
"Mahad dal Freid."  
  
"Marlene."  
  
"I am the Duchess of Freid and I will not be spoken to like a child."  
  
"Then tell me the truth."  
  
"I have. You just will not listen. If you do not like hearing the answer from me, perhaps you should ask my husband. He will tell you exactly what I have told you, but he may have a sword by his side as he does."  
  
Eries' mouth dropped. She could not have heard correctly. Marlene could not have threatened their father.  
  
Aston was suffering from similar disbelief. Outrage came through his heavy breaths, every line on his brow. He left the room with simmering with fury, but without another word.  
  
Marlene collapsed against the wall and sunk to the floor. "And that was the man who used to tuck me in at night," she lamented.  
  
"Sometimes it's like he's two different people -- the loving father who dotes over his children and the ruthless power monger who will do anything and use anyone to get what he wants," Eries said, trying to reconcile for herself the exchange she had just witnessed.  
  
"I guess we know which one wins if the two ever come into conflict."  
  
"He's angry now. This was the first time you've ever defied him. He reacted badly."  
  
Marlene patted the floor to get Eries to join her. Once in place, she rested her head on her little sister's shoulder. "You saw his temper, Eries. Now you know why this secret has to stay buried. Even to Allen. Who knows what he would do if found out? It would be bad enough for him to live with that knowledge, what if he did something rash in his grief? You know his history."  
  
Yes, Eries knew. It was just one more reason for her to not tell the truth to Allen. Just one more of many. The pros outweighed the cons; the decision was easy.  
  
So why was she so sure she couldn't do it?  
  
***  
  
The remaining days of the visit were more pleasant if not less tense. King Aston and Marlene settled into a delicate civility that was moderated by an ever vigilant Duke Freid. The man had trained in the ways of the monks since childhood and proved up to the task, even though it tested everything he had ever learned about patience and inner calm.  
  
Eries stayed out of it. Claiming a new found interest in the country's religion, Eries toured the temples with a bored Maerzen while the older members of her family engaged in overly polite conversation. She believed Millerna spent her time with Chid. At least, she was always there when Eries went to see him.  
  
Marlene still made fun of Eries, interpreting her unease around Chid as squeamishness towards the messier aspects of babies. True, she was happy to hand him off whenever an "accident" occurred, but her real problem was knowing who exactly she was holding and worrying how long it would take for others to find out as well. Maerzen had taken one look at Chid and had made a wry comment about what "blue, very *distinct* blue" eyes the boy had. He assured Eries it was only because he lived with Allen and knew what to look for, but the apprehension wouldn't go away.  
  
Not even on the flight back to Asturia when she heard her father actually praise Marlene's abilities as a mother to Millerna and say what a nice visit it had been. It irked her temporarily, that her father could be so two-faced, but once she calmed, she decided to give him the benefit of the doubt that the old king had warmed to his grandson and put the ugly fight with Marlene behind him.  
  
Besides, given the task she had to complete, she was not one to be judging another for being duplicitous.  
  
***  
  
Eries missed the morning breakfast ritual the first day she was back. Then the second, then the third. Maerzen offered to tell Allen himself lest Eries never eat breakfast again, but she refused. Marlene had entrusted this to her. And…she hadn't yet decided what Allen should be told.  
  
Procrastination made everything worse. She had thought and rethought, then gone back to it one last time six times a day, every day. It's an old cliché that when faced with a difficult decision, one should just go with instinct, but Eries had dissected and overanalyzed every side until she had come up with five answers to every possible question Allen might ask. Instinct had been squashed and swept under the rug.  
  
In all her planning though, she had not compensated for a scenario in which Allen came to her room in the dead of night because he could wait no longer for his answer. She woke up to the gentle calling of her name with his face close enough to her own that strands of his hair hung down and caressed her cheek. Sleepily, she threaded her fingers through the blond locks and breathed out a welcome. This was a *good* dream.  
  
"Um, Eries…what are you doing?"  
  
Se bolted upright in bed, smacking her head against Allen's. Ignoring the pain, she scooted towards the headboard, pulling her sheets up around her to cover the embarrassing old maid nightgown she had worn to bed because there had been a chill in the room. That wasn't right. She should only have been embarrassed if she was wearing something less, not more.  
  
"I didn't mean to startle you," Allen apologized. He rubbed the side of his face where she had hit him, sorry indeed.  
  
"What the hell are you doing here?!" Eries demanded. "How the hell did you even get in here?!"  
  
Allen blinked.  
  
"You break into my bedchambers in the middle of the night and you have the nerve to question my usage of the word 'hell'? I can think of many words more profane than that and if you don't answer me now, I'll start using them too."  
  
"Revius is on the palace guard. He leaves their schedules lying around the flat all the time," a chastened Allen explained. "And I came here because it seemed to be the only way to get to talk to you. Alucier keeps saying you aren't feeling well or had council business, but I know he's just covering for you. You're avoiding me again after you promised to find out the truth for me."  
  
"Allen…" If she wanted a gut reaction, this was the perfect set-up for it. She closed her eyes and let the thoughts come. The first one that surfaced was one she hadn't considered despite how overt it was -- if Allen ever saw Chid, he would know. He would know Chid was his son and he would know Eries had lied to him. The boy was a prince of Asturia. It wasn't as if Marlene could keep him out of the country forever and it was only a matter of time before descriptions of his likeness started circulating among the people. Was that why she had been so reluctant to go along with Marlene? She had been willing to press the point that Duke Freid was the father when that was what she had believed.  
  
He wouldn't forgive her for this. All the excuses and good intentions in the world wouldn't justify her denying him his son. That's what her fear told her.  
  
Questions of selfishness rose again and were quickly answered with a no. She may be delaying the inevitable, but there was the hope that during that delay, Allen would have recovered and moved on. Who was she kidding? This was a man who carried everything penned up inside him, letting it build and control him. Finding out later wouldn't lessen the pain; it might intensify it.  
  
"Eries…"  
  
She had to stop this. She had to tell him something. She had to tell him something now.  
  
"Eries!"  
  
"I talked with Marlene. I talked with her and it's very clear to her and me that the Duke loves her. He loves Chid. He's going to be a good husband and father to them."  
  
"That doesn't…"  
  
"Allen. Listen to me. They are a family. They are in Freid. Nothing will change that. I don't think anything should. That boy has two parents who love him very deeply and who will raise him to be the next ruler of their country. That is Chid's birthright as proclaimed by the Duke himself."  
  
"You're still avoiding…"  
  
"I think those are the facts that you should focus on."  
  
"I just need to hear you say it…"  
  
"I'm not going to, Allen. You've already decided this in your heart a long time ago and I am not going to validate such a self-destructive wish. Marlene wants you to forget her. She wants you to be happy. Because she is."  
  
He didn't ask her again. She had already given him his answer in her careful choice of words - his answer and the truth.  
  
That didn't mean he was able to accept either one. Both were so fresh and overwhelming. He sat on the bed, not moving, not talking, barely breathing. Eries put aside her blankets to go to him.  
  
"I'm sorry." She took hold of him and he sank into her arms, his head on her shoulder in the same manner Marlene's had been a week earlier. "I'm sorry."  
  
"It wasn't supposed to be like this."  
  
His voice was so fragile, Eries was afraid any response from her might silence it. She hugged him more tightly, wanting to push out the words that had been haunting him for years.  
  
"I thought…when I was a child…my father was never there. I was so sure I was nothing like him. I wouldn't do what he did. I would be there. My children would know…They would know that I loved them…"  
  
"I know, Allen. I know."  
  
Somehow, that was enough. He fell silent again, content to simply be held. Eries was content to hold him and she did, even after his body and breathing relaxed into the familiar pattern of sleep. She didn't bother with rationalizations this time. She was there for her friend.  
  
That was all the reason she needed.  
  
***  
  
Author's Notes: Ug, this chapter was a nightmare to write. From my battles with the past perfect tense, to repeatedly reading dialogue out loud (it's weird, but effective) until it approached something that I was happy with, to the sheer amount of time this chapter spanned, etc. It probably needs more editing than the cursory read through that I gave it, but I wanted to put something out for you all to read. Because, when it comes down to it, that's why I forced myself some nights to sit at the computer until two in the morning to get done a scene (I know how the story ends; I'm in no hurry to write it out). Put simply, you guys rock. I make an snarky joke about Alucier having a fan club and you rush to join the imaginary bandwagon. And honestly, I never expected a weird little -- okay, weird BIG -- Eries story co-starring the most hated man in the Esca section to garner more than fifty reviews. (Not to get too far into Tangent-Ville, but I can understand not liking a character, but what is with the abject hatred a surprisingly large number of authors around here have for Allen?)  
  
Anyway, on to the story. Wave bye-bye to Marlene; we shant be seeing her anymore. It was my hope to portray her as a sympathetic character even if she did take Eries' man. I wanted to flesh her out a little bit too. There's not a whole lot of Marlene centered fiction out there and the best one of them *cough* Marlene *cough* Remalna Marguerite *cough* remains unfinished. I think there's more to her than a mopey Allen-chasing tragic heroine, so I gave her a little bit of a backbone in this chapter. I rather like the idea of Allen's women conspiring to protect him behind his back. As for why she was so depressed to begin with? Allen will be getting into that in the next chapter.  
  
Next up: I need it. You need it. Eries and Allen sure as hell need it. The one chapter in which everything goes absolutely…right. Girl and Boy Go on Holiday. 


	12. Girl and Boy Go on Holiday

The Secret Life of a Girl  
  
Chapter XII: Girl and Boy Go on Holiday  
  
  
  
"Are you absolutely sure you don't want to eat the sarva fish?"  
  
Eries indicated she was positively sure with a deep frown of revulsion. She had started out at mere disdain, but Maerzen had kept posing the question and had forced her into her current state. Now that she was at the highest level of disgust, she didn't know how she would answer him the next time he asked. She flexed her foot in preparation of a possible rebuttal.  
  
"I just don't see how an Asturian -- let alone a princess of Asturia -- could hate seafood," Maerzen chewed over as he chewed through his plate of various fish and crustaceans.  
  
He was right about the seafood. Eries was the only one at the banquet who wasn't shoveling down the meat. King Aston sat at the middle of the table, attacking his meal with his usual gusto while the merchants that flanked him failed to keep up and tried to compensate by out drinking him. Alcohol was the only thing present in greater quantities than the food.  
  
The mood was understandably celebratory. The council had just ratified a treaty with Egzardia regarding shipping lanes with the end result being a large drop in tariffs that would increase the bottom line of even the smallest trader in Asturia. The banquet, held on the eve of Aston's trip to Egzardia for the official signing of the treaty, was just the merchants' way of showing their appreciation. Some genius had decided fish would be an appropriate motif given the shipping lanes were over the most bountiful area of the Asturian ocean.  
  
Eries normally would have skipped out on an affair like this, but she had worked hard with her father on drafting the treaty and felt that she deserved to be here. Actually, she felt like she deserved to be at a much more formal dinner with proper music, better behaved guests and food that did not look back at her. Sarva fish was considered a delicacy when served with certain spices and its head and tail intact by chefs and culinary fetishists, but Eries did not count herself among their number. She had covered hers up with a spare napkin immediately after it was presented to her.  
  
"Seriously," Maerzen persisted, "How can you not like this stuff?"  
  
"I don't like eating any food that still looks like the animal it came from." Her answer may have been a touch hypocritical given that she ate other meat without problem, but she had never had a steak that was still moving minutes before it was served to her.  
  
"But this is fish," he corrected, sticking a chunk on his fork in her face to illustrate. "And you would not have liked living on a farm."  
  
"You're right about the farm, but fish are animals," Eries corrected further. "If I said mammals, then I would have been wrong."  
  
Maerzen mumbled something about semantics and returned to consuming his fish. Once done, he seemed to hit a burst of inspiration. Holding up the remains of his dinner, approximating a fish voice, he said, "Please, won't you reconsider? It would be such an honor to be eaten by a Princess."  
  
"This is why you never drink, isn't it?" Eries asked flatly.  
  
Maerzen, or possibly Maerzen on the fish's behalf, snickered.  
  
He hadn't intended to drink at all tonight, even after numerous taunts (What? Caeli can't take a little liquor?) from the merchants. Maerzen had politely nodded and laughed along with them until he thought they were bored of his specious good humor. Then he had whispered to Eries that the real problem was that the Caeli couldn't take a bunch of obnoxious merchants. Someone must have heard, because as soon as Maerzen excused himself from the table, one of the merchants had crept over and, with a wink at Eries, had replaced Maerzen's water with a liquid whose clear appearance and lack of strong flavor masked a high alcohol content.  
  
Eries should have warned him. She really had thought about doing so. Really. But in the two years since Maerzen had become her guard, she had never seen him drink more than a glass of vino and she was curious to see what would happen.  
  
So she and roughly a dozen merchants had watched him down the glass with interest then amusement as it left him susceptible to accepting other, stronger drinks and so on and so forth until he was reduced to doing pantomime with a fish corpse for Eries. The Caeli couldn't take his liquor at all.  
  
When he was through with his laughing jag, he and the fish decided that it would be an honor too, if a fish were to be eaten by a Caeli and he snatched Eries' fish off her plate. She was glad to see it go.  
  
Maerzen wouldn't let it go though. As he picked off piece after piece, he let Eries know exactly what she was missing. "Mmmm, so good. Such good fish."  
  
***  
  
It was bad fish -- very bad fish. For most of the banquet guests, symptoms such as dizziness, stomach cramps and a dire need to get to the lavatory and stay there for an extended period of time manifested an hour or two after the banquet. The royal physicians had stayed up with the king all night, trying to alleviate his pain and making sure he didn't get dehydrated. He was in fair shape by morning, but the doctors insisted that he stay in bed and cancel his trip. Though the fish was mostly out of his system, the high winds that were buffeting Asturia were bound to cause turbulence on the leviship that would bring back the severe nausea that had plagued him for the past twelve hours.  
  
Everyone had expected Aston to ignore the doctors' warning, but he surprised them by agreeing to stay. He did not cancel the trip however. Upon finding out Eries was unaffected by the food poisoning, he declared she would go in his place. She had helped with the treaty after all and, at seventeen, she had matured into a stately, reserved princess well capable of representing her country.  
  
Besides, Aston knew that a failure on Asturia's part to produce royalty for the signing of the treaty might jeopardize the whole thing and he wanted to stay behind and have a word with that merchant who had bragged about the "too good to be true" deal he had gotten on the sarva fish.  
  
Unaware of her father's ulterior motive, Eries waited at the leviship dock with a feeling of pride. This was to be her first trip out of Asturia without her father's supervision and she was looking forward to the chance to prove herself and to maybe have a little fun while doing it. Signing the treaty would only take a minute and the party that followed would last one night. Her trip was scheduled to last a week. Taking away travel time, she had four days all to herself in Egzardia to do whatever she wanted. She wondered if Maerzen would appreciate an excursion to Dr. Atrineu's school of psychiatry.  
  
She would ask him if he ever showed up. A guard had been dispatched to his flat so fetch him, but that had been hours ago and it couldn't have taken him that long to pack. The leviship captain was past impatient and it was only under Eries' orders that he hadn't left already. The man was just about to argue the worsening winds as a reason to take off right now when one of the crewmen shouted that a Caeli with luggage was hauling it towards the leviship.  
  
A Caeli -- but not the one that was expected. A visibly winded Allen stopped long enough to give his belongings to the porter and catch his breath before reporting to Eries. His shoulder-length hair whipped about so wildly in the wind, he could barely see her.  
  
"Where's Alucier?" she asked. This last minute substitution had her intrigued, but she was still worried about her friend.  
  
Allen searched for the most decorous way to describe his roommate's situation. "He's…indisposed."  
  
"Oh, right. The fish."  
  
"Yeah…the fish. Rev and I thought he just had a really bad hangover at first because that was the first time he had ever gotten drunk that we knew of, but no one gets one that bad. I've never seen someone that violently ill before." Allen shook his head in a sort of awe that someone had been as bad off as Maerzen was last night and lived through it.  
  
"I gather he's not well enough to travel, but otherwise…"  
  
"He'll be fine," Allen promised her. "He wanted to come when that palace guard told us you were leaving, but after he fell over trying to get out of bed, we all decided it was better if he stayed. Revius volunteered for your guard duty, but I pulled rank and said I would go."  
  
Eries brightened. "Because you wanted to spend a week in my company?"  
  
"Well, it was either that or spend all day at the flat following Alucier around with a bucket and a mop."  
  
"Thank you very much," Eries bit back. "Just because your taking Alucier's place as my guard doesn't mean you have to adopt his teasing manner."  
  
The wind picked up and obscured Allen's response. Not being able to hear each other without shouting, they gave up trying to converse and ran up the gangplank into the ship. Once inside, Allen took her arm to escort her to the stateroom.  
  
"Assuming we make it through this wind, it looks like we're going to have a nice little holiday," Allen speculated.  
  
"Hmm, a holiday," Eries murmured. A week with her friend far away from her father's watchful eye and quick judgment.  
  
Maybe sarva fish wasn't that bad.  
  
***  
  
Some minor turbulence aside, it was a tranquil trip both inside and outside the leviship. The crew, used to King Aston's preference of being left completely alone, gave his daughter the same wide berth. That suited Eries just fine. Allen's company was all she wanted.  
  
They passed the time as they usually did, discussing trivialities such as the weather with the occasional ventures into heavier subjects. It was only in the past few months that either of them had been able to bring up Marlene comfortably. It was still a topic to be tread upon lightly; Eries never said much more than Marlene was doing well and was busy with her duties. Most of those were maternal, but Eries knew better than to report when Chid first started crawling or when he uttered his first word.  
  
When the wind brought rains, Eries was reminded of the focus of Marlene's latest letter. She had written that the severe drought that had parched Freid for over a decade had finally come to end and things were starting to turn green again. The people of Freid interpreted the beneficent change in climate occurring so soon after Chid's birth as a sign of the boy's auspicious nature and embraced him and his mother even more warmly than before. Eries relayed this information to Allen and he nodded. It was good that Marlene felt accepted and loved.  
  
A lull in the conversation had Eries planning out their itinerary. She went through a mental list of sites in Egzardia, deleting the ones she found boring and running the others by Allen. She didn't make much progress. Allen had no interest in visiting the cathedral that had served as the religious mecca for most of the continent for two centuries. A lack of religion was the one thing Allen had inherited from his father. She also encountered resistance against the royal library, the historical museum and a conservatory devoted to rare plant life. She didn't bother with Dr. Atrineu's school.  
  
"So where do you want to go?" she asked, exasperated.  
  
"Isn't Egzardia know for its beaches and spas?" he suggested.  
  
"You want to laze about the entire time?"  
  
"That's why they're called holidays, Eries. You don't have to do anything."  
  
Not do anything. For several days. Eries had spent almost two years so wrapped up in council business that the idea of a single day going by without something to do was a foreign concept.  
  
Clearly, a compromise had to be reached. A compromise that would keep her out of the blazing, early summer sun for as long as possible.  
  
"We do the things I want to want to do during the day, the things you want to do at night." Much to her surprise, she added an impish afterthought, "Within reason, of course."  
  
Allen's face went blank. Eries knew his reputation. *Everybody* knew his reputation. But she seldom made any reference to it, let alone put herself anywhere within its context. "Eries, I would never…"  
  
She wasn't going to let that sentence be finished. Never could be such a binding word and while she doubted she would ever exercise that particular option, she wanted to keep it open. Even the most practical of women had room for daydreams. "I was teasing, Allen. Nothing more. It's what we do. Surely you've been paying attention during all the breakfasts with Alucier and Revius."  
  
"But…" He had more to say, but let it lie. He traversed this particular territory easily enough, but discussing it, especially with Eries, felt somewhat…precarious. He changed the subject, or tried to. "How about the theater district?"  
  
Eries smiled. "Why? Do you want to see where your grandmother used to perform?"  
  
"I don't tend to think of my grandmother…doing that sort of thing," Allen coughed out. "I knew Livia Denault, not Lili deCrane."  
  
Eries' grin widened. This was a fine turnabout. Allen being the squeamish, shy one while she forged ahead boldly. "She's very famous here. I'm sure if you mentioned her name…"  
  
"Do you want to get backstage for some reason? Learn how everything's done?"  
  
Too far. Eries had gone too far and now she had to fall back. She knew her cheeks were turning red, but she spoke as if as innuendo wasn't flying all about the stateroom. "I just thought someone might be able to tell you something about her. You told she died when you were eight and she didn't visit that often because she didn't like your father."  
  
It was a tactic she had learned in council meetings. If talks weren't going your way, you worked in a mention of a bête-noir of the other person's that would set tem off on a tangent. It normally took just a hint of Leon Schezar's name to launch Allen into either a bitter screed or a sullen silence.  
  
She got the second. Allen conceded that she might be right then settled back in his chair to gaze vacantly out the window. It was theoretically wrong of her to manipulate her friend in such a manner, but that was the single strangest conversation she had ever had with Allen, short as it had been.  
  
And yet, in its own way, it had been the most oddly stimulating too.  
  
***  
  
Eries' arrival in Egzardia was met by the oldest princess of its royal house, Marqesita, who didn't display much interest in her duties. She didn't even lift her head when the leviship captain announced Eries' name. She did stand up and spit out a well-memorized greeting, but her focus remained on the beads that comprised one of her many bracelets the entire time.  
  
The rudeness of the woman was not what struck Eries the most though. Egzardia had a warmer climate than Asturia and the traditional dress was renown for being flamboyant, but Eries was not prepared for just how flamboyant that attire could be. The books Eries had read on Egzardian clothing mentioned brightly colored silks and lots of it. The princess had the brightness down, but couldn't have been further off on the "lots" part. She seemed to be wearing more jewelry than clothes.  
  
Eries adjusted her own voluminous dress and recited the standard pleasantries. The princess gave Eries a once over, smiled as if thinking of a private joke and went back to the study of her bracelets.  
  
If the trade treaty weren't at stake, Eries would have given her an education in disrespect. Even so, she marveled cheerfully about how fascinating the jewelry truly was and the general captivating nature of shiny objects.  
  
The princess coughed at Eries' patronizing joviality and matched it by questioning if Asturia was a frigid country because Eries' clothing looked so warm.  
  
A few more artificially polite exchanges had the leviship captain trotting back to his ship to see if that Caeli had finished talking with the Egzardian port master about security at the dockyard. He had piloted his ship through many violent storms, but the knight would be much better equipped to deal with a full-on combat situation.  
  
Sending Allen over to the princesses was a prudent move. As Allen stood in front of Eries and bowed to Princess Marqesita, her opinion of Asturia raised noticeably as she complimented the high quality of its knights. She was quite effusive about that, shifting her stance in the seeming belief that a jutting hip conveyed more approval.  
  
Allen might have flirted back if the tips of Eries' fingers weren't dug painfully into the small of his back. Instead, he coolly accepted the compliments and urged her to wrap things up so that Eries could get settled with plenty of time before the signing ceremony. Marqesita got the hint and summoned several servants with a loud snap of her fingers.  
  
The palace grounds weren't far from the dockyard so the entourage went there on foot. As much as Eries tried to keep either ahead or behind her, Marqesita made sure to match her pace. Allen was further up with the servants, reviewing security with them just as he had with the dockyard captain. He didn't hear a word that passed between the two princesses.  
  
"You're not like the other princesses that usually come through here," Marqesita said.  
  
Eries wasn't sure where the Egzardian was going with this. A sidelong glance revealed the same disinterested expression she'd been looking at since getting off the leviship. Figuring Marqesita had something particular in mind to say, Eries waited for her to elaborate.  
  
Luckily, she quickly obliged. "Normally, we get these delicate little creatures that crumple at the first sign of discourtesy. You held your own. I like that."  
  
Eries wondered what the woman would say to someone she didn't like. The question she did ask was only a little less blunt. "So you're deliberately rude to your guests as some sort of test?"  
  
"More like a game," she laughed. "Tell me you don't get bored of greeting dignitary after dignitary exchanging the same meaningless prattle again and again. A princess has to take her amusements where she can get them. Speaking of which…" Marqesita motioned toward Allen. "Is he yours?"  
  
"He's not my usual guard," Eries answered without realizing what the other princess meant. She blushed when Marqesita's throaty laughter enlightened her. "He's my friend. We're just friends," she added hastily.  
  
"Really? Pity." Something in her voice indicated a touch of disbelief on Marqesita's behalf. Returning to her habit, she began fingering her bracelets while thinking aloud. "You're supposed to stay at the palace while you're here, but believe me, that's no fun at all. If you want, we have a cottage on the beach right by the markets. I could pull a few strings and get you relocated there. You Asturians require fresh ocean air, don't you?"  
  
Eries had her own trouble believing in the generous offer. "You would do that for me, Princess Marqesita?"  
  
"Just Sita. And I do have one condition, but I'm sure you'll agree it's only fair. You see, I wouldn't mind getting away from the palace myself, but I'll need a pretext."  
  
"Ah, so under the excuse of being the obedient princess entertaining her guests, you'll be free to do as you wish."  
  
"Intelligence and a backbone. I knew I liked you."  
  
"May I ask where you'll actually be?"  
  
Marqesita put her arm around Eries and pulled her in close to share her secret. "You're not the only princess to have her own special guard, though yours might be prettier." She raised an eyebrow knowingly and gave Eries a hearty smack on the back.  
  
As the party walked through the palace gates, Eries contemplated what it was about this trip that had everyone dancing around that one topic. She also contemplated whether or not it pleased her if it were to continue.  
  
***  
  
As predicted, signing the treaty didn't take long. The hardest part was not smearing the blotchy ink of the quill pen as Eries put her name and oath to paper. With a splatter after the "n" in Aston and a blackened left pinkie finger, Prinuss Erees Areo Aslon opened new trade lanes between Asturia and Egzardia. Much clapping ensued, including applause from the king of Egzardia who hunched over the parchment trying to decipher Eries' handwriting. Timzin had always gotten on her case about her penmanship, but all the swirls and ornate hoops that decorated other women's signatures just seemed like a waste of time to Eries. She preferred to make one quick pass with her pen and be done with it.  
  
Afterwards, she was shown to the main banquet hall where she sat through the first four courses of a lunch that promised to have more food than all the meals she had eaten the previous week. She flicked a few appetizers over to Allen's plate when no one was looking, but he too started to have trouble at course number four. When rearranging his food on the plate no longer disguised the fact he wasn't eating it, Allen asked a server how many courses were on the menu. The man's answer of eleven had Eries giving Marqesita the prearranged signal to get them out of there.  
  
The princess took the cue and suddenly became concerned about Eries' pallor. If Eries hadn't known better, she might have taken offense at Marqesita's overly descriptive style, but the white, frail Asturian unaccustomed to spicy foods routine accomplished the job and shortly, she, Allen and Marqesita were headed out the door.  
  
They weren't even past the gates when Marqesita begged off. She gave her thanks and the thanks of someone named Cuen that Eries assumed was the aforementioned guard to the two of them for covering for her and left bouncing around the corner.  
  
"I don't want to know, do I?" Allen asked.  
  
"No. But I think it's a fairly easy guess."  
  
"She'll be all right on her own?"  
  
"She has a guard," Eries answered vaguely. "Anyway, she already had our things sent to the cottage. Shall we unpack then tour the markets?"  
  
Allen sighed the sigh of a man facing hours of shopping. "Didn't you say something about a greenhouse and weird plants?"  
  
"Shopping. Now. For the rest of the day. I promised Millerna I would bring her back lots of souvenirs and you don't want to listen to that girl when she's disappointed. Look at it like this -- we're getting it out of the way. Tomorrow we can go to the conservatory."  
  
Allen's amount of enthusiasm increased ever so slightly. "Shopping. For the rest of the day." It was a good imitation but that didn't spare him a light kick in the shin. "Okay, okay. As you wish."  
  
***  
  
They went to the clothing stalls first. Eries picked out two scarves for Millerna (one bright pink, the other pastel pink) and a shawl (pink again). She wasn't really looking for anything for herself. Allen occupied is time by relocating the contents of one bin to another and back again, drawing the ire of the stall's proprietor. He didn't like seeing his merchandise manhandled. Even though Eries gave the man more than the asking price for her items, she still felt him giving them the eye as they left to find friendlier places to shop.  
  
They ducked into an indoor store, one of the few on the large market strip. The selection here made the stalls look miniscule. She didn't know where to start. Allen suggested the door.  
  
Ignoring him, she went over to a rack of dresses. They looked like they were sized for children, but as Eries got closer, the cut of the dresses became suspect. She didn't think any little girl should wear a neckline like that. She kept looking. Allen found a bin to organize.  
  
She paused after the next rack revealed the same revealing outfits. "These can't be girls' dresses, but they're so small," she said in frustration.  
  
Allen held up a small piece of deep purple silk. "How about this?" he joked.  
  
Eries didn't get it. "I already bought Millerna two scarves and it's the wrong color."  
  
"It's not a scarf."  
  
Eries squinted. "What else could it be?"  
  
"It's a top."  
  
"For what? A very small child?"  
  
"Uh, no. A…mature…young woman."  
  
Eries grabbed it from him, convinced he was toying with her. A thorough examination brought her to the conclusion that it was in fact a top, not much of one, but definitely a top. "So this is where Marqesita shops."  
  
"I gather you'll be putting that back." Allen held out his hand to take it from her.  
  
"I know Egzardians dress a lot differently than we do, but aren't these people even the tiniest bit concerned about decorum? And you'd think they'd be self-conscious wearing things like that."  
  
"Not everyone has to dress like a nun to feel comfortable, Eries."  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked in an I-know-exactly-what-you- mean-and-you-better-give-me-a-good-excuse-for-it tone.  
  
Allen looked for another bin.  
  
"I'm waiting," Eries prompted.  
  
"It's just that you have a very…conservative manner of dress. Remember, this is coming from someone whose mother placed a great deal of emphasis on proper attire. And it is very proper and befitting a princess, but…"  
  
"But what? There's nothing wrong with dressing with class and subtlety. "  
  
"You think wrapping yourself in the biggest, heaviest fabrics Asturia has to offer is subtle? You might as well have a page walk in front of you, telling people to stay away from you."  
  
"That's…" Fairly accurate, she had to concede. The majority of her wardrobe was chosen for its ability to not call attention to her. "You may have a very small point," she allowed, "But I don't dress like a nun."  
  
She took inventory of her outfit just to prove that part to herself. The dark blue skirt of her dress hovered slightly above the floor, giving an observer the occasional glimpse of a shoe and nothing more. Pale blue sleeves came to a point halfway up her hands and her collar ended as close to her chin as it could without actually covering it. It was a simple, practical dress of velvet and plain cloth, with little ornamentation beyond the patterns made by seams. It was ridiculously hot for the Egzardian summer weather.  
  
Allen was wrong. She didn't dress like a nun. Nuns wore more jewelry and had those nifty sashes with the image of Jichia embroidered on them. Nuns would shake their heads in pity at her dress. Maybe let out a yawn or two.  
  
"Fine. What would you have me wear? This little…thing?" She shook the purple top at him, a bit shocked she hadn't already given it back to him.  
  
It was rare thing to hear Allen Schezar truly laugh. Eries had only witnessed it twice. Once was when he was drunk. The other time involved an ill-fated attempt by Revius to single handedly lug a chest of drawers up the narrow flight of stairs to the flat. Maerzen had provided a running commentary on the struggle that had her, Allen and most of the barmaids from Tuvello's in hysterics.  
  
Hearing him laugh now and knowing he was justified in doing so, Eries' temper flared. "I could wear something like this if I wanted to. But I don't."  
  
Allen gasped for air. "Yes, I'm sure…you don't have to prove a thing."  
  
"No, I don't." She crossed her arms. The nerve of him.  
  
Of course it only made him laugh harder.  
  
"I don't care that you don't believe me," she declared. Well, she cared a little. Mostly because she didn't believe either. "I could wear it," she argued to him and to herself. "I could. Maybe I will."  
  
Allen pointed to the dressing rooms at the back of the store with one hand and held his side where his laughter was beginning to take its toll with the other.  
  
That settled it. Eries stalked off to the small rooms. She could do this. She would do this.  
  
"You might want to take the matching skirt with you," Allen called out after her. He tossed another, thankfully larger, bundle of silk at her. The beads around the waist jangled when she caught it.  
  
A mirror hanging on one of the walls gave her second thoughts. The trouble she had untangling the skirt gave her third thoughts. An echo of Allen's laughter reaffirmed her goal. She put her back to the mirror and began.  
  
Despite a smaller overall surface area, the outfit took longer to change into than her dresses. She had to adjust things she wasn't used to adjusting and for a while, was convinced the top was missing a piece, but with persistence, she got the damned thing on. She turned around.  
  
Skin that had never seen the light of day was on full display. Oddly enough, the color of the fabric didn't make it seem paler, but complimented it, giving her a porcelain complexion that brought out the blue in her dark eyes. That was the only thing she was grateful for. The skirt hung dangerously low off her hips. The gold and beaded chains that were attached to the waistband wrapped around curves Eries had been unaware she had. The top covered more than she thought it would, but the way the extra fabric strategically draped off her shoulders only stressed the absence of it across her chest. It covered what it absolutely had to to qualify as a top but not much else. It was a miracle of engineering that it was as supportive as it was.  
  
There was no way she was wearing this out of the dressing room - even if she had her other dress overtop of it.  
  
"All right. I put it on. I told you I could. Now that that's out of the way, I'll change back and we can start shopping again," she announced nervously.  
  
"Aren't you going to come out?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Eries…"  
  
"I can't," she whined. "You can see everything!"  
  
"Everything?" Allen wasn't laughing anymore.  
  
"Allen!"  
  
"How do I know you really put it on?"  
  
"Trust me."  
  
"You're probably just standing there in your normal dress."  
  
Eries growled and put her dress on the floor so it would show through the space between the door and the floor. "There. Do you believe me now?"  
  
"I believe you." Allen sounded closer than he had before.  
  
Eries swiveled away quickly from the mirror in a hurry to put back on something more comfortable. The tip of her hair flew out, then got caught in the chains. So focused was she in extricating the hair without damaging it, she didn't notice her dress creeping across the bottom of the floor. With a whoosh, it disappeared under the door completely. Eries heard the sound and prayed it wasn't what she thought it was. Too afraid to look, she felt around with her foot. The floor was bare.  
  
"ALLEN!!!"  
  
"Something wrong?" he cooed innocently.  
  
"I WANT MY DRESS AND I WANT IT NOW."  
  
"What dress?"  
  
"THIS ISN'T FUNNY."  
  
"Is something wrong? Do you want to come out and talk about it?"  
  
Eries wanted to come out and do something about it, but talking was not the solution she had in mind. Talking was the only option left to her however, because coming out into the store simply wasn't going to happen. She played along for now. "Allen, will you please give me my dress back?"  
  
"Don't you already have one on?"  
  
She hit the mirror with her palm, causing her clothes to move in ways that convinced her more than ever that she couldn't leave the room. Asking nicely hadn't worked. It was time Allen met her vicious councilwoman persona. The one that had browbeaten the merchants into giving up funding for a new plaza in the Palas market district so that enough money would be available to fund a school in a rural village. "Listen to me, you little swamp thief. You are going to walk over here and you are going to slide that dress back under the door. I'm not asking you to do this; I'm ordering you."  
  
She heard him yawn. "You know, a Knight Caeli would listen to his orders. A little swamp thief would not."  
  
She smacked the mirror again. Why was he doing this? He obviously saw this as some sort of sport no matter how distressed she was about it. He never acted this playfully before. A little teasing here and there, but this big production just so he could see her in a skimpy outfit was completely out of line. Why did he want to humiliate her?  
  
Eries leaned against the back wall of the dressing room and studied herself in the mirror. She usually didn't admit this sort of thing to herself, but she did look good. She remembered Marlene telling her that if she wanted the men of the court to swoon over her, all she had to do was dress more provocatively. Dressed like this, Eries was pretty sure the men wouldn't just swoon, they'd pass out.  
  
Oh.  
  
Maybe Allen wasn't trying to humiliate her. Maybe he just wanted to get a good look.  
  
"Allen?"  
  
She must have been too quiet for too long, because now Allen was contrite. "I won't force you to do anything you don't want to do. Here, a peace offering."  
  
Her dress reappeared and was pushed back into the room. Eries toed it gently and left it lying there.  
  
I can't believe I'm considering this. "Are you the only one out there?"  
  
"There's a clerk by the door and a woman on the other side of the store."  
  
There must have alcohol in the food at the banquet. "They can't see me?"  
  
"Even if they could, they're both female. I don't think they'd care."  
  
But you do, right? "Okay, I'm coming out. But not for very long. And you have to promise not to laugh."  
  
He promised. Eries opened the door and crept out. Allen did not laugh.  
  
"Could you please not stare either?"  
  
Allen had a lot more trouble with that one. Eries got the feeling if she asked him to say something, he'd have significant problems with that too.  
  
"Well, that was fun. Back to the room now."  
  
Allen didn't even blink.  
  
"Yes, back to the room."  
  
That threat roused him enough that he was able to give his opinion. "You look…stunning."  
  
Eries tried to keep from smiling. She was showing enough. She didn't need to let Allen know how much she enjoyed having this effect on him. "It's not bad," she sighed.  
  
"You're kidding, right? Did you see yourself?"  
  
"There was a mirror in the room. Speaking of which…"  
  
"You're going back to change?" He sounded disappointed.  
  
It would have been nice to drag this out, but she was only willing to carry it so far. The entire time Allen was staring at her, she had kept a watch on the two women in the store to make sure they didn't come too close to her. Getting Allen worked up was one thing; letting strangers gawk at her was another.  
  
"I think I should."  
  
"Lots of Egzardian women dress like this. You don't have to be self- conscious."  
  
"I'm not an Egzardian woman. I should change."  
  
Yet she stayed outside of the room. Allen was right about Egzardian women. Enough of them dressed like this that she would hardly attract special attention if she went out in public as she was. Even if someone did say something, it wasn't as if she was unused to dismissing the ignorant comments of judgmental people. Showing Allen had been the hard part and that had gone well.  
  
Extremely well. He was looking at her in a way she had never seen. A way that she imagined he might have looked at Marlene.  
  
Quit daydreaming. We're just friends. It can't go beyond that. "It is comfortable. Very light and airy," she said. Her inner voice screamed in complaint. Just friends. Just friends.  
  
"If you think it would help, I saw a wrap that would better cover your…" Allen gestured in the general area of her torso. "I'll go get it," he decided promptly.  
  
Bad things happen when princesses get involved with knights.  
  
She watched Allen dig through a cluttered rack.  
  
Baaaaad things.  
  
He held up the wrap he had spoken of in triumph.  
  
Baaaaad -- Oh, shut up! A little bit of quasi-flirting won't hurt a thing. "That Caeli uniform has got to be hotter than my dress was. Why don't you pick out something for yourself?"  
  
Allen gave her the wrap. It was the same royal purple of the skirt and top and had intricate gold threadwork woven throughout. The silk it was made of was even smoother than her other clothes -- so smooth, it kept sliding off her shoulders. The extra coverage it provided did eliminate the last of her fear of overexposure.  
  
With her ensemble complete, Eries took up the task of finding suitable clothes for Allen. He insisted it wasn't necessary; he was trained to take the heat. Eries insisted he was trying to weasel out of more shopping. After holding up half the shirts in the store to his chest, she found the one -- a loose fitting item with an open neck that was a perfect match for his eyes. She was agreeable enough to let him take the first pair of pants in his size that he came across. The basic black seemed drab in comparison to everything else in the store, but when Allen emerged from the dressing room, Eries found the snug fit to be plenty of compensation.  
  
The clerk took Eries' money, complimenting the two on their choices and how good they looked together all during the transaction. Eries told her to keep the not insignificant amount of change.  
  
Once Allen had gathered the bags containing their old clothes, Eries held the door open for him. "After you," she said.  
  
***  
  
Walking along the market was easier without the burden of her heavy dress. Eries attracted stares, but for once, they were of admiration and not from people wondering what that weird girl's problem was. Virtually her whole life, she had been the odd princess out - the mousy one left to the quieter things in life. She had grown accustomed to the individuality, enjoyed it even, but there was a feeling of vindication in finally attracting attention for the right reasons. That she would have construed the right reasons in this case as the shallow reasons up until the second she stepped out of that dressing room was not lost on her. Ignored, but not lost. Tomorrow morning she would go back to her normal attire and be as she always was, but for the afternoon, she could dress, speak and act unconstrained by her position and introversion.  
  
Modesty did keep her wrap in place over her shoulders. Modesty and assistance from Allen. Between the slippery fabric and the breeze, the garment had threatened to come off, but he had taken her arm in his in a way that kept her from having to constantly pull it up. To an onlooker, they looked like a typical Egzardian couple strolling arm in arm on a shopping excursion. It was an illusion Eries did nothing to dispel, particularly to the women on the street that shot her jealous glances.  
  
She was feeling bold by the time they reached the end of the market. A dealer had set up an enormous booth containing everything from jewelry to candies to flowers that looked vibrant despite their exposure to the sun. Upon examination, Eries discovered they too were made of silk. A sign out front advertised authentic Egzardian goods.  
  
"They must get a lot of tourists at this end," Allen noted dryly.  
  
Eries smiled as she looked over the merchandise. From the tables, she pulled several boxes of fruit candy for Millerna and liqueur filled chocolates for her father. She skipped over a miniature of the Egzardian Royal Palace. Most of the jewelry was junk - cheap, gaudy brooches and rings - but a pair of gold ear cuffs caught her attention. She liked the style, but the quality left something to be desired.  
  
"They're distinct," was Allen's assessment.  
  
"You don't like them?"  
  
"I said distinct, not ugly. They seem like they'd suit you. Exotic with an air of class."  
  
"Why thank you."  
  
"Plus, you could drive people mad wondering why you're wearing such unusual jewelry. That is mostly why you're looking at them, right?"  
  
Allen knew her well. That was one of the reasons. Sometimes her enjoyment of her individuality ventured into revelry. "There are pretty, too. They would be prettier if they were better made. I'm afraid these would turn my ears green."  
  
"You could get someone to craft a better pair. Revius' father is a jeweler. Tell him what you want and he could do it."  
  
A connection formed in Eries' head. "Not Micha Revius? I own some pieces by him. I never realized."  
  
"I'm surprised he didn't mention it to you. He normally drops the name to every female he meets. I think that's why he always goes by his last name instead of his first."  
  
"Hmm." Eries gave the cuffs one last look before tossing them back on the table. "It's something to think about."  
  
She paid for her gifts and left to look at the flowers again. Allen lagged behind her, pretending to thumb through a stack of prints but really waiting for the booth's proprietor to wrap up his purchase.  
  
***  
  
Dusk had fallen, but the moons and the torches that had been spaced along the beach provided enough light for Eries and Allen. The torches also provided enough warmth to keep Eries from freezing in her scant clothing. Tired from the long day of shopping, she had agreed that a lazy night on the beach by the cottage was a good plan. Allen had laid out a blanket for the two of them, although currently he was the only one occupying it. He appeared to be napping, but every now and then, he took a chocolate from the box Eries had intended to give to King Aston. It had been Allen's belief that the candies had probably melted enough in the heat that they were unfit for gift giving. They had been fine when he had opened the box.  
  
Eries sat directly on the sand, squishing the cool, silvery grains between her fingers and toes. Egzardian sand was finer than Asturia's, but she bet it would still be viable construction material. As a child, Eries had built entire towns in the sand while her mother and Marlene took turns sunning themselves and swimming. Those forays to the beach were some of her best memories. The Aston family hadn't taken one since Therese's death.  
  
Feeling nostalgic, she dug a hole with her foot then grabbed the lid from the chocolate box to convey the water that would fill the makeshift reservoir from the ocean. Allen ate another chocolate.  
  
When she had five mounds of wet sand built, he rolled over onto his side and asked her what she was doing.  
  
"I'm making sand huts. I used to do this every time I went to the beach when I was a child."  
  
"Sand huts. Don't people usually build sand castles?"  
  
"I live in a palace, Allen. What do I need to make a sand castle for?"  
  
"Uh, you don't actually move into the sand castle once it's finished."  
  
She threw an especially moist clump of sand his way. "The purpose of building in the sand is fantasy. The purpose of fantasy is to imagine something other than your reality."  
  
"Sand huts. Got you." Allen rolled back over. The words "so she was weird child too" carried through the night air.  
  
Eries finished a sixth and seventh mound. They formed a circle, in the middle of which, she began work on a bigger structure.  
  
"Is that where the leader of the sand people lives?" Allen asked. He was still lying on his back, but with his head lolled to the side so that he could watch her.  
  
"He's the village shaman," she fabricated. "He speaks with the gods on the behalf of his people. He makes sure they have plenty of food and not too much water."  
  
A chocolate bomb rained down from the Knight of the Heavens. "There must have been a miscommunication."  
  
"Stop that!"  
  
"Looks like he really angered the gods this time." Two more bombs were dropped - one bouncing harmlessly off the shaman's lodge but the other taking off the top of a villager's hut.  
  
Eries hovered protectively over the village. She tried to shame him into stopping. "How old are you?"  
  
"About a month younger than the person building sand huts," he countered.  
  
"You're wasting chocolates."  
  
"Eh. They're your father's anyway."  
  
"I'm sure he wouldn't want them now."  
  
Allen paused. "You mean there are things he won't eat?"  
  
"Very nice, Allen. First, the wanton destruction of an innocent village. Now, you're speaking ill of your king." She retrieved one of the chocolates and launched it Allen-ward. "For my father's honor."  
  
He caught it effortlessly. He tossed it in the air and caught it, faked a throw at Eries, then tossed it again. "I am so loyal to my king and country, I'm not even thinking about smashing this chocolate on a princess who is definitely asking for it."  
  
"Not even thinking? I can believe that."  
  
The chocolate whizzed by her ear. Seeing that four pieces were still in the box, Eries called for a truce. The aim of a Caeli was to be respected. The next piece might not be a warning shot.  
  
"It was foolish of me to question both your loyalty and intellect, Sir Knight. To your face, at any rate." It was a truce, not a full surrender.  
  
Allen shoved the candy box over to her. "I can't out talk you. You're not going to out throw me. A real truce, then?"  
  
A real truce it was. Together, they rebuilt the sand village, using the remaining chocolates as decorations. It wasn't long until the village became a town.  
  
"I think we should stop before it's a city," Allen suggested.  
  
"I think it looks nice. Especially, the little sand mansion you made. I suppose you can add architect to swordsman and melef pilot to your resume."  
  
"The way Corunna's been talking lately, I might want to change jobs."  
  
"Lately?" Allen had complained about the long hours of practice the melef master demanded of him, but he had been doing that almost from the day he started training. "Don't tell me he wants you to work even more."  
  
"He's got this friend in Basram. He's a melef master too. Corunna's thinks it would be a good idea if I trained with his friend for a while. Learn about different kinds of melefs, pick up new techniques -- things like that. Something about making total use of my potential. Of course, to do it, I'd have to go to Basram."  
  
Eries knew why she didn't want him to go. She could also well imagine why he wouldn't want to go. Basram was a strange country. Though more technologically advanced than Asturia and boasting a government of elected officials instead of royalty, it was more or less a military state. The overlap between those elected officials and high-ranking officers in the army was more than a coincidence. King Aston mistrusted the country for obvious reasons. Unfortunately, that hadn't stopped him from pointing out to Eries that the prime minister's son was her age and available.  
  
"It's not like he can order you to go," she said helpfully.  
  
"No, he can't. Lord Ramkin can. The two don't get along that well, but if Ramkin thinks it's a good idea, I'll have to go. Duty above all."  
  
Her father had also remarked on the prime minister's son's collection of books and the fact that among Basram's female elite, the young man was considered quite a catch. Even Millerna had understood what Aston had been driving at. "Yes, duty," she grumbled.  
  
Allen caught her tone. "What's wrong?"  
  
Eries avoided answering and returned to the sand. That didn't stop Allen from asking her again. Then he started guessing. It didn't take him long to hit upon her problem. Marriage was the primary duty of a princess. "Your father isn't seriously trying to --"  
  
"No, no. He's not serious yet. I'm more annoyed about it than worried. Father's only at the 'giving me the biographies of all the eligible bachelors on Gaea' stage. I'm valuable to him on the council and honestly, I think I've cultivated an off-putting enough image that he doesn't exactly have to beat my suitors of with a stick."  
  
Allen busied himself with fortifying a crumbling sand structure. Eries guessed his thoughts were on the Aston daughter who had already completed her duty. She was partially right. "This probably sounds selfish, but I don't want you to go anywhere either. Your 'off-putting' nature to the contrary, you're the closest friend I've ever had. I'd hate to lose you too."  
  
Eries hugged her knees to her chest, fairly floating on the inside. "Don't think about it, Allen. As I said, he's not serious yet." She hugged herself closer, thinking over the list of men her father had mentioned. She chuckled when she recalled the last, most likely to her father and the least likely to her, candidate.  
  
"You find something about this funny?" Allen questioned.  
  
"The frontrunner for my hand. Would you believe Meiden Fassa is angling his oldest son towards a royal marriage?"  
  
"But he's just a merchant."  
  
"A very rich merchant and my father's close friend since childhood. Connections very often lead to exceptions being made."  
  
"And you find this prospect amusing because…? He doesn't look like Meiden Fassa, does he?"  
  
Eries laughed harder. "Oh dear gods, no. He's a gangly sort, but he takes after his mother. At least he did the last time I saw him. That was years ago. When he wasn't buried in a book, he was chasing handmaidens around the palace. Meiden thought it would a good idea to ship him off a school where he could learn to be a good, little merchant. Good by Meiden Fassa's standards being unscrupulous and avaricious. I don't see that part of his education taking though."  
  
"Again, you find this amusing…?"  
  
"For one, being in-laws with Meiden Fassa strikes me on the bad side of atrocious. Two, I easily imagine him driving me insane. He's much too much of a free spirit for me to take. He's better suited to Millerna."  
  
"Maybe you can fob him off on her. Any other potential partners?"  
  
"Why do you want to hear this?"  
  
"I like hearing you shoot them down."  
  
Eries didn't know what that meant. It sounded promising though. "Well, once, Father wanted to marry one of us to one of the Fanelian princes. It was all part of his plan to annex half of Gaea to Asturia. But the prince that was closest to my age got killed or ran off some time ago."  
  
"Folken. His name was Folken. Balgus talked about him. Not much, just hints here and there. I got the impression the reason Balgus left Fanelia to further his training was because he felt like he had failed the royal family by not preparing the prince better. Let's not get into that though. Anybody else?"  
  
"There was that son of a Cesarian ambassador that confided to me that while I was pretty for a woman, I wasn't anything approaching his type."  
  
"You attract all kinds, don't you?"  
  
"And I thought it was just Knights Caeli and palace guards." She realized the statement had more romantic implications than she intended, but since Allen didn't object, she wasn't about to withdraw what she had said.  
  
"Is that why you don't want to get married? You haven't met anyone you could picture yourself married too?"  
  
I wouldn't say that… "I don't want to be forced or manipulated into a marriage."  
  
"You sound like Marlene." Allen almost started to tell her more, but reconsidered. "You don't want to hear this."  
  
"I think it's good that you can talk about her." Eries repeated that to herself, because good for Allen to talk about wasn't the same as good for Eries to hear.  
  
"Did she ever tell you why she became depressed?" He continued after Eries said she hadn't. "About a year before we met, she had been friends with one of palace gardeners. It was mostly platonic; she just liked being in his company, but someone saw them together at night, misunderstood what was going on and by the time the gossip reached your father, she was having an affair. The gardener was fired and your father yelled at Marlene like she was a whore for talking to the man. She missed her friend but mostly, losing him made her realize how controlled her life was. She took to staying in her room because she didn't see any reason to come out if her every action was going to be dictated by her title."  
  
Eries listened to story with a new understanding of her sister. Everything made sense now. Marlene's constant complaints about being a princess, her refusal to socialize beyond what King Aston demanded of her -- even her affair with Allen. She must have felt so free being with a man she had chosen and loved on her own terms. And their last night together. Facing the lost of that freedom, she couldn't have helped wanting to give of herself so completely.  
  
Allen misread Eries' introspective air, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you."  
  
"No, I'm glad you did. I always wondered what happened to Marlene to make her so sad. And I understand what happened between the two of you so much better now. I sympathize with her. She was going to spend the rest of her life married to another man; I can see why she wanted at least one night to be with someone she loved. The idea of being with a man who's little more than a stranger…"  
  
"It frightens you, doesn't it? Being physically intimate with someone you don't even trust emotionally."  
  
"I don't know how you do it. Maybe it is different for men."  
  
Allen turned away from her. He had no justification to give.  
  
"I didn't mean to sound like I was judging you, Allen. I just…I'm not an expert on these matters. I've never even been kissed properly before." In her dreams, she had had that and more, but the knowledge it was only fancy gave her courage she would never have in waking life. Still, with Allen so close to her, speaking to her so openly about things she wouldn't share with anyone else, the old longings stirred.  
  
He moved beside her, placing a hesitant arm around her shoulders. "I'm sure you don't have to worry. You're a strong woman. You won't let your father force you into something you don't want. You'll find someone you deserve, someone to love."  
  
I already have. She nuzzled against him, letting him hold her while she rested her head against his chest. In the warmth of that embrace, under the radiance of the moons with only the soft crashing of the waves to disturb them, Eries could let herself believe they were both right.  
  
***  
  
Author's Note: See, a happy chapter. I am capable of producing one. Okay, Alucier fans might not like the seafood, but I assure you, he's feeling much better now.  
  
Anyway, I thought I'd answer some of the questions that have cropped up in the reviews (including the big one):  
  
Is Revius supposed to be the palace guard in the series? Nope, Revius ain't anybody. Besides, by the time the series rolls around, he'll be wearing a different uniform.  
  
Is it a coincidence that Marlene left for Freid on Celena's birthday? In her diary, Marlene gives the date Red, 3rd moon as the day she was engaged to Mahad. The way I was writing things, it just worked out that I could make the dates overlap. Anything to torment Allen (who whined about it in chapter ten). Either way, I'm thinking Allen had a pretty sucky week that year.  
  
Eries x Alucier? Jeez, I hate disappointing you people, but no, I don't see it happening. He cares about her but anytime I mention that, a reference to his small army of sisters is usually nearby. There's a reason for that. Maybe I'll find a nice girl for him so he doesn't wind up with Revius as Didodikali suggested (I have to ask, what do you picture Allen, Alucier and Revius doing together in that flat? ^_^ ). We'll see (uh, about Alucier and a girlfriend not the…oh, never mind).  
  
Next up: The return of soul-crushing angst. Girl and Boy vs. Death 


	13. Girl with a Gold Earcuff

The Secret Life of a Girl

Chapter XIII: Girl with a Gold Earcuff

For Eries' eighteenth birthday, King Aston had decided an appropriate gift for the princess would be an enormous all-day banquet and ball populated by foreign dignitaries from all over Gaea. Eries had greeted the news of her present with a groan. Even though the affair was to be held in her honor, the proceedings would likely unfold with her being introduced to great fanfare then shoved into the background so that her father could schmooze with the guests. 

She should have placed money on the outcome. Within five minutes of the presentation of the birthday girl, Eries was hanging out in her standard location of the corner of the room that was furthest away from the crowd. Her father would point her out occasionally, encourage her to smile or make some other friendly gesture and then grimace at her lackadaisical attempts to comply, but that was it. 

She was getting plenty of attention nevertheless. In addition to her usual company of Maerzen, Millerna was hovering about her, searching for reassurances that Eries was quick to give. Birthday greetings from Freid had arrived earlier in the day, signed by their brother-in-law but not Marlene. Enclosed with the gift of several bottles of rare Freidian vintage had been a short note written by the Duke explaining Marlene had fallen ill a little while ago and needed rest. He had stressed that he was sure she would be feeling better soon and they shouldn't let that any worry interfere with any celebrations. Millerna did not take his advice. She had spent the afternoon rereading the letter and jumping to the wildest diagnoses from the few symptoms the Duke had described. Now she was bugging Eries with an endless list of questions. Marlene had written to her sisters every week without fail since Chid's birth. How weak would she have to be to not be able write or even sign her name? Why hadn't the Duke written sooner?

Eries reiterated her belief that Millerna was worrying about nothing. Marlene had a bad cold or the flu, nothing more. If it were something worse, the Duke would have told them. He was a forthright man who didn't mince words. Millerna left Eries' side, either accepting her sister's word or the fact that Eries wasn't going to say anything else, but would get snippier each time she had to repeat herself.

Truthfully, Eries' wasn't of a mind to fret over Marlene's health problems, real or imagined. She was waiting. 

Allen hadn't been able to escape the overseas training his melef master had recommended. For the past three months, he had divided his time between Asturia and Basram. He was not fond of the foreign country. His dislike of it was a common theme in the near-daily correspondence he sent to Eries when he was stuck there. He didn't fraternize with the other melef pilots (Eries had to laugh at his footnote remarking that he was sure she was not surprised by that) and their customs were unlike any culture he had experienced before. The military men there made it clear they found Asturia's knights and code of chivalry more suited for old, romantic plays than modern living. Allen took a slightly smug satisfaction from soundly trouncing them in bout after bout of melef training. 

His last letter promised her he would be back in time for her birthday, but with the party already a half-hour old, there were only eleven Caeli in attendance. In an unusual move, they had all been recalled from their various posts across Asturia to the capital specifically for the occasion. It was peculiar that King Aston was making such a spectacle out of Eries' birthday. Marlene and Millerna had never merited similar attention.

Eries and Maerzen both watched the group of swordsmen. She was anticipating the appearance of a blond head among their number; he just wanted to go over and talk with his colleagues. Out of loyalty to Eries, he stuck close to her and traded cutting remarks with her about some of the more pompous party guests, but his heart didn't seem to be in it. After missing a wide-open opportunity to comment on Lord Simac's poorly constructed and badly fitting wig, Eries waved him off.

"You can go play with your friends now. Go talk about swords and fights and big, ugly melefs. Just try not to get overexcited," she jokingly admonished.

"Yes, Mother," he said before hurrying of to join his fellows at an excited clip that may or may not have been for her benefit. It amused her either way.

With Maerzen gone, Eries took to monitoring the main archway. Every party guest had to come through there, she reasoned. If she waited long enough, eventually Allen would come through as well. The only guests that entered though were the typical lords and ladies of high-class Asturia that thrived on these pretentious gatherings and many foreign officials. Pages announced each arrival, reading out title after title until they all blurred together into one big, blue-blooded blob of meaningless honorifics. What was curious was that the pages were making a point of announcing the sons of the foreign officials. These events were not generally family affairs. Only one or two representatives from a country came, not the entire household.

Eries surveyed the ballroom. There weren't entire households present. Not a single daughter of a foreign official was in sight, only sons. Eries had a sneaking suspicion of what the marital status was of each and every one of them. 

It was nice work by her father, the perfect set up. The birthday girl would be rolled out, everybody would take a good look at her and then she would be cast aside so that her father could negotiate without any interference. Aside from skipping out of the center of attention somewhat early, Eries had gone along with it completely. It was her day, her banquet so why would she suspect anything was amiss?

She grounded the berry tart she'd been nibbling on into a lace tablecloth. The laundry staff would be appalled, but they wouldn't make the fuss the nobles would have made if Eries had gone along with her original desire to hurl the thing smack in the middle of her father's head. He had promised her he wouldn't marry her off without her consent.

But he hadn't said anything about lining up a list of candidates. True to his character, Aston had used the letter of his promises as cover for mucking about with the spirit. He wasn't the only one who could ignore the rules of the game. Not bothering with being surreptitious, Eries grabbed a handful of the tarts and stalked out of the room.

She went to the rooftops overlooking the palace gates. She had always liked the view and the rush of air. The experience was liberating and humbling all at once. A paradox not unlike herself. She understood her duties; she believed in her responsibility to them. She would execute those duties to the best of her ability without complaint. She would except for the one that was arguably the most important to her kingdom.

She settled against the parapet and spread her snacks out carefully on her skirt. Music from the banquet drifted up, the notes deepening as they resonated off the stone walls. Eries picked apart a tart to keep from thinking about how self-centered she was being. Would it really be so bad to be married? She was sure she could convince her father that an Asturian husband would be best. Nothing would really change then. She might not be on the council anymore, but her husband would be. Her ideas might actually gain credibility since they would be coming from a male instead. 

Out of the corner of her eye, the sole reason that rendered those arguments moot crested the hill that led to the palace. So Allen had made it. She didn't want him going to the party. He would probably ask around for her and alert people that she wasn't there. He was too far away to hear her unless she shouted and that might bring additional attention she wanted to avoid to the rooftops. Swallowing a bite of berry tart, Eries worked out another plan. Guessing how long it would take for Allen to get to the gates and how long it would take for an object to fall from the roof, Eries waited until Allen was in position. She let the last tart fly.

Her math had been too good. The tart hit his shoulder, then slid down his back, leaving a fruity trail on his uniform and pieces of berry in his hair. He looked up to find Eries doubled over with laughter.

"I suppose I should be thankful you don't have any plants up there," he said as he tried to clean himself off.

"No plants," Eries answered mischievously, "but there are some large pieces of stonework lying about, so you'd better hurry on up before someone sees you. I don't want anyone to know I'm up here."

Allen mumbled an answer but Eries couldn't hear him even after she had leaned over the wall. She did catch a glimpse of a small package in his hand. He told her he would be up just as soon as he finished reporting in to Lord Ramkin.

Eries collected herself, brushing crumbs off her skirt and trying to get the image of the tart hitting Allen out of her mind. To kill time, she speculated on what was the in the package he had with him. She assumed it was a gift for her, but couldn't figure out what it could be. For her previous birthdays, he had gotten her books, including a collection of plays by her favorite playwright. The package hadn't been big enough to be more of the same. 

She was even more anxious than usual to see him when Allen finally materialized at the top of the steps. He was coy at first, keeping the package behind his back and deftly avoiding Eries' cracks at getting a look around him.

"I've got more tarts," Eries bluffed.

Allen caved in with mock fear. But he wouldn't let her win so easily. "Close your eyes and put out your hands," he commanded.

Eries stamped her foot at being forced to jump through hoops, but did as she was told. A soft, silky bundle was placed in her hands. She explored it with her fingers. Whatever it was that was inside, there were two of them.

"What the…?"

"You can open your eyes now," Allen directed.

She was holding a lush green handkerchief tied with a gold ribbon. Pulling the ribbon caused the handkerchief to fall open and reveal her presents. Her breath caught. They were very similar to the pair of earcuffs she had almost bought at the stall in Egzardia, only the craftsmanship was of a much higher caliber and they derived their golden color not from plating, but from being made of the real thing.

Eries was at a loss. "These…these must have cost a fortune!"

"I told you Revius' father was a jeweler. I bought the Egzardian ones you saw and had him make a pair. Don't worry about the cost. He gave me a discount."

"But…"

"Do you like them or not?"

She loved them, everything about them -- the delicate contours, the rich luster, and above all, the man who gave them to her. She lacked the words to tell Allen how much this meant to her.

He understood enough from her silence. "Here, let me put them on," he suggested. He brushed her hair back from her face and removed the earrings she was wearing. Eries felt a jolt as his fingers moved over her cheek, then felt it all over again when he gently slid the cuffs over her ears. Resting his hands on her shoulders, he took stock of her new look.

"They definitely suit you. Very elegant."

"Really?" Eries uttered feebly. She had no doubt he was right. He was too serious for empty flattery. That was what was unnerving her.

"There's a mirror in the hall. Do you want to go down and see?"

Eries didn't want to go anywhere. "No, I'll take your word for it." He was looking at her intently enough, she could almost see her reflection in his eyes.

The music below changed abruptly, switching from a slow ballad to an up tempo piece used for group dancing. Allen's head snapped up, like he had just woken from a trance. He recovered quickly, taking a step back from Eries and offering her his hand. "It is your birthday. Have you had a dance yet?"

"Not much room in the corner for dancing," she admitted.

"Let's make up for that, shall we?"

The rooftop was a surprisingly good dance floor. Without having to worry about accidentally colliding with other dancers, they were free to try all sorts of wide, sweeping steps and spins. More than one toe was stepped on and Eries nearly tripped over her own feet doing a turn she had seen at a ballet once, but given that they were making it up as they went along, it was a fairly graceful performance. Song after song played and they danced through every one, growing more and more experimental with their movements until they were both out of ideas and breath. 

The partygoers must have gotten tired too, because the musicians stopped playing. Eries and Allen used the break to take a needed rest. 

"I thought you would have more stamina than that with all your training," Eries teased.

"I only have to take care of myself when I'm training. What wore me out was keeping you from twirling yourself right off the roof."

She punched at him playfully. Allen let her land a few blows, but started to deflect them when one connected harder than she meant it to.

"Sorry, I guess I don't know my own strength," she apologized.

"You do tend to underestimate yourself."

The music began again. The piece being played was a romantic aria that traditionally signified the last dance of the evening. Eries hadn't known it had gotten so late. Wanting to extend the evening, she requested one last dance.

They were too tired to do anything but basic steps to the melody. It was an instrumental; there was no vocalist accompanying the royal orchestra, but Eries was able to dredge up the words from her experiences at the opera. It was one of the few songs she enjoyed, probably because it was one of the few songs that wasn't an overly melodramatic account of young lovers dying or of the gods plotting the deaths of said young lovers. The lyrics were from the perspective of a girl who had just met the boy who was to be the love of her life. They did both die later on in the opera, but the song by itself was a lovely expression of the giddiness and wonder of blossoming love. Stumbling over the second verse, Eries tried working it out aloud. 

"Are you humming?"

"I'm trying to recall the words to this piece."

"Oh. What's it about?"

"Love."

"Oh."

Under the influence of the gentle sounds, they drifted closer until they were doing little more than holding on to each other and swaying to the music. Eries recalled the scene during which the aria was sung. The girl was alone in a field, looking up to the stars as she described the beauty of the boy who had captivated her heart and wishing that he could be there beside her.

Eries sighed. Allen had closed his eyes and was letting the moment carry itself. Unconsciously, one hand stroked the small of her back.

Right then, Eries' previous empathy with the girl in the song turned to pity. That girl was longing for someone she couldn't have, praying for something that could never be. But Eries, for this night, at this one moment, felt like she had everything in the world.

***

Author's Notes: You're probably confused right now. Not only was this not the chapter I said it would be, it several thousand words shorter than you've grown accustomed to. This chapter was originally the opening section of 'Girl and Boy vs. Death' but as I got further into that chapter, I kept thinking about how badly the first part clashed in tone with what came after. So I chopped it off, made a few adjustments and put it up as its own mini (by my standards anyway) chapter. Incidentally, the title 'Girl with a Gold Earcuff' was the original title of this fic. It's a riff on the Tracy Chevalier novel "Girl with a Pearl Earring' that takes its name from the Vermeer painting. The novel is a fictionalized account of that painting's subject and her relationship with Johannes Vermeer. I liked it and thought it was appropriate, but it failed the obscurity test when the majority of my Waldenbooks coworkers had to consult the store computer to figure out what book I was talking about. One hundred style points to anybody who got the reference. (Leila Hime, maybe?)

Okay. Because I love sucking up space, more review questions -- both from Ron and his Sakura. You asked what the sentence 'Things had worked out for Marlene well enough, but given the fact that her circle of friends didn't extend beyond those who wore the uniform of a Caeli, save perhaps for Revius, she didn't hold out much hope for her father finding a suitable mate who just happened to have something to of substance to offer Asturia.' meant. Basically it translates as Marlene got lucky but Eries didn't think she would because Eries is so picky about who she befriends. The odds of her finding a guy that she liked and had suitable connections were very slim. As for your suggestion for fan art, while I do find that particular prospect very cool, I'm not going to request artwork from any artist because I don't want anyone to feel obligated. If someone chooses to do fan art for this fic, I will welcome it with open arms and a 'woohoo!' sound, but it has to be something they were inspired on their own to do.

Which brings me to my two big announcements. I do have fan art for 'Girl'! Everybody give thankies to Serena B by reading her fics and leaving nice reviews. Her profile can be found at:

www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=49862

The picture itself is of Eries in her Egzardian get up from chapter 12. It can be found at Serena's website at:

http://www.geocities.com/nozomib4/eries3.gif

Or at my website at:

http://www.geocities.com/aerikas/faneries.html

Yep, I've gotten my own website. It's a silly little Allen shrine called *ahem* Beautiful ****ed Up Man. The title is a reference to a Sarah McLachlin song. Feel free to visit if you're Allen inclined but just be warned that it's under heavy construction, it's at geocities and it's the first time I've ever tried doing a website. Have fun!

Next up: Girl and Boy vs. Death (And since I was almost finished it by the time I decided to cut the first section loose, it should be up within a week.)


	14. Girl and Boy vs. Death

The Secret Life of a Girl

Chapter XIV: Girl and Boy vs. Death

Two days after that exhilarating night on the rooftop, Eries was still under the spell of starlight and music and Allen's touch. She recalled every detail with pristine clarity -- the texture of the handkerchief that contained the earcuffs, the timbre of the violins during the aria, the tender pressure of Allen's arms around her body. 

She knew she was tormenting herself on multiple fronts. They had been dancing to slow music. Men and women held onto each other and stood close together when they danced to slow music, whether they were lovers or only friends. They had danced like that at balls before. 

__

But we weren't that close, he's always had his eyes wide open and he's certainly never massaged my back. And the earcuffs…

The earcuffs. She had worn them everywhere, raising the eyebrows and speculation of the palace staff. Some complimented her on her unique style, others wondered what weirdness the Quiet One was up to now. True to the nickname, Eries greeted all comments with a pointed silence. She wasn't about to put aside a gift with such meaning no matter what a bunch of petty gossips thought about it. Her only problem was deciding exactly what the meaning was.

Like the dance, she was of two minds. It had been her birthday. Princesses received extravagant gifts on their birthdays. Her father had given her a jeweled bracelet more costly than the earcuffs. But that bracelet had been purchased because it was befitting of a princess, not Eries specifically. She hadn't worn it yet and didn't have plans to wear it unless her father asked about it. Allen, on the other hand, had noticed something she had liked and taken the time and a considerable sum of money to give her a gift that could only be for her. That went beyond the bounds of friendship. 

Didn't it?

What if it did? She and Allen had been friends for so long, the change to something more frightened her even as she longed for it. And it wasn't as if the man sitting two chairs to her right would welcome the change. King Aston had asked her twice already during the council meeting what was wrong with her when her more pleasant thoughts had brought an unintentional, loopy grin to her face.

She shuffled the report on grain supplies lying before her to make it look like she was paying attention and drifted off again. She had once promised herself that nothing would ever happen between her and Allen. Nothing had changed since then. She was still a princess, one that was now attracting the occasional political marriage proposal at that. He was still a knight, with no connections beyond his family's infamous name. Nothing _could_ happen. Nothing official. Realistically, the most she could hope for was an affair. Illicit liaisons in the night were not what she wanted. The illicit part, anyway. She didn't have to look any further than the disaster that had been Allen and Marlene's romance to convince herself of that.

Nonetheless, she heard the echo of words Marlene had said to her so long ago - "There are some things which cannot be denied…"

__

Ugh. Don't think about Marlene! She's in Freid, safely married to man who worships her.

The universe conspired to have her do otherwise. Before the meeting could come to a close, a page broke into the room. Between deep breaths for air, he announced an envoy from Freid had arrived with urgent news. The envoy would arrive shortly, the page having been sent ahead to make sure King Aston would be ready to receive him. The page had not been told anything as to what the news was about.

The council broke out into loud murmurs and speculation. The leading theory was that Freid's economy had picked up significantly since the end of the drought; perhaps Freid had grown tired of the lopsided treaty it had with Asturia. The envoy was here to renegotiate. Others guessed it was another attack on a convoy or maybe an attack on Freid itself. King Aston was eerily quiet.

The envoy arrived. He was a tall man with the girth to match. His robes and shaved head marked him as a monk. He said his name was Voris. He said he served directly under Mahad dal Freid. He said he traveled here as quickly as he could. He said the Duke wanted to tell the Astons personally but had to stay with his son. He said he was very sorry.

He said Marlene was dead.

***

Eries stood by the doors to the infirmary as still as the stone pillars that lined the hallway. Doctors and important officials passed in and out, checking on the status of their king. Aston had collapsed shortly after Voris' announcement. The councilmen, fearing an attack similar to the one he had suffered after Queen Therese's death, had panicked and sent the page searching for a doctor, any doctor, to come while they clustered around their fallen lord. Aston had come around in less than a minute, claiming he was fine, but the alarm had already been raised. Even though Aston had walked himself down here, they still fretted over him like his was an invalid, forcing him into a sick bed and telling him not to worry about the day-to-day running of the kingdom. Everything was in capable hands.

The door flew open once more, emitting Lord Poniard and an anonymous physician. Eries' skirt fluttered in the breeze created by the movement. It was the only motion detectable around the princess. She felt herself to be worse than the pillars. They had a purpose. They were supporting something. All she could do was stand.

She heard a voice ask if the youngest princess had been told yet. More voices gave their condolences and wished for the king's swift recovery. The voices repeated, this time with different words. She came to realize the voices were addressed towards her and had been for several minutes. She stared at the sources of the words until they backed away uncomfortably, leaving to find others with whom they could share in their mourning.

Her mind told her to move. To go in to see her father. To go find Millerna. To be something other than a useless statue frozen in the hall unwilling and unable to acknowledge any of the activity around her. She closed her eyes, wanting to shut out the outer and inner voices that were nagging at her along with her sight.

She listened to the pattern of footsteps -- the subtle ones made by the handmaidens, the hurried ones made by the physicians and two heavier sets made by men in thick boots. The sound was accompanied by the jangle of swords hanging in their scabbards and another voice, this one familiar. Maerzen. He usually went to a practice session then on to lunch when she was in council meetings. He must have heard the news while he was at the commissary.

"Princess, are you all right? There are these rumors flying around about the king. Is he all right?"

Eries could sense him looking at the second man in confusion when she didn't answer or even open her eyes. The other man stepped forward, placing his hands on her shoulders. She recognized the feel of his touch, the scent of his cologne.

"Eries," Allen pleaded gently. "You have to tell us what's wrong. What happened to your father? Are you okay?"

She sank into him, wrapping her arms around him and clutching him so tightly, her fingers dug into his back. He held on to her too, in a concerned return of her embrace. He started caressing the back of her head and told her everything would be all right despite not knowing what was wrong. Each pass of his hand coaxed tears out of her she had previously been determined not to shed.

Maerzen grabbed the next person to leave the infirmary and questioned him about the king's condition. He was fine, especially given the shock he had received. One of the doctors had given him a mild sedative and ordered bed rest as a precaution. 

"Shock? What shock?" Allen asked. "Eries, what happened?"

She tried to pull away. More people were gathering in the halls and observing the way she held onto Allen and her outpour of emotion. Allen let go of her only enough to lead her to an alcove while Maerzen ensured no one would bother them. Eries noted bitterly it was exactly one floor below the alcove in which Marlene had confronted her about the engagement to Duke Freid. Allen made her sit on a bench built into the wall. He undid his cravat and gave it to Eries as a provisional handkerchief. Then he knelt down, took her hands in his and asked her again what was wrong.

Once again, Eries was in the position to deliver the worst to Allen. She didn't see it as a cruel duty this time, though. He had loved Marlene, too. He could appreciate her sorrow, grieve with her. 

She told him.

He clasped her hands forcefully for an unbearable second, then let go of them entirely. "What…?"

Eries rubbed at the ache he had caused in her hands. "The monk, Voris, he said she had some kind of rare illness. The doctors there thought that because she spent most of her life here, she didn't have the resistance to it that native Freidians do. The Duke told us she was sick, but I didn't think…" She started crying again. Having told Allen, having spoken of Marlene's death aloud had made it real and irrevocable. Her sister was gone.

Eries slid off the bench and pressed against him, needing the comfort his presence provided. Instinctively, his arms came up around her, not holding her but framing her form. He did not tell her everything would be all right. He didn't tell her anything at all. His body was rigid. A sheen of cold sweat covered his skin. 

She squeezed him tighter, as if trying to wring out the heat that had so quickly drained from him. She searched his dulled eyes for a sign of what was going through his mind. The answer was clear. Allen wasn't there anymore - he was lost in a summer that had passed three years ago.

She had been wrong. It wasn't Allen **had **loved Marlene. It was he was in love with her still.

Eries fled for the safety of her bedroom. Behind her, Maerzen called out her name and gave a brief pursuit, stopping when he came to Allen. No other noise came from the alcove.

***

Eries ignored the knocking at her door. She huddled in the darkness of her room, refusing to light a single lamp even though night had fallen several hours earlier. Maerzen had been by not long before. He had knocked and talked through the locked door for ten minutes before giving in and leaving. She assumed the new knocking was nothing more than proof that the Caeli did not give up so easily.

One Caeli never gave up on anything. Allen Schezar was incapable of letting go. His father. His sister. His mother. Now Marlene. He buried the past in a shallow grave where he could dig it up at any time so that it may dig into him. Eries berated herself as a fool for thinking that he would do something so healthy as letting the past be and living in the present. She felt all the more foolish for believing that the present and a possible future included her. Something less than seven hours ago, she had been dizzily weighing the odds of an affair. Two nights ago, she had been dancing on the rooftops while her dreams seemingly came true around her.

Two nights ago, Marlene had been lying in her deathbed while Eries cavorted about in the arms of her sister's ex-lover, utterly dismissive of the ill tidings from Freid regarding her health.

The thought chilled her. It stole her anger and disappointment towards Allen and brought it back to bear against another target. Herself.

Guilt flooded in even as her mind tried rationalizing. _I didn't know. I didn't know how sick she had gotten. I couldn't have known. There's nothing I could have done even if I had known._

Maerzen's knocking came in rhythm with a cycle of recriminations and justifications. In time, he stopped but Eries' thoughts continued, her guilt growing as the validity of her excuses withered. Muffled voices out in the hall drew her attention for a minute, then the infernal knocking started anew.

This time it was more rapid, but softer. And it was supplemented by a high-pitched cry of her name that broke down into sobs when the speaker switched to calling out 'sister' instead.

Millerna. Eries hadn't even thought of her since fleeing the hall outside the infirmary. Eries couldn't guess how the news had been broken to Millerna. She only knew that she should have been the one to do it. It had been Marlene who had held Eries and told her of their mother's death.

Eries slunk towards the door, feeling like she had betrayed one sister and abandoned the other. She barely had the lock unfastened when Millerna pushed open the door and flung herself at Eries. The younger princess cried disjointedly, saying Marlene's name then Eries' and demanding to know why her sister had to leave her.

__

Momma's still here, Eries. That's what the priest said. He told me this little prayer and said I should always remember it --

I give you this one thought to keep

I am with you still, I do not sleep

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow,

I am the sunlight on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush,

I am the swift, uplifting rush

of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not think of me as gone -

I am with you still - in each new dawn.*

Marlene had been all of nine years old on the day of Queen Therese's death, yet she had held Eries and recited the prayer solemnly until its meaning had sunk through Eries' grief. Nine years old and she had offered more succor than Eries knew how to give now. To repeat the prayer to Millerna seemed almost trite, but nothing else came to her.

She knelt down to meet Millerna's eyes. "I remember when Mother died, Marlene said these words to me. I think she would want you to hear them now."

Millerna listened with rapt attention. Though they were coming from Eries, these were the last words she thought she would ever hear from Marlene. 

Eries hoped the prayer was having the same effect on Millerna as it had on her back then. She remembered her grief had been still very much present, but the edge of it had been dulled, a hope of something more for her mother that outweighed the personal loss had been instilled. Eries hugged Millerna close, knowing how willful the girl could be and believing that it might be enough.

"Eries? Can I ask you something?"

"Anything, Millerna. Anything." 

Millerna retreated to Eries' bed. As she flopped down on among the pillows, Eries noticed for the first time that Millerna was holding a stuffed rabbit she used to carry around all the time when she was younger. She had put the toy on a shelf years ago to keep as a memento and hadn't touched it since. Now, it was clutched firmly in hand. Millerna wasn't quite as strong as Eries had thought.

Millerna pulled the bedcover up, wriggling it around her until she had a little shelter built. Peering out from under it, she asked, "How come you never talk about Mother? Nobody ever does."

"Mother?" That flustered Eries. Dealing with Marlene was a large enough task. "I suppose…I think it's because it hurts to talk about her. Father didn't handle her death well at all and refused to discuss it. I guess Marlene and I took our cues from him."

"Oh," Millerna whimpered. "Does that mean we won't talk about Marlene anymore?"

"What? No! Of course we will." Eries sat down beside her little sister. Millerna was several months away from her thirteenth birthday, but huddled under the sheets with her rabbit as she was, she seemed so much younger…and fragile. Her stubborn streak had deserted her. 

__

She's still a child, one that's been spoiled and sheltered her whole life. She never knew Mother. Losing Marlene is the hardest thing she's ever had to face.

"Do you want to talk about her now?" Eries asked. She pulled back the bedcover, wanting to watch Millerna closely to get a better gauge of how she was really doing. Eries had been fairly off the mark so far.

"I don't know. I want to, but I don't. I mean, she's been in Freid for so long and all we ever heard from her were her letters, so it doesn't even seem real. It's like today is just another day and if I wait a few more days, we'll get one of those letters and everything will be like it was." Millerna slumped over. "That didn't make any sense."

"It makes perfect sense. We haven't seen Marlene. We're used to thinking of her living in Freid with her new family. We weren't there when…when it happened. It's tempting to think that nothing's changed."

"That monk wouldn't have lied to us, would he have?" Millerna brightened faintly.

"No, Millerna." Eries would have to tread lightly here. Her pragmatic nature wouldn't be of much use to a grieving child, but letting Millerna deny the truth with foolish fancies could be outright harmful. "I know how hard it is to accept. I didn't want to do it either. Which just means that we have to help each other through this."

"What about Father?"

"He'll be there for you, too, Millerna."

"That's not what I meant," Millerna said meekly. "My tutor said he was sick too. Just like he was after Mother died. He's not going to…"

"Father's fine, Millerna," Eries answered forcefully. At least he had been the last she had heard. She'd been sulking in her room ever since running from Allen and honestly didn't know what his current condition was. 

__

Perfect. I've been so self-absorbed with my problems with Allen, I've ignored everybody else. I'm failing as both a sister and a daughter.

She wouldn't any more. Eries pulled Millerna towards her, dispensing her verbal attempts at empathy and letting her actions speak for her. Millerna was shaking. Her heartache for Marlene and her fear for their father were simply too much for someone of her years and protected upbringing. The shaking grew worse, but mercifully, it was from the release of emotions, not the binding of them.

In time, Millerna's crying slackened to the occasional sniffle. She looked at Eries with puffy eyes and tried to smile, "You're so together, Eries. You must think I'm a little child."

__

But you **are **still a child. There's nothing wrong with acting your age. Eries didn't want Millerna to take that the wrong way so she said instead, "I think you're someone who's just suffered a traumatic loss. We all deal with grief in our own way and as long as we do deal with it, there isn't any one right way."

That satisfied Millerna on one front. On another, she needed more reassurance. "Do you think we could go see Father? I want to know he's all right."

"I think that's an excellent idea. I'm sure he's worried about how we're doing too." Eries grabbed Millerna's hands and helped her off the bed. She made sure to straighten the girl's hair and wipe the lingering tears away with the back of her hand. The truth was, Eries was also concerned about her father. She wanted him to see that his remaining daughters were coping and take that bit of stress from him.

Eries stayed in her father's room for as long as it took to be sure Millerna's doubts about his health were gone. She tried not to act like it, but today had drained her to the point of exhaustion. The walk back to her room was short and before long, she had changed into her nightclothes and had her blankets wrapped around her. It was only after she was tucked in that she felt the lump under her back. Millerna's rabbit. Eries dug the stuffed animal out and laid it on her stomach. She toyed with the long ears of once fine velvet. Just a few puffs of fur remained on them. Millerna had nearly worn the rabbit out carrying it around so much.

__

Can I blame her? She's probably spent more time with this thing than she has me. I was so used to leaving her to Marlene so I could go off on my own. Now that Marlene's gone…

If anything good could come out of Marlene's passing, Eries vowed it would be that she would take better care of the sister she still had. For too long, both Eries and her father had relied on Millerna's tutor and attendants to keep track of her. Starting tomorrow, that would change.

Tonight though, Eries needed to sleep. She set the rabbit on a pillow, blew out the bedside lantern, curled up in the blankets and closed her eyes, waiting to drift off. She had one minute's peace before someone started knocking on the door. Again.

Figuring it was Millerna come to retrieve her rabbit, Eries yelled for her to come in. She didn't see any point in getting out of bed or even looking up. The door opened then closed slowly and Millerna crept over to the bed quietly.

"I noticed you had forgotten something," Eries yawned. "Or did you want to spend the night here with me?"

"What?" The voice was a good octave lower than Millerna's.

Her lethargy instantly gone, Eries twisted around to her visitor. "What are you doing here, Allen?" she snapped at him. "Has breaking into women's bedrooms become some odd habit of yours?"

"You invited me in," he answered weakly. He wasn't here to argue with Eries. It was the opposite, in fact. "Alucier was here earlier, but you wouldn't talk to him. He thought I might have better luck. He was…adamant…that I talk to you. About this afternoon…" 

He had come to apologize. Eries didn't want to hear it. If he apologized, then he would explain why he had been so distant from her and that would confirm every last fear she had about his feelings for Marlene and therefore, his feelings for her.

"I'm sorry, Eries. You were so upset and I… When you told me about Marlene, I was in shock. I couldn't believe I had lost her."

"You lost her a long time ago," Eries whispered.

Allen looked at her in confusion, either surprised to hear her say what she had aloud or taken aback by the notion itself. It took him awhile to reconcile her words, longer than it should have. "Eries…"

"I don't want to hear it." _Hypocrite. Didn't I just insist on stripping Millerna of her illusions?_

"Eries, I know. I know I lost her the day she left for Freid, but at least I could think of her. I could think of her with Chid…"

__

He needs to say it. I need to hear it. "You're still in love with her, aren't you?"

Allen didn't even have to consider it. "I'll always love Marlene. I know that now."

__

And what did you know yesterday? 

"I'm sorry, Eries."

__

Sorry for what exactly? "You don't have to apologize for your feelings, Allen. Loving someone isn't something you can have control over." _I would know._

Allen picked up the pillow holding the rabbit and tossed it to the foot of the bed. He sat down in its place. "I'm glad you understand. But then you've always understood. Which is more than I can say for myself. You lost your sister today and I didn't think of you. I should have gone after you when you ran away."

"I wanted to be alone."

"But you're not alone, Eries." 

This time, Allen was the one drawing her to him. A self-conscious thought about the wisdom of being that close to Allen where they were and with what she was wearing in her current state of emotion caused her to resist briefly, but she dismissed it as juvenile and let his arms enfold her, let him give her the comfort he had denied her earlier. What they were sharing now had nothing to do with base desires. Thinking otherwise demeaned their bond.

She realized she had been wrong about Allen for the second time today. All this time she had been wondering if Allen loved her when that wasn't the real question at all. She knew it, for a certainty, as he set aside his own pain to give compassion to her. His love might not be the same as hers, but she did have it. 

This had been a day of revelations for her. She had lost one sister, but had promised to find the other. She had realized that Allen was still in love with Marlene, but had discovered how deeply he cared about her.

"I should go now," Allen announced. He didn't make any move to get up.

Eries didn't let go of him either. "Could you stay a little longer? At least until I fall asleep."

While Eries bundled herself in her blankets, Allen settled on top of the bed as comfortably as his uniform would allow. Eries was asleep was in a matter a minutes, but he stayed longer, wanting to make sure that her dreams were peaceful. Between her even breathing and the strain Marlene's death had placed on him, sleep soon claimed him as well.

He shifted during the course of the night. By morning, his head was nestled against the back of Eries' neck and one arm was flung around her slumbering form.

Which was exactly how Mina found them when she came into Eries' room to wake her.

***

*This poem is a Native American prayer. I read it once in a collection of Native American poetry and while I was writing this chapter, came across it again while card shopping on a sympathy card. I thought somebody was trying to tell me something. I couldn't find the poetry book to look up who the author was (it's probably unknown anyway) or what tribe it's from. The sympathy card didn't say either. Just know I am not claiming in any way, shape or form of being able to write something so poetic. 

Author's Notes: Yay, one more chapter down, three to go. Yep, that's right. There are only three chapters left. 'Girl' is a prequel only; I never had any intention of going into the series. Not with this fic anyway. ^_^ Details with be forthcoming… 

Serena B was once again kind enough to grace us with 'Girl' fan art. It can be found on my website at:

http://www.geocities.com/aerikas/faneries2.html

Serena's website is at:

http://www.geocities.com/nozomib4/index.html

Her author page is at:

http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=49862

I'm planning on updating Beautiful ****ed Up Man this weekend, so do check in.

Next up: Things get a little sweaty when 'Girl Meets Boy Out in the Swamps'. And no, it's not because of the humidity. ^_~


	15. Girl Meets Boy Out in the Swamps

The Secret Life of a Girl

Chapter XV: Girl Meets Boy Out in the Swamps

The first thing Eries noticed when she awoke was the sensation of something pressing against the length of her body. Extra weight rested around her waist. Warm air blew across her neck, catching the tip of her ear and causing it to tingle. Before she could register the cause of all this, she heard the shatter of glass, the clang of a tray hitting the floor. Then came the screaming.

The presence beside her jerked away and off the bed completely. Eries was so shocked, she nearly slid off the mattress in her haste to turn over and start sorting out what was happening. Once oriented and with bed sheets wrapped protectively around her, Eries took in the scene playing out in front of her.

Her attendant, Mina, was emptying her lungs at full volume. Warnings of an intruder in the princess' bedroom bounced off the stone walls, through the palace and out into the courtyard for anyone to hear and misinterpret. The noise had driven a startled and disheveled Allen into the corner of the room.

"Mina, you will stop this ridiculous screaming at once," Eries hissed. Her tone was lethal.

It set the woman back. She thought she had been protecting her charge. "But your majesty," she protested, her voice raw and low from her shrieking. Mina gestured at Allen as if the princess hadn't been aware of him. "I saw him…"

"You saw what, Mina? A man sleeping peacefully and doing absolutely nothing?"

"But he was…he was in your bed," Mina stammered.

"Who was in whose bed?" said a voice in the hall. Eries muttered a curse. Mina's overreaction had attracted the palace guards. One of them pushed by Mina, demanding to see for himself if Eries was unharmed. Eries recognized his face, but could not place his name. Fortunately, the next guard into the room was much more familiar. Revius walked over to her bed, stopping at a spot that enabled him to block the other guard's view of Allen.

"Are you all right, Princess?" he asked loudly, hoping to establish that she was as quickly as possible.

"I'm fine," Eries answered through gritted teeth.

"Fertig," Revius turned to the other guard. "Let everyone know that I have the situation under control. We don't need have the entire guard storming the princess' bedchamber over nothing."

Mina was still sputtering the word 'but' when the guard left the room. This was not the resolution to the situation she expected or wanted. "Aren't you going to do something?" she demanded of Revius. "I know what I saw."

"You know nothing," Eries said. She rose out of the bed, discarding the sheets as proof to Mina she had nothing to hide. "For one thing, he was _on_ the bed, not in it."

Eries stalked towards her attendant, but the older woman held her ground. The same could not be said for Revius. Sensing an impending storm that had more to do with years of bad servant/mistress relations than one oversleeping Caeli, he backed into the corner with Allen. He had heard Eries' rants about Mina and her endless supply of frilly, pink dresses and advice on how a proper young princess should act. It looked like he was going to hear it again. Louder than he had ever heard before, and angrier too.

"So, laying low back here, huh?" he whispered to Allen. Allen didn't know what to say. Eries was capable of handling this on her own and likely wouldn't appreciate any attempts at assistance, but this was entirely his fault for falling asleep when and where he had.

"What was he even doing in your bedroom? Alone with you I might add and overnight." There was little doubt as to what Mina believed the answer to her question was.

"That is none of your concern," Eries snapped. "And you would do well to refrain from anymore insinuations."

"I don't need to insinuate anything when you act so brazenly. Honestly, girl, what would your father think?"

Eries blanched. Her father was suffering from Marlene's death. The only way this incident would improve his mood was if he used it as an opportunity to vent. And he already hated Allen… "You are not telling my father a thing." The order did not come out half as strongly as her previous words.

Allen didn't let Mina seize upon Eries' apparent weakness. He walked up to her and, clasping one of the attendant's hands in his own, did what he did best. "My lady, it appears you're the victim of a misunderstanding. The princess was naturally distressed after yesterday's events and, as a friend, I came here out of concern. She requested that I stay until she had fallen asleep and regrettably, I fell asleep shortly after. It was a lapse in duty on my part and I apologize. Surely as a reasonable and compassionate woman, you can appreciate the circumstances and see that nothing untoward occurred."

It was the truth but Mina wasn't listening. She pulled her hand away from Allen and looked him coldly in the eye. "Don't be giving me that 'my lady' nonsense. I'm not some common twit struck blind by good looks and fake charm. I know you. I know your reputation." Revius interrupted with a snicker. "And I know yours too, boy. You're just like him. Little wonder you're covering up for him."

Allen gave it one more go. "There's nothing to cover up. If you just reexamine the facts --"

"Oh, I'll go over them again when I talk to the king."

"In Jichia's name, woman," exclaimed an exasperated Revius, "she's in a heavy nightgown. He's in full uniform. He's still got his damn boots on. I don't know what the mating rituals are among your kind, but with people --"

Allen and Eries both cut him off with 'that's not helping' glares. It did help Mina make up her mind. With a snort of indignation, she spun on her heel and left the room. 

"You know," Revius pointed out, "One barely perceptible knife throw and I could take her out for good. No problem at all."

"No, Revius," Eries sighed, "I'll just have to plead our case to my father and hope he'll see the truth."

Allen stared at his aforementioned boots. He never had been the most optimistic person when it came to his personal affairs.

***

The aftermath wasn't as harsh as Eries feared, but it wasn't what she wanted either. After the king's physicians deemed him fit for an audience, Mina was allowed to make her report to King Aston. Eries, along with Allen and Revius, was then summoned to give her version of events. Aston's questioning of Revius confirmed all of what Eries said. Allen sat through the proceedings with his mouth firmly shut. Aston had made it clear that if he wanted to hear Allen speak, he would say so. He hadn't said so.

Aston took several minutes to weigh the testimony, rubbing his temple as if he had a migraine and frowning bitterly as he mulled over whom to believe. Finally, he put his fist down on his desk with a thump that made everyone in the room jump.

"All right, you are all going to listen to me carefully because I will not repeat this to anyone ever again. This is what happened. Eries, your regular guard went off duty early due to illness. Schezar filled in for him. Your sister's death upset you so deeply, it had you on edge. You asked for Schezar to stand guard in your room. Since you're such a considerate young woman, you gave him a chair to sit in. Unfortunately, in great negligence of his duties, he fell asleep in said chair. When Mina discovered him this morning -- IN THE CHAIR -- she was appalled by this lapse in security and began yelling at Schezar. Something along the lines of 'There could have been an intruder in the princess' room'. Are we all in agreement?"

Eries, Allen and Revius nodded that they were. Mina was unsure but another look at her king's face got her nodding as well.

"Now that that's taken care off. I've got good news regarding the futures of two of you in this room. First, Mrs. Eland." Mina sat up straight at the mention of her name. "Congratulations on your retirement. You'll receive a nice stipend for your years of diligent service." Mina slumped disbelievingly in her chair.

"As for you, Schezar…You just received that transfer away from Palas that you've been requesting. Why you wanted to go as far out on the border as you're going is beyond me, but it was your choice. You'll leave just as soon as the orders are processed."

"A transfer? You can't be serious!" Eries cried, unable to stop herself. Quietly, she added, "You know nothing happened."

"Oh, I believe you, Eries. But like hell I'm just going to sit here waiting for the day when I can't."

Aston stood up to his full height. "Now that everything's settled," he paused to look meaningfully at Eries, "I have a daughter to attend to that actually gives a damn about her sister's death."

Four minutes after the king had left the room and the room was still silent. Mina was the first to break it. "I can't believe you got me fired. What did I do?"

Revius sneered at the old woman. "You got hysterical and risked disgracing a princess over nothing because you're a giant prude. You took an innocent situation and nearly turned it into the gossip of the year."

Mina got no sympathy from Eries. As far as she was concerned, Revius was right. To be rid of that woman was a great relief for her. But what her father had said…

It wasn't fair. She hadn't asked for Allen to come over. She hadn't asked for him to fall asleep while he was there. She certainly hadn't asked Mina to sensationalize the whole thing. The only reason Allen had come over was to discuss Marlene.

__

That's not entirely true. He came over to apologize -- to apologize for feeling his own grief before mine.

"Eries, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen."

"Don't be sorry, Allen. It's not your fault, it's mine. You wouldn't have come to my room at all if I hadn't run away."

He wouldn't let her take the blame. "You were in shock about Marlene."

__

No. I was in shock about you. About what Marlene's death might mean to us. But saying that to him entailed bringing things to the surface she would prefer to keep hidden. Her love for him being the smallest of them and how selfish she had been only slightly less horrible than how quickly she had brushed Marlene aside. Even now, her feelings of loss were more for Allen's impending departure than her sister's death.

"Eries?"

She wanted to stay. She wanted to listen to Allen make excuses for her. She wanted it so much she knew she had to leave. Using the argument raging between Revius and Mina, she excused herself from Allen and headed straight for Millerna's room. Her father would be there. She needed to prove it to him he was wrong. Then, she could prove it to herself.

***

The order for Allen's transfer went through with a speed that shattered all conventions of paperwork. The transfer to the border fort Castelo was scheduled for the following day. It wasn't only Allen's paperwork, either. To avoid the appearance that his departure had anything to do with the screaming that had come from Eries' room, another Caeli was transferred back to Palas. No one could infer Allen had been sent away in disgrace; it was just a routine juggling of the roster.

Allen received the notice the night before he was to leave. He was to take his own leviship there along with his guymelef to provide extra security for the fort. Between loading the ship and packing his things, he had no time to say a proper goodbye to Eries. With Maerzen and Revius both assisting their soon to be former roommate, she couldn't even get a guard to take her to him.

She didn't like the idea of letting him leave without having one last talk, but Eries saw no other alternative. The guilty voice inside her head told her it was a fitting penance for how selfish she had been. She tried ignoring that voice, but after spending the day with Millerna and her father and seeing how much more they seemed to be affected by Marlene's death, she started believing it spoke the truth. As it was, when the leviship Crusade left dock, Eries was in a sewing room with Millerna reminiscing about a scarf Marlene had tried to knit that had ended up as a deformed hat for one of Millerna's larger dolls.

She told herself it was better that way. Instead of standing alone at the shipyard feeling sorry for herself for what she was losing, she was with her sister, bringing out happy memories and reassuring her that Marlene would not be forgotten.

Eries was with Millerna for almost every hour of the next two days. On the third, their bonding was interrupted by two arrivals. The first was the Caeli, Jesrel Seclas, who had been recalled from Fort Thedrick to take Allen's post. He was greeted briefly and somberly, then sent off to his duties with little fanfare. Millerna didn't even go to his reception. 

Everyone in the palace turned out to greet the second arrival. In a ship draped in the traditional funerary colors of Freid, Mahad dal Freid returned to Asturia, bringing his son and the body of his wife with him.

***

Marlene was put to rest in the royal mausoleum on the rear palace grounds. The priest praised Marlene's life and the joy that it gave to others. Family members stood in line and received the condolences of the nobles. It was short line. King Aston was at the front by his brother-in-law Nueva and his wife. Eries and Millerna hung back as far as they could. Duke Freid was last. His stern face and armor enabled him to keep a distance from the funeral goers. A few of the nobles chattered among themselves about what they perceived as rude behavior, but Eries could see his true intent. He wasn't keeping people away from him; he was keeping people away from Chid.

The boy clutched his father's leg. The skirt on the Duke's armor mostly kept him hidden from view. From his appearance, Chid was handling his mother's death well. There was a hint of puffiness around his eyes, an indication of recent tears, but he was quiet and looked contemplatively at Marlene's coffin. Once, he caught Eries looking at him. He blushed slightly and buried himself deeper against the Duke's leg.

Eries ached watching the small boy. As a baby, the blue of his eyes was the only thing that marked him as Allen's son. At two and a half, his features were becoming more pronounced. His hair was of the fairer blond that Marlene had with a touch of the same waviness, but his face… Eries had little trouble picturing what Allen looked like at that age.

Though just a small child, Chid acquitted himself with the dignity of prince. He had the advantage of the shelter his father provided and his eyes had a dark, melancholy patina that Eries knew well, but he didn't cry out or grow restless like other children his age might have. After the funeral, he continued to impress Eries. He asked about his mother, wanting to know more about her. Like Millerna, he was determined to remember as much as he could. Eries repeated many of the stories she had told her little sister over the past few days and made a promise to Chid that she would write them down for him to keep. Then Chid told her stories of his own.

They were stories Marlene had told to him. They sounded like fairy tales; perhaps that was what Chid thought they were. They all centered on the valor of an Asturian knight and his unrivaled skill with a blade. The one that excited Chid the most was the one about the tournament that had ended with the knight's appointment to the Caeli.

Eries listened with incredulity. She couldn't imagine Duke Freid approving of Marlene spinning such lionizing tales about Allen, but Chid was sitting there before her, recounting the slightly exaggerated details of the duel between Allen and Revius. He was even using Allen's name. He fumbled over the pronunciation of 'Schezar', but he knew the name and said with the reverence of hero worship.

Finally she had to ask, "Your mother told you these stories all the time?"

He nodded and explained that Marlene had always told him a story before bed. Sometimes, she would tell him boring stories about monks, but he liked the knight stories best. Marlene had gone so far as to make up her own little books with the stories written in her careful pen.

Eries wanted to ask the boy if his father knew about them and who was going to read the books to him now, but thought better of it. Marlene hadn't mentioned anything about these stories in her letters. There was the occasional private letter to Eries that asked if Allen was well, but they had slackened over the months while descriptions of a contented marriage and family had increased. 

It was better that Allen had been sent away. If he had been here, he would have wanted to see Chid and Chid, wound up by the tales, would have wanted to see him. There couldn't have been a worse situation in which the two could have met than Marlene's funeral. She deserved a statelier goodbye than the chaos that such a meeting could have caused.

Millerna came over to claim Chid for the rest of the evening. Chid responded well to her. Millerna's strong resemblance to Marlene must have been a comfort for him. 

Eries lingered even as everyone else returned to their lives. By dusk, she was the only one other than Maerzen still at the mausoleum and he was only staying because of her. She asked him to wait a little longer. 

The funeral had been a nice tribute, a beautiful ceremony, but Eries wanted to say her own farewells to her sister. Ones that were free from the pomp of their stations, the eyes of outsiders and any mention of Allen.

***

In the months succeeding Marlene's death, King Aston had abandoned his quest for Eries' perfect suitor. Having lost one daughter, he wasn't keen on losing another, even if it was only to the bonds of marriage. Eries enjoyed the lull. She once again threw herself into her pet cause of education and approached council meetings with a renewed enthusiasm for the often tedious proceedings. When she wasn't busy with the affairs of Asturia, she took up another cause -- watching after Millerna.

Eries got the impression the younger princess didn't view the attention quite the same way she did. Millerna rolled her eyes whenever Eries questioned the subjects she was studying and stubbornly resisted any effort Eries made to change her lesson plans. And Eries was positive that Millerna conspired with her tutor to have him teach the especially disgusting anatomy lessons whenever Eries sat in on a class. It didn't help that they were usually held after lunch.

She hadn't survived the council without having persistence as a virtue. Over a very vocal protest from Millerna, Eries arranged for a second tutor that was well versed in culture and political etiquette. She sympathized with Millerna's dislike for her new studies (Eries hadn't cared for them either), but they were necessary if she was going to fulfill her duty as a princess and fulfill them well.

King Aston approved of what Eries was doing even if Millerna didn't. He seemed to have forgotten his anger towards her over the Allen incident and praised her for her newfound responsibility for her younger sibling. As pleased as he acted, that didn't stop Aston from frowning upon Eries' correspondence with Allen and doing whatever he could to impede it. Eries was able to smuggle out a note or two through Maerzen and Revius but nothing got to her. It wasn't long though until Maerzen began handing over letters that were addressed to him on the outside but were written with her in mind.

As she expected, Allen wasn't enjoying his new post much. Most of the men under his command were in the Asturian army as an alternative to being in an Asturian prison. There were a few men who displayed knowledge of military methods and a grudging acceptance of their new commander's adherence to those practices. Nearly to a man, they were older than him and unimpressed with the uniform of a Caeli. Trying to be optimistic, Eries wrote back that she was sure that he would win them over eventually. She added with a smirk on her face the comment that she was sorry his natural charm wouldn't be of any use in this situation unless he wanted to teach them how to attract the local women. Allen did not comment on that in his next letter.

***

Spring came, Millerna turned thirteen and Eries continued making progress on building a contented if not blissful future for herself. Her influence on the council had never been stronger. Recently, she had gotten additional funds for her current project -- building libraries in rural towns. Millerna still complained about her 'interference', but her second tutor had taught her enough to complain politely. Eries even had a visit from Allen the past week.

He hadn't really been visiting her, but had come to Palas to give a quarterly status report on Fort Castelo. He had timed his arrival so it was late enough in the day that he was able to stay the night at his old apartment before returning to the swamps that housed the Castelo. Not so coincidentally, that had also been the night Maerzen had introduced Eries to the cuisine of Tuvello's for dinner.

It had been a wonderful, friendly visit. But friendly was the most she could describe it as. The spark that she had detected on her birthday hadn't been there. It could have been because Revius, Maerzen and barmaids curious to know who this new girl was were all there. It could have been because after months of only talking to each other through letters, it was odd to see each other face to face. 

Or it could have been because any romantic feelings Eries had sensed had been the product of a hopeful imagination. Still, they were as close friends as ever despite the distance of his new post. He had left with a pledge to keep writing and a kiss on her hand, a flirtatious gesture that kept her guessing.

All and all, her life was good enough that even her cynicism about courtly life had ebbed. Had it been firmly in place though, her father's plan wouldn't have blindsided her as badly as it did.

***

King Aston burst into Eries' private dining room one morning in late spring so excited about something that he didn't let the two Caeli and one palace guard salute him before telling them to leave. It was fortunate for Seclas, who had taken up Allen's place at the breakfast table as well as his formal duties. There were crumbs of toast in his goatee that were not suitable for an audience with the king. Maerzen walked to the door reluctantly and was finally dragged out by Revius. 

Aston beamed at Eries. Eries' expression was neutral.

"I've been having some talks with the king of Egzardia. He's mentioned once or twice how well you acquitted yourself when you were there for the treaty signing."

The corners of Eries' mouth twitched. Her father never had found out Allen had gone with her instead of Maerzen.

"And he's being telling one of his sons about you."

The corners stopped twitching and went into a frown.

"We've arranged a visit. It will be the king and his oldest son, Tellot. He's got a few years on you, but it's not that much of a difference. And I know how fondly you speak of your trip there."

__

I enjoyed it because I spent nearly all my time with Allen away from the palace. I wouldn't know Tellot if I fell over him. Eries searched her memory for a hint. The few things Princess Marqesita had told her about the royal Egzardian family hadn't been very flattering. She hoped the brother the foreign princess had described as 'dumb as a tree stump with roughly the same build' wasn't Tellot. 

"They'll be here in two weeks."

"Two weeks? I was going to start touring villages in two weeks to scout locations for libraries!"

"You'll have to postpone it," Aston scowled. "And you might not want to mention all that to Tellot. From what I understand, he doesn't care for overly educated women."

__

So he is the tree stump. "And you think this man will be a good match for me?"

"We won't know until you've spent time with him, will we? You should have plenty of time to get to know him. His father and I have some negotiations to go over."

Eries snorted. "So am I worth a trade route or a piece of territory?"

"You're nineteen, Eries. That's getting old for an unmarried princess. I've let you veto promising unions before and though I promise not to give you to anyone you object to, you need to start being more accommodating. Two weeks, Eries. You'll be smiling and charming."

__

Don't forget vacuous. Arguing with Aston wouldn't do a thing with the mood his was in so she pretended to go along. While he laid out the details of Tellot's visit, Eries thought of ways to prepare for it. She had a sickening feeling the best way would be to hit herself sharply over the head with a blunt object.

***

"So after the show was over, my friend and I went backstage for a private performance. If you know what I mean."

"I THINK I DO!!" Maerzen said with overdone excitement. Prince Tellot of Egzardia, seemingly oblivious to Eries' presence, was regaling the Caeli with his lurid exploits through the seedier areas of his homeland. Maerzen subtle sarcasm hadn't gotten the prince to shut up so he had switched to full mocking ten minutes ago. That hadn't penetrated the tree stump either, but at least Maerzen was now enjoying himself more.

Misery was enabling Eries to keep a straight face. She had already concluded that her father would have to get the deed to the entire country of Egzardia in order for a marriage to this babbling hedonist to be worth it. All that was left to do was tell Aston. She wished she could lock him in a room with Tellot for an hour so he could find out for himself the horror he had set upon his unsuspecting daughter. Aston would figure out pretty damn quick what Eries' decision was and why.

After an hour and countless descriptions of women with low moral fiber and high physical endowments, Tellot finally realized Eries was sitting at the table and addressed her. "Sita wanted me to tell you something, but it doesn't make much sense. She said to tell you that she was sorry - really, really sorry -- and that she wouldn't trade places with you for anything."

Eries allowed herself a grin. "Oh, that makes perfect sense to me."

***

Aston's assessment of Tellot was the same of Eries'. After Tellot, came the king of the secluded nation of Isador. He was nice enough, but his country was too out-of-the-way to offer Aston anything he didn't already have in much greater quantities. Then came the much-hyped son of Basram's prime minister, but as it turned out, he was more suited to be paired up with Tellot than Eries.

Eries had no intention of sticking around to see who the fourth potential fiancée for the year would be. She gave her father notice that she wouldn't delay her library tour any longer and would set out at the beginning of the summer. Aston, almost as sick of the lackluster suitors as Eries was, only asked her to give him an itinerary. 

The first village she chose to visit was also the first village to receive a school through her efforts. The public loved that sort of symbolism and Eries was curious to see how well the children were doing in their new school. The second and third villages were in areas known for extreme poverty. Eries went to them in order to get more assistance from the council for them. The fourth village was chosen because it was in between the third and the fifth.

The fifth village of Caliper was fairly wealthy by comparison. It had had a small library for years and all Eries planned to do with it was expand it. The school system was already established as well. The good economy for the village owed mostly to the proximity of a military outpost, which just so happened to be Fort Castelo.

The itinerary she had submitted to her father had her visiting this village for only a day. It had also said she would be staying at the next village for four. In a 'last minute' change of plans, Eries switched the number of days in her stay between the two villages. Maerzen saw right through it, but the rest of her small entourage was actually relieved to hear they wouldn't have to rush through Caliper. The heat and humidity of the swamplands was getting to them and they welcomed an extended rest even if it meant staying in those swamps a little longer.

Maerzen couldn't wait to get out. He kept complaints of discomfort to himself, but since day one of being in the swamps, he had fussed with his heavy uniform and had drunk more than twice the water anyone else had. Eries told him to change into lighter clothing but Caeli pride kept the overskirt on and the cravat fastened tightly at his throat. When the traveling company finally arrived at the inn in Caliper, he made a cursory security check on Eries' room before hurrying off to his own for a long, cool bath.

Eries arched an eyebrow in amusement when he reappeared for dinner. She had know Maerzen for four years and she had only seen him wear anything other than his uniform once at that dinner of Tuvello's. Even then, he had been dressed formally enough to attract stares from everyone else in the bar. So it was a bit of a revelation to see him walking into to the dining area wearing a pair of grey trousers a shade darker than his eyes and a loose, dark green tunic. His wet bangs hung limply over his glasses.

"Do you want me to give you some time to come up with one, especially potent remark or do you want to fire a bunch off from the top of your head and see which one you like best?" he offered.

"I think you look nice, Alucier. You have to admit though, it's strange to see you in something other than the Blue and Gold. I was beginning to think you didn't own any comfortable clothing."

"Pardon me, Princess, for showing respect to the status of the company I keep."

"Do you really think it matters to me what you wear? You could run around in a loincloth for all I care."

"OOO-kay, I'll think I'll let that comment fade away before any disturbing mental pictures can be formed." He cleared his throat significantly. "Anyway, about the change in itinerary…"

Eries began pushing the potatoes on her dinner plate. She knew Maerzen would bring the subject up, but she had been hoping he'd agree a friendly visit was nothing to get worried about. Droopy bangs aside, he looked serious. "It's just for a day or two…" she began lamely.

"We're going to drag everybody over to Fort Castelo in this heat so you can say hello to Allen?"

"Not everybody, just you and me. We'll tell the others that I'm giving them a day off and we'll take a couple of horses there ourselves."

"So you are including me in on this? I was afraid you'd run off in the middle of the night without me."

Eries didn't answer. Instead, she gave him a look that indicated that if he didn't comply, running off was certainly a backup plan.

Maerzen sighed in resignation. "When do we leave?"

"Mid to late morning tomorrow. I don't want it to look like we're rushing somewhere. It takes less than two hours to get to the Castelo on horseback, so we'll get there around the noon shift change and nobody will pay much attention to us. Keep on what you're wearing. If you hadn't changed, I would have told to. I don't want everyone talking about the Princess of Asturia visiting with her Caeli guard."

"You've really thought a lot about this."

Eries shrugged her shoulders. _Yes, I've thought about this far too much._

***

Exactly as planned, a well-groomed peasant man and his female companion arrived at the gates to Fort Castelo shortly before noon. They did hit the changing of shifts, but they weren't able to slip in as easily as Eries had thought. Their horses were taken away by a man complaining about the trip to the stables eating into his off-duty hours, but the guard at the gate had a higher work ethic. He did point out that he could have left them for the next guard to deal with. Then he muttered something about 'tight-ass Caeli and their stupid regulations' that got Maerzen making backhanded compliments that thankfully flew over the guard's head. Eries whistled absently to herself and admired the scenery. 

Finally, a man claiming to be the second-in-command of the fort came over to give them approval to enter. He was tall, with inky black hair and day's worth of stubble that looked like it was always there no matter how much he shaved. He wore a uniform that was on the lower end of military standards, but it was still a uniform. His manner was much the same -- proper, but not without a few rough edges.

"They say they're here to see the commander," the guard told him.

The man gave them a once over. His eyes lingered on Maerzen's sword but they must have looked harmless enough, because he waved them through the gate. Not before relieving a disgruntled Maerzen of the sword, though. 

"For Jichia's sake! No one's going to attack me here," Eries scolded while Maerzen continued to sulk.

"It's the principle," he insisted.

The second-in-command escorted them through the courtyard and into the main compound. "My name's Gaddes, by the way. The boss is in his office right now. He's pretty busy. If you could wait outside while I let him know you're here." He stopped to let them state their names and business.

Maerzen grinned and said absolutely nothing. This was Eries' plan, he was going to let her kept planning.

"Uh, my name is…" Eries stammered, trying to buy time to think. "I'm…Aelia. Yes, Aelia."

"All right, _Aelia_. Just hang on and I'll get him for you." 

Eries waited until Gaddes was out of earshot. "He didn't believe me, did he?"

"But your delivery was so smooth," Maerzen answered. "Who's Aelia anyway?"

"Aelia is…"

"Aelia is the maid at my family estate," said a male voice further up the hall.

"So who's her friend?" asked Gaddes.

"I have a gardener named Decameron," Allen said coolly.

"That would be me then," Maerzen said, raising his hand and laughing.

Eries tried to look indignant at being made fun of, but was blushing too much to look anything but embarrassed.

"Gaddes," Allen ordered, "Finish up these provision reports and then I'll need you to do the armory inspection this afternoon. I think I'll be busy. And if anybody asks…"

"We've got a maid and the gardener for the day?"

"Thank you."

They listened to Gaddes chuckling to himself all the way down the hall. Maerzen appreciated the joke, but neither Eries nor Allen found it entertaining. The latter looked exasperated and the former was hoping that look would change to pleasure at seeing her. That didn't seem likely to happen anytime soon.

"What are you two doing here?" Allen demanded. "Alucier, how could bring her out here? You really thought bringing a beautiful woman into a fort filled with nothing but men with disreputable pasts was a good idea? A princess no less?"

"It was her decision and have you tried arguing with her when her mind is made up?" Maerzen put up as his defense.

Both of them turned to Eries to hear her side. The small thrill she had gotten by the use of the word 'beautiful' dissipated. "Both of you will be around me at all times. These are your men anyway, Allen. I know you've described them as 'difficult' but you have control over them, don't you? As for the princess thing, you see how we're dressed. That's why I gave the fake name. I don't want Father hearing about this anymore than you do. And if you play along, he won't."

Maerzen had been right about arguing with Eries. It was futile and looking at her, Allen had to admit she was right. She had pulled her hair back into two low ponytails and she was wearing a simple faded blue sundress with a tattered hem and thick boots made of worn leather. The last thing she looked like is royalty. The men who lived at the Castelo paid little if any attention to the royal family, so there was no chance someone might recognize her under the disguise. As long as he kept calling her Aelia, not a soul would know the Princess Eries was here.

Allen allowed himself a smile. "All right, Aelia. Let me find you and Decameron rooms."

"I don't suppose there are any nice, chilly rooms in a basement available?" Maerzen asked. "I don't know how you can stand to wear the uniform in this weather. I would have sweated off half my weight by now."

"I'm used to the swamp heat," Allen said, somewhat distantly. "Anyway, the only rooms in the basement are part of the fort prison. I can take you on a tour if you like, but I don't think you want to stay in them. Come on, the spare rooms are this way."

Allen decided to give Eries the spare room beside his office/living quarters. He guided them through a main hall where they would eat later and pointed out a wing of the fort Eries should not go in alone before they reached the room for Maerzen. He offered to show them the rest of the fort, but both Maerzen and Eries weren't interested in seeing boring wood room after boring wood room. 

"I could show you the grounds around the fort. It's really not that bad. Lots of plant and animal life. Several ponds and natural springs."

"And tons of insects," Maerzen added. "No thanks, I'll pass."

Eries saw an opportunity. "I'd love to. If Alucier doesn't mind being left behind, that is." From behind Allen, she mouthed to Maerzen that he shouldn't mind it at all.

Ten minutes later, she and Allen were strolling out the gates of the fort. She couldn't help but notice some of the men giving him encouraging hand signals at seeing him escort a female around. Some things about Allen apparently hadn't changed.

They didn't get too far out into the swamp before Allen stopped her. "Eries? You shouldn't have come but I'm glad you did."

Hearing that made the entire trip worthwhile.

***

Trudging through the swamp was not the sightseeing tour Eries had pictured. Allen wasn't bothered by the heat but her sundress was clinging to her legs and other, much more uncomfortable places. She discretely peeled the sweat soaked fabric off her skin whenever Allen wasn't looking at her but it stuck right back in place as soon as she let go of it. She didn't want to think about the number of bites the insect population had taken of her delicate, white skin which was now itchy and a sickly pink color. 

"Are you sure you don't want to stop?" Allen asked over his shoulder. He had his sword out and was working on cutting a path through the foliage.

Eries put up a brave front. "I'm sure things will get better once we're back on the main trail. I don't want to turn back just as we've gotten started."

Allen stopped hacking and twisted around to see how she was really doing. "This *is* the main path. It just gets overgrown so fast, it's hard to keep clear. And Eries?" He pointed his sword towards her. "You look terrible. You need to get back to the fort."

Something about Allen always did bring out the stubborn streak in her. "I feel fine, Allen. A few insect bites never killed anyone. And I'm getting used to the heat. It feels cooler now than it did before."

"Because we're near a spring. It's the wind coming off the water."

"So let's go there then." Facing the breeze, she marched off in what she prayed was the direction of the spring. Allen let her walk, giving her the uneasy feeling she had picked incorrectly but the second she turned back, he started following her.

"Having doubts?"

She spun around again and this time, didn't stop moving even after Allen shouted at her to be careful. She was on top of a gnarled, fallen tree that was wider than she was tall, so she didn't see any danger of slipping off the thing. Its weight could easily support her own. She pushed down hard with her booted foot to show Allen how strong it was.

"Yes, I know," he tried to clarify. "But the tree's severely rotted and that makes it slippery."

Eries thought he was being his usual overprotective self. "Really?" 

Really. The next stomp of her boot broke off the outer edge of bark and sent her sprawling onto her butt. Rousing her dignity, she stood up gradually and prepared to walk back towards a smiling Allen. She should have looked down. Her very first step broke off a large chunk of rotted tree. She was neck high in water before she could fully appreciate her error.

She quickly discovered one thing worse than a dress drenched in sweat was a dress drenched in swamp muck. Eries was a good swimmer, but her experience was in a substance a lot less viscous than the slime that surrounded her.

"Um, Allen?"

His smile was replaced by the concerned look of a knight in 'saving the damsel in distress' mode. Unfortunately for Eries, he was also of a lecturing mind and was repeatedly telling her why she should have listened to his warnings. Eries treaded the swamp water to feel like she was doing something at least and to drown out the sermon. Her foot caught on what she guessed was an underwater plant, but as she tugged on it and saw the greenery on the tree move, she realized it was actually a vine that was coiled around the tree.

"Hold on, Eries. Let me get on this branch and I'll be closer to you."

Allen inched out onto the branch, which wobbled ominously the closer he got to Eries. It wobbled even worse when Eries gave another experimental pull on the vine. Between unnecessary reassures from Allen, she moved her foot back and forth under the veil of swamp scum. Allen would never know it was her fault.

__

Look innocent. Sound innocent. "Allen, hurry up. I think I'm sinking deeper." 

The combination of his hasty move out to the end of the branch and her fierce yank on the vine was enough. He landed right in front her, splashing her with slime. It was completely worth it. 

"Are you all right, Allen? You know you really need to exercise more caution with these old trees. They may look stable and solid, but you can never tell what's underneath the bark."

Allen sullenly grabbed the end of the branch and pulled himself and Eries towards the tree. He crawled up slowly, then heaved her across the tree harder than he had to. He may not ever know for sure what Eries' culpability was, but he had his suspicions.

"I think I am ready to go back now," Eries announced. "I need to change into something less disgusting. You need to change into a spare uniform."

"This is my spare uniform. I sent the rest to Caliper for cleaning. I have other clothing but I don't know what we're going to do about you."

"There has to be something at that fort for me to wear."

"There aren't any women at the Castelo, Eries. But I could have Gaddes scrounge up a potato sack or something for you to wear."

Eries' only brush with fashion was to mock those who were too obsessed with it. That wasn't to say that she didn't have standards. "Potato sack?"

"You should see the look on your face." Eries raised a fist. "Maybe not that look. Don't worry, I'll let you borrow some of my clothes."

"Your clothes…" How quickly standards could change.

***

It had taken her over four years, but Eries was finally in Allen's bedroom. Actually, it was his bedroom/living quarters/office and Allen was standing outside the door to ensure that no one walked in on her, but she was in it. She was wearing his clothes too. The plain white shirt she had picked out was on the baggy side, but it was nice change from the constricting dresses of court fashion. The fabric held an echo of Allen's scent. She was having some problems with the pants. Propriety didn't like for young ladies to wear pants to begin with. Propriety really frowned upon wearing pants that belonged to a man, particularly a man she had amorous feelings for. Eries got over it only because she had to. The alternative was to not wear them and go about the fort bottomless and propriety would have had a shrieking fit over that. 

That left her with the problem of how to keep the trousers on. They had a nasty tendency to slip down to a point on her hips that was only a tiny bit less provocative than the bottomless option. She found a couple of wide leather belts that would have been useful if she planned on strapping a sword to her side, but nothing that served the simple purpose of keeping her pants up. She was going to ask Allen if he had any ideas when she spied a purple sash bunched up in the windowsill. That would be perfect.

The cloth was folded in a manner that it concealed a feathery clump sitting on top of it. When Eries grabbed it, she heard a thump followed by squawk. The clump had fallen to the floor. It was small and white and it pecked at her when she tried to touch it. She thought it was cute until it nipped her finger so hard, it left a mark.

"Allen?" she called out. "Is this angry baby owl supposed to be here?"

"You've met Natal then. What did you mean by angry though? She's harmless."

"Tell that to my thumb." Eries wanted to pick up Natal and stick her back on her perch, but the owl's beak was faster than her hands. "Allen, I could use some help with it."

Allen entered with a look of concern on her face. Eries stuck out her thumb so he could assess the damage himself, but he swept by her to get to the upset owlet. "Why is she on the floor? What did you do to her?"

"I didn't do anything. I didn't know it was sitting on the sash. I tried to help it after it fell but it kept pecking at me." She thrust her thumb forward for one more stab at sympathy.

The only one Allen felt sorry for was the owl. He scooped her up and set her on the headboard of his bed. He cooed to her and told her she was a good girl that shouldn't be frightened by the nasty lady that knocked her over.

__

Oh, you've got to be kidding me. "Allen, it's an owl. It's a bird of prey, not a cuddly thing like a kitten."

"Cats hunt the same animals that owls do. And will you quit calling her an it?"

"How do you even know it's a girl?"

She had him there. "I don't exactly, but…"

"It's small, cute and defenseless so you automatically assumed."

Allen quietly finished attending to Natal while Eries sucked on her aching thumb. She wasn't crazy about the bird, but Allen's reaction to it was utterly adorable. Watching him, her thoughts drifted to what a good father he would make if he were so conscientious towards an owl.

"Eries?"

She snapped out of her daze quickly. She was on a dangerous path, not because he already had a child he could never claim but because she was starting to think of the ones he might yet have. She had to stop herself before silver-haired, dark-eyed toddlers appeared in her imagination.

"Eries?" he repeated. "We should get down to the dining hall. Alucier's already there and if we don't get there soon ourselves, there won't be a crumb left."

Eries headed for the door.

"Um, don't you want to get ready first?" Allen asked.

"I am read -- " Allen tugged at the waistband of his own pants. Eries flushed bright pink. "I should get ready."

Allen held up the sash. "I believe you were going to use Natal's bedding? Here, since you're injured, let me help."

Her thumb didn't hurt anymore, but if Allen wanted to stand close to her and wrap a length of purple fabric twice around her waist, she wasn't going to do anything to stop him. He took his time adjusting the sash; his hands rested on her hips for a tense few seconds.

Stepping away from her suddenly, Allen remembered where they were supposed to be. "The dining hall. We should go."

"Right. The dining hall."

With a backward glance to a resentful looking Natal, Eries followed Allen out the door. A feeling welled up inside her, a dizzy excitement she hadn't felt since the night he had given her the earcuffs. She had taken them off for the trip out her, but she still ran a finger over the part of her ear they normally covered. Somehow, she believed this night could be better than that one.

***

Though they were late, most of the meals remained untouched by the time Eries and Allen got to the dining hall. A band of men gathered near a large table at the back of the hall. They were watching the best game of darts to take place in Fort Castelo's history. Maerzen was facing off against one of the more roguish soldiers, a bald man with a wicked scar across his scalp who kept insisting they upgrade from darts to knives. The match had started not long after Eries and Allen had left for their walk and, after a ridiculous number of rounds, was raging just as competitively as ever. Eries was grateful Maerzen had been absorbed enough by it not to notice the two of them skulking back in their muck encrusted clothing.

The current round ended with a win by Maerzen by a mere five points. The next round began immediately after with one more request to switch to knives and the taking down of bets by a man wearing a red bandana. Maerzen went first and hit the target's center. His competitor repeated the feat. Everybody cheered.

"Looks like Alucier's found a hobby he's good at," Eries whispered.

"Hard to believe with those glasses, but he's got dead aim. You should see Revius though. He pretends to be bad at first to lure you into a false sense of security, but then he starts playing for real and you've never seen anything like it. If you ever brought him down here, I'm afraid he'd hustle Ort out of his wages for the next ten years."

A series of bull's-eyes by both players raised the noise in the room to window rattling levels. Eries had to shout for Allen to be able to understand her. "He fought me about coming out here and now he looks like he's having a nice holiday of it."

"Is that why you came out? To take a break from the palace routine?"

"Uh, yes…a small holiday…" She said it so softly, Allen leaned in to hear better.

"So do want to wade into the group, drink some ale and throw a round?"

"I said it was a holiday, Allen, not a psychotic episode."

Allen's laughter was lost amid booing from half the men. Maerzen had tossed an uncharacteristic bad dart and had fallen behind. The other half applauded when Ort continued his flawless streak. The next two throws reversed the situation. 

"They're going to keep this up forever, aren't they?" Eries speculated.

"No, in an hour or so, somebody will get the idea to introduce alcohol to the game and eventually, they'll get so drunk, they'll pass out. I've seen this before."

"With Alucier, that shouldn't take long. I think I have a higher resistance to alcohol than he does."

"So, do you want to stick around and wait for the bitter end? Or we could take some food up to my veranda and have an outdoor meal. You'll have to risk the fury of Natal to get out there, but it should be a great deal quieter."

"I've seen Alucier drunk and it wasn't pretty. Amusing, but not pretty. And I could use some quiet."

Allen took the two closest plates, two glasses and a loaf of bread. "Shall we?"

"What about the drinks?"

"I've got a private store," Allen said mischievously.

Natal didn't take any note of their reentrance into Allen's room. In spite of her earlier trauma at Eries' hand, she was back asleep, resting so she would have plenty of energy to do whatever it was that baby owls did at night. Beak wound notwithstanding, Eries thought she was an intriguing pet. She asked Allen how long he had had her.

"Just a week. We cleared out a stand of trees to make room for a guard tower and she must have been on the wrong tree at the wrong time. When I found her, she was hopping around and trying to fly away but her one wing was injured. She was making the worst screeching noises."

"And you couldn't help but come to her rescue," Eries kidded. "I didn't know chivalry extended to owls."

"It's a knight's duty to protect all women."

"You don't know for sure that she is a girl owl."

"Women and children," Allen amended.

He set the food and glasses down on a wooden table by the railing of the veranda. Eries got herself settled while he disappeared back into his room to retrieve the private store he had talked about. He came back with a bulky glass jug filled to the top with a dark purple liquid.

"It's made from fermented blackberries," he explained. "It's brewed by the locals. It's sweeter than vino and not as dry, but it's also a lot stronger."

It was delicious. She should have heeded his warning about the strength more closely though. After a glass, she was feeling warm and tingly and couldn't have cared less about the racket going on down in the dining hall. "More please," she giggled.

Allen obliged with a shake of his head. His own glass was still half full. "I guess Alucier's not the only one enjoying your foray into the swamps."

Eries took a long sip. "I had to get away from the palace. Father's on the prowl for a son-in-law and the men he's been dredging up… Ugh." She hadn't meant to tell him that. She usually kept that part of her life out of her letters to Allen. Telling him about the men her father wanted her to marry was…_wrong_….in a way. Her situation was difficult enough without dwelling on the political reasons why they shouldn't be more than friends.

"Oh."

Eries gulped the next bit of blackberry wine. Was that disappointment she had detected in his voice? "I turned them all down, of course," she announced. _Did that sound as loud as I think it did?_

"You shouldn't marry before you're ready." Allen refilled his glass and topped off Eries'. "You don't have anyone particular in mind anyway, do you?"

__

I got somebody right here. The blackberries tried to make her say it aloud, but she mustered enough control to just say no. _Change the topic. Change the topic. AND QUIT DRINKING!!!!!_

"Soooooooooooo," she drawled, "You've written that you're adjusting to life out here. I can't believe it was easy for you to come back to the swamps." _Good, a somber topic. Now Allen can get all broody and get that lost, melancholy look in those deep, sapphire eyes… _Eries jammed a wedge of bread in her mouth. No more speaking unless spoken to first.

As ludicrous as she was sounding to herself, Allen took her seriously. "I'd like to think that I've come back to them a better man than I left as. I admit that I wasn't looking forward to coming back. When your father sent me here, I thought it was some kind of extra punishment, but it's not like he knew my past. I highly doubt Balgus told him. 'You know that boy that I gave you to train as a knight to protect your people? He used to rob those same people at sword point.' I could forget about it in Palas. But it seems like everyday, we run across a bandit or two…"

"And you're defending the people against them now. You're arresting the bandits."

"Ironic, no? I hate irony. It's fate's way of rubbing your face in something you'd rather forget."

"That's a rather bleak view. Look at it this way, if you hadn't become a bandit, you never would have met Balgus. If you had never met Balgus, he wouldn't have brought you back to Palas. If you hadn't come back to Palas… Well, for one, you wouldn't be sitting here with me now."

"I guess it isn't all bad. I think it's helped with the men here. I haven't told them about my past, but it's let me see and treat them as equals. Yes, I had the wealthy, respectable upbringing but I understand their circumstances too. According to Gaddes, every other commander this fort has had always treated them like dogs."

"See, I told you that you'd win them over. And you didn't even have to flirt with them either." 

She dissolved into more giggles. The blackberries' latest attempt to take power had proven successful. It appeared as if Allen had lost a similar battle. He drained his glass and poured a fresh one. He motioned to Eries' glass. "Decided you don't like it?"

She answered by clinking her glass against his like she had made a toast. Then she leaned back and downed half the glass in one shot. It wasn't the smartest thing she had ever done, but it was one of the most exhilarating.

They spent the next hour depleting the wine jug and trading horror stories about their duties. Allen thought he had the worst one when he recounted the brief tenure of a female laundress and the reason why cleaning was sent out to Caliper from then on but after Eries described the first fifteen minutes she had spent with Tellot, Allen conceded that she was the winner.

"Your father actually thought you could spend an afternoon with him let alone be married to the oaf?"

"That's my father's horrible taste in men for you. I mean, the man's best friend is Meiden Fassa. If that doesn't tell you something." Eries launched into an uncanny impersonation of the man at his conniving little weasel of a merchant best and lectured Allen on the need for greater taxation in every industry except for the ones Fassa was personally involved in. She had heard variations of the speech so many times, she recited it perfectly. His versions of it had never been that uproarious. Eries was laughing so hard, she knocked over the jug.

It cracked when it hit the floor but did not spill its contents. Eries eyed the jug. "We should drink that before it starts leaking."

"We've had enough. I think I should help you get to bed."

"You want to get me to bed, huh?" she said flippantly. 

Allen didn't hear her or ignored her. He came over and pulled her up out of her chair. She swayed clumsily, threatening to fall over. Leaning on Allen was the only way she was going to stay upright and that was a struggle. Allen found it easier to carry her. Not that he was steady himself. He failed to negotiate the corner of his desk and tripped over the protruding leg. Eries fell out of his arms and onto the floor. Allen soon joined her.

"Do you remember the night I had to walk you back from Tuvello's?" she reminisced. 

"Not many of the specifics of that night, no. But I do know you looked after me. You always have."

"Mmm…I care you about you…"

"I know, Eries. I…I care about you, too…" 

It would have been easy to blame what happened next on the liquor. It would have been convenient and practical, but it would have been dishonest. Eries had wanted to do this for years.

She kissed him. She meant for it to be a swift, soft kiss, just a moment of contact between lips. It was a lark, a chance for her to get a taste of what countless other women had gotten but she had been denied. She never expected him to kiss her back.

But he did. And he wouldn't let her break the kiss either. His fingertips skimmed across her checks as one hand moved to the nape of her neck and the other became entwined in her silver tresses. Her own hands were limp by her side, eager but afraid to explore.

They parted, breathless. Eries rested her forehead against his cheek. She had gotten what she wanted and now all she wanted was more. She placed gentle kisses along his neck. Her hands lost their shyness and traveled roughly over his chest. He wasn't moving but he wasn't telling her to stop. His eyes were closed, like he was lost in thought. 

"Allen…" His name came out as a low moan, the only way she could articulate her desire, her need, for this. She kissed him a second and a third time.

The fourth time was his. He pushed against her and she gladly laid back and drew him to her. The hand that had been on her neck slid down and under the sash. Eries undid the buttons of his shirt while he pulled hers halfway up her back. 

It was over as quickly as it started. Allen pulled away suddenly. He staggered to standing position, mumbling apologies and excuses that this was wrong.

__

Please. Let me have this. "Allen…"

He couldn't even look at her. "You deserve more than this, Eries."

With that pronouncement, he fled the room. Eries remained stunned on the floor. She had held the realization of so many dreams for a fleeting second only to have it pass through her fingers and seemingly take all chances of dreaming again with it.

***

Author's Notes: I am a slug. That's the only excuse I have for how long it took to get this chapter out. It wasn't writer's block -- this is one of the few chapters that remained virtually unchanged from my outline. It was more like writer's apathy. I went through a three week period where anything and everything was waaay more interesting than writing. I finally succumbed to the inevitable and read the Harry Potter novels (yell at Didodikali. Her 'Teacher's Pet' story pushed me over the edge) and played a scary number of games of Minesweeper (finally broke the 100 second barrier on the expert level, too) among other things. Needless to say, I'm thrilled that I got that out of my system. Except for the HP novels. They're really quite good.

Anyway, Miraba brought up something that I was sort of curious about too. When the gang is flying into Freid, Gaddes explains that Marlene died a couple of years ago. Chid's five during the series, meaning the oldest he could have been when Marlene died was three. How did a kid that young remember stories about Allen? That's why I put in the bit about Marlene writing the stories down. Chid's two and half when Marlene dies in this story or at least he's supposed to be. I don't know if anyone else noticed, but I screwed up my timeline by a year. It should have been Eries' nineteenth birthday celebrated in chapter 13, not her eighteenth. I need to adjust some comments about how long Alucier had been her guard in chapter 12 as well. Oh well, I'll catch it on the edit.

Next up: Whee! There's nothing like a drunken groping session to mess up a friendship. Now let's toss in yet another sister with a mad crush on Allen! It's the beginning of the end… Girl's Little Sister Meets Boy


	16. Girl's Little Sister Meets Boy

The Secret Life of a Girl

Chapter XVI: Girl's Little Sister Meets Boy

"All right, Natal, how about this one?" Eries affected an air of pure innocence. "What are you talking about, Allen? I know you drank a lot of liquor last night but you must have been completely drunk to think we did something so inappropriate.' Do you think he would believe that?"

The owl was as indifferent to that suggestion as she had been to all the others. Eries had been using her as a sounding board for various explanations of last night's events since waking up in the early morning with a shattering headache and a wooly taste in her mouth. Those aftereffects from her intoxicating binge were nothing in comparison to the fear that snaked through Eries that she had ruined the closest friendship she had ever had by trying to force it into something more. She searched desperately for the right words, the right explanation that would set everything back to where it had been.

Natal had been a sympathetic ear in the sense that she hadn't hooted at Eries to shut up so she could sleep, but talking to an owl with its head tucked under its wing more or less emphasized how dismal things were. Eries rolled over onto her stomach and propped her head on her hands to be on eye level with the owlet. These birds were supposed to be stately and wise. Natal was a growth spurt away from being more than a collection of downy feathers and hadn't inspired a single intelligent thought in Eries.

"What does a glorified feather duster care, anyway?" Eries moped. "He coos at you and you get to perch on his headboard and watch him sleep. Meanwhile, I'm apparently The Only Woman in Asturia Allen Schezar Won't Sleep With."

In response, Natal continued to ignore her. Eries sank back under the sheets, taking momentary comfort in the warmth but knowing she couldn't stay wrapped up forever. Hiding under the covers of the bed that belonged to the person you wanted to avoid sort of defeated the purpose. She couldn't speak. She couldn't hide. The option of running away began to seem awfully enticing.

First, she would have to find Maerzen. She hadn't a clue what had become of him after she and Allen had left the dining hall. Wandering around in Allen's rumpled clothes with a bad hangover calling out his name was not feasible. Leaving without him was even less so. She wished she had paid more attention to the tour Allen had given them. Maerzen's room was somewhere on the other side of the fort, past some place she shouldn't go and somewhere along some hall. She hoped he would come looking for her instead.

Of course, he would go to the room next door, not Allen's room. That room would either be empty or Allen would in it. Either way, Maerzen would want to know what was or had gone on. That was another conversation she would rather not have.

Above her, Natal lifted her head in reaction to noise outside the room. The owl looked too excited for it to be a stranger at the door. Not sure whether or not an owl could really tell if its owner was nearby, Eries receded deeper into the bed anyhow. She learned that owls, or this one at least, could in fact do that very thing when she heard Allen's voice asking her through the door if she was awake.

Her impulse was to pay no attention to him, to let him think she was asleep and wasn't about to wake up anytime soon. But he kept asking and then he knocked on the door. It was a light tap, but Eries' head registered it as something much louder and slightly on the piercing side.

"I'm awake," she whispered hoarsely. "Please stop making noise."

The door creaked open and a blond head popped through. His eyes were a bit bloodshot, but Allen didn't seem to suffering like she was. Unlike her, he was probably used to this. The worse Eries had ever been was tipsy after a few too many glasses of vino. It occurred to her that she most likely looked worse than he did too.

Natal fluttered over to him when he sat down at the foot of the bed. Somehow, that made it better. She had nothing to fear from a man with a cute, baby owl on his arm. A man like that couldn't possibly break her heart.

He asked her how she felt. She pretended to joke about her misery. They stared at the ceiling. Eries was pondering the logistics of getting the large logs that served as the rafters in place when Allen uttered the dreaded sentence, "I think we should talk about last night."

Eries had one thing to be grateful for. Allen's ease with words had abandoned him. He stammered through an apology for 'uh, you know, what we, what…happened' and took full responsibility (with help from the blackberry wine). He must have been truly sorry because he apologized five times. Eries listened in silence, her eyes switching from the roof to Natal and back. She did not look at Allen.

Foreseeing a sixth apology, she let her thoughts drift. He was letting her off the hook. It was the alcohol. The classic story of two people doing things they would never do or even want to do if they had been sober. He hadn't said a word about her kissing him first. Everything would go back the way it was. It had worked out exactly as she wanted and all she had had to do was lie there and keep quiet. She was good at that. She had been keeping quiet as far as Allen was concerned for years.

She could picture herself nodding along with Allen, insisting that they simply forget it and not talk about it ever again since it had been so silly to begin with. That would be easy. That would be logical.

"I wanted to kiss you. Just once. It was foolish to go beyond that, I know. But I just wanted to see what it would be like." 

Oddly, Eries wasn't too astounded by what she had said. It wasn't the whole truth, but it was enough of it to leave her vulnerable. Vulnerable was not a state she was used to being in. She entertained an idea of casting aside her shell in one grand gesture for the span it took from when the words left her mouth to when Allen gave his response. 

A puzzled (did she detect a hint of panic as well?) "We're friends, Eries, friends" was all it took to send her crawling back to safety.

"Allen, I only meant… I'm twenty. The only involvement I've ever had with a man has been purely political. I think you can understand why I would want to…try things."

Allen attempted several rejoinders to that but each one ended after a few words, most of them being 'but'. He finally settled on, "I understand. Still, your first kiss. The first time you… I don't think you've waited that long to have it all happen because we drank too much."

A tiny fragment of courage remained in her. "Is that why you left? Not because you wanted to, but because you thought you should?"

"You deserve a man that can love you."

__

Can love me? She was torn upon hearing that. He had used 'can' deliberately, but without clarifying what it meant. She deserved a man that was free to love her or a man that was capable of loving her? Allen wasn't the former. She desperately wanted to believe he wasn't the other too. Asking him directly, though, was venturing into the vulnerable territory again.

She wasn't completely agreeable with the method she did choose or the response it evoked. "You haven't been in love with all the women you've been with."

"No, I haven't," he said ruefully. He shook Natal off his arm like he didn't want her to hear this. "And it wasn't right. I just thought that being with other women might be a way to forget Marlene. That I could find someone who could take her place in my heart."

__

Marlene? After five years, he's still holding on to her? She shouldn't tell him that. It would sound as if she doubted how much he truly cared about her sister. Unbidden, an old prick of jealously arose. It hurt enough losing him to her sister. Losing him to her sister's ghost made her feel more unwanted than ever.

Eries formed the words slowly. "You haven't been in love with anyone since Marlene?"

"No… For a time, I thought I could, but when she died… I've lost enough people in my life. I won't do that to myself again."

__

For a time, he thought he could. His vagueness was beginning to grate on Eries. But what did she expect him to say? 'Oh, yes, Eries. I was falling utterly in love with you up until Marlene's death and then I realized how stupid that would be. Kissing you was just the result of some residual feelings, but now I've worked those completely out of my system. We're still friends, right?'

They were still. A warning kept echoing through her head that she should leave it at that. The things she had said already had been risky. And she really had no idea who Allen had been talking about or even if he was thinking of someone specific. But there were hints there, surely there were. She hadn't imagined dancing with him on the rooftop and the feelings that had brought out in her. She was an intelligent person. Wishful thinking alone couldn't make her believe something was there when it obviously was not.

"Allen…if you cared about a woman enough to think that you might love her, don't you think that's worth pursuing? What if she felt the same way about you?"

She waited for an answer. Allen sat like a rock, contemplating or trying very hard not to. Eries reached across the bed and lightly touched his shoulder. She softly said his name.

"There's no point in chasing after something you can't have," he said with finality.

"Why can't you…"

"We can talk about this later. Breakfast should be served soon. Alucier will be wondering where you are. I'll let you get ready and meet you in the hall."

He wouldn't even let her ask. In a way, that was an answer in itself. 

__

Damn him. Why can't he just say it? Why can't I?

***

Maerzen gave her the envelope during breakfast two weeks after their return to Palas. Eries left it lying on table. It was the same as all the others he had passed to her. A plain, cream colored envelope bearing the name Alucier Maerzen and the address of his apartment above Tuvello's, though he was not the intended recipient. On the back was a wax seal molded into the curves of the Schezar family crest. When she had received these letters before, anticipation had had her ripping the envelopes open nearly the instant they left Maerzen's hand.

But this was the first one she had received since her visit to the Castelo. Since Allen had refused to give her what she wanted both physically and emotionally and then rubbed it in with an ambiguous discussion whose only clear meaning was that she would _never_ get it. So she put off reading it. She put it off for the rest of the morning and all during the council meeting. She put it off during her check up of Millerna in the afternoon and was trying to put it off while she waited to be called for dinner. The envelope was on her dresser, propped up against a vase full of pale blue flowers. Several petals had fallen in front of the envelope. Another was threatening to make the leap from flower to dresser. Eries picked that one off and brushed the rest to the floor, then finally seized the letter.

Princess Eries,

Eries wasn't worried about the use of her title. Allen always addressed her as such in his letters on the off chance that someone else would see them and question the lack of a formal greeting.

__

I hope this letter finds you in good spirits.

The first paragraph was nothing but generic niceties. Again, this wasn't uncommon for Allen. The man had an actress in his family, not a playwright, and that showed in an adherence to traditional methods of letter writing so strong, Eries had once suggested that he have stationary printed that already had the introductory paragraph written out for him.

She skimmed down the page. He mentioned the Castelo but not her being there. There were things about Caliper and his next trip to Palas, but a scan for the word 'you' in the middle of sentence that described his feelings came up with nothing. When she reached the end, she reread it, much slower than before so she could linger over the words and perhaps discover a deeper meaning to them. But unless Allen was using some sort of obscure symbolism in telling her about the difficulty he had with the provision requisition process for the fort, it was nothing but a friendly, polite letter.

Eries tore it in half. 

***

At the end of the summer, Allen was due in Palas for his quarterly report. He did not make it. His second-in-command came on his behalf. He wasn't nervous during his presentation to the council but he did pause occasionally to reflect on his word choices before speaking about certain soldiers stationed at Fort Castelo. According to him, everything was running smoothly, with the exception of a nasty sickness making its rounds through the swamp. It only lasted two days, he explained, but it was two days you'd rather not repeat. To the relief of everyone in the council chamber, he didn't go into any further details about the sickness. His only elaboration was to say that it was the reason behind Allen's absence. He winked at Eries when he spoke of Commander Schezar.

Eries found him after the meeting wandering the halls near the council room. He had been waiting for her. He held out a crumpled piece of parchment to her.

"Your name is Gaddes, yes?" she asked. She took the parchment. The handwriting on it looked like Allen's, only a great deal messier.

"And yours is Aelia, yes?" Another wink told her he knew it was not. "The commander said you were someone important and that's why you wished to remain anonymous when you were at the Castelo. He didn't even tell me who you are. So when I saw you sitting there on the council and then the king called you Eries… You're the second princess, aren't you?"

Eries confirmed his guess. She tried reading what Allen had written but had a difficult time of it. Gaddes picked up on her troubles and offered to help with the translation from scribbles to coherent sentences only to have Eries deliberately bring the paper close enough to her face that he couldn't see it. She didn't know why she was bothering considering how bland his letters had been all summer. Her return letters hadn't exactly been the most meaningful things ever written either.

"He wrote this out in a hurry when he decided not to come," Gaddes said. "I don't think penmanship was his biggest concern at the time, either."

"So Allen's really sick?"

Eries was referring to the veracity of his illness instead of the degree but Gaddes mistook her question for concern. "He'll probably be fine by the time I get back, but he wasn't in a good way when I left."

Eries nodded and went back to squinting at the parchment. She had just made out the phrase 'think I was avoiding you' when Gaddes figured out his error. "You didn't think he was just trying to skip out of coming here, do you?"

"No, of course not!" But that's exactly what she had thought. She had believed her closest friend would send one of his men to Palas to lie to her just so he wouldn't have to face her. 

Gaddes jovially continued on in the same vein, saying he could understand why someone wouldn't want to travel all the way to Palas only to speak in front of the council and then turn right around and go home. "I've got to hurry up myself. One of those summer storms looked like it was brewing and we want head out before it gets bad. It was a pleasure seeing you again, Princess. Although I wouldn't mind it if the commander is able to come himself next time."

"Next time," Eries echoed quietly. She should have been looking forward to it. Allen had wanted to see her. He had wanted to come no matter how awkward things might be between them. Even with the slightly distant tone that now ran through his communications with her, she should have trusted him.

She had always been the one with doubts, the one who could never bring herself to say what would have to be said if she wanted to move forward. The only thing she had ever admitted to was wanting to kiss him and she had deliberately given him the impression that it was out of general curiosity. She didn't like what Allen had said to her at the Castelo but at least he had articulated what he felt and believed. From the first second she knew she loved him, she had done nothing but shut her mouth and kept away from him whenever her feelings caused her too much pain or confusion.

__

Tell him. Tell him everything. The thought still scared her. The thought of spending the rest of her life pining for him without ever giving herself a chance was starting to scare her more. _Besides, _she thought grimly, _how much worse can it get? We're corresponding like relatives who only write to each other out of obligation. He misses one report due to illness and I jump to the most horrible conclusion. The least I can do is let him know why. _

It was a simple resolution to make. She wouldn't be confronted with carrying it out until he returned for his end of the fall report. Something like that shouldn't be done in a letter was her justification for waiting. It also gave her time to mull over it, to either strengthen her resolve or logically decide if it was a bad decision. She thought she was being generous to herself by thinking logic instead of fear would be the cause of backing out of her plan, but she would know for sure when she saw him in person.

She couldn't decide if the next few months were too long to go or far too short. 

***

Four days before the beginning of Blue, Eries was in a frenzy. A delegation from Egzardia would be arriving shortly and, since she was the only member of the royal family or the council to have been there recently, it had been decided that she should be the one to babysit the group. Playing tour guide had never been Eries' forte and planning out a week long visit when she didn't even know who would be on the delegation was giving her a headache. 

Her little sister converted the headache into a full-blown migraine. Millerna was throwing fits on a daily basis because the old physician that had served as her tutor had retired the previous month and King Aston and Eries had replaced him with a former teacher from a military academy whose only knowledge of medicine consisted of how to inflict injuries. But the man knew history and was equally well versed in the arts and diplomacy and therefore, he eliminated the need for a second tutor. Since she was actually spending less time in tutoring sessions, Eries saw little reason for Millerna's whining. 

Whining was all she did hear. Millerna's vehemence for the return of her medical lessons resulted in the younger princess taking breakfast with Eries for the sole purpose of bugging her about it. She was vocal enough to drive off Revius and Seclas and Eries could tell Maerzen was thinking of excuses to leave. The pair of handmaidens serving them were quite skittish when they approached the table. After the fifth 'you and father never let me do anything' that morning, Eries yelled at Millerna to either take it up with their father or quit acting like a spoiled brat. The thirteen-year-old was stunned -- along with everyone else left in the room, Eries included. Millerna ran from the room, the makings of a crying jag showing upon her face. She was followed by the two handmaidens, each one skirting the edge of the room to be as far away from Eries as they could.

Maerzen remained, managing to look sympathetic and critical at the same time. "Bit on the harsh side, weren't you?"

"I lost my temper with her," Eries said remorsefully. "I shouldn't have called her a spoiled brat."

"Even if she does act like one?"

Eries eyed him questioningly. "And which side are you on?"

"I have six sisters. You think I've never seen this sort of thing before? Sisters have this unique ability to be at each other's throats one minute and hugging and crying together the next."

"Except Millerna and I have never been the hugging kind of sisters." Eries thought back on the night they found out about Marlene's death and the vow she made to take better care of Millerna. "We can be close when we have to be, but the rest of the time…"

"She's getting older," Maerzen counseled, "Six and a half years is a big difference as children, but it means less and less now that she's a teenager. You'll start to have more in common. You'll talk more."

"Maybe," Eries conceded. "But I worry about her so much. She's so used to getting everything she wants; she doesn't know how to react when someone tells her no. I think she thinks that if she's stubborn enough, everything will ultimately bend to her will."

"And you have to play the mean older sister and drill into her the fact that you can't always get what you want, no matter how long you hold out for it."

It may have been that Maerzen was only being supportive of Eries and wasn't trying to make a specific reference to her and Allen, but she thought about him nonetheless. And was promptly reminded of yet another thing she had to do. Allen was supposed to come to Palas on the same day as the Egzardians. His birthday would be a scant three days later. He would be back at the Castelo by then, but Eries had hoped to have time set aside in which she could give him his gift in advance and, possibly, a confession.

First, she had to get him something. She had racked her mind trying to come up with something as special to him as the earcuffs had been to her with little success. Short of bring his sister home, nothing seemed distinctive, fitting, enough. Nothing seemed to lead naturally into an admission of love either. 

She only had a few days; his gift had to be found before then. She also had to find a way to get out of the palace long enough to do it. But getting things ready for the Egzardians was taking up so much time. She had yet to plan out the menu for their welcoming banquet.

"Is playing with your food a new habit or just one you've managed to keep well hidden?"

Eries looked from Maerzen to her hands. Lost in contemplation, she had picked apart a leftover roll without realizing it. A pile of large crumbs had formed in front of plate. "Sorry, I have so many things on my mind. Millerna's just one them."

She explained to him the gift problem with Allen, couching it in terms of him being difficult to buy for only, and the impossibility of designing the perfect meal with her limited knowledge of Egzardian cuisine. "Something spicy," she concluded.

"Yeah, he'd probably like that."

"I meant the food!" Breadcrumbs flew through the air.

***

It wasn't long after the Egzardian contingent had disembarked from their leviship that the other, male members of the council regretted giving Eries the job of keeping them company. Marqesita was the chosen representative and she showed up in her standard attire, which didn't even come close to giving her enough coverage to protect her from the cool fall breeze. For all the pride Asturian culture took in cultivating gentlemen, no one offered her a cloak. 

"Welcome to Palas," Eries greeted Marqesita and offered the princess her own cloak. "Asturia extends its hospitality and deepest gratitude for your visit." Eries went through more formalities, from wishing that their journey here had been pleasant to introducing the council.

"They look hungry," Marqesita commented wickedly.

Maerzen was the last introduction.

"And he just looks delicious. Traded in the blond, did you?"

Praying that Maerzen wasn't hearing the conversation, Eries hastily elaborated on who Maerzen was and gave a brief, very lowly detailed summary of what had happened to Allen. She finished by saying that he should be arriving shortly.

"Good. One for me and one for you."

Her prayers grew more fervent. 

***

Eries didn't know what it was about Egzardian royalty, but they much preferred talking to Maerzen than to her. Over the course of their private dinner, the division of Marqesita's attention was about two percent Eries, ninety-eight percent Maerzen. Whereas Prince Tellot was an excruciating bore, his sister proved to be vastly more interesting to the Caeli. The throaty purr she used to converse with him was probably of some help.

What kept Maerzen rapt set Eries to fidgeting. Her presence was obviously not needed (nor likely wanted by Marqesita) and she had another place to be. She had seen the Crusade approaching Palas as she had led Marqestia's party from the dockyard to the palace. One of the councilmen had seen it too. Eries had overheard his whispered gripe about spending an afternoon listening to the commander of an insignificant, remote outpost give a tedious status report instead of escorting an exotic, royal beauty on his arm. Eries would have been offended if her sentiments hadn't been the same, only reversed. Judging from the hour, that report should be concluded and its deliverer free for the evening. But Eries wasn't.

"Alucier?" He didn't hear Eries' attempt to get his attention.

"Alucier?" She spoke up this time. Marqesita was louder.

"Alucier!" Marqesita still drowned out Eries, but she didn't kick him.

"Do you need for something, Princess?" he asked through gritted teeth.

"A word. Alone. You don't mind, do you Sita?" Eries dragged her guard off before either could object.

Once tucked away in a corner, Eries put aside her primary request to give a small lecture. "I can't believe you of all people are falling for such blatant behavior."

Maerzen was abashed. "I'm not falling for anything. I am speaking to an intelligent, witty, charming woman who happens to be very beautiful and have an amazing… She's quite smart, you know."

"I thought you had an objection to knights being involved with princesses."

"She's not the princess of my country," he muttered. To a frowning Eries he said, "We were simply talking. Expressing thoughts and ideas through the spoken word. It's completely harmless. And I thought you liked her?"

"I know. And I do like her. It's that… I like Revius too and she's little more than a female version of him."

"Thank you. Thank you for that," Maerzen said acidly. "If you wanted to scare me away from her that was certainly the way to do it."

"I thought you liked Revius?" she returned.

He let her have that one. She would just keep arguing anyway and Maerzen had the feeling his enjoyment of Marqesita's company was not the real issue Eries wished to discuss. "Surely you called me over here to do more than scold me. You wanted something."

"Yes, a small favor." Eries hesitated. After criticizing him for flirting, she was going to ask him to stay with the princess so she could run off to be with a man a lot of people would consider a blond version of Revius and Marqesita. "Um, I have someone I'd like to meet…"

"Someone? Oh, who could it be?" he said with exaggerated puzzlement. "Who else came to Palas today?"

"If you let me go right now, you can get back to your lovely genius. She might even be more charming once I'm gone. If you'd rather spend the rest of the night mocking me though, I think I just might have to relay every last detail about tonight to our friends, Revius and Seclas, at breakfast tomorrow."

"You wouldn't." But the stern look in her eyes said she would. Maerzen looked back at Marqesita, whose eyes were flashing with a different kind of determination. "Fine. Go. Have fun."

"I doubt I need to wish you the same. Seriously though, watch yourself with Sita," Eries cautioned. "She goes after what she wants and can be rather forceful about it."

"I know how to conduct myself. I'll be good even if others are not," he promised. He walked back to their table and added in a cutting whisper, "And it's not as if I don't have experience dealing with headstrong princesses with a yin for Caeli."

Eries thought he was being harsh. She was nothing like Marqesita. Her situation couldn't be more different.

***

Eries questioned the guard who patrolled the wing the council held sessions in. He was a friend of Revius' and a natural talker, so he was only happy to tell her the comings and goings of all who walked through his halls. He confirmed that the Caeli commander had arrived late in the day, spoken with the council for a few hours and then left in the direction of the palace's living quarters, not the dockyard. That had been about ten minutes ago.

Eries almost skipped off. Nerves were gathering in her. She was scared as hell over what she was about to do and yet, knew it would also be the release of an immense burden. She assumed Allen had gone to see her in her room. Even if he had gone somewhere else, she would have to go there to retrieve his gift.

As she ascended the stone staircase up to her bedroom on the third floor, a familiar refrain delivered in a manner more genteel than she had previously heard drifted through the stairs.

"I want to help people! I want to be of service to my people in the best way I know how. It's my duty as a princess to help isn't it?"

Eries groaned to herself. Whoever Millerna was talking to must be extraordinarily special because all she and her father ever got was foot stamping and yelling. The relatively eloquent pleas she was hearing now could be considered downright pleasant when compared to her little sister's typical opinions on the subject. They were a more effective, but still futile, argument too.

"Perhaps your sister and father think you can of better service to your country doing other things."

Eries stopped her climb. That had been Allen's voice. He had probably come here seeking her and run into Millerna instead. Now the girl had him cornered. Eries felt a twinge of pity for him. Allen had committed the sin of disagreeing with Millerna and was in for a steady stream of whining.

"I realize that. But if I could do something beneficial that is also something that I love, I would be really dedicated to it. Wouldn't that be the best for everyone?"

That was not what Eries had expected her to say. There wasn't any an accompanying sound of a foot pounding against the floor either. Millerna's voice was even sweet when she had said it. 

"Medicine does seem like an unsuitable subject for a young princess to be studying."

Eries smirked. _He's in for it now._

"Maybe," Millerna said slowly.

__

WHAT?!?

"I'm sure a young lady as spirited as you are can succeed at whatever task is given to her."

__

Giggling? Is she actually giggling at him?

This wasn't fair. Why did she have to sit through tirade after tirade while Allen got a calm, rational discussion and giggling? Fully aware of the irony of her actions and not particularly caring, Eries stomped up the rest of the stairs and called out for Millerna. 

She and Allen were standing between the landing and Eries' bedroom. Allen turned to look at Eries the second she said Millerna's name. Millerna herself hadn't been so bothered. She was looking up at Allen, her hands held behind her back and her violet eyes wide. Eries knew what her sister was thinking; she had thought the very same thing in the very same situation over six years ago. She only hoped she hadn't looked that daft the first time she had seen Allen. 

"Millerna," Eries snapped. "Shouldn't you be in your bedchambers?"

"It's not that late!" the younger princess started off. Then, mindful of the third person in the hall, she continued more cordially, "But you're right, Sister. I shouldn't be roaming the halls at night by myself. When I saw a Knight Caeli in the hall though, I knew I would be safe."

__

She's good, Eries thought. A lesser girl would have inserted a 'dashing' or 'noble' in front of Knight Caeli. Millerna still wasn't being what Eries would call subtle, but at least she was keeping her fawning to a tolerable level. Mostly tolerable.

"Safe or not, you have lessons to review before you go to bed. I really don't care to take another meeting with Father to explain why you're doing so poorly on your exams."

"I really don't care about any of it," Millerna grumbled to her feet. Eries got a forced smile and a promise that she would study with one caveat. "If I do well on the subjects you and Father like, can I start taking medical courses again?" 

"Millerna," Eries sighed. This was not an opportune time for her to discuss this yet again. Allen's presence wasn't keeping just Millerna in check. A quarrel between sisters wasn't a suitable prelude to the other things Eries wanted to say tonight. "We'll discuss this tomorrow." 

Millerna must have sensed Eries' hesitancy to fight because she pressed onward. "My old tutor gave me a list of lessons and books I would need to have. I could give it to you to look over before we talk with Father tomorrow."

"I said we would discuss this. I didn't mention Father."

"But you'll have to talk to him sometime if you're going to convince him -- " 

"If I am going to convince him? I agreed to talk with you. I did not say I would take this up as a personal crusade."

Eries' intentions of a quick, civil settlement of the issue dissolved into bickering. Allen went ignored by the two princesses. He slunk over to the window as if to ensure that would continue. As usual, the fight ended with Millerna's signature objection to the control that was imposed upon her. She stormed down the hallway and slammed the door to her room.

"That was mature," Eries declared. She was half criticizing herself. Trying to salvage the night, she apologized to Allen. "We shouldn't have fought in front of you. It was inconsiderate and - "

"She's beginning to be an awfully lot like Marlene," Allen interrupted absently. "I knew she resembled her, but now she's starting to sound like her. Maybe not the exact words, but she echoes her sentiments."

An echo of Marlene. It was an odd, but to some extent, apropos way to describe Millerna. Eries didn't much care for the fact that Allen was the one giving the description. 

"Allen, did you come up here to see me?" she asked, knowing that was exactly what he had done and wanting to reinforce it.

"I didn't think I'd have a chance to see you in the morning before I left."

"It's good that you did. I wanted to give you a gift for your birthday and…" Eries paused. The argument with Millerna was fresh in her mind. Allen's invoking of Marlene's name was even fresher. Then, there was the ludicrous aspect of the last of the Aston girls falling to the same romantic fate as her sisters.

"And I wanted to wish you well because I can't be with you that day."

***

Eries spent the three-month gap between Allen's fall visit and the one in the winter calling herself a coward. It was a nicer name than what Millerna had called her when she had refused to reinstate her medical lessons. An apology had been offered directly after the slur, but a message had been conveyed. Eries hadn't taken any offense, but had seen it as a caution. Millerna was as impetuous in word as she was deed and from the time medicine had been made unavailable to her, both of those had become increasingly focused on a certain Caeli.

Others, most significantly King Aston, noticed it too. "What is it with him?" he growled at Eries, as if she were personally responsible for him having to hear his daughter ask about Allen and when he might be back in Palas. He answered Millerna's question with his usual lack of tact in Allen matters. He sent orders to the Castelo to cancel the scheduled winter report and to send a comprehensive written report instead. The instructions alone for it were as thick as the legal text Eries had consulted when she had helped Allen with his family's estate and about as obscure. 

That bought Eries three more months to regain her conviction and find a way to make Millerna forget about Allen. The latter wouldn't be easy. Try as she might, Eries had never been able to do it herself.

***

On the thirtieth moon of Green, Davin Kovell, the oldest living Caeli in the history of the order, died peacefully in his sleep. The Heavenly Knights that were stationed in Palas gathered to mourn his passing and pay tribute to the service he had done for his country as a whole and his fellow knights in particular. According to Maerzen, those services consisted mostly of 'paying taxes on the giant pile of money he had' and 'picking up the tab at Tuvello's a lot'. But the people of Asturia weren't about to quibble with the image of their fallen hero and a pall of sorrow fell across the capital city.

Some of its citizens weren't so distressed. Dashir Revius greeted the news by dancing indecorously on his feathered guardsmen cap and yelling, "I'm in! I'm in!" repeatedly.

"Think he's happy about something?" questioned Seclas as he, Maerzen and Eries took in the spectacle over their breakfast.

"He's been complaining about the guard uniform ever since he put it on," Maerzen replied. "He thinks he'll have a better wardrobe as a Caeli."

"Now there's a noble inspiration. Makes me feel so much better about thinking it would be an opportunity for better posts."

"He also thinks it'll be a great way to meet women."

"You mean more women, if that's possible. That boy needs to learn how to share."

The conversation once again sank into a lament from Seclas about his love life while Maerzen carefully deflected all inquiries into his. Eries knew for a fact that Marqesita had contacted him several times since her visit in the fall but she didn't share that with Seclas. Maerzen had kept her secrets; she would do no less for him. She nibbled on a piece of fruit while Seclas droned on. Revius had seized an unsuspecting handmaiden who had come in to replenish the juice pitcher and was twirling the poor woman across the room. Ribbons of orange liquid flew from her jug with each rotation.

"He still has to win the tournament, doesn't he? He can't just assume he's won the commission," Eries asked.

"I've seen the trainees we've got at Fort Thedrick," Seclas said. "And I've seen the ones around here. Idiotic dancing aside, he is in. I just hope they shorten the ceremony this time. Almost nodded off during Schezar's."

Eries returned to her fruit. She was happy for Revius but his cause for celebration was going to be a cause for apprehension for her. All of the Caeli would be called back to Palas for the ceremony. Her father couldn't give Allen a stack of paperwork to keep him away.

She knew there could be no more procrastination. Living in limbo provided her with safety, but safety wasn't worth it anymore. Allen had made his position clear. If things were to change, she would have to be the one to change them.

***

Revius' induction ceremony lasted even longer than Allen's. It was not without its amusements, though. About a half hour in, Revius got a leg cramp from kneeling for so long. Beneath his overskirt, Eries could see him flexing the afflicted leg, trying to get rid of the cramp while not drawing any attention to it. The subdued smiles on Maerzen and the two other Caeli standing just behind Lord Ramkin's line of sight suggested he wasn't doing too well.

Then there were the baleful glares King Aston was giving any male that looked at Millerna for more than a second. The girl had grown like a weed throughout the winter and spring and wasn't looking anything like the cute, little tomboy she had once been. Though her recent birthday had only been her fourteenth, anyone who didn't know any better would have guessed sixteenth at the youngest. Her choice in ball gowns accentuated more than the problem. To celebrate the rare occasion of naming a new Caeli, Millerna had rummaged through the closets containing the dresses Marlene had left behind and had come out with the tightest thing she could find. 

The king was not amused. He hadn't been amused when Marlene had worn it. Eries could only remember her wearing it just once and Marlene had been eighteen at the time. It had been for a summer ball, the first one held after Allen had become her guard.

Eries groaned. Her father thought it was a warning to a noble with a wondering eye and nodded his approval. Millerna didn't notice. Her attention was squarely on a space above Revius' right shoulder -- a space occupied by Allen Schezar. It was uncanny how sisters could think so much alike.

The ceremony ended with the musicians cutting into Lord Ramkin's speech. They confused an overlong pregnant pause during an anecdote about the first Caeli with the end and started playing. Eries thought they had seen an opportunity to get it over with and had run with it. Lord Ramkin was the only one who cared. All the nobles immediately set themselves on the food tables and their pastime of rumor and innuendo. The newest Caeli provided them with ample raw material. 

A plainly relieved Revius rose and massaged his leg. With a hand gesture and a smirk, he beckoned Eries over for his first dance as a Heavenly Knight. She wanted to keep her eyes on Millerna, but this was a princess' duty and she wasn't going to let her little sister anywhere near Revius in that dress.

"Just watch your hands," Eries instructed as they went through the first steps of a waltz.

"Don't you mean my feet?"

"With any other partner, yes. But you…"

"You wound me, your majesty," Revius mock pouted. "Besides, it's been ages since I've turned my romantic attentions upon you."

"Not that I'm ungrateful, but may I ask why that is?"

"Miss it, huh?" Pressure from Eries' foot on his answered that question. "Honestly, I decided that you weren't my type."

"And what brought about that little revelation?"

"You kept telling me no."

They finished the waltz and though Revius had a long line of future dance partners, he kept Eries for one more round. Other couples were now taking the floor too. One young princess waded into the crowd in search of a specific partner. Eries clenched her fists, or would have if her hands weren't holding Revius'.

"Ow!" Revius winced. "Wasn't the leg cramp enough for you?"

"I'm sorry. I was watching Millerna."

"Nice dress, by the way. Is she trying to give your father a stroke?"

"When Millerna sets her mind on something, she tends to ignore everything else. I doubt she's even noticed the bright red color of Father's face."

"Still," Revius said. "You'd think the steam coming off of him would get her attention."

They watched together as Millerna made her way down the line of Caeli. Eries mouthed a command to Maerzen to intercept, which he did, albeit with a frown and the disappointment of the noblewoman he had been dancing with. Millerna didn't look very happy either.

"Hmm. She was heading right to the end of the line, wasn't she?" Revius speculated. "I don't think she was going after Seclas, so that leaves my former roommate. Is it some sort of right of passage that you Aston girls have to get a crush on him?"

Eries wondered how much Revius knew about Marlene and Allen. Maerzen had figured it out, but he was sworn to secrecy and privy to information that Revius was not. It was safer to assume he knew nothing so that she wouldn't accidentally enlighten him. "She thinks he's attractive -- an opinion shared by a large number of women -- that's all. She's fourteen --"

"Fourteen! Are you kidding me?"

"She's fourteen," Eries continued dourly, "Girls that age are prone to the occasional shallow infatuation. And Allen and I are just friends."

"Friends for _now_. It's obvious that you care about him. Well," he added, jerking his head in towards Allen, "It's obvious to most people."

"Ummm," Eries mumbled noncommittally. If it wasn't obvious to Allen yet, it would be tonight. Whether she was able to talk to him during the reception or after, in a few short hours everything would be out. She just had to keep her courage up and keep Millerna away. That part was going as planned. Maerzen had steered her back over to King Aston while Allen was at the other end of the ballroom with Lord Poniard's niece. 

Eries didn't know what it was in particular about Millerna's attraction to him that raised her hackles so. She dismissed jealousy as the cause. She was able to step aside and suppress the majority of that when Allen had been with Marlene. She really didn't believe anything would come of the crush anyway. She couldn't fault her little sister for superficial nature of her feelings. Blue eyes and a blond ponytail had been what had drawn Eries to Allen initially. It wasn't even the dress. A purple silk outfit buried in the back of Eries' closet would have made her a hypocrite if it had been that.

There was a suspicion harrying her that Millerna's swift and overt motions towards her goal were the culprit. Eries had wasted years debating and denying this and that and everything in between. Millerna had seen what she wanted and went for it. Another thing she had in common with Marlene.

If Eries had any say in it, that would be the end of the similarities. For Millerna, at any rate. Eries thought it was time to quit playing the odd princess out. She wasn't going to spend the evening sweating nervously while Allen made rounds through Asturian noblewomen and Millerna made a fool out herself vying for his attention. 

A chance to speak her piece arose when the music ended and both Revius and Allen's dance partner moved on. Eries swiftly crossed the floor before another woman could reach Allen. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Millerna was her closest competition. Eries didn't have a tight dress to hinder her though.

She ignored Millerna indignantly shouting her name as she grabbed Allen and hauled him out to a balcony.

"Someone's calling your name," Allen said. He hadn't seen Millerna.

"It's not important."

"But I think it's your sister." 

Eries settled it by closing the balcony's glass doors. Out of hearing, out of mind. Now all she needed was a drape to put over the doors to keep Millerna out of sight. Opening her heart to Allen while her sister pressed up against the glass and watched the whole thing did not appeal to her. 

She wouldn't use that as an excuse. She was through with them. She leaned against the railing of the balcony, distracting Allen from doors and drawing him to her instead. Eries had her captive audience.

"Allen, there's something I need to talk to you about. Something I wanted to tell you when you were here last fall but I couldn't bring myself to do it."

"Is this about what happened at the Castelo? I thought we moved past that?"

"It is. Partly. And I don't think we really have moved past that. We've barely seen each other since it happened and our correspondences haven't been what they were. There's a distance between us."

"I'm sorry, Eries. I didn't mean to give you that impression."

"It's not an impression, Allen!" Eries said forcefully. She breathed deeply before going on. Once she started, she had to finish. "I now we talked about it briefly the morning after, but not everything was said that needed to be. We almost… You were there. You know what we almost did. And I think that it brought some things out. Things about ourselves that we'd be more comfortable not dealing with but if we don't deal with them, it will just make things more uncomfortable between us until that discomfort is all we have."

She was babbling. Babbling on topic, but still putting off getting to the point. Allen was reacting much like she thought he would. He was staring at the large silver vase to her right, preferring to be lost in his thoughts rather than expressing them. 

"Allen, I think we need to be completely honest about why it happened. I know what I told you, but --"

"But what about me?" Allen interjected. Eries tried to explain that wasn't what she meant, but he insisted on continuing. "I know what you mean about things about ourselves we're not comfortable with. The way I've been with women after Marlene's death… I always knew it was wrong in a way but I didn't realize how wrong until that night. It would have been wrong to use you like that. I never would have been able to forgive myself. You're a princess. You're my friend. But you're also a woman and that alone means you should be treated with respect and dignity."

"I take it that means you've decided to curtail certain behaviors?" On one hand, Eries was relieved to know Allen wasn't sullying himself with questionable activities anymore. On the other… It wasn't exactly flattering to know that nearly sleeping with her had him rethinking his entire sex life. 

She told herself to quit being so negative. Allen's new outlook was a good thing. It also provided her with a segue to get back on the matter at hand. "Does that also mean you're now open to finding someone special? Someone to love?"

"I don't think I can."

"But what if someone came along?" she argued. "Someone who cared about you, who understood you?"

"Eries," he sighed. "I told you. I can't go through that again."

"You're not even going to try? You're going to spend the rest of your life brooding over what you've lost rather than letting yourself discover what you could have?"

"I'm sorry."

She could have screamed at him. _Sorry for what? Sorry that I finally find the strength to tell you I love you but before I can, you tell me that it would all be moot? Sorry that no matter how terrified I am of doing this, you're by far the bigger coward here? _She wanted to scream at him. She wanted him to know how much she had sacrificed for him and how much more she was still ready to give, but he was not ready to hear it. He never would be until he got over --

"Marlene?!" Allen breathed.

Eries stared at him in shock. How had he guessed her thoughts like that? Then she followed his gaze. He had returned to the silver vase. On the vase's smooth surface, polished clear any mirror, was the reflection of the woman who held all of his heart.

Both of them turned to the glass doors. Caught off guard by the sudden attention, Millerna waved nervously and cracked the same demure smile that had often graced the face of her oldest sister.

***

Author's Notes -- I think I achieved the impossible with the last chapter. I made people angry at Allen for *not* sleeping with a woman. I doubt this chapter (or the upcoming one) will make anybody forgive him. Millerna ain't looking too good either. Sorry, but she was quite the spoiled brat in her first few episodes. But on to happier things. No, Alucier and Sita aren't getting ready to pick out curtains. I just thought the poor boy could use some fun after putting up with Eries' angst for all these years. I know I said I'd think about giving him a nice girl, but a bad one was the only one available. As with most things Alucier related, it just sort of popped up and I have no idea where I'm going with it.

On a weird note, I wanted to share this horoscope I came across in the newspaper. I don't normally read these things. I think they're a vague bunch of nonsense. But on the day I started writing this chapter, I happened to read mine for that day. It was also the same day I lost an auction on eBay and went ahead and imported the thing I wanted directly from Japan.

*Finish what you start, look beyond the immediate and obtain representation of product in foreign land. Check copyrights; you could have money coming to you. Aries in scenario.*

Not sure about the money part, but maybe I ought to start putting disclaimers on this baby.

Anyway, I have new fan art! This piece was done by Meghanna Starsong. I'm sure you've seen her fic 'Soulmates' here. You can it see it at my website at:

www.geocities.com/aerikas/fan_eries3

Or at Meghanna's online gallery at:

http://www.mediaminer.org/fanart/agal.php?id=48903

Her author page here is at:

http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=134975

Next up: You're all going to hate me. It's the end of the fic as we know it -- Girl Meets Reality


	17. Girl Meets Reality

__

I have come to know you

Over all these years

We've seen many days come and go

After all the time we've shared

All the secrets told

Will you ever say I love you

If you gave me nothing

Nothing more than this

I would have the memory to keep

Let me make a simple wish

As we fall asleep

Let me wake with you by my side

Always

If you have to leave me

Leave me with a kiss

Tell me how you feel without words

Are you so afraid to stay

Must you be alone

Let me wake with you by my side

Always

-- October Project, "Always"

The Secret Life of a Girl

Chapter XVII: Girl Meets Reality

With several years of experience with the council to draw upon, Eries thought she had mastered the tricky art of negotiating. She knew the advantages of learning all sides of an issue so that she could take them apart piece by piece and manipulate widely differing opinions to match her own. She had learned the subtle cues -- a quick look askance, a hurried shuffle of papers -- that meant her opponent was starting to give and that she should move in for the kill. It was a sport of sorts. A game with rules and procedures and a winner and a loser. It did not contain a pouting princess whose main method of persuasion was to fold her arms and huff about how unfair everything was.

It was an immature strategy, but for Eries, it was turning out to be an unstoppable one. She was on the edge of exhaustion from repeating herself and trying to find just a tiny patch of middle ground. She was offering concessions she hadn't given to men who commanded entire merchant fleets. And she was getting nothing for her efforts. Millerna was winning simply because she refused to play.

Yet Eries kept offering. Mostly, because the alternative was to give into her anger and smack that dour look right off her sister's face. That would be wrong for so many reasons. Eries had to mentally repeat them to remind herself. 

Father would not be happy. Father would get angry. Millerna would not be happy. Millerna would get whiny. Violence against your sibling is theoretically bad.

She avoided citing the most accurate reason -- Millerna wasn't the person she was most upset with.

The night after Millerna's antics at Revius' induction ceremony, King Aston had pulled Eries aside. He had had enough of her foolish crush on 'that bastard'; he wasn't about to put up with his youngest daughter pulling the same stunt. He had said a great deal about the decorum of princesses in public and had started in on a familiar lecture about falling for looks. Eries hadn't really heard it. She had been occupied with her own fuming.

She had finally reached a peace with her feelings for Allen, a point where she could speak them freely to him, only to discover Allen was too damn stubborn to listen. He had his misery to wallow in. He didn't need something like the profound love of the one person who knew him best to bring a sense of peace and happiness to his life. But he was perfectly willing to use any excuse to dwell upon the things that had hurt him the most.

Millerna had worn that dress in a bid to get Allen's attention and had succeeded in a way that alarmed Eries. Allen had realized his mistake almost immediately, but a woeful glimmer in his eyes spoke of a desire that he hadn't been wrong. And even worse, a hope of a chance that he could be right. He had left soon after that, not even bothering to take a proper leave but simply disappearing from the party.

A month later and Eries had not heard from him. All she could do is speculate on what was going through his mind and try to handle what matters she could. Which meant Millerna. The girl had proven immune to their father's ranting and Eries was having the same nil effect. Not just with Allen either. Millerna hadn't dropped her desire to resume her medical studies. She had taken it upon herself to question the palace physicians if they would be interested in tutoring her. Most of them knew of King Aston's objection to his daughter's determination to join the profession and refused, but one doctor, only on staff for a few weeks, had agreed to the proposition in his ignorance of the situation. Five sessions had gone by before they were discovered.

That doctor had been reprimanded and sent away. Dealing with Millerna would not be so simple. Aston had given the task to Eries because he believed she would be able to handle things more calmly than he. This was not the case.

"You have to realize if we don't reach a compromise, you're going to have to deal with Father. He's not going to discuss anything with you. He will tell you what to do and you will do it." Eries hated using threats, but she was running out of options.

Millerna was less bothered by it than Eries. "I still don't see what's so wrong about me wanting to study medicine. Father gives speech after speech about how royalty should help the people, but when I try to help, he refuses to let me." 

"But you're not helping the people. You're ignoring your duties as a princess to pursue your own interests."

"Doctors help people all the time. They cure their sicknesses and heal their wounds. I want to do that for our people," she argued earnestly.

"You're being selfish," Eries retorted. "You say you want to help people, but you only want to do it on your own terms. What do you think Asturia needs more? One more measly healer or a princess who uses her influence to get schools built to train legions of them?"

Millerna wouldn't budge. "What influence? You and Father don't let me say anything. You're the one on the council."

"Yes, I'm on the council. And I can tell you, there are times when I would rather be anywhere on Gaea but in that council room listening to grown men bicker like children over everything from taxes to how that statue by the ballroom is too provocative. You don't think I would rather be teaching somewhere than suffering through yet another ball while pretending to give a damn about some vacuous nobleman because I need his support for a measure I'm fighting to get through?"

For the first time, Millerna flinched. Eries had practically barked out that last sentence. Where repetition had failed, volume seemed to get the job done. A subdued Millerna mumbled something about 'just because you don't get to do what you want doesn't mean I can't'.

"We're princesses. We can't enjoy all the benefits of our royal birth without giving something back for them. Sometimes, you have to do without."

"In other words, I can't learn the things I want to learn or talk to the people I want to talk to."

Eries knew the conversation would eventually wind its way towards Allen, but she had hoped it wouldn't come after she had just used herself as a model of good princessy behavior. Neither she nor Marlene had set a sterling example in regards to him. The fact that Millerna was unaware of either relationship didn't keep feelings of hypocrisy at bay. Eries hadn't actually had an affair with him, but spending her adult life wanting one and running away from all potential suitors to preserve that fantasy didn't exonerate her.

Of course, that fantasy was now all but gone. And Eries was facing the prospect of seeing her little sister go through the same ordeal.

"About that, Millerna¼ " Eries started. She knew what her father would say. She wasn't mad enough at Allen to call him such things and was, fortunately, too much of a lady to use such language. "There's nothing wrong with associating with a Knight Caeli. Publicly throwing yourself at one is another matter entirely. You weren't fooling anyone with that tight dress -- "

"I didn't even have the chance to talk to him at that ball," Millerna sniffed. "You were the one talking to him."

"Yes, talking to him," Eries said. She would never admit what they were talking about. "Which, as I said, is fine. But you've been asking around after him and generally making it very clear what the nature of your interest is. The staff of this palace thrives on gossip. Any gesture that looks even the tiniest bit unseemly gets noticed and talked about for years to come."

"Who cares what a bunch of rumormongers think?"

"And I share that sentiment. But still -- "

"You said I could talk to him, right?" Millerna tried. "You said there was nothing wrong with that."

"Yes, but -- "

"So you can't stop me from doing it. You have no reason."

__

I have every reason in the world. None of which she could freely share with her little sister. To be the voice of experience, she would have to share those experiences.

It was back to negotiating. "All right, Millerna. I admit you have a point. But Father does not see things that way. He sees his daughter disobeying his wishes, nothing more. And the more you throw this disobedience in his face, the harsher his reaction will be. Complaining about your medical studies while simultaneously chasing after a man Father does not approve of only focuses his anger."

Millerna was curious. "What are you saying?"

This was worse than threats. Eries was resorting to wholesale manipulation of people she loved. "Forget Allen Schezar. Forget him and I'll arrange for a new tutor with a suitable medical background and keep Father out of the whole affair."

Millerna looked wary, but ultimately, Eries had her victory. She couldn't shake the suspicion that it was a pyrrhic one.

***

As part of their bargain, Millerna spent a trial period being the best behaved princess she could be during her normal lessons and shunning even a mention of the word 'Caeli' during conversation. She had lived up to her end of the bargain; it was Eries' turn to fulfill hers. There was the minor obstacle of conducting a search for a tutor with the proper credentials without arousing King Aston's suspicions, but Eries found the time and a space to interview candidates. A faked cold got her out of council meetings. Revius' increased responsibilities as a castle guard since his promotion accomplished the latter. Even if she hadn't needed to sneak around, finding out that Revius was now in charge of scheduling guard shifts and therefore knew where everybody would be and what they would be doing while they were there was a useful discovery. It pretty much meant she had free reign of the palace.

If only she had a reason to abuse this new opportunity. In the past, when Allen still lived in Palas, she might have ventured out to Tuvello's for a visit. But Allen was off in the swamps near the border of Fanelia and it wasn't as if she wanted to deal with him now anyway.

Eries settled on the old nurse that looked after the handmaidens. Millerna was dubious as to how much the woman could teach her and went so far as to accuse Eries of trying to back out of their agreement. One lecture from the nurse about the enormities of her duties compared to those 'glory hogging' doctors shut the younger princess up. Eries knew better than to open her mouth at all.

The truth was that, on some level, she had thought going with a nurse instead of a doctor would be a way to give her sister a little bit of what she wanted without making a full commitment to letting her train to be a physician. It was an underhanded strategy, but it wasn't like Millerna had proven herself entirely. Yes, she had been good so far, but the real test wouldn't be until she saw Allen again. That was when Eries would see if she was in full compliance.

It would also be a chance for Eries to figure out where she stood in her own relationship with Allen. Or rather, where she wanted to stand.

***

"I hear the Crusade docked over an hour ago and its commander and crew are now on palace grounds," Maerzen announced casually.

"Hmm, really?" Eries continued working on the document she had been drafting all morning. She lifted her head long enough to take in the curious expression of her guard, but otherwise showed no sign that she cared.

Her supposed apathy was not shared. "For the hundredth time in the past three months, what happened at Revius' induction that's put you off your dear friend and the great sort of, kind of, not really love of your life?" he asked, his voice almost squeaking with exasperation. "Not that I'm complaining. I think it would be extremely healthy if you finally got over him, but suddenly pretending he doesn't exist really doesn't qualify as working through very complex, enduring emotions to me."

"Hmm, really?"

"You can be such a maddening little -- "

"Princess?" she supplied. "That _is_ what you always call me no matter how many times I tell you not to."

"Fine. Okay, I'll make a concession and you will, in turn, make one of my own. I'll call you by your first name and you'll tell me why you've been so hissy." Oozing sweetness, he said, "Do we have an agreement, Eries?"

Eries' pen kept moving. Her lips did not. This was what she had wanted. The last bit of formality between her and a man she had come to regard as an older (and overly protective) brother was finally being removed and the only requirement was that she discuss something she had been needing to get out anyway.

__

I *am* a maddening little princess.

"Your concession is acknowledged. Now get comfortable because this will take awhile."

"Is this one of those 'be careful what you wish for' situations?"

Eries cracked a grin that was more teeth than mirth. Then she took a deep breath and recited every bit of dialogue from her last conversation with Allen. With a sigh of frustration, she reached the conclusion. "No matter how many times I provide a shoulder to cry on and play counselor to Allen, nothing is going to change. He doesn't want it to change."

Eries expected sympathy. A pat on the shoulder and a speech on the tragic waste of her noble efforts. Maybe something about Allen being an unappreciative jerk, too. Anything but the response she actually got. "What exactly do you want to change anyway?"

"What do you mean what do I want to change? Isn't it obvious? He can't let go of the past. His life could be so much better if he would just learn how to accept the things that have happened without letting them all weigh him down."

"But you love him¼ "

"I¼ That's why I've been trying to help him."

"By changing him. Fixing him."

"But I can't. I can't¼ fix him," she finished feebly. The point Maerzen had been trying to make sunk in with full force. The revelation was more condemning of her than Allen. "I just want him to be happy," was her soft-spoken excuse.

"I know, but his happiness is not your responsibility. And I don't want to sound overly harsh, but if you thought your love was enough to make all the bad stuff disappear and the two of you would live in bliss for the rest of your lives, you were wrong about that too. All the dedication in the world isn't going to magically transform Allen Schezar into the happiest man on Gaea."

"No, no it's not," Eries reluctantly agreed. "But it could be a start."

"If he wants it to be. You can't force him to come to terms with his past. That's something he has to do on his own. You can be there to help him through it, but you can't do it for him."

One of Eries' first observations after attending a few council meetings and gaining an understanding of their procedures was how much easier everything would be if people would just do what she told them to do. She still had the thought occasionally. It was only as a joke though. The arrogance that tempered her earlier desire had lessened (though she would always fight stubbornly for her way) to a technique of persuasion and a respect for the person who held an opposing opinion if not the opinion itself. And on the infrequent occasions in which she had been proven wrong, not being an unyielding zealot had paid off. 

It was still her belief that she knew what was best for Allen. His obsession with Marlene could only hurt him. Taken too far, it might end up hurting her other sister. But she couldn't will it away with a snap of her fingers. Allen had lived with it for years. She had known about it for years. That night, his reaction upon seeing Millerna wasn't something Eries couldn't have predicted. Yet, she had been furious with him and remained so, because his reaction hadn't been what she had wanted it to be. Since they had been incommunicado since then, she didn't even know how he felt about it now. The look in his eyes, his hasty departure -- it could have all come from shock

She had a right to be mad at him for how he acted then. Continuing to hold it against him was different. Especially since she thought she knew what she had been doing wrong. "I know he isn't my responsibility," she said. "And I know I can't make him accept something he is not ready to accept, but -- even if it is only as a friend -- I need to at least try to help him see what he is doing to himself."

"Just be careful. Don't expect too much from him. Don't expect too much from yourself."

Eries left her document for later. She had palace grounds to be searching. Leaving the room as quickly as she did, she missed seeing the resigned nod of Maerzen's head and the mouthing of a prayer that however things were to be resolved, it would be done quickly.

***

Finding Allen was not difficult. A Caeli knight with golden blond hair halfway down his back stood out no matter what crowd he was in. The problem was that others could also find Allen with the same ease as Eries had had. In particular, a girl who had vowed that she would stay away from him had found him and found him first.

Millerna was doing a poor job at concealing how thrilled she was with her discovery. They were out in the middle of the courtyard, just under a statue of Jichia, the youngest princesses chatting idly and animatedly about the sea god knew what. All of this was done in full view of the numerous guards, handmaidens and nobles that comprised typical palace traffic. The only good things that could be said about it was that Millerna was wearing one of her more modest dresses and with an audience, no one could accuse anyone of doing anything improper.

If anyone had caught the baleful glare given by Eries, they might have accused her of contemplating murder.

Her sister had broken her promise on the first chance she had. The second chance Eries had been prepared to give Allen had been rendered moot before she could offer it. Everything that she and Maerzen had talked about was meaningless. She could be completely honest with herself. She could dissect every motivation for her actions. She could analyze the true nature of every one of her emotions. None of that meant that Allen was willing or capable of doing the same.

Eries' mood worsened as she got closer and was able to hear parts of their conversation. Though Millerna was the one doing the majority of the talking, her loquaciousness was fostered by questions from Allen. Questions that, to a less knowledgeable ear, sounded like the generic talk made between acquaintances. Millerna's recent trip to the flower gardens outside of Palas seemed like the perfect subject to ask a young woman to go into detail about. Many women in the area frequented those gardens. Eries was well aware of how much Marlene had loved them.

Neither one was aware of her presence. Eries fell in line with a pack of palace servants headed towards the kitchens to ensure that would not change. She was too angry, too disappointed to confront the two of them. Yelling at one in front of the other could actually be detrimental. She didn't want Allen to hear of the bargain she had made with Millerna. Pointing out the origin of Allen's interest in Millerna would alert the younger princess to an affair that she had no business learning of. Marlene had preferred that no one ever know; Eries would respect that wish, even if filling in her little sister could stop her crush from deepening.

By the time the entourage reached the kitchen, the cooks in the group had planned out the specifics of the evening's meal. Eries had come to her own conclusions. She would deal with Millerna first. Her transgressions and the consequences of them were clear. It would not be a pleasant experience. But compared to the prospective confrontation with Allen and all the nebulous feelings it would involve, it was almost something to look forward to.

***

"I was surprised at how good tonight's meal was," Eries said suddenly and without preamble. She and Millerna were walking back to their rooms following their dismissal from the dinner table. The walk, like the meal before it, had been silent up until her announcement. "I saw them planning the menu when I was out in the courtyard this afternoon and I didn't like what I overheard at the time."

She looked down at her sister to see how she would register the mention of the courtyard. As much as Millerna had matured physically, Eries still had a decent height advantage on her. The imperious inflection in her voice made the inches seem even greater. Subtlety was not a priority for her now.

Confession was not one for Millerna. She did allow a vague, "I was out in the courtyard this afternoon, too."

"And you met someone." Eries didn't bother to pose it as a question.

The tempestuous spirit Millerna was known for came into play. "Come out and say it, Eries. We both know what you mean and dancing around it is cruel."

"Don't make me out to be a villain. I set a rule and you broke it."

"An unfair rule."

"A rule you agreed to," Eries clarified. "I went behind Father's back so that you could keep studying. There was one condition and you violated the terms of that condition as soon as you could."

"I ran into him in the courtyard by accident! He started talking to me. It would have been rude to ignore him."

"You could have excused yourself."

"But we were just talking!" Millerna protested. "About little things, like the flower gardens and Saghan Beach."

Another popular locale that happened to be one of Marlene's favorites. She had taken Eries there once to watch the sunset, claiming the light from the sun and moons on the water was the most breathtaking thing she had ever seen. An additional claim she had made was that it was a perfect romantic setting. Obsession was starting to sound like a euphemism for Allen's continuing enthrallment with his lost love. "I didn't give you a list of approved topics, Millerna. I told you to stay away from him period."

"And why is it that it's fine for you to talk to him but not me?"

"Because I've never made a public fool of myself fawning over him!" The word 'public' was a painful, but necessary inclusion for Eries. She might be acting strident and controlling, but she wanted to be able to say that she was also being honest.

Millerna took the same tack and didn't dispute her behavior. "He doesn't act as if it displeases him. I think he rather enjoyed our talk today. It certainly wasn't hard to keep his interest."

"But he's not interested in you! He's looking for -- " Eries stopped barely in time. There were limits to honesty that were not hers to break.

"What are you talking about?"

"He's too old for you," Eries snapped, hoping harshness would cover her near mistake. "He's looking for someone his age and despite your appearance, you don't qualify."

"Too old? Father's been getting marriage offers from men much older than Allen."

"And he's been turning them down," Eries noted. "But speaking of Father, I think it's time I respect his wishes regarding your medical studies."

"You wouldn't¼ "

"We had an agreement. You broke it."

"One time! And it wasn't my fault!"

"I'm sorry, Millerna, but your whims have been indulged for far too long. Father always did spoil you because of Mother's death, but that needs to change. Actions have consequences. You are not entitled to something merely because you want it."

Ever since she first heard it, Eries felt the moniker of 'Ice Princess' was undeserved. She was reserved, contemplative but not devoid of the emotions she chose not to display. Seeing herself reflected in Millerna's eyes, the bright violet darkened to almost blue by hurt, she had second thoughts. Justified or not, she was taking away something precious from her sister.

It didn't even occur to her that she was also taking away the only thing she could hold against Millerna to keep her from pursuing Allen.

***

Eries would have liked to go straight to bed in a wall of blankets and pillows impenetrable to distraught siblings and semi-estranged friends in bad need of a lecture, but time dictated that her already horrible day must continue. The Crusade was scheduled to leave early next morning and Eries didn't want to miss seeing Allen. His odd interest in Millerna wasn't something that should be left to fester. The more it grew, the more both her sister and friend would be hurt.

Still, her bed was awfully inviting. She had accused Millerna of trying to make her out to be a villain but honestly, she felt like one. Taking away her medical studies wasn't meant to be an arbitrary punishment, but that was how Millerna viewed it. Some sort of defiant pride was the only thing that had kept the girl from crying as she declared how callous Eries was being while retreating down the hall to her bedroom. Eries had stood silent in the hall, unable to defend herself. 

Not unable really, but unwilling. She was protecting Millerna, keeping her away from something that ran a great deal deeper than a teenager's crush on an older, handsome man. It may contain princesses and knights and star-crossed lovers, but this situation wasn't some damned fairy tale. Millerna wasn't even the heroine. Marlene had been and always would be the one Allen wanted. Eries wasn't the evil big sister either. But it was a part, foisted upon her, that she would have to continue to play. The next chapter would be that evil sister versus the dashing hero.

So far, the most politic thing she had thought of to say to him sounded something like 'don't you find it slightly disturbing that you're attracted to a girl who looks exactly like the lost love of your life and when you talk to that girl, you steer the conversation towards things that you know the lost love liked?' Sometimes, she added 'seek help' to the litany. Reviewing this speech served no purpose. Sarcasm was not the means by which to convey how troubled she was by Allen's behavior. Her hamhanded approach with Millerna and the end results were a convincing argument against that.

With nothing else to go on though, Eries reworked the question into a more suitable form while she brushed out her hair. As long as it was, doing a thorough job of getting out the tangles would delay speaking with Allen for about five minutes. Six, if she went after the short locks that always liked to rearrange themselves haphazardly across her forehead. 

Seven minutes later, her bangs in a neat row, Eries opened the door to leave her room and ran into her father instead. He was clearly mad about something. That something was Millerna, whom he had just checked in on before turning in for the night. His baby girl was highly upset. He had to put off getting the sleep he wanted. His other daughter was the cause of both. Eries braced herself.

"Do you know what Millerna just told me?"

Eries could guess, but chose not to. Knowing a correct answer and knowing when to voice that answer was the difference between an idiot and a sage.

"She's under the impression that you're not going to let her study medicine anymore and that this is a recent development. I agree with the first part, but I'm somewhat puzzled by the last one. From what I recall, I put a stop to that doctor nonsense months ago, not minutes. Would you care to explain?"

This meant that Eries was supposed to hang her head and utter a timid apology. Aston would then proceed to offer his own explanation and toss about hints at her punishment. That's how it had been since Eries was little. Marlene had confirmed once that the practice had been established with her.

"Father, we can discuss this later. I need to talk to someone tonight. It's very important." Bravely, if not brashly, Eries tried to maneuver around him.

King Grava Aston was not an easy man to get around physically or verbally. His will was about to proven sterner. "If you're going to go meet Schezar, I suggest you rethink your plans. I've tolerated you chasing after him for years. And now I have to put up with your sister following in your footsteps. I actually do approve of the way you handled, or were trying to handle, Millerna. I do not approve of you keeping me out of it. You are my daughters. I have a right to know what you are up to. And I have a right to say who you can and cannot speak with. It ends tonight, Eries. For both of you."

"I'm twenty, Father, not some child and we have had this discussion about Allen before." Hypocritical feelings came creeping back in as Eries continued with an argument that was mostly only a rephrased version of several arguments Millerna had given to her. "We are only friends. We have always been only friends. As I friend, I need to speak with him. And, if you must know, I was going to ask him to stay away from Millerna."

Aston laughed so humorlessly that Eries wished he had snarled at her instead. "Don't worry, I'll take of that. You should worry about yourself."

"What, are you going to threaten to take something away from me?"

"You do have a seat on the council," Aston said flatly.

Eries glared silently at her father. Her instinct was to scream at him that he was being unfair, but the moment was already dripping with enough irony without her adding to it by duplicating Millerna's words. Aston had thought so much of the way she had dealt with Millerna, he was going to do the same to her. The likelihood that his motivations were also much the same as hers wasn't much of a consolation. The only real difference between father and daughter was that Aston's forbidding gaze contained no hint of the remorse that Eries had felt.

The difference between the sisters was greater. All Millerna risked was the loss of studies Eries believed she was likely to be tired of in a couple of years anyway. An extra class here and there and a few more textbooks read did not compare to what Eries had on the table. Almost all of her time in the past five years, nearly a quarter of her life, had been given to that council. She couldn't lose it. Not over a man who she could already sense slipping out of whatever tenuous grip she had on him.

"If that's what you are demanding," Eries said, "then I have no choice but to go along with it."

"You always were the sensible one, Eries." He had the nerve to smile at her when he said it. 

The Sensible One. Another nickname to add to the pile. Right now, Eries hated it more than all the others combined.

***

As typical of the second and third princesses of Asturia, they responded to King Aston's directive regarding associating with Allen Schezar in the exact opposite manner. Every opportunity she had, Millerna flaunted her rebellion by honing in on the knight at the first sign of him. All it took was a sighting of blond hair and Millerna was off. She had no real reason to hang back. Aston had given service to the idea of letting a physician be her tutor again if she behaved, but she knew as well as Eries did that the odds of their father making a formal and binding agreement to that were roughly the same as him abdicating the throne in favor of Millerna's stuffed rabbit. 

Eries possessed greater restraint. She had to. Council meetings had become harder than ever. Still the same old pains in the ass they had always been, Eries now had to get through them knowing what she had sacrificed to be there. Aston's conduct during these meetings had gotten quite cagey. Just when Eries would grow frustrated with lack of progress for her agendas, he would swing things over in her favor to remind her of what she loved about the process. Her victories tended to coincide with scheduled visits by Allen to the capital. A cheap and overt ploy, it nonetheless kept Eries hanging back in a corner while her sister stole dances with the object of both their affections. Making matters worse, Allen didn't give the impression that he cared about the absence of his best friend. Only once did he seek Eries out to ask her if something was wrong, but he picked the exact time Aston had chosen to also talk to her. Eries said a curt 'no' to Allen, gave a mocking curtsey to her father, grabbed a startled Maerzen, shoved him in front of his colleague and lord and then took off without looking back.

Allen wasn't in Palas all that often -- Aston had resumed his paperwork campaign to keep in him busy in the swamps -- but there were just enough balls in which the absence of one of the Caeli would have been conspicuous that he was a guest at the palace several times during the year. Asturia's tradition of celebrating every last bit of historical minutia with lavish parties was starting to annoy her king.

It was in his power to cancel these affairs and he mentioned that in passing to both his children, but the next event was one that he wouldn't dream of calling off. Millerna was turning fifteen on the twenty-fourth moon of Green. The coming of age of Asturia's youngest princess would be observed throughout the country. For the king not to mark the occasion with a grand gala attended by every old noble family, every diplomat and every last Caeli would cause a public outcry.

And, as Revius remarked lightheartedly over breakfast a week before the ball, the protests of all the people in Palas would have been drowned out by the fit Millerna would have thrown.

***

"I don't think your sister is throwing herself at Allen hard enough," Revius surmised. "Maybe if she got a running start…"

The comment elicited an amused 'hmpf' from Maerzen but Eries found it far too accurate to find any humor in it. Judging by the throbbing vein on her father's forehead, she didn't think King Aston would have laughed if he had heard it either. True, the ball tonight was being held in honor of Millerna turning fifteen, but that didn't mean the birthday girl was entitled to get everything that she wanted. It looked like Allen was intent on doing just that. Caeli and princess were starting their third dance for the evening.

That inspired King Aston to shut down the music so that he could offer another toast to his darling daughter. While the praises of her beauty and dedication to her family and her people were being sung, Millerna accepted the compliments by affixing a scowl to her face that contradicted everything being said about her.

Aston would have kept going but was interrupted by an advisor tugging at his sleeve. Eries strained to hear their whisperings and managed to catch something about the Cesarian delegation not being satisfied with the seating arrangements and/or the food being served. Aston uttered a slur that was a common stereotype of the people of that country and went off to smooth everything over with a giant smile plastered across his face.

Denied even that small distraction, Eries was forced to listen to Maerzen and Revius discuss one of the foreign dignitaries that had come to wish Millerna well.

"Hey, there's your girlfriend."

"Princess Marqesita is not my girlfriend. We've met on several occasions and shared common interests via intelligent discussion. That does not make her my girlfriend."

"Depends on what those common interests are."

"None that you hold."

"Ouch. So does she know that she's not your girlfriend?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Because she's jiggling in your general direction."

"She's just…naturally…jiggly…"

"And why don't you want this woman as a girlfriend?"

"I have a whole list of reasons."

"You've put a lot of thought into this."

"Shut up."

When Revius started pestering Maerzen about what exactly he was did while he was thinking about Marqesita, Eries took it as a cue to find other company. The next conversation she overheard made her wish she hadn't. Revius and Maerzen's chat was just embarrassing. This one was nauseating.

Millerna was purring at Allen about his performance during the demonstration the Caeli had put on before the ball. The whole thing was choreographed to avoid injury while showing off the cumulative skill of the Heavenly Knights but her sister was acting like Allen had single-handedly won a war or something. 

Eries checked on her father, saw that he was busy still trying to placate the Cesarians and decided to have that talk with Allen that had been delayed for too many months.

"Allen, good to see you. Can we speak for a moment? Wonderful."

Eries had dragged him out the ballroom before he was able to form his reply. She ignored it and didn't stop walking until they reached a private room the handmaidens took breaks in. It was empty and dark now; the handmaidens on duty wouldn't have anytime to relax until the party was over. Eries searched for a lantern. They would probably be in here for awhile.

"I gather something's bothering you," Allen started.

"We need to talk. About Millerna."

"What about her?"

Eries gaped at him. She found it impossible that he couldn't think of anything that anyone might find objectionable about his recent 'relationship' with her sister. "She's been rather forward with you for the past year."

"It's a harmless crush."

"Harmless for who?"

"I don't see what you mean."

That didn't surprise Eries, but it left her with very little to work with. If he had simply acknowledged the impropriety of a princess' interest in a knight, she could have delicately broached the subject of Marlene. Recalling her talk with Maerzen, she was tempted to proceed with the utmost caution, but her instincts told her this was a time to be blunt. About everything.

"I don't think it's harmless for either one of you. Father, along with everyone else with eyes, has noticed how Millerna acts around you. No one approves of it. Do you know what Father has done to try to get her to stop?" Her explanation of Aston's tactics didn't include their origins. Her own attempts to keep Millerna in line weren't important anyhow.

Allen was sympathetic but not as disagreeable as Eries thought he would be. He sympathized with Millerna in the harsh treatment from her father but not on her studies. "Was it even appropriate for her to be learning medicine? I know you didn't want her to."

"But *she* wanted to. And she gave it up."

"She never told me any of this. But from what she did tell me, it doesn't sound as if your father was willing to let her do what she wanted anyway."

Eries couldn't debate that. She switched her arguments. "Even so, what about you? So far, Father's efforts have been concentrated on Millerna. What if he decides that that's not working and decides to concentrate on you instead? He sent you out to the far regions of Asturia because you were caught in my room and that was completely innocent."

"As are my conversations with your sister. We were just talking."

"Of course," Eries said sharply. Everybody was just talking. Maerzen and Marqesita. Allen and Millerna. She didn't believe that was really the case with either couple, but providing that Allen kept denying that, pursuing that approach was the equivalent of talking to a wall.

It had come to this already. Eries only wanted to bring Marlene into the discussion when Allen was receptive to hearing about her, but he wasn't going to reach that point without assistance. "I've overheard the two of you during one of those talks," she began slowly. "The topics you brought up were…familiar."

Maybe it was the way she had said it, but Allen seemed to understand her meaning. He quickly went from casual dismissals to highly defensive ones. "I don't know when you were eavesdropping, but if something she or I said disturbed you, you should have mentioned it sooner."

"I'm mentioning it now. And I just told you what I found disturbing. You were deliberately asking Millerna about things that you knew Marlene liked."

"They're sisters. It makes sense that the two of them would have shared experiences and interests."

"I'm Marlene's sister too. You never asked me about any of that."

"Because I already know you."

"And you're so very keen on getting to know Millerna now, aren't you? You never cared before, but now, suddenly it's important to you."

The unasked question of why that was dominated their silence. Eries wanted him to speak first, to take the first step to admitting the problem.

He wouldn't give it to her. His words continued to be denials. "Is there something so terrible about being friendly to someone who has sought out your attention? Would you have had me rudely turn her away instead."

"You two must be getting close. Your excuses sound exactly the same."

"You've talked to her about this too?"

"She's my little sister. It's my responsibility to watch out for her."

"Watch out for her? What do you think is going on, Eries?"

He honestly did not know. Eries searched his eyes for some awareness but he was so willfully blind to it, even her broad hints did nothing to enlighten him. "Damn it, Allen," she cursed in futility, "You barely acknowledged her existence until she started to remind you of Marlene. You thought she _was_ Marlene when you saw her that night on the balcony."

"Just for a moment," he whispered. "I was wrong."

It was all in his voice -- sadness, regret, an ache that confirmed for Eries that she had been right. "Allen, you loved Marlene but trying to replace her with someone, her own sister, just because she's so much like her -- "

"I would never try to replace Marlene. You know what she meant to me. I couldn't forget her like that."

Eries had to turn away. She had been so fixated on Millerna that she had managed to push aside the underlying problem that had been the beginning of the souring of her friendship with Allen. It was foolish of her. Allen's inability to let go of Marlene was the cause of his preoccupation with her younger sister. She had been through this with him and gotten nowhere. But there was more at stake now.

"Allen, I don't think it's possible for you to forget Marlene and I'm not saying that you should. But it has been over five years since she left you. You can find someone else, you can be happy without dishonoring what you had."

"I'm sorry, but I can't…"

"You won't!" Eries cried. "You won't even try!"

"I have tried for years…"

"By doing what? Having shallow affairs with an endless parade of women that you barely know? That sounds like running away from having a meaningful relationship to me."

"And what would you know?" Allen returned, finally matching Eries' increasing anger. "Have you ever loved someone and lost them?"

She could have answered with the truth about her feelings for him. But she had a much better answer than that. "You think you're the only one who has ever lost someone? Do you think you're the only person whose mother has died? Who has lost a sister? I loved Marlene too. I knew her a hell of a lot longer than you. And I knew her better too. Do you think she was the kind of woman who would want you to spend the rest of your life lamenting her loss? Do you think she was that selfish? The sister I knew wanted you to be happy. She wanted you to find somebody. She wanted you to forget her!"

Eries abruptly knew why Maerzen had warned her about forcing Allen. He had actually taken a step back from her, like she had dealt him a physical blow. Emotionally, he had moved further than a footstep away. His was looking at her with the same lost expression that he had worn when he first heard about Chid. She reached out to him. This was her fault. She had pushed him hard and now she should…

She pulled back her arm. Quietly, she reached her final conclusion about Allen. "I can't do this anymore. I can't. I stand back and watch you make foolish mistakes despite the advice I give you and then I get mad at you and then I feel sorry for you and then I fall right back into the pattern."

"Eries…"

She ignored the call of her name. If she stopped talking, stopped struggling towards this epiphany, it would be washed away in tears she had already shed far too many times. "All this time I've been telling you to let go and I haven't been listening to my own words."

"Eries…"

"I'm sorry, Allen. I don't want you to be hurt but I can see so clearly what's going to happen even if you can't and there's nothing I can do to stop it. And as much as I want to be there for you and help you, I can't keep doing it at my own expense."

"Your own… Eries, I never meant to hurt you."

"You never mean to hurt anyone. That's what makes it so much worse."

"Eries, I don't understand…"

She brushed by him, not speaking until she had opened the door to leave. With one last look back, she said, "You're not happy, Allen. You don't know how to be happy. I'm beginning to think that you don't even _want_ to be happy. But I'm not going to make that same mistake. And if this is what it takes…"

Eries shut the door behind her. She wanted to go back to the party to find Maerzen and tell him what had happened. At the entrance to the ballroom, she took the hallway that lead to the stairwell that would take her to her room. She had chosen to be alone; she should start getting used to it.

***

The next month brought Allen to Palas once for a conference with his fellow Caeli. During the course of his three day stay, he was often found in the company of Millerna. The expansive size of the palace grounds did not prevent his path from crossing with Eries'. The four times they passed each other in the halls and out in the courtyard went by with nothing more than a clipped 'your majesty' from Allen. Eries' riposte was a chilly nod of her head.

She didn't have time for anything else. The council was putting in overtime lately. More rumors than usual were flying around regarding trade with foreign countries. Most of them were centered around the nation of Zaibach, a solitary country that bought more goods than they exported with little quibbling over both. Aston and Asturia's merchants had always liked and profited well from that arrangement but there was simply too much chatter about a place that had gone to lengths to be quiet.

It wasn't really an area of expertise or appeal to Eries but someone had to mind the day to day business of the country while the others speculated. It was a role Eries relished, sometimes sneaking in a piece of legislation or two while no one else was looking. In terms of her professional life, the month of Yellow was a rousing success for the second princess of Asturia.

Her personal life did not quite mirror this success, but she was working on it.

***

The smoke came first, the messengers later. Merchants who did their trade on the border of Asturia reported an influx of refugees from Fanelia. Their country had been razed. Only a few stone structures remained standing. Their newly coronated king was missing. Many of the country's people were dead. Among the fallen was Balgus Ganesha.

King Aston was impassive to the news. Fanelia was a small, isolated country that kept its business to itself. Asturia, neither needing nor wanting any of that business, had always respected the independence of that nation. Many of the swordsman of the court expressed awe that the one who had been considered the greatest among of them had been defeated. Again, Aston cared little. Balgus had years ago turned down the king's request to serve Asturia. It was not above Aston to hold grudges.

Balgus' visit also held deep remembrances for Eries. They were not bitter like her fathers, despite all that had passed between her and the blue-eyed boy she had glimpsed for the first time that night. Or perhaps it was because of that. The way things were between them now did not change the way things had been between them for years. Friendship, and love, was not so easily forgotten.

Eries' eyes watered from the smoky air. She had taken to the rooftops to get a better sense of the disaster. It was hard for to believe such a tragedy could occur, that people could be so merciless to others. The haze that hung over her country disproved that idealistic notion.

A cough from behind her interrupted her solitude. "Eries, your father's calling an emergency meeting," Maerzen stated. "You should be in the council chambers in ten minutes."

"That was what I was expecting him to do. He may not care about Fanelia, but Father has to know this is going to effect Asturia eventually."

"It might help if we knew who did it. The reports I've heard keep talking about the attacks coming from literally nowhere. No one saw the attackers."

"Mass hysteria, maybe?" Eries guessed. "The trauma of losing your family, your entire homeland might be enough to induce hallucinations."

"Maybe, but I have to think whatever attacked had some sort of advantage if they were able to take out a Swordsman of Gaea."

"Hmm…Balgus," she sighed. "Another one gone from his life…"

"You're still thinking about him, aren't you?"

"I'll always think about him, Alucier," she admitted. "I may not like him very much right now, but one way or another, I'll always love him too." 

"You know, Rev and I would be more than willing to take him aside and 'educate' him about the error of his ways."

"I thought you were the one that told me I can't fix him."

Maerzen grinned evilly. "Well, there would probably be more breaking than fixing."

"That's all right," Eries laughed. "As long as I have my loyal -- somewhat violently so -- guardians, I don't need to worry about him."

"Your sister conversely…"

"I'll take care of her. Even if I have to make the name 'Ice Princess' sound like a compliment to do it."

"Just promise that you won't kick her."

"You're my guard," she said, punching him in the arm. "You just worry about protecting me."

"Come on, the council awaits."

Picturing the large amount of hours she was bound to spend locked in the council room, Eries remained on the roof for a little longer. Night was coming and the moons were beginning to rise. Through the smoke, Eries could swear the Mystic Moon looked abnormally bright.

It wasn't her concern. She had a group of nervous councilmen on her plate tonight. There would be lots of yelling and waving of arms and Eries would take it in with an contented smile. Given how distracted they would be, she might be able to secretly put through that ordinance on building a psychiatric school. Taking advantage of the current situation and the accompanying hollering might be unsporting, but Eries had a purpose to serve and if she had learned anything, she couldn't let the negatives drown the fulfillment she could find.

***

Author's Notes -- Sorry about the delay. I wanted to be a dork and post the final chapter on the anniversary of the first posting date. One year, sheesh. Since the thing I wanted to announce isn't ready yet, I'm holding off posting the final author's notes until it is. I do have one really cool announcement to make though -- more fan art!!!! This one's by everybody's favorite writer/illustrator Didodikali. Find it at: http://www.mediaminer.org/fanart/view.php?id=67304

Be sure to give thanks to for her efforts.

Next up: Lots and lots of author's notes/biiiiig list of thank you's/sequel information


	18. Author's Notes: Girl and Boy vs Aerika's...

The Secret Life of a Girl

Author's Notes: Girl and Boy vs. Aerika's Ramblings

Like a lot of things, this story has its origins in boredom. I was surfing the net with no particular destination in mind when I followed a link to the Escaflowne Compendium. After reading Allen's profile first, I decided to click on Eries' next. She didn't play that big of a part in the series, but I liked her and after trying to think of a better match for Allen than Hitomi and Millerna, she was the one I came up with. The two obviously had some sort of connection, but the creators never bothered to explain it. They also never explained why Eries got skipped over for succession in favor of her little sister. Lo and behold, Eries' profile had the answer to that and also backed up my favored pairing for Allen.

For those of you who don't know, the official reason why Eries isn't married is that she's in love with Allen and refuses to marry anyone else. I was more than a little surprised to read this. Yeah, I sensed there was something there, but nothing that deep. One of the things I liked about Eries was that she was one of the only females on the show who hadn't made an idiot out of herself for her man. And yet, there she was, in love with Allen enough to shirk her royal duty of marriage -- after lecturing Millerna a lot about duty, at that. Of course, Millerna's love for Allen had a definite crush vibe to it. Eries did not strike me as the type to sacrifice so much for a crush. If she was in love with Allen, the origins of that love were probably deep and well founded. Some more thinking about it later, and I had a basic outline for this fic.

By the time I started actually writing it, I had it all planned out. Once I got a little bit into though, those plans quickly went bye-bye. Chapters doubled in number (my favorite chapter, Girl and Boy Go On Holiday wasn't even in the original outline), they exploded in length (uh, sorry about that) and characters meant to be plot points that faded away after serving their purpose took on lives of their own (*cough* Alucier *cough*). I did manage to stick to one plan -- the girl never got the boy.

From the reviews, I gather you all understand why this was so and I don't mean just because it would go against canon. The notion of childhood sweethearts is nice and romantic and all, but it isn't that simple. Eries spent her entire adult life in love with Allen. She never had a chance to find an identity beyond that. I think distance from Allen and some alone time to sort out who she is as her own person is a healthy, positive thing. And remember, she didn't even trust enough in her feelings to tell Allen about them until almost the end of the fic.

As for Allen -- pre-series Allen just isn't ready to be in a mature, serious, lasting relationship. The boy has some issues. I don't call my website Beautiful ****ed Up Man because I think Allen is the role model for a self-actualized individual with high emotional health. Fortunately though, one of the reasons I love Escaflowne is because of the rich character development for its cast. Allen does grow up quite a bit, from reconciling with his father to recognizing that he's trying to replace the women that he's lost rather than finding someone to really love. I think he's still got a little bit further to go, but hey, that's where we fan fiction writers come in.

And yes, that was a set-up for discussion on sequel plans. Actually, there's going to be two. The first one is going to be a fairly short piece covering the events of the series from Eries' perspective. That one will give me a chance to flesh out Eries' role in the series as well as tackling what her life is like sans Allen. Half of the first of nine chapters is already written and should be up fairly soon (a week or two at the most). To set it apart from 'Girl' and its proper sequel, it's written in first person. Since I tend to write first person more quickly and concisely, chapters should be shorter and come out more quickly. (cross your fingers, knock on wood, etc.) It's called "always…" after the October Project song that led of the last chapter of 'Girl'.

The real sequel for 'Girl' has a dorky working title that I want to change but most likely won't and is still in the planning stages. The only thing I can say about it for sure is that 'Girl' was the story of a friendship, its sequel will be the story of their relationship. In other words, and I don't think I'm spoiling anything by saying this, I'm not going to drag out the two of them getting together. There's more to a relationship than a first kiss and living happily ever after. That's what the sequel will really be about .

And of course, there will be plenty of Alucier and the other original characters. No, I still don't know where I'm going with him and Sita, but for now, she is going to play a small role that could expand or shrivel up as I hammer out the details. I originally had no intention of liking her. Her name derives from a combination of two words with not so great connotations (another word for pyrite or 'fools gold' and a type of sheer fabric) which illustrates what I thought of her. Then I reconsidered. Eries isn't shown having any female friends in 'Girl', wouldn't it be interesting if she had one that was the direct opposite of her? I only briefly touched upon this so far, I think I want to play with it a little more. 

In case you're curious about some of the other original characters…

Alucier was to be a plot point, pure and simple. He was going to Eries' guard so Marlene could use him as an excuse to have her own guard. But then I thought Eries had to have a reason for letting him be her guard, so I wrote the first exchange between the two of them to show that Eries had an instant rapport with him. After that, Alucier just wouldn't shut up. Overall, I feel the story turned out much the better for it. Not only did he provide some comic relief when the angst got knee deep, but he provided a sounding board for Eries in several scenes that would have been extremely hard to write otherwise. Plus, Eries needed something in her life besides Allen. His first name comes from a the lead character of a truly horrible short story I wrote ages ago. Still, it was the first thing a ever wrote that wasn't a school assignment and the name sort of has sentimental value to me. His last name just popped into my head. It is not a play on the words 'more Zen' in case one of my friends isn't the only one who thought that. That sorta works though…

Revius was conceived as a sort of anti-Allen (hence the short, black hair). Whereas Allen approaches life and love with a dead seriousness, Rev is a pig and gleefully proud of it. In a way, that's better than what Allen does because at least Rev admits to it. He was meant to serve as a bad influence on a depressed, post-Marlene Allen and put him on his path to that less than savory playboy reputation. Again, he was kept around for comic relief purposes. His name was also randomly made up.

Allen's grandmother, or rather her past occupation, was meant to tweak Mr. Chivalry. Allen can have such rigid ideas about women, having his own grandmother be such a wild spirit was an irresistible notion. It also reflects that there's a lot more to Allen than what appears on the surface. She came within a hairbreadth of being named Lola after Marlene Dietrich's character in 'The Blue Angel' but I didn't think Lola sounded very Gaean, even for a burlesque dancer's stage name. I was playing Final Fantasy X pretty heavily at the time when her name was first mentioned, so as a combination homage to that game's Lulu and Ms. Dietrich, she was christened Lili deCrane.

Even though I could probably keep blathering on, I'll cut it short there. You've all been wonderful and supportive readers so far, I should quit torturing you and thank you instead. So a great big hug for everybody that reviewed (in order of appearance)…

Krissy Treat, Monica, Pixie ^A^, Leila Hime, Didodikali, Aria Nereid Fassa, Ron and his Sakura, Tayles, Mary-chan, Ashley, Shellion, Suns Golden Ray, tri, Alluralas Silverstars, Demoness Monica, sage, Miraba, LV, Claudia, Fitz 20, The Reader is Now Blind, Stelmarta, Tilulu, empi, Serena B, mystic wolf, Remalna Marquerite, scarbie, Meghanna Starsong, Wintermute, Kenta Divina, Princess Lightina, Eternity-san, Seiki, Xelena, Sherlgirl, AidanMoon, esca fan, Drizzle, lol-, Raksha, betweenheart, Rad, M.LeCroix, Athena Masterson, Katy, StarSapphireZ

I may not have the greatest quantity of reviewers, but the quality of them speaks for itself. I've said it before, but it bears repeating -- you guys rock. Special thanks to the hardcore repeat reviewers -- you all were highly motivational -- and to Athena for sending me an extensive, comprehensive review that was longer than a lot of the fics you'll find here on ff.net.

More appreciation than I mere words can communicate go out to Serena, Meghanna and Didodikali for doing fan art for this fic.

The pics can be found here:http://www.geocities.com/eriesariaaston/fan.html

http://www.mediaminer.org/fanart/view.php?id=67304

Serena's author page at: http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=49862

Meghanna's author page is at: http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=134975

Didodikali's author page is at: http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=85271

If you haven't done so, please check out their works.

In case you're wondering about that first web address…well, that's the announcement I wanted to make earlier but wasn't ready. Yep, I'm making an Eries shrine / personal archive for this fic. It wasn't ready when I posted the final chapter and sadly, due to technical difficulties wasn't ready to go until a week ago. Geocities apparently finds it amusing to stop saving pages that you've spent a good deal of time working on. Because we all know how unimportant it is to save your work, right? There's a Jigglypuff stress ball by my computer that's been subjected to a hell of a lot of squeezing and a nigh toxic stream of profanity. But rejoice! It is up now, with the ironic exception of the Eries x Allen section. Eventually it will be home to the revised version of this fic. I never have been satisfied with the first four chapters and plan to overhaul them, possibly significantly. The remaining chapters probably won't change much (got to fix the timeline mistake I made and catch some errant grammar). If you want to be notified when a revised chapter is posted, e-mail me. I'll try very hard to remember to send you notice (I'm chronically wretched at keeping up with internet correspondence).

Anyhoo, go to:www.geocities.com/eriesariaaston

And now, one final thank you --

Next up: To quote Stan Lee, because you demanded it, an alternative, fluffy, wuffy ending to 'Girl' in which Eries gets her man. 


	19. Appendix: Girl Gets Her Man

THIS IS PURELY A FLIGHT OF FANCY, A THANK YOU TO MY LOYAL READERS. THE EVENTS IN THIS APPENDIX HAVE NO BEARING ON THE ACTUAL OUTCOME OF THE STORY OR ANY OF THE EVENTS IN ITS SEQUEL. EVEN IF SOME OF YOU REALLY, REALLY WANT THEM TO.

The Secret Life of a Girl

Appendix: Girl Gets Her Man

The smoke came first, the messengers later. Merchants who did their trade on the border of Asturia reported an influx of refugees from Fanelia. Their country had been razed. Only a few stone structures remained standing. Their newly coronated king was missing. Many of the country's people were dead. Among the fallen was Balgus Ganesha.

King Aston was impassive to the news. Fanelia was a small, isolated country that kept its business to itself. Asturia, neither needing nor wanting any of that business, had always respected the independence of that nation. Many of the swordsmen of the court expressed awe that the one who had been considered the greatest among of them had been defeated. Again, Aston cared little. Balgus had years ago turned down the king's request to serve Asturia. It was not above Aston to hold grudges.

Balgus' visit also held deep remembrances for Eries. They were not bitter like her fathers, despite all that had passed between her and the blue-eyed boy she had glimpsed for the first time that night. Or perhaps it was because of that. The way things were between them now did not change the way things had been between them for years. Friendship, and love, was not so easily forgotten.

Eries' eyes watered from the smoky air. She had taken to the rooftops to get a better sense of the disaster. It was hard for to believe such a tragedy could occur, that people could be so merciless to others. The haze that hung over

her country disproved that idealistic notion.

A cough from behind her interrupted her solitude. "Eries, your father's calling an emergency meeting," Maerzen said. "You should be in the council chambers in ten minutes."

"That was what I was expecting him to do. He may not care about Fanelia, but Father has to know this is going to effect Asturia eventually."

"It might help if we knew who did it. The reports I've heard keep talking about the attacks coming from literally nowhere. No one saw the attackers."

"Mass hysteria, maybe?" Eries guessed. "The trauma of losing your family, your entire homeland might be enough to induce hallucinations."

"Maybe, but I have to think whatever attacked had some sort of advantage if they were able to take out a Swordsman of Gaea."

"Hmm…Balgus," she sighed. "Another one gone from his life…"

"You're still thinking about him, aren't you?"

Eries considered Maerzen's question. Dwelling overmuch on Allen at the cost of her own contentment was why she had severed contact with him. Thinking of him now was the equivalent of picking at a scab and wondering why the wound never healed. "A bad habit, I suppose," Eries answered.

"He was such a large part of your life for so long," he offered. "It's understandable. It'll take a while to adapt, to learn how to look at him differently."

"I just need to change my perspective then? Instead of feeling sorry for him -- "

"You just say 'Great. Even more crap for him to brood over.' It's easy," Maerzen finished.

She didn't want to laugh. Mocking the genuine tragedies of Allen's life seemed cold, or at the very least, unsporting. But the sheer amount of them, and the way in which Allen almost embraced the burden they brought him, had its ludicrous elements. The precise imitation Maerzen was doing of Allen at his sullen best was making restraint a difficult undertaking.

"You're horrible," she said between giggles that refused to be suppressed.

Her teasing condemnation was put aside. "We'll have to change that perception, too."

***

Listening to the panicked ranting of her fellow council members became irritating immediately. Eries had barely sat down when she realized nothing was going to be accomplished that day except for a lot of screaming back and forth. The less attention she paid to it, the better off she would be. She settled deep into her chair, which let her be comfortable and gave the appearance that she was absorbed by the discussion. To compliment the illusion, she nodded her head and uttered 'I see' at random intervals.

Meanwhile, her thoughts drifted back to Maerzen's advice. Like the rest that he had given her, it was good, solid advice and unlike some that he had given her, she planned on following it. If only she had done the same when he expressed early concerns about her involvement with Allen. He had never vocalized any outright criticism of that relationship; he had even supported (though reluctantly) her efforts to keep it going. But Eries had always sensed an underlying disapproval that ran deeper than concern over her social status in comparison to Allen's. Now removed from the situation, she understood the source of his misgivings. As Allen's friend and roommate, Maerzen had been able to see him as he was, not how Eries imagined he could be.

__

So why didn't he point that out sooner?

She had the answer to her own question with just a second's more thought. _Because, just like Allen, I wasn't ready to listen._

After being appointed as her private guard, Maerzen's main duties were escorting her to the library and spending the day thumbing through books while Eries devoured the texts in front of her. Once this pattern had continued for a week, he had commented on her independent studies. Proud of her own abilities (and wanting to show off a little in front of the new guy), Eries had proclaimed that she was mostly self-taught. The time she had spent studying under Timzin had been more counterproductive than anything. Eries was now recalling that conversation for the first time in years. Maerzen must have always kept it in mind.

It was his nature, to observe -- mostly quietly, but sometimes quite sarcastically -- and remember. He had known her enough to give her the space to learn for herself, despite how hard it must have been to stand back and watch her flounder. Or worse, how annoying it must have been to listen to her complaints while having a solution to a problem she wouldn't even acknowledge.

It was his role, to protect her above and beyond the call of his duty to safeguard her physically. He had taken that role of his own accord, something for which Eries had grown appreciative of and consoled by. Having only Marlene and Millerna for siblings, the idea of a brother watching over her had an appeal. And since Maerzen was used to being surrounded by sisters, Eries had assumed his adoption of her was a means to make up for the distance from them while stationed in Palas.

But then, she had assumed a lot of things about Allen that hadn't proved true in the end. Eries hated having to doubt things she took for granted about the people close to her, but if she was ever going to grow and learn, reevaluations of old, not-so-certain certainties had to be done. Maerzen had told her to change her perspective; she might as well start with him.

It wasn't like she was going to come up with some evil, ulterior motive on his behalf. Maerzen had been nothing but good to her, even in the early days when she put extra effort into giving him a hard time. He was most definitely not 'horrible', as she had proclaimed him to be on the roof. That was one opinion that would not have to change. 

Still though, something about their relationship bothered her. When introducing him, it was always as her guard. When talking to him personally, she referred to him as her guard. It trivialized what he really meant to her. Saying he was like a brother also didn't cover it completely either. It was as if she was forever casting him as her protector rather than an equal and a friend. Didn't it grate on her how Allen wanted to protect women more than actually just letting himself *be* with them? Wanting to save Marlene from the grip of her depression had been the start of that affair. Eries had never needed Allen's protection. She had Maerzen. Not like Marlene had Allen, obviously. It might have made her life easier if she had pursued a similar route, but…

Eries dropped that line of thinking. Comparing Allen and Maerzen wasn't what she had meant to do and the detour her thoughts had come to made continuing seem odd…and pointless, really. Changing perspective didn't require changing the entire view. She had realized a need to quit labeling Maerzen's significance to her and simply accept his friendship. Thinking beyond that was silly. 

Silly, odd and pointless. 

Really. 

One of the councilmen threw himself back into his seat and looked about the room with his arms crossed and nose turned upwards. It was an indication that he had just delivered what he perceived to be an important, cogent speech.

"I see," Eries said automatically.

Though she didn't know it, she was beginning to.

***

The meeting broke up long after nightfall. A starving Eries left the chambers trying to massage her stiff back while figuring out what to do about the dinner she had missed. Her father had given orders for his meal to be sent up to his chambers but had left everyone else on the council to fend for themselves. Eries had no complaints. It had been an arduous task just to pay half-hearted attention to the conspiracy theories and tentative plans for a possible war. She didn't need to add the challenge of keeping food down while all of it went on. It was best to stop by the kitchens and pick up something to tide her over until the very large breakfast she planned on ordering.

If only the cooks would have complied. They had made the king's meal, then left so other members of the staff could clean away the many and varied messes created by cooking enough food to feed the hundreds of people who called the palace home. The handmaidens worked silently, wielding mops and pails of scalding water with precision and speed. They only had a few hours before the morning shift began breakfast preparations. The last thing Eries wanted to do was interrupt them so that the spoiled princess could get a snack because she hadn't sent a servant down to take care of things like her father had earlier.

Feeling good about her class-consciousness did not alleviate her hunger. There were restaurants and pubs all around Palas that could accommodate her needs, but years of Aston's warnings kept her venturing out at night by herself. Revius usually pulled night duty on this day of the week so she headed towards the guard tower. A Caeli was there, slumped forward towards the desk in front of him with his back to her, but his hair was brown, not black. Deep, even breathing suggested he was asleep.

"I THOUGHT YOU WENT HOME," Eries shouted at Maerzen. "PERHAPS YOU SHOULD HAVE IF YOU'RE SO TIRED."

If he had been sleeping, he made a quick recovery. "I did go home, but my stupid roommate requested I cover for him for a couple of hours and I, temporarily being even dumber, agreed to it." The beginnings of a yawn cut off the rest of what he had been about to say. Maerzen caught himself before he could give Eries more material with which to make fun of him. "And since it was such a quiet night, I was resting until Revius comes back."

"Had a tiring day, did you?"

"My duties require me to spend a great deal of time with you. Infer what you will from that."

Eries answered in the voice of a well-heeled princess addressing one of her subjects. "I choose to infer that the vigilance with which you guard the daughter of your king with no less than your life itself is taxing both physically and mentally. Should I infer something else?"

Maerzen knew the dangers of leading questions, particularly when they came from Eries. An Eries using that tone could only be nodded to and told 'yes, your majesty' many, many times. Of course he said, smirking ever so slightly, "Yes, your majesty."

Eries was in a charitable mood towards him, not to mention still hungry. "I don't suppose as part of those duties you could escort me to a nearby tavern so that I could get something to eat? Assuming it's safe to leave your post with all of those responsibilities that you were attending to when I came in."

"It's Revius' post, not mine. He should be back soon. And the locals have been too troubled by what happened to Fanelia to be up to anything. Besides, I missed my own dinner to be here."

"So if an invading fleet, which could only be detected by a man stationed at this exact spot, attacks in the time between our departure and Revius' return, it's really Revius' fault?" Eries asked.

"His and yours," Maerzen responded wryly. "So where would you like to go? I was going to pick up something from Tuvello's before heading up to the flat but I'm sure the nightlife of a common bar would not be appropriate for your sensibilities."

"I think it would be fun."

Maerzen tried to process this. "Fun? You? Tuvello's? You think going to Tuvello's at night would be fun?"

To her earlier resolution of viewing Maerzen as simply her friend rather than a man getting paid a salary to protect her, Eries added a revision -- whenever he was being a difficult ass, she could treat him however she wanted to treat him. "Me. Tuvello's. I've been there before. I think going there at night could be fun. Depending on the company, that is."

Maerzen shook his head. "You'll definitely want to stay close to me then."

***

It was a loud bar. Eries had been to Tuvello's several times during the daylight hours and had made one memorable trip there in the early evening, but this was the first she had seen the place once the night had taken over. Her previous visits were to a quaint tavern that had its patrons scattered across its numerous tables while being attended to by barmaids whose pride in excellent service was reflected in knowledge of the menu and quick delivery of the food selected. Things were a bit different now. People were everywhere, lining stairwells and packing around tables meant to seat half their number. The barmaids had multiplied too but the ones on duty couldn't recall more than 'ale' and 'vino' as items offered. They smiled and bent over a lot, which was received with additional orders of those beverages and a greater appreciation from the male customers than any recitation of the ingredients in the daily special ever got.

Eries was acutely aware that she was one of only a handful of females in the place that weren't employees. And she had her suspicions about the vocation of those two ladies hanging out by a backroom.

They hadn't been seated yet, and Eries was about to suggest they skip that entirely, when a cluster of men headed past them on their way out of the bar. One of them brushed against Eries in a manner and location that was not accidental. Whatever pleasure the man might have derived from it was cut short by the pain of having his hand crushed in the grip of an irate Caeli. A swift and rambling apology later, the man and his cohorts were speeding out the door.

"Thank you. And you told me so," Eries said contritely. 

All business, Maerzen accepted the gratitude without any commentary. "We could go somewhere else or I could have food delivered upstairs. I know how much you like the seasoned potatoes they have here."

"Your apartment? That would probably be best."

Eries made sure to stay very close to Maerzen, at one point latching onto to his arm when another group of men went by them. She let go of it only after they were safely upstairs and the door of the flat was shut behind them.

"I shouldn't have taken you there," Maerzen apologized. "I knew what the place was like, but when you get so insistent like that…"

"You can't help but prove how foolish I'm being," Eries concluded. "But you'd think people would be a little more respectful."

"It's not like anyone there knew you are princess. You need something to identify yourself with, like a crown or a little tiara."

"There is a collection of royal jewelry," she said, recalling the assortment of gems and trinkets locked away in a storeroom deep below the palace. "While there's nothing for the queen or any princes or princesses to wear, there is a crown for the king. It's hideous. Lots of jewels and images of Jichia done in relief around the gold base. Father hates it. It chafes his scalp."

Maerzen nearly choked on the water he had poured for himself. He held another glass out to Eries, but made her promise that she had to start being serious.

"I was serious. That's why he doesn't wear it," she insisted. "He did wear it once to a banquet when I was a child. He kept scratching at it and rubbing his forehead with a napkin until Marlene asked him 'Daddy, why is your head so pink?' He took it off immediately and Mother laughed through the rest of the meal. He never wore it again."

"The burdens of royalty… I never knew." His words were somber. The mischievous glint in his grey eyes was not.

Something about that rubbed Eries the wrong way and she was quick to return to the teasing. "No, I don't suppose a farm boy turned Caeli would know anything about a station so much higher than his own." Seeing that her efforts were achieving the desired effect, she set up the killing blow. "Of course, if a certain Egzardian princess has her way," she said saucily, "You could be in for quite an education."

Her momentum was what was killed. Instead of the expected flustered denial, Maerzen gave her a simple, calm explanation. "Princess Marqesita and I are just acquaintances. She's a charming, intelligent, very beautiful woman, but my interest in her is strictly platonic."

"You're just saying that to throw me off, aren't you? I saw the way she acted around you at Millerna's party. Platonic is not the word I would use to describe it."

"That's just how she is. You're the one who compared her to Revius and he doesn't think about seducing every woman he flirts with." He stopped and considered. "Okay, bad example. She's more like…well, you know…"

"Allen. You can say his name."

"She's more like…Allen." He paused before continuing. Eries had given permission to mention Allen but that didn't mean it wouldn't effect her. The spark that had been in her a few seconds ago had given way to silence, as if she was waiting for Maerzen to decide for her if she wanted to talk about the one she had lost or to forget him entirely. Still concerned that she had feelings to work through, he tested the waters of the former. "You were thinking about him earlier today -- "

"I've thought enough about him," Eries said abruptly. "For today and probably my whole life."

An uneasiness seeped into the room. Its presence most likely would have grown until their dinners were delivered, then expanded around that until their meal was reduced to quiet chewing and gestures to pass the water. But Eries refused. She had meant what she said. She was tired of having Allen Schezar rule her thoughts. Here and now, alone with her friend and in the midst of what could still prove to be the pleasant night she had hoped for, was the perfect place to start. "I think," she began gradually, "That you are trying to change the subject. I believe the real issue at hand was the eldest princess of Egzardia and the knight that caught her generally roving eye."

"But if there's nothing to talk about," Maerzen countered, back in form, "How can it be an issue?"

"Oh, come on! You two get along well. Every man that sees her has a hard time keeping his jaw off the floor. Why aren't you attracted to her?"

"Fine," he relented. "Let's do a feasibility study. I am, to quote you, a 'farm boy turned Caeli'. She is a princess. I think you know how that works. And I'm not sure if geography is one of the subjects that you've studied, but if you've ever seen a map, you should have noticed this giant chunk of space between Asturia and Egzardia. And finally, she's just not the type of woman I want."

"Who is?" The question, which was more of a demand, escaped her lips accidentally. Eries prided herself on being the non-gossiping, non-prying sort, but curiosity was making a convert out of her. "You know, you never tell me anything about any of the women you see." 

"That's not something I'm comfortable discussing with you," he said succinctly.

"Why not? You know all the details of my wretched love life. If that's what you can call it."

"Yes. Yes, I do." 

Eries almost missed the response because he said it so quietly. Then a knock at the door marked the arrival of the food and Maerzen ran to get it before she could ask him to repeat it. Maerzen tossing the steaming plates of food onto the table and begging off to his room to change out of his uniform prevented her from asking him what he meant by it.

***

It wasn't the kind of fare served at court functions, but the thickly diced fried potatoes and flank of meat stuffed into a roll were more satisfying than the fancily prepared morsels Eries usually ate. She was less satisfied by her failure to resume the conversation with Maerzen where it had left off, but embarrassing rumblings from her stomach had made ending her hunger a higher priority than digging up dirt on his personal life. Now though, with the grease on the two crumpled up and discarded napkins at the center of the table being the only remains of meal, there was nothing to hold her back.

"That was a good meal," she said. "The only thing missing was the conversation. Before we started, you were saying something about what you want in a woman…"

"No, I wasn't." He noisily cleared away the dishes and set them outside in a bin from which a barmaid would later retrieve them. Back inside, he settled on the battered couch on the other end of the flat and sunk into the cushions. His feet, propped up on one end, were all Eries could see of him.

"I shouldn't expect any dessert conversation either, should I?" Eries barked across the room. 

"No dessert period."

"What is with you?!" Eries stomped over to the couch and hovered menacingly above her prone guard. "Normally, it's an effort to get you to shut up."

"You should be grateful then."

"Talk." Eries kicked the couch. "Or the furniture goes. Given its dilapidated state, it won't take long."

"You'll have to reimburse Revius for it. Mind you, he's going to be armed when he comes back from duty and he loooooves this couch."

"All right, I shouldn't punish him because his roommate's being a recalcitrant jerk." Eries glared at Maerzen but he had his eyes closed. Which gave her an idea…

"Hey! I need those!" His protest came too late. Eries had his glasses firmly in hand and was already safely back at the dinner table. 

She studied the eyewear, turning them over and wiping the smudges caused by her fingertips off the thick lenses. "Gods, most windows have thinner glass. How did someone so blind get let into a group of elite swordsmen?"

"I'm nearsighted," he explained testily. "And when you're fighting someone with a sword, you're generally not that far away from them."

"So you can see a little bit. How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Well, _I'm_ about to hold up one in particular if you don't give me my glasses back."

"How sweet, Alucier. Do you have any other gestures of affection for your princess?"

He was upright now, peering over the rim of the couch and squinting badly. "If her majesty would so kindly bless me with the return of my glasses, I might escort her home without going through the bad neighborhoods."

"Wouldn't that just be more work for you?"

"Give me back my glasses."

"Why won't you answer my question?"

"Glasses."

"Question."

"Glasses."

"You know my terms." Eries dropped out the verbal negotiations. To provide another type of argument, she tried the item of debate on. 

"You look ridiculous."

"As if you can even see me." She certainly couldn't see him. Not well, anyway. The flat was blurry. The couch (which hadn't looked that good to begin with) was a brown blob. Maerzen was the slightly lighter brown blob on top of it. The blob that was using her distraction to ooze closer.

He snatched back his glasses with minimal effort.

"They were giving me a headache anyway," Eries claimed. "And if you had been wearing your uniform, you never would have been able to sneak up on me."

"Yeah, that's why I changed out of it. Not to avoid getting dinner all over it, but because I anticipated you stealing my glasses."

"I borrowed them," she sniffed. "And since you do have them back, you owe me an answer to my question."

"Why do you want to know so much?"

"I asked you first!" It wasn't Eries at her most mature. Such a tactic was better suited to Millerna when she was in one of her more huffy moods and Eries didn't know why she was using it. At most, it would delay the need for her to answer. Which, considering that she didn't have an answer, wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

She tried hashing one out. "Because… I've been dumping on you for all these years. I think it's time to return the favor." Eries reclined in her chair and awaited the reward for giving her answer, a good one too. Maerzen didn't need to know about the tiny niggling doubt she had that it didn't feel entirely correct.

With his glasses back in place, Maerzen retreated to the couch again. Eries followed after, plopping down on the other end to appear laid-back while effectively trapping him there. 

Finally, she got her way. "Since you've got it in your head that this is so deathly importantly, you're just going to nag me until the end of time until I tell you," Maerzen said. "And if I don't tell you, you're just going to blow everything out of proportion, which will lead to even more nagging."

"I'm persistent."

"The word is stubborn. Don't use euphemisms."

"Don't use cheap postponements." She was aiming for a jovial set-up, but Maerzen was more serious than ever. Abnormally serious. She hadn't really seen him like this before. "I'm not asking for a name, home address and a list of relations. I'm just curious. If Marqesita isn't your kind of woman, who is?"

He started gradually. "She's not entirely not my type. I mean, she's intelligent, which is definitely important. I hate to say this, but some of the women Revius has brought up here had me questioning their sentience. He was showing this one girl a sword he had just bought and she actually reached out and grabbed the edge. She was stunned that it cut her. The entire time he was bandaging her fingers, she kept going on about how swords shouldn't be so sharp -- "

"Um, Alucier," Eries coughed. "You appreciate intelligence. I understand that. Can you move on to something else?"

He glanced at her, then took to playing with the strings at the neck of his tunic. "All right. I like someone dignified. Someone who carries herself with grace and class. But not all the time. Someone who, when you can get her alone, can let herself be free and playful. Someone I can talk to, about culture or politics or just to trade insults with."

Eries sighed and quipped, "Sounds like you're talking about me." She snickered at her own joke and segued into full blown laughter. Then she realized she was the only one making any noise. "Alucier?" she said hesitantly. "Aren't you supposed to laugh and make a disparaging remark now?"

"Oh… yeah… okay… ha ha… you're stupid."

Eries' mouth flew open, hung there with an unspoken reply and promptly snapped shut. He could not be saying what she thought he was saying. "This is the joke, right? You're saying this to completely unsettle me and then you'll start heckling me. Right? Right? I said 'Right?' Right?"

"I know you may find this hard to believe, but you aren't always right."

"But… You never…" Eries sputtered. "Were you ever planning on telling me?"

"I was going to wedge it in between you saying how much you love Allen and how upset you are at Allen because he's not in love with you, but since you got into that fight with him, my plans got all screwed up."

Eries took a small respite in the fact that he had gone back to using sarcasm, but she was still in a state of shock. "How long have you felt this way? Ever since you started being my guard?"

"Yes, Eries. On that very day, I set up a shrine to you in my closet with candles and strands of hair I surreptitiously took off your clothes. I pray to Jichia in front of it every night for an hour before bed in the hopes that someday, the dragon god will make you mine."

So much for respite. The familiar sarcasm used to be a comfort, but now he was using it a defense against her. "Seriously, how long has this been going on?"

Maerzen bunched himself up in the cushions. "I don't know. You were in Allen mode, complaining about the women he consorted with and wondering how he could think they were better than you and I started thinking, 'Yeah, you are better than they are.' And then I started thinking about the women I've dated and… I came to the same conclusion."

"Oh."

"Yeah, 'oh'," he said gloomily. "So I guess this means I'll be looking for a new post tomorrow."

"No! I wouldn't hear of it! Things might be a little awkward…" She paused to reflect for a second how awkward it would really be. Despite her initial reaction, she wasn't feeling particularly ill at ease with him. In fact, with the shock wearing off, she was sort of feeling… flattered. "Maybe not even that bad. I was surprised when you first said it, that's all. I've never thought of you like that."

__

Except at the council meeting this afternoon, an inner voice chimed in. 

__

No! That was just a stray thought. A completely random, stream of consciousness thought, she argued back.

__

An excellently timed thought, considering…

"If it's not going to be awkward, why have you stopped talking?" Maerzen was still sandwiched into the cushions, but now he was being bold enough to face her. 

"No… I was just thinking…"

He did not look like he wanted to find out what she was thinking about. Eries herself was getting unnerved by the robust internal debate.

A arbitrary thought popping into my head doesn't mean anything. The juxtaposition of an arbitrary thought popping into my head with Alucier's confession doesn't mean anything.

If it's just coincidental, why am I more panicked by the coincidence than by what Alucier actually said?

I'm being stupid. It's not like I knew he had those kind of feelings for me when I thought it.

And then came the last word on the matter.

__

But I thought it anyway.

"I was just thinking. I'm not sure what I want to do about this now, but I know that I don't want to lose you. You've stood by me for so long. As much misery as I've put myself through with Allen, you were there. You were the constant I could rely on. I can't imagine how maddening it must have been for you to listen to me whine and whine…"

"I don't know. I sort of appreciated the irony of you wondering how Allen could be such a close friend to you and be oblivious to your feelings."

"Hmph. Allen once told me he hated irony. That it was life's way a reminding you of something you'd rather forget." Eries exhaled heavily. "I don't think that's the case here."

"So you're not horrified? You're not going to be worrying when we're together if I'm thinking about you in 'that way'?"

"I guess it depends on what you mean by 'that way'. Are you talking about romantic candlelit dinners or… what would come after the candles were blown out?"

"What?! Do you think I'm Revius?"

"I think you're a male over the age of twelve."

"You won't be content until I've disappeared completely into this couch, will you?" 

Eries thought he would be hard pressed to sink further in unless there was a gaping hole underneath the cushions. That was a distinct possibility, but she persisted regardless. "Excuse me if I'm prying. The sum of my romantic experiences with men consists of a unspeakably ill-conceived minute of drunken fumbling with Allen that did nothing for him but sober him up enough to turn me down. Can you understand why I might take a tiny bit of pleasure from knowing that another man finds me desirable?"

"Even me?"

"Don't be so self-deprecating. You're everything that you described me as. You're handsome. You're thoughtful. You've handled a difficult personal situation with more sense than I ever did."

"If there's more, you're welcome to continue."

"If you give me time, I'm sure I could fill a book with your virtues. And I probably wouldn't have to write much bigger than twice the size of my normal handwriting."

Maerzen relaxed enough that Eries could see more of him than the pillows again. Shy was never a word she would have used to describe him, but watching him under her gaze, the timid way he looked at her from over the brim of his glasses, a faint trace of pink on his face that had been a full blush moments ago, it came off as an accurate assessment. It was charming. It was, she was forced to admit, adorable. The only problem was the guilt she felt at being the cause. Her stalwart guardian brought down because he had become too endeared of his charge. Eries didn't want that distance between them.

Moreover, she was doubting if there was a need for any distance at all. Everything she had said about was what she truly felt. She had known him for years. And in that time of effortless friendship and candid rapport, she had come to trust him, to care deeply for him. Next to Allen, there was no one closer to her. 

She needed to amend that. Allen was gone to her. She had cut him out of her life out a need to grow beyond the shadow he cast over her. Eries had chosen to move on and in front of her now was the first test of her resolution. 

It was a leap of faith. Faith in herself to risk opening her heart after years of hiding it away and still exposing enough of it to break. Faith in Maerzen that he would never hurt her in the same way. That part, Eries knew, would be easy. 

"Alucier, what you told me this morning… about changing my perspective. I know that you're selfless enough that you weren't speaking with yourself in mind, but… "

"But, what?" Under his wariness was a tinge of hope.

"Well… maybe… this is just an idea… but maybe… we could… try it. I don't want to rush into anything, but… I don't know… Maybe a little step at a time."

His eyes widened, in surprise and expectation. With Eries having given her assent, his timidity faded. "And what would the first step be?" he whispered, offering a barely concealed suggestion.

Eries took it. Nervous, frightened and dizzy with the possibilities that were opening before her, she leaned in to begin the newest stage of her life.

"Forward little minx, aren't you?"

"Shut up."

"I'm sorry. I meant bossy little wench."

Eries had no need to repeat herself. Maerzen's lips became much too occupied to form another barb and when Eries withdrew her own, she took whatever words he might have said with her. Eries wasn't as speechless.

"You're not so horrible after all."

***

Author's Notes -- Whew, that was hard to write. Firstly, because I couldn't get into it. Secondly, because I got too into it. Damn you, Alucier. You're much too loveable.


End file.
